Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was not pretty. Her toilet had the function of automatically soaking herself in the stool, so her daily task was to clean the toilet, clean the toilet, clean the toilet. Our lovely little girl was exhausted from being tortured by the toilet. I tried my best, but I still swept down day after day in order to complete the mission. But it is such a little girl, she has a tragic life experience, which has to start from the fact that she has not been born.
Her father is a tech nerd who likes to watch the stars, and her mother is a tech nerd who can hook up with a star-watching tech nerd in the middle of the night, so she has her. What, isn't this bizarre enough, isn't it enough to pave the way for the later plot, okay, so suddenly one day, a group of robbers broke into her house, so terrible AK, with a large number of people, robbed the home of such a seemingly not rich tech house. The tech house sacrificed heroically to protect his real wife, the local tycoon Jin Jingjing, so her mother embarked on a sailing journey, one of which must be What is the story of twists and turns, ups and downs, let us look forward to the next "Women on the Stars - You from the Stars", here in order to give the audience room to imagine tears, the movie did not explain that her mother got on the boat for no reason. , so our heroine was born, on that endless, floating sea, in this beautiful moonlight on this beautiful wreck, I told myself it was real, it wasn't a dream, it was all , as if to imply that she is destined to be a One Piece woman.
Our heroine grew up as soon as the camera changed! Let's see what is she doing? Ah, it turns out that she is cleaning the toilet. It seems that our heroine is really a person who is both internal and external, has a literary ability, a martial arts, and her face is destined to be domineering, ambitious, and extraordinary. Women, this kind of contrast is often used in modern film and television works. It can be said that it is a trend! So one day passed, the next day! The heroine is still cleaning the toilet! On the third day, the heroine was still cleaning the toilet! On the fourth day, sweep the toilet, and on the fifth day, sweep the toilet. . . . . The heroine finally hated cleaning the toilet and said, I don't want this kind of life! Profound and straightforward, it expresses the most sincere wishes of the working people at the bottom. But what does cleaning the toilet have to do with Jupiter? Just when we were wondering, ah, the camera switched to a map of a planet with blue soil. Here is a pair of dogs and men, who are telling a bunch of bad jokes that the audience can't understand. Hehehehe, I have been a blind man again. He suddenly appeared, very high-tech, this is a stealth in a steady or instant transfer technology, we are not known, but he comes to tell us. A piece of information, oh, it turns out that they are brothers and sisters, but their relationship is not friendly. With a handicapped Zuo Xiaozu spell, they swiped a few cold jokes, and after 2 minutes, B ran away, and showed off a high-tech.
At this time, it was finally our turn to debut our male pig's feet. As soon as he appeared, he was completely naked and came out wet in the water. Then he came to the earth inexplicably and sneakily, and inexplicably found what the heroine left behind. Smell, the inexplicable camera is aimed at a woman with double ponytail plasma perm blue hair killing Matt, who is standing on a tall building and is looking at the male pig's feet. This woman who kills Matt is incredible, because she has an out-of-print double-mounted bazooka that World of Warcraft will send when recruiting partners over level 60, and two friends, but unfortunately they have too few scenes, I only remember one, that is A black man with blue paint all over his body seems to be able to cover up his race, oh, it turns out that this is an alien. If you accept this setting, you will see yourself wearing an animal hat in the following movie and claiming to be an alien. Stars don't think it's weird. They seemed to have some pubic hair on the roof, said a few words that no one could understand, and then left. Well, seeing here, I've actually run out of popcorn.
The next plot is to cut between the daily shots of the heroine cleaning the toilet and several alien planets. Let me introduce them separately. It seems that there is only such a family in the entire universe, because they open and close their mouths and say "in the universe. . . . "In this universe..." "I want to rule the universe..." Such domineering words, in this family, a strict hereditary system is implemented, and there is a queen who is very rich and powerful. , She has three children, namely, the elder sister Baigujing, the erotic little white face, and the empty son. They have their own power.
Sister Baigujing lives in a Disney castle. What she does every day seems to be to find a fresh body to absorb yang energy and stay young forever, wear beautiful clothes, and talk to herself ignoring each other's expressions (all because of loneliness). Her younger brother is the Prime Minister Sun Wukong and the spider maidservant.
Erotic little white face, has a high-tech spaceship RV, has a bad life style, likes group P, as well as guessing riddles, acting, and poor acting skills that turn her face instantly after acting, her younger brother is a beautiful sheep secretary, and a bunch of bald laborers intelligent.
Young Master Kong, who seems to be the most powerful of the three white-eyed wolves, lives in. . . In a big empty house, I like to pretend, pretend, and pretend. His younger brother is the White Monkey Jing Prime Minister, and Lei Zhenzi Soldier.
After the queen was killed by Young Master Kong, the entire Magic Fairy Castle, oh no, the entire universe seemed to be in chaos. These three white-eyed wolves coveted her property and status, but the queen said before her death that the future of this world A person with the same genetic sequence as her will be born, that is her reincarnation, and her reincarnation can inherit her property.
So what does it have to do with our heroine? No matter how much she washes the toilet, she can't be pushed into the universe as a toilet-washing model representing all mankind. So our director started to use his skills. Duang, it turns out that the heroine is the one whose gene is the same as that of the Queen of Magic Fairy Castle. Wow, so amazing. So shocked, the audience's IQ was suddenly raised a notch. But why don't they clone a queen directly, they have to wait tens of thousands of years. When our elder sister Baigujing heard the heroine ask this question, she despised it fiercely. You humans are really stupid, and cloned human genes have no plasticity.
Oh, so that's the case, I seem to understand
It may be that the director really couldn't think of other alien shapes in the universe except humans, humans kill Matt, humans add animal ears, and humans paint, so ET, which everyone loves, appeared! A prototype appeared in the hospital to kill the heroine. At this critical moment, our little wolf dog appeared! His skate shoes are fashionable and stylish, his shield is thick and shiny, and his black eyeliner is flirtatious, and Perak Barra saved the heroine who was about to be raped and then killed. The heroine had an expression that you are handsome and you are coming soon, and passed out inexplicably.
When I woke up and changed my clothes, I was sober that I was flirting with the little wolf dog. ET came to the scene again, and a stunt battle between dazzling skateboard shoes and spaceships started. , but why is this scene so familiar? I remember playing a game called Little Bee when I was a kid. . . The heroine is tossed around, dropped, rescued by the stout male lead, dropped, and dumped. She closes her eyes, and everyone in the building is blind and can't see. Are you intoxicated? This is the end of the first stunt scene, and all the scenes have been successfully completed by saying that the human beings seen have been wiped out of memory.
The little wolf dog took the heroine to his boyfriend, the old boy, because the old boy was responsible for introducing the story background of the movie to the heroine. As soon as they met before speaking, they ignored the heroine and began to fight fiercely. Cool before entering the door. After entering the door, the little wolfdog started to undress without saying a word. It turned out that he was an angel with broken wings in his previous life! The heroine is shocked. Let's not care if she really knows the angel who broke her wings in her previous life, or if she sees the little wolf dog's muscles, and then the old boy and the little wolf dog approach science in turn, and the audience will understand. That's what it means to have a fucking movie for half an hour.
Then the director started to send out his magic art again, and the movie instantly traveled to the Fairy Princess. Our heroine is not only ugly, but also attracts bees! Not only the Queen of Magic Fairy Castle, but also the Princess Hanxiang! The bees fluttered and danced involuntarily around the heroine, and the old boy said nonsense in a serious manner because you were forced! It's a yellow diamond noble! Still the deluxe version! Well, our heroine is worthy of being a heroine. She accepted such a setting one step ahead of the audience. Not only did she become inexplicably forced, but she also gained three children, one on earth and several planets.
I’ve almost finished what I should say, and I’m almost finished with what I’m supposed to do, so I can’t just waste time like this, so the three Killer Matt and ET came out and smashed the field to add eggs to the lunch box, beating, beating, frying, frying , Rolling in the cornfield to find and force down. There were differences between the three killing Matt, but unfortunately they were supporting roles, they could only grab the camera with their unparalleled beauty, and the love, hatred and hatred between them failed to show the heroine. kidnapped.
Disney Castle is more luxurious and more beautiful than Magic Fairy Castle, which makes our heroine feel unbalanced. She is led away by Sister Baigujing with a displeased face. She watched a romantic drama of an old woman taking a bath. In an emotional Lao Ganma speech, the little wolf dog ran to the rescue in a timely manner, and introduced the fourth largest force in this dimension of the universe to the audience - S.H.I.E.L.D. NMB's S.H.I.E.L.D., I'm too lazy to complain when I hear this name.
This S.H.I.E.L.D. is the interstellar police in this vast universe. Although they seem to have less than 10 people, although they seem to have only one spaceship, they cannot hide their enthusiasm for the peace of the universe. The black aunt is the leader, and her role It is to bring out that the heroine is not so ugly, and there are even more ugly ones. The Elephant Man is the driver and is in charge of selling cuteness (so strangely cute), the little wolf dog and the old boy are the main combat personnel, and the rest of the people seem to have not given a positive face, and they are so passionate about making this Aegis with soy sauce. The bureau small spaceship does not look so empty. The heroine never forgets to tease the little wolf dog. The two discussed the issue of race to no avail, which made the heroine doubt whether she likes dogs or not.
With romance, science fiction, pubic hair, exposed flesh, and tearing, the old boy was responsible for the "rebellious" plot, and resold the heroine to a erotic little white face for the little wolf dog with a happy face, the plot Entering the end of the soul of the small era 4, gorgeous clothes, slide-like pictures, western food and wine, boring high-cold conversations, Huangmei opera headdress at the wedding and necklaces painted on it. . The audience enters and is about to enter the end of the soul, the hour hand, minute hand, second hand, the audience's urinary glands are motivated all the time. The director proudly showed off the pubic hair part of this play, we are not always so superficial in the plot! You see, how cruel and ruthless the rulers are. In order to keep their youth forever, they use the lower civilized races as pigs and dogs! If you think about it carefully, are you afraid too? I'm afraid of a jerk. It turns out that civilization has evolved to a certain extent and will regress to the feudal era. It turns out that civilization has advanced tens of thousands of years and even four dimensions cannot be controlled. It turns out that humans who have lived for tens of thousands of years still care so much about appearance! !
The erotic little white face was afraid that the audience with the twenty-one trisomy syndrome could not understand his true face, so after deceiving the heroine, he turned his face on the little wolf dog instantly, instead of killing the little wolf dog directly, he was exiled to the so-called "" Endless space (forgot the name)" also comes with an oxygen mask (so intimate they must be true love) such an idiot story director dares to film it, I'm really convinced. So in the nick of time! The little wolf dog saved the heroine again.
Well, the three o'clock tour of the universe is still not there for Mr. Void. How can you force the plot to let the heroine go there? So the director finally! I got it! The heroine also has an inexplicable aunt and sister-in-law! They are still eating shit at home! The no-show movie is over! Mr. Kongkong arranged for Lei Zhenzi to snatch away the heroine's three aunts and eight aunts, and asked the heroine to force marriage.
At this time, the heroine's Virgin's halo began to blind the audience's eyes, no, don't stop me, I'm going to save them, they are my family! When persuading me, I always give a close-up of the face of the black aunt, which makes me ignore the lines.
Ah ah ah, the final battle started so vigorously, S.H.I.E.L.D. not unexpectedly lost the heroine, lack of maternal love, psychological distortion, insanity, low self-esteem, poor emptiness, rhetoric towards the heroine The existence of S.H.I.E.L.D., banging and roaring for a while to wake up the sleeping audience friends to seek dignity, a slap in the face to slap the heroine to show his villain status, and a tearful look at the two. The heroine is like an idiot, buying enough time for the little wolfdog and the old boy's rescue operation, and I really praise his professionalism. Bad guys die from talking too much, from low EQ, from low IQ, from suddenly walking very slowly, and from not being able to use a gun. In the end, when the ship exploded, he even slapped the heroine with an iron stick. Unsurprisingly, at the end of the film, the heroine falls and is dumped again. She closes her eyes, and the audience is blinded and blinded. Are you intoxicated?
After complaining, watching this movie, it can be said that most of the reasons are for the name of The Matrix. As a result, a dog-blooded sci-fi family ethics drama made people laugh or cry.
I can only say one word, shit.
View more about Jupiter Ascending reviews
