DANTE: My life is in the shitter right about now, so if you don't mind, I'd like to stew a bit.
RANDAL: (OC) That's all bullshit. You know what the real problem here is?
DANTE: I was born.
RANDAL: You should shit or get off the pot.
DANTE: I should shit or get off the pot.
RANDAL: Yeah, you should shit or get off the pot.
DANTE: What are you talking about?
RANDAL: I'm talking about this thing you have...this inability to improve your situation in life.
DANTE: Fuck you.
RANDAL: It's true. You'll sit there and blame life for dealing a cruddy hand, never once accepting the responsibility for the way your situation is.
DANTE: What responsibility?
RANDAL: All right, if you hate this job and the people, and the fact that you have to come in on your day off, then quit.
DANTE: As if it's that easy.
RANDAL: It is. You just up and quit. There are other jobs, and they pay better money. You're bound to be qualified for at least one of them. So what's stopping you?
DANTE: Leave me alone.
RANDAL: You're comfortable. This is a life of convenience for you, and any attempt to change it would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself.
DANTE: Oh, like your life's any better?
RANDAL: I'm satisfied with my situation for now. You don't hear me bitching. You, on the other hand, have been bitching all day.
…
DANTE: ...If I wasn't such a fucking coward. (chuckles) It must be so great to be able to simplify everything the way you do.
RANDAL: Am I right or what?
DANTE: You're wrong. Things happened today, okay? Things that probably ruined my chances with Caitlin.
RANDAL: What? The dead guy? She'll get over fucking the dead guy. Shit, my mom's been fucking a dead guy for thirty years; I call him Dad.
DANTE: Caitlin and I can't be together. It's impossible.
RANDAL: Melodrama coming from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
DANTE: What do you want me to say? Yes, I suppose some of the things you' re saying may be true. But that's the way things are; it's not going to change.
RANDAL: Make them change.
DANTE: I can't, all right! Jesus, would you leave me alone? I can't make changes like that in my life. If I could, I would-but I don't have the ability to risk comfortable situations on the big money and the fabulous prizes.
RANDAL: Who're you kidding? You can so.
DANTE: Jesus H. Christ, I can't!
RANDAL: So you'll continue being miserable all the time, just because you don' t have the guts to face change?
DANTE: (sadly) My mother told me once that when I as three, my potty lid was closed, and instead of lifting it, I chose to shit my pants.
RANDAL: Lovely story.
DANTE: Point is-I'm not the kind of person that disrupts things in order to shit comfortably.
Too classic
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