We are always looking. what is love? what kind of love? Why do you need love? I don't know, never know. Maybe I never found it, maybe I brushed past it, or I gave up, or I buried it in my heart. Sarah finds love. Find it, grab it, let it go, let it pass, just because of a promise. Promise is a sacred word, and we always think twice before saying it, because we all know that promises must be fulfilled. But unfortunately, here in The End of the Affair, it is destined to be just an unrealizable phantom. Sarah's three promises eventually came to nothing, disappearing in time with her departure.
For the first time, she swore before God to spend her life with Henry, her husband. She couldn't do it. The second time, she prayed to God that if Maurice survived, she would never see him again. She still couldn't do it. For the third and final time, she promised Maurice that she would divorce her husband and marry him. They will have a child. However, she still couldn't do it. The first two reneges were because of love, love for Maurice. And the third time, it was because of fate.
Sarah is not religious. Neither she nor Maurice believe in miracles. However, in order to save Maurice's life, she gave in. She prayed to God that Maurice would come back and she would bury her love forever. There is a phrase that appears very frequently in the film, "Love will not disappear because we can't meet each other." Maybe there is another sentence behind it, it will always be in my heart. At the end of the film, Maurice vents his resentment against the priest, resenting that Sarah believed the priest's words and that God took her away. Maurice didn't seem to believe it until the end, but he asked God to bless Sarah and Henry.
There are things that nobody can explain, like the birthmark on Lance's face disappearing after Sarah's kiss. No one can explain what's going on. I hate to say that Sarah is an angel, for the first time, I think it's blasphemous to call anyone an angel. Well, even if she were, then a bewildering angel. Even if she repents to the priest, even if she is buried in a Catholic way, even if she challenges her destiny again and again and has to return to the original point again and again, I still feel that she is detached from any existence.
Sarah lives with many contradictions. She was in love with Maurice but was destined to not enjoy it, she married Henry but almost never experienced happiness, she struggled in marriage and love and never even got either of them completely, but when she was about to leave, her husband and lover were at the same time be by her side. Commitment and love, destined to never coexist, present an unexpected harmony at this time. So weird, but somehow unusually natural and complete.
I don't think I've ever known love.
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