- Camus
(hint: this article should take about 5-6 minutes to read)
"Manchester by the Sea" is the first time that people have the experience of reading a novel. It is true, detailed and eloquent. You probably expected from the beginning that the protagonist would have an emotional outburst at a certain moment, completely collapsed and out of control, but , from beginning to end, all the emotions are accumulated in it, and people can only sigh at the end 'it's a cool day and autumn'. In an age of cinema, full of violence, sex, money, and special effects, it's rare, and as a result, rare.
The story unfolds like this, Lee is an ordinary maintenance worker in Boston, with heavy work and meager income, he walks into different people's homes every day, silently listens to their complaints, and 'repairs' their lives. When his brother died suddenly, Lee had to rush back to his hometown to deal with the funeral. Hospitals, funeral homes, lawyers, every time the scene is switched, a memory is brought in, and Lee's experience emerges. If you look closely, you will notice that the brightest colors in the whole film are all used in Lee's memories, returning from fishing with a muddy smell, kissing and hugging the two precious daughters, putting the cradle in the cradle The son held high, and threw himself into his lover's arms under the shoving of his wife. Such a cluttered life is like a paradise.
'It's snowing outside, my house is full of warmth' Lee walked to the convenience store late one night after drinking, and when he returned with a bag full of things, he found his home submerged in a raging fire. Wife Randi was rescued, but three children were burned to death in the fire. Lee's statement to the police was true and simple: 'I went upstairs to see the child's condition. It was very cold in the house, but I couldn't turn on the heating. It would dry Randi's nose and give her a headache, so I went downstairs. There was a fire, thinking about sitting down and watching TV, but I ran out of beer, so I added a few more sticks of wood to the fireplace, thinking about warming up the house when I went out. Then I went to the convenience store. It's hard to drive when I'm drunk, so I walked there and back and forth for about 20 minutes. I was halfway there and remembered that I didn't remember whether I put the fire screen back... but I don't think it's a big problem. .. just kept going...' It was such an ordinary winter night, such an ordinary act, and this ordinary family was completely ruined.
He made mistakes that anyone can make, so he didn't need to be convicted, but this 'innocence' made Lee completely shattered, 'How can I be forgiven, I should be put to death, I killed my own flesh and blood '. Lee didn't want to leave the police station, the policeman made a standing motion, he got up slowly, walked out of the room, and then suddenly drew the policeman's pistol and pointed it at his head. Although he was eventually subdued by a group of police and did not die, Lee has lived in a state of 'dead' forever since then.
Causes of
Depression' Depression is characterized by severe post-traumatic mental manifestations, diminished interest in the outside world, loss of ability to love, and loss of all abilities and self-worth, accompanied by self-blame and self-blame, and even delusions Sexual Punishment Expectations' (Freud, 1917) Lee's depression led him to live a life of complete isolation, leaving his hometown, doing obscure jobs, and barely communicating with people. Clinically, depression is often associated with a series of losses, loss of others, loss of future, and loss of function. Parents, spouses, children, grandparents, siblings, lovers, and friends are all important people in our lives. When they leave, one is separated by life and death, and the other is cut off from contact (with a sense of rejection and abandonment), Both have a great impact on a person's body and mind; physical injuries, such as breast removal, blindness, disability, hinder a person functionally; of course, loss can sometimes be about the future, such as being unable to pursue oneself Favorite things, lost school, promotion opportunities, a relationship, fertility, etc. All of these losses have the potential to become unresolved traumas that block normal mental development and ultimately, at some point in life, rob us of our ability to love and work.
Of course, loss is not the only cause of depression, there is also a very important place, the lack of self. A feeling is that the core is 'empty', you can be interested in everything, but you don't know what you really like, and you will pursue many things, but there seems to be nothing you can't put down. 'They feel completely deprived of themselves. The world is vain and empty, and this is entirely a feeling for oneself' (Freud, 1917). The lack of self is often associated with self-guilt, that is, 'I am worthless, worthless, small and incompetent, even It is despicable and shameful, sorry for my lowliness, and the evaluation of others does not make self-knowledge fair and objective.' When Randi said a lot of sorry for the past, Lee said 'you don't understand I have nothing left in my heart'. If Randi in the midst of great grief at least comes out a little (remarrying and having a child, turning the libido from the old object to the new one), then Lee has lost that ability, he can't and doesn't even want to Transforming this grief in any form is doomed to sink the rest of your life with great pain (alcohol anesthetizing yourself, bar 'playing' catharsis, refusal of intimacy).
Depressed cure
brother's will, hoping that Lee will return to his hometown, raise his underage nephew Patrick, and inherit the fishing boat and website business. But Lee couldn't come back. The film used a lot of ink to describe the exchanges between Lee and Patrick, mixed with flashbacks of Lee's early years with his brother and Patrick. This flashback of past situations is a major feature of trauma.
Lee insisted not to go back to Manchester, and Patrick couldn't understand. 'You're just a cleaner, there are toilets and clogged drains everywhere, you can work anywhere. And me, all my friends are here, I'm on the ice hockey team, I've got two girlfriends, and I'm in the band, why should I go to Boston to live with you?' Indeed, Patrick, who is rich in life links, can't understand Lee's Stubborn, for him, Lee's experience is really miserable, but why can't move on? Patrick can't empathize, just like relatives or friends facing depression, we can't always empathize. 'You cheer up, be optimistic, be strong, don't be so depressed, think about how sad your parents must be' All these advices, although well-intentioned, but because they are not empathy, not only can they not help the depressed On the contrary, the parties may exacerbate the feeling of not being understood, and even cause the parties to close the communication channel.
Lee chose not to assume the custody of his nephew, but also with deep remorse, 'I can't take good care of my own children, let alone take care of my brother's flesh and blood', the dialogue between Lee and his little nephew at the beginning of the film, taking a person on an isolated island , the nephew chose Dad without hesitation; the fire alarm sounded, and Lee dreamed that her daughter said to herself, 'I'm on fire', that kind of traumatic flashback was unbearable, but it was difficult to experience and understand. From a psychological point of view, loss requires grief to heal, and the process of healing includes (Varvin, 2003)
Loss of recognition and understanding of authenticity;
expression, adjust and control the sadness;
respond to change due to the loss caused by the environment and society;
transfer and loss of mental objects contact;
repair of interior and social environment of self (Self)
Lee The difficulty of his repair is that his pain is not only from loss, but also from a strong and profound self-blame. This kind of moral trauma is especially prominent in many soldiers after the war. Those who once fought bloody battles returned to their hometowns and returned to a peaceful life, but nightmares kept swept in. Those bloody scenes and mutilated limbs pulled them into moral wounds again and again. Although 'innocence', but never self-forgiveness.
Lee's isolation is naturally related to this. When the ice hockey coach said his name, everyone responded 'The Lee Chandler', which shows that everyone in the town knew him and knew about his past; when he went to town to find a job, the boatman The wife came out and said 'I never want to see him', really not giving me a chance to survive. One of the drawbacks of a small place is that there is a lack of protection of privacy between people. The East and the family are short, and they are too familiar with each other. Any flaw may be known to everyone. The so-called 'fearful talk', even if you want this to pass, but the rumors never let you go, so 'incognito, go to a place to start over' has become a way for many people to escape the past.
So, has Lee's pain been repaired? I think so, from a funeral. In the past that he had to face and the loss of his brother that he had to deal with, Lee actually had a chance to face it again, even though the chance was so tortuous, frustrating and unpleasant. For Patrick's custody, he had to take responsibility, find a way to solve the problem, sell his brother's gun for a new motor, and Lee was able to sit in the stern again and experience the long-lost sea breeze. The brother's will also seems to be intended to create an opportunity for Lee to do something if he has to.
The film's description of his brother is relatively brief, except that everyone who talks about him says 'he is a good man', forbearance, restraint, and consideration for others. It seems to be the genes of the Chandler family. In Lee's father, brother, himself and nephew flowing on the body. Just as my brother insisted on adding a decent piece of furniture to Lee, who started life in Boston, his will also wanted Lee to live a decent life. Funerals, regardless of the East or the West, have always been paid special attention, not only to the last respect of a life, but also to the special meaning of the living - mourning. There is such a process that people are prepared to recall the life of the deceased, bits and pieces of the past, and allow people to express sadness, tell loss, calm down in a solemn way, and finally complete the farewell. This ritual has played a particularly important role in human society, from primitive tribes to today. 'If you can't mourn in pain, you can't live a good life', Lee was also repaired in the midst of his brother's funeral and mourning.
Do you want to reconcile with the past? I
believe that many people will be moved to tears by Lee's phrase 'I can't beat it!' Many books and opinions warn us to reconcile with the past. But "Manchester by the Sea" raises new ethical considerations, should we reconcile with the past? When watching the movie, you must be like me, and you will continue to feel the poignant beauty and desertedness of the seaside town. The stories that happened in the winter will only make people shiver with cold.
At the beginning of the film, the scene of Lee shoveling snow is rendered over and over again. The only window in the basement has just been cleaned out, snow falls overnight, and the hard work will continue the next day. What a true portrayal of life, just like because of economic distress and cold weather, my brother's body could not be buried, and it needs to be refrigerated in a funeral home until spring arrives before it can be buried. The energetic and strong Patrick can take a look at his father's body in the hospital and turn around, so as not to let the death of his relatives affect his life, but one night, watching the frozen food in the refrigerator suddenly fall into a panic attack, he can't stand his father's body lying down. In the freezer, it completely broke him. Lee's tragedy also happened on such a winter night. What was wrong with him? All he did was hope to warm up the house. It was like lighting a match with trembling in the long and biting night of reality. I accidentally burned myself and fell into the endless darkness. Clients often say to me, "I don't know if life will be worse, when grief is over". The truth is, no one can guarantee that what we are going through will be the worst, and no one can tell what the future holds for us. However, that does not mean that we are completely in a desperate situation and can no longer live.
Believe that there must be a way for us to move on with pain. From this perspective, psychological counseling in the context of psychoanalysis provides a real possibility for the restoration of loss.
It is embodied in
> helping the loser to test the reality and face the real loss
> providing the time and space to tell, complete the separation from the old object
> stable setting and long-term treatment, it is the psychoanalyst who becomes the loser and the loser Companion
> Above all, psychoanalysis connects the bereaved with new objects through transference, and new connections and experiences
As there has been a lot of debate recently, should we think that both parents are evil and admit the influence of their parents' behavior on a person, is it over? Recognizing the past is not all our fault, it is just the first step, it helps us to distinguish the boundaries between ourselves and others, and helps to improve our self-awareness. But 'blaming the parents' should never be the main goal of psychotherapy, something went wrong in a past relationship and something is stuck there that prevents us from truly experiencing life in the present.
Therefore, the most important thing is to try to do things together with the consultant on the premise of knowing enough about yourself. During the fixed time meeting with the consultant one to many times a week, a new safe and professional relationship is established, and this period Relationships are the testing ground for our interpersonal communication. In the empathy with the counselor, loss is expressed, grief is vented, trauma is no longer repeated, and a new difference and possibility is explored in companionship and empathy. Along the way, the true self also grows until it has the ability to love and work, and is genuinely satisfied. Among the new possibilities that are gradually established, we can choose to continue living in the past mode, or we can use a new way to get along with the world, and to have one more choice, I believe it is already a great happiness in life.
We in life are like the ball in Lee's hand at the end of the film. The inner elasticity makes us struggle to bounce back to the original track at the moment when we hit the trough, be thrown away again, and bounce back again. For Lee, the ball has lost its elasticity, but it still has the potential to be repaired. And for Patrick and most people, this one-off life can still go on, and it can be wonderful. Finally, I would like to say: Everyone has difficulties in their lives, they do not need to endure the ordeal alone, seek professional psychological support, and start a period of important personal growth. It is their responsibility and the first step to change!
Reference:
. 1917 Trauer Melancholie Und Int Z. Psychoanal, 4 (6), 288-301..
2003 Trauma and Resilience Sverre is also served Varvin.
2005 from folk to pay homage to the spirit of the analysis - the process of grief about the loss of Jia Xiaoming
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