Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it
.
—— "Anger Management" (Anger Management), 2003
1 I
went to a restaurant to eat last night and asked the waiter if he had a baby chair. The waiter simply answered no. Seeing that I was not reconciled, the waiter explained that we have a total of four baby chairs. There will be a banquet today, and two of them are upstairs. I asked another waitress who was a beautiful lady, and the lady answered yes and delivered it in a moment. Sure enough, after a while, the beauty delivered the baby chair. The former waiter ran over and took out an opinion card and said: What opinion do you have about me can be written on this card or you can make a complaint at the front desk.
I was a little baffled. I spoke to the former waiter during the whole process. The purpose was also very simple. I just wanted the child to have a separate seat so that he could eat a meal easily. How could I be misunderstood as malicious? Up?
Hani said, you should be grateful that he just told you to complain, instead of pouring hot pot soup on your head.
2
The waiter reminds me of my former boss.
At that time, I had a miscarriage and took two weeks of sick leave with my boss. Although the sick leave was approved, the work had to be followed. The manuscript preparation, manuscript writing, and manuscript review were often in the middle of the night, with exhaustion and physical and mental pain after a miscarriage. Those two weeks of work were simply more painful than going to work. .
When a colleague sent a manuscript, he told me that the boss suddenly went to my office one day, in front of all the colleagues, in front of my office chair, yelled at me, to the effect that I still want to go to work, so don’t take it if I don’t go to work. If the computer is not used, it is better to talk to the new interns. How awkward the original words are, I won’t repeat them, so as not to humiliate you.
I have a clear conscience. He knew the truth, but he personally approved the fake, and I did all the work. I made such a fire at my empty seat. Who is this to show?
After taking the vacation, I continued to go back to work as if nothing had happened, but found that the salary for the month was deducted by 500 more than the deduction. I asked the boss what he said about the 500 deduction, and he said that without any explanation, I deducted it when I was upset.
Then, I resigned.
This job is my dream, and it took the first half of my life to finally pursue this job. After resigning, I found that it was the most correct decision in my life.
What should i do? Scolding the boss for being unreasonable and ruthless? Scold him? Or is the interpretation more hurtful, accusing this malicious world like a little white rabbit?
At work, I have always been diligent and meticulous. Because it is the job I have always dreamed of, I have always warned myself that for the sake of my dream, everything is worth it. As long as I can work well, I can ignore everything. Therefore, at the beginning of the job, the boss deducts wages for no reason, I will bear it; if you don’t sign a contract or buy insurance, I will bear it; I will bear it if I remove the advertisement I talked about for no reason; I will bear it if I take the manuscripts of the reporters I invite for no reason; Spring outing, leaving our team alone, I will endure; the book I compiled, his signature, I will endure...unbearable.
Lu Xun once said: If you don't erupt in silence, you will perish in silence. Why would a kind and hardworking person like me be exploited and suppressed by my boss?
I saw the movie "Anger Management" and I got it.
3
"Anger Management" tells my story. The protagonist David works hard for promotion. In order to please the boss, serve him tea and water, do all the trivial things, his design results are stolen by the boss, he still endures the boss's emotional exploitation, without saying anything, repressing himself and controlling himself.
David's psychiatrist Buddy said: There are two kinds of angry people in this world. One is implosive anger, and the other is implosive anger. The implosion type is the kind of person who yells at the cashier because the cashier doesn't accept their coupons. The implosion type is the cashier who keeps silent and shoots everyone in the store with a gun. You are the cashier.
David defended: I should be the individual who called the police in the frozen food area.
Whether it is implosive anger or implosive anger, these two kinds of people are extremely sensitive in character and tend to regard the small movements of the people around them as aggressive behaviors against themselves. The performance of the former is fist and violent, and after venting, it will be fine. The latter is to suppress anger in the heart every time, and the expression will become distorted and unnatural, until one day a certain fuse causes the personality building to collapse instantly, and the body is like a wild horse, which brings great damage to the surrounding environment. force.
The Explosive angry personality immediately releases the pressure when performing a physical attack, which also sends a signal to the environment. Other individuals in the environment can get information from this signal and understand each other during the conflict, thus to a certain extent Reduce their insecurities. But for the implosion-type angry personality, the long-term concealment of one's true feelings, and most of the pressure relief methods are fantasy, which leads to low concentration, abnormal sensitivity, and makes outsiders feel unpredictable, difficult to get along with, and incomprehensible.
For an angry person, interpersonal relationships will fall into chaos. His defensive attacks and fear and tension threaten the security of every individual in the surrounding environment. When an implosive angry personality meets an implosive angry personality, it is the way my former boss gets along with me.
4 When
David took an anger management class for the first time, Buddy asked David a question: Who are you?
David said: I am a clerk for a large pet products company.
Buddy said: I don't want to know your job, I just want to know who you are?
David said: I am a good person, I like to play tennis.
Buddy said: I don't want to know your hobbies, just tell me who you are.
David said: Then who do you say I am?
Buddy said: Do you want others to tell you who you are?
Buddy learned from David's hesitation about his character weakness and obstacles to self-understanding. Work is just an identity. If you change jobs, don't the content of "Who are you" need to be changed? Whether it is a good person or a bad person is just an identity of oneself, and a hobby is just a perspective on oneself.
The root cause of our suffering comes from not knowing who we are, always in order to cater to others’ oppression of ourselves, acting against our own wishes, not daring to speak out our anger, and finally losing our personal goals and dignity.
Who are we? What is it that prevents us from seeing who we are.
Zhang Defen once said in "Meeting the Unknown Self":
"Remember—my dear, there is no one outside, only yourself.
"All people and things are projections of your inner life, reflecting your inner self like a mirror. . When something outside touches you, remember and look inside. Look at where the old wounds have been touched again, and see what shadows you have that haven't been sorted out yet. Don't waste energy on things that are external, unchangeable, and irresistible. First do a reconciliation on the inner level, and then concentrate on dealing with the parts that can be changed on the outside.
"Remember, every event that happens to you is a gift. It's just that some gifts are ugly wrapped, which makes us feel resentful or fearful. So it can be a disaster or a gift. If you With confidence, give it some time, patiently and carefully unpack this terrible shell, you will enjoy the richness and beauty in it, and it is a gift tailored for you.”
5
Reflecting on your own weakness The root cause should be faced with the bleak life, hold on to the goal, and fight for it to the end.
I resigned from my dream job, but I have never stopped pursuing my dream, just changed a different way. When the former boss turned around and asked me to go back to work, I answered him with "Haha".
As for the waiter who didn't bring the baby chair and asked me to complain about him, I think he should read "Anger Management". I really just want to eat a meal easily.
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