I'm no one.
I want what I'm supposed to want, I wear what I'm supposed to wear, and I work where I'm supposed to work.
I stand for nothing.
I've never fought in a war and I probably won't ever have to, 'cause the next one's gonna kill us all.
I can buy things I can't afford, which means thev're never really mine.
I don't live. I don't believe.
I accumulate.
I'm a brand-- a middle-class white guy.
But you're who you are even though the price you pay for it is being disinvited from the rest of the world.
I'm the one playing dress-up.
Is it wrong to want to be with one of the few people in the world who isn't, to have one person in my life who I know is real?
Stan Gender: Male
Appearance: Harmless to humans and animals, sometimes even looks a little handsome and lovable
Character relationship: wife, lover Angel, boss
Sexual orientation: unknown (not sure if he ever loved his wife or not, since Angel's appearance is also female, he didn't know from the beginning, and it can't be simply classified as gay or bi)
Personality: Smart, confused, sensitive, cowardly
character setting:
Ordinary family white men wrapped in typical middle-class shells, whether they have dreams or not, will strive for an enviable material life.
Hanging out in two social circles that don't quite fit me, the upper class "above" their class level, and the LGBT community of color "below" their class level.
And the scumbag, after all, there is nothing to wash away after cheating.
But I was very emotional when I saw it, and I'm sorry for accidentally empathizing (as a young man in a small town who is trying to live in a big city).
Such a character setting is destined to be a tangled combination.
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Smart, he seems to only need to work hard to squeeze into the high society he wants to climb and live the life he wants. He is smart, and cleverly shuttles between the boss, his wife, and Angel.
As Stan said, his "middle-class" life seems to be able to buy everything, but because of the loans, in fact, these things do not really belong to him. Buy a dress that is only worn once but expensive to death for my wife, just to attend a banquet with the upper class. Putting on Fancy's car, I have more face when I go in and out, and it seems that I really have the taste of the middle class. And what these efforts have exchanged for, in front of a wife who is not vain or very practical, does not impress her that much. Happiness is certain, but you can't get the same happiness as him, and don't like these fancy things. Money is worse than something practical, like a dishwasher. Although the two silent people are in the same family, there is no conflict, but it seems that they are not the same.
The relationship with Angel is that after Stan has a middle-class outer skin, he enjoys the happiness of being "one-of-a-kind", and some of his small actions can make the other party star. The same Angel's beautiful appearance fascinated him and couldn't stop. They are separated from their real life and circle, and they both live in an ideal world of only two people, and they do not know each other's real life. The love for Angel is as crazy as a child's infatuation with a beloved toy. It's true, but it's not irresistible.
When Stan and Angel participated in the Ball together, he was at a loss when faced with Angel's scrutiny of his eyes and ridicule, like a child who went to the wrong place for adults (thinking of a few years ago, the first time I bought a ticket to watch the Drag Show, I didn't see it My deceased self, standing blankly all night with a glass of orange juice). He had never been to her world with Angel. Facing this special group of people who had always been looked down upon with cold eyes, after all, the first reaction of human beings to the unknown was fear. It was too shocking to him, and for a while, the confusion scared him. Can he give up the life of Middleclass White Boy, abandon it together, and live this life with Angel? Don't know, no, of course not, but you can't tell Angel. Also because after this time, two people BE.
Although it's shameful to empathize with scumbags, but in addition to emotional scum, get the same feeling of loss. If you want a better life, you can get it after working hard, but you are not so happy when you are tired. If you want to live an independent and free-spirited life, you can’t let go and get it, and you envy a state of powerlessness that you will never be able to integrate into.
If character determines fate, why would people want a life that is not suitable for them?
If greed is the original sin, can the heart be like still water and be able to live happily?
No way to know.
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