What I want is a reciprocal love, neither looking up nor down; because of each other, we have all met a better self. "
After watching the Oscar-nominated movie "The Birth of a Star", played by the popular superstar Lady Gaga and the movie star Bradley Cooper I admire very much, I felt very mixed.
The film tells the sad story of the popular country rock singer Jack and the very musically gifted Allie falling in love because of mutual appreciation, and mutual achievement, but in the end they are separated because of the growing difference...
Although Jack is very successful in his music career, he has drug addiction and alcoholism. He is not wearing earplugs for a long time when singing, which leads to hearing loss and his personality is paranoid.
One day Jack went to a small bar to drink alcohol and accidentally found a very musically talented female singer Allie. The two fell in love at first sight. Jack also discovered Allie's superhuman musical talent, so he gave Allie a lot of performances on the same stage. The opportunity finally made Ellie into the attention of fans...
After receiving the help of a well-known agent, Allie's music career took off, not only became popular, but also won a Grammy Award in one fell swoop. But Jack's career in music has taken a turn for the worse, the gap between the two is getting bigger and bigger, and Jack has become a drag on Allie in the eyes of the people around, especially the agent...
In the end, Jack chose to commit suicide in order not to affect Ellie’s career, and this relationship of knowing and loving each other was finally annihilated without holding up the pressure of the world...
In the process of watching the movie, I was a bit tangled inside.
Although from the bottom of my heart, I look forward to Ellie’s love that can finally save Jack, allow Jack to return to a normal life, and pursue his music career again, but I know this is probably just my wishful thinking, because no one can do it. Save a person who doesn't want to save himself.
Jack stayed in the valley of the soul for too long, and he could no longer believe that he could truly have sunshine.
When I saw Jack making a fool of herself at Ellie’s awards ceremony because of alcohol and drugs, I could feel Ellie’s helplessness and the anger of the family around her. I felt that this person was not only unworthy, but also bad. A little ruined Allie's career, and a good hand was broken...
But when Jack talked about his childhood with his friends in the Alcohol Rehabilitation Association, I felt that I could fully understand his helplessness.
He has a father who is heavily alcoholic. When he was a child, he often used big speakers to play music at him, which caused his hearing to be severely damaged. When Jack was finally unbearable and wanted to use his father’s belt to hang on the fan, the ceiling fan could not bear the weight. Jack escaped, and the ceiling fan lay on the ground for a few months. Jack's father didn't seem to know what happened...
So when he found that his alcoholism had turned his father's appearance, he was actually panicked. So when he apologized to Ellie, he cried like a tearful person. He didn't want to hurt the one he loved so much, and he was very eager to return to Ellie's embrace.
And Allie’s love and tolerance really gave Jack the power to change. Jack also really started fitness, running and walking the dog. The whole state was completely renewed. I originally thought I could write a good intimate relationship healing story.
But the reality is very skinny. In the entertainment circle at the center of Vanity Fair, Ellie is a rising star, and her fame is getting bigger and bigger, and more performance opportunities will follow... But when Ellie and her agent asked Jack to join her performance again At the time, the broker clearly refused. And Ellie would rather give up the opportunity to tour Europe to fight to the end.
But the agent found Jack, and Jack clearly identified his obstacles and harm to Ellie's career, and expected Jack to take the initiative to leave Ellie if he might drink again.
This became the last straw to crush the camel. The disparity in career and status between the two people, Jack’s self-esteem and his love for Ellie, and of course the lack of confidence in whether he can come out, made him choose to commit suicide at home when Ellie performed. Allie's endless remorse and regret...
Many people don't understand Jack's giving up. They feel that Ellie has never given up on him. Why is he so vulnerable? In fact, the fundamental reason lies in the imbalance of the relationship between the two people.
The test of an unbalanced relationship on two people is unimaginable for many outsiders, especially the relationship between strong women and weak men. The man is often the first to give up ( Yang Mi Divorce Revelation: How to survive the disillusionment period of marriage? ) .
Why is it so difficult for an unbalanced relationship to persist to the end?
Because in a good relationship, we all desire to be needed and respected and appreciated. However, in an unbalanced relationship, the weaker always depends more on the strong side. In the long run, the weaker side unless the heart is particularly strong, otherwise Maybe self-esteem can't stand it.
Therefore, no matter what the status of the intimate relationship, it is necessary to treat each other equally, otherwise even if one party wants to be good to the other, the relationship will not last long.
Just like the sharp insights of Wu Jun, a cross-industry entrepreneur,
Marrying up and down in the world is a difficult thing. Not only does it require those who marry to accept people from another class, but also to give up all their past lives. Only then can they be truly equal and can maintain a long-term relationship.
From this point of view, we can understand why when Jack met Ellie, despite the disparity in status, they needed the same level of each other. Allie has the potential to be a star of tomorrow. Jack's wise eyes and wits see this. Jack also appreciates Allie's musical talent, and Allie's cheerful and lively, positive and optimistic personality also injects a dose of Jack's negative and paranoid life. cardiac.
But as Allie's career is flourishing, and Jack keeps going downhill, this unbalanced relationship becomes more obvious. Not only because of jealousy, I also believe that Jack is sincerely happy for Ellie’s achievements, but he will feel that his value in Ellie is getting smaller and smaller. In the end, in order not to hinder Ellie’s future, he chooses Exit in the most tragic way...
How can we avoid relationship imbalance?
One is to find and confirm their core values.
The way others treat us is taught by us. It is difficult for a person with too low self-esteem to make your significant other admire yourself for a long time, so we need to learn to accept ourselves. The key to accepting yourself is to understand your true value, which may not be external things such as wealth and status, but rather the strength and richness of your heart.
Just like when Ellie was unfamiliar, because of her outstanding talent and cheerful personality, she already had core values for Jack. She had a father who recognized her very much, so after she gradually emerged, she also confirmed her own. Talent and value.
But Jack was not so lucky, because he never walked out of the shadow of childhood, apart from his musical talent, he did not believe in his true value. And when the career is gone, even if Ellie repeatedly invites him to perform, he feels that Ellie is pitying him and feels inferior to this level. Unless Ellie completely abandons her career and returns to the same starting point with him, otherwise they are very It is difficult to have true equality.
So when we want to choose an intimate relationship with a large class difference, especially when we "marry down", we must be psychologically prepared. We need to understand the feelings and needs of the other party, and we need to be more patient and tolerant to be able to accompany us. The opponent walked out of the trough. This process will be difficult, and it’s worth knowing only by yourself.
The second is to continuously self-learn and grow.
A more important point to avoid unbalanced relationships is to have a growth mindset ( starting from Chen Yulin's parents' indulging in their daughter's "little third" living an extravagant life: what is the real "rich adopted daughter"? ). Through continuous self-learning and growth, to improve horizons, increase knowledge, and gradually bridge the gap between two people.
The biggest gap between people is actually the gap in cognition. If two people are not on the same channel, then it is difficult to communicate smoothly, let alone close to each other.
Therefore, continuously improve your emotional intelligence through growth, broaden your cognitive boundaries, and keep yourself a strong curiosity, stay hungry, stay foolish. Then, you will be positive and lively in the eyes of the other party. As a rich and interesting soul, this is the eternal charm and lasting attraction.
I hope you can also get a deep and intimate relationship that grows side by side with you!
WeChat public account: Chen Lijie
View more about A Star Is Born reviews
