On a gloomy weekend evening, I chose this movie to watch.
When I chose to buy this disc in the DVD store that day, it was because of the attractive term in the introduction—15 years of marriage. Thinking about it carefully, "15 years of marriage" should be used as a verb with a rather difficult emotion before it ends. No matter how much we love each other at the beginning, it will pass through the difficult 15th year, or just 2/3 of the number, when everyone is scarred and overworked. what to do? I hope this movie can give me an answer.
The relationship: Quarrel
Ben and Katie keep arguing, as if the purpose of life is endless war. Dissatisfaction with each other turns into a quarrel, and in the quarrel they hate each other more and more, and the cause of the quarrel is completely unremembered and trivial. The wife's line is "When habitual quarrels become the only way of communication, and when there is no quarrel, it is impossible to get along." After the angry tit-for-tat dialogue, they kept silent to the bone.
Ben yelled, "Where's our little girl who used to be playful?"
Katie replied desperately, "You drove her away."
Calm down, you can only see it from the outside, when lovers complain When the other party is no longer as cute as before, it is often himself who kills everything that was once beautiful.
15 years of marriage isn't fun, 15 years is enough time to experience all kinds of emotions, so every day becomes a tedious repetition. Even in a higher-than-life movie, even that short 95 minutes with countless artistic treatments just shows the climax of the conflict, it can be boring to sleep. I mean, while watching this movie, at one point, I fell asleep in the middle of the protagonist's endless bickering. Maybe it's because I don't know how to deal with quarrels, and I'm often helpless and silent about the differences between two people.
Do you choose quarrel or silence? These are the two worst ways to get along, but they can easily become habits in our long-term life together.
The way: Pretend to be good
Anyway , decide to turn the relationship into a marriage, the two people must have been so in love, and life at the beginning is always not too bad, even good. Ben and Katie fell in love with each other during the birth of a comedy line, thinking they had found a beautiful world in a fairy tale, so they got married and had a pair of children. However, before they knew it, the world had changed. The two of them acted as loving parental role models in front of their children and a happy and harmonious family in front of their friends. In fact, under the surface peace, everything was broken.
Playing the game "What's high and down?" (what's the happiest and most unhappy thing today?) with the children, "the happiest thing is tomorrow night's wedding anniversary", they are in line with the children's words, but in private This is the dialogue: "We can go to the restaurant to eat separately, but we have to go out and go home together." "Yes, let the children see that we are happy and enthusiastic."
Also, the scene nearing the end, I plan to Divorced parents went to pick up their children from summer camp with pale faces:
Ben: "Are you ready?"
Katie: "Yes."
So the two of them rarely showed tacit smiles, jumped out of the car energetically, and hugged their children.
Carrying huge pressure and painful emotions, to pretend that the beautiful world is the same as before, in addition to not wanting to hurt others, is it that I have not accepted the reality, that it used to be so beautiful, so many detailed memories of love, even if it has disappeared in the air, but it is still there. Scattered in the blood.
Pretending to be beautiful and escaping the reality they don't want to face, in 15 years, the two should still love each other. It's just a fake, like a soap bubble vulnerable to a single blow, and within a second, there will be nothing left.
Other must-have chapters: Affair, having sex, kissing. During the
morning run , Katie told her friend that she was leaving Ben,
"Did you have an affair? In love with someone else?"
"He is a sandbag, the sandbag you choose to resist hurt, you just look for him to reduce your sadness."
When encountering emotional setbacks, the easiest way to get through is to have another person appear. When all your thoughts are despairing, you suddenly see the person around you who you never thought about, or who you have only known for three minutes by chance, who cares more about you and is more willing to comfort you. You also try to give yourself a chance to get along. not bad. Just as a pessimism, I'm thinking, when this guy and I have been with me for 1/3 of 15 years, could it be worse? Bystanders always know better that his presence only temporarily reduces the level of sadness. How can you forget that it is the lover you hate, the one who once loved each other without any reason. You have been together for 15 years.
But the presence of this other person is always the most lethal plot, having sex, kissing, holding hands with the other person, and nothing even happens, "Just talking!" - just talking about your unhappy marriage, will all Precarious relationships deal a devastating blow. Why you don't want to talk to your loved one anymore, you give up the only way to solve the problem - this is the reason why so-called unfounded affairs always defeat a hard-working marriage.
It was always like this, slowly, they stopped making love, kissing less often, when the wife was wearing sexy pajamas, the husband didn't even have the urge to hug, and when the husband wanted to have sex, the wife bluntly refused. All the marriage therapists in the movie believe that sex is a necessary process to maintain a normal marriage, or that making love is a normal response to marriage. Make Love, if love is not created, it will gradually disappear.
So what about kisses? The expression of a kiss is "I like you", and the meaning of a hot kiss is "at this moment, how much I love you!" When the kiss degenerates into the form of kissing a little, it is no longer an expression of love, but a dispensable etiquette .
It's always been like this, when they don't realize it, it's been a long, long time no longer being touched by each other.
The question is: should we separate?
"We still love each other, but the way of love has changed." This is the line they try to explain to the children why they are separated.
Love each other, but the way of love has changed - they are no longer willing to listen to each other's explanations and feelings, they are always looking for reasons to avoid the consequences, they think that maybe they can try to be happier with other people- - "We are still in love, so we plan to separate!" What a ridiculous, high-sounding, and touching lie.
But when two people wake up from a beautiful and peaceful morning, they decide to separate the underwear mixed in the drawer, and take the happy group photo from the photo frame...Leave each other, then there is no reason for them to stop loving each other in the end.
At the end of the film, Michelle Pfeiffer did a great job. As they hugged their sons and daughters back from summer camp, after masking their grief and pretending to be happy, the plan was to show off the fact that the kids were separated when it was time to go to dinner. At this time, Katie said, "I want to go to a Chinese restaurant to eat." Then came a lengthy hysterical line to describe the meaning of 15 years, the spiritual strength that can be maintained in 15 years of married life, and the final result is ——It is better to try to continue together than to give up separation.
On the Internet, the translation of the Hong Kong version is "We Are Still Together", which echoes the slogan on the cover: "The most wonderful and romantic movie of the year". How many people can be "still together" after destroying each other. Ben and Katie hug the end to the moving music. I'm so happy that they decided to try each other again because they love each other. This is exactly the answer I want. Although I know it's just a movie that can easily change the ending.
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