Suddenly realized that the reason why I had such a strong resistance was: I saw myself.
When I was young, I had excellent grades, but I was not happy. I am envious of those children who sleep in class every day, skip get out of class, and wander around after class. What's in my mind every day is learning, learning and then learning. To waste a little time elsewhere is to blame yourself and guilt for a long time. I was even more anxious during the exam, afraid of poor grades, afraid of teachers no longer liking myself, and afraid of parents thinking that they would not study well. Elementary school knowledge is not difficult. Some naughty children can achieve good results just by attending class. Whenever the results are announced, I feel very reconciled. The results of the exams that have put so much time and energy into and play every day make the difference between the teachers and the children whose parents are big. On the contrary, those children who can test beyond the teacher's ideal because they don't work hard in normal times are more favored by the teacher.
Every time I finish the exam, I am very unhappy, but I still believe that one hard work makes one gain.
junior high school. In every class, I took notes carefully and listened to the class carefully, thinking that the knowledge of junior high school is so much harder than that of elementary school. Those students who are clever should not be able to catch up with me. At the end of the semester, a classmate came to borrow the notes. Although he was unwilling, he still reluctantly borrowed the notes. Then, all the children who were not studying handed a copy of my notes. The test result came down, and I secretly ran home and cried under the quilt. My scores were similar to theirs, and some even scored much higher than mine. At that time, my heart was really very good! No! Cool! However, I still took notes carefully, sorted out the notes, and then lent them to classmates to make copies. As a result, when I graduated, the teacher directly searched my notebook. A few years later, I went back to school to see the teacher. The teacher could not hesitate to call out my name and stunned me and my friends. I saw that she took out the worn-out notebook from the preparation bag and opened it with my name written on it. On the first page of the book, it is difficult to remember if you read it once a day in class. The content and structure of the knowledge learned by the younger students are all organized and taught by me. It was also at that moment, a sense of pride emerged spontaneously. (Haha, let me take a moment~)
When I was in high school, I met a little friend who loved to play. Naturally, I started a "decadent" learning career. Parents often muttered: "Don't play with those children, you will spoil you." Now I turn around and look back, secretly rejoicing that I was rebellious at the time and did not obey my parents, otherwise I would really regret it for a lifetime. At the beginning, I was just like Karen, cringed and afraid of doing things. Phyllis drove Karen's father's car. Karen had a huge psychological burden from her father, and she would be scolded for fear that things would be revealed. When my little friend took me to skip class, I was also under a very disturbing psychological pressure. There were two villains in my mind struggling, and one villain said: "My parents and teachers said that skipping classes is not a good boy, you are a good boy. You shouldn’t skip class.” Another villain said: “Follow your heart, don’t you really want to hang out with these friends?” The biggest gain I got from playing with these friends was also What Karen got from Phyllis: be yourself.
Children who occasionally skip classes are those who have their own opinions and don't like being restrained by their teachers. They are indeed very clever. A friend of mine actually focused on studying the habit of each teacher's class time. Teacher A walked from the office to the classroom 2 minutes in advance and would enter the classroom before ringing the bell. Teacher B would get up from the office and prepare to come to the classroom when the bell rings... Adjust the time of his class and enter the classroom based on this discovery. Isn't it weird? They all have their own ideas, love and hate are distinct, and go crazy when they like one thing, such as music and writing. But they are not completely rebellious, they still go to class, and occasionally skip a few sessions that they don't like. They still prepare for the exam carefully, not seeking high scores, just drifting through the sky. They are the realistic version of Philip, who boldly be themselves on the edge of the rules.
As Phyllis said: "People should not believe in doctrines, people should believe in themselves."
It is a pity that I am still looking for myself. When I am clear, I am a minority, and most of the time I still can't believe in myself. Maybe because I was more restrained when I was young, I always didn't dare to try new things easily, and still abide by the golden rules of the elders as the truth. Civil servants have a stable job, and it’s better to find a job for postgraduate entrance examinations... And those high school friends now have more or less small businesses of their own, such as Taobao and Weidian, using the small money earned by amateurs to support themselves. Music dreams, diving dreams.
If you give me a Ferrari, I still dare not drive it. Because I'm afraid of Karen's dad scolding!
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