Note: The following [ ] is the explanation of the action background, [ ] is the explanation of the allusions
1. Sidney and his secretary Sally are in the office, the former is very anxious because he was blocked by JJ's column
Sally: I wish I could help in some way, Sidney.
Sidney Falco: You could help with two minutes of silence.
Sally: I hate to see you like this. If you feel nervous...
Sidney Falco: So what'll you do if I feel nervous? Open your meaty, sympathetic arms?
Sally: Oh, Sidney, you got me so... I don't know what...
Sidney Falco: Sally you oughta know me by now.
Sally: I know ya.
Sidney Falco: No, you don't. You think I'm a hero. Well, I'm no hero. I'm nice to people where it pays me to be nice. I do it enough on the outside, so don't expect me to do it in my office.
Sally: I hope I can help you, Sidney.
Sidney Falco: Just be quiet for two minutes if you want to help.
Sally: I hate seeing you like this. If you're nervous...
Sidney Falco: So what are you going to do? Open your fleshy arms of sympathy?
Sally: Oh, Sidney, you made me...I don't know what to say...
Sidney Falco: Sally, you should get to know me now too.
Sally: I understand.
Sidney Falco: No, you don't understand. You thought I was a hero. Well, I am not a hero. I'm good to whoever pays, I've done enough outside, so don't expect me to keep doing it in my office.
2. Sidney sent Susie home after an altercation with Steve
Sidney Falco: He thinks JJ's some kind of a monster...
Susan Hunsecker: Don't you?
Sidney Falco: Susie, JJ happens to be one of my very best friends !
Susan Hunsecker: I know. But someday I'd like to look into your clever little mind and see what you really think of him.
Sidney Falco: Where do you come off, making a remark like that?
Susan Hunsecker: Who could love a man who makes you jump through burning hoops like a trained poodle?
Sidney Falco: He sees JJ as some kind of monster...
Susan Hunsecker: Don't you think so?
Sidney Falco: Susie, JJ is one of my best friends!
Susan Hunsecker: I know. But I really want to see through your clever little head one day and see what you really think about him.
Sidney Falco: What are you talking about, why do you say that?
Susan Hunsecker: Who would love someone who puts you in a ring of fire like a trained dog?
3. Sidney meets Jimmy Weldon, the client he is avoiding, and his girlfriend Joan
Sidney Falco: Jimmy, what a coincidence!
Jimmy Weldon: Yeah, a coincidenc running into the very man you've been ducking all week. This is my press agent, Joan.
Sidney Falco: I tried to call you twice, but...
Jimmy Weldon: What do ya do for that 100 one week? Fall outta bed?
Sidney Falco: I was on my way to talk to Hunsecker. I got...
Jimmy Weldon: I'll had this kid arrest for larceny.
Sidney Falco: When the band was at Roseland...
Jimmy Weldon: That was two months ago. Take your hands outta my pocket, thief.
Joan: Jimmy, now take it easy .
Jimmy Weldon: Why? It's a dirty job, but I pay clean money for it.
Sidney Falco: No more, you don't. Whati is it, showin' off for the girl?
Jimmy Weldon: He's clever. He knows when he's bein' fired.
Sidney Falco: Jimmy, what a coincidence!
Jimmy Weldon: Yeah, happened to bump into the guy you've been hiding for a week. [to Joan] This is my press agent.
Sidney Falco: I called you twice, but...
Jimmy Weldon: What do you do with a hundred bucks a week? flower in bed?
Sidney Falco: I'm going to talk to Hunsecker, I...
Jimmy Weldon: [to Joan] I'm going to get this kid arrested for theft.
Sidney Falco: When the band was in the Rose Garden...
Jimmy Weldon: That was two months ago. Get your hand out of my pocket, thief.
Joan: Jimmy, take it easy.
Jimmy Weldon: Why? It's dirty work, but I pay clean money.
Sidney Falco: Not anymore. What are you doing, showing it off to this lady?
Jimmy Weldon: [to Joan] He's smart enough to know he's been fired.
4. Sidney calls JJ to meet
JJ Hunsecker: Hello?
Sidney Falco: JJ, It's Sidney. Could you come out for a minute?
JJ Hunsecker: Could I come out? No.
Sidney Falco: I have to talk to you, JJ That's why.
JJ Hunsecker: You have to do something for me. You didn't do it.
Sidney Falco: Could I come in for a minute?
JJ Hunsecker: No. You're dead, son. Get yourself buried.
JJ Hunsecker: Hello?
Sidney Falco: JJ, it's me, Sidney. Can you come out for a while?
JJ Hunsecker: Can I go out? No.
Sidney Falco: I have to talk to you, JJ. That's why.
JJ Hunsecker: You had to do something for me, but you didn't.
Sidney Falco: So can I get in?
JJ Hunsecker: No. You are dead, child. Go and bury yourself.
5.
JJ sits with MPs, actresses, and agents, and Sidney joins the conversation JJ Hunsecker: Harvey, I often wish I were deaf and wore a hearing aid. With a simple flick of a switch, I could shut out the greedy murmur of little men.
Sidney Falco: JJ, I need your ear for two minutes.
JJ Hunsecker: Mac, I don't want this man at my table.
Sidney Falco: I've got a message from your sister.
JJ Hunsecker: Forgive me , Harvey. We were interrupted.
...
Sen. Harvey Walker: I don't think we caught your name, young man.
Sidney Falco: Sidney Falco, Sir. But everybody knows and admires you, Senator Walker.
Sen. Harvey Walker: Every six year I become less convinced of that . This young lady is Linda James. She's managed by Manny Davis.
Sidney Falco: I know Manny Davis.
JJ Hunsecker: Everyone knows Manny Davis. Except Mrs Manny Davis. Go ahead, Billy. Shoot. Sports cars are getting smaller and smaller in California. You were crossing Hollywood Boulevard and you got hit by one. And you had to go to the hospital to get it removed. Billy, you're not following the column. I had it last week.
Sidney Falco: Senator, do you believe in capital punishment?
Sen. Harvey Walker: Why?
Sidney Falco: A man has just been sentenced to death.
JJ Hunsecker: Manny, tell me, what exactly are the UNSEEN gifts of this lovely young thing that you manage?
Manny Davis: Well, she sings a little... you know, sings...
Linda James: Manny's faith in me is simply awe-inspiring, Mr. Hunsecker. Actually, I'm still studying, but...
JJ Hunsecker: What subject?
Linda James: Singing, of course... straight concert and...
JJ Hunsecker: [glance flicks between the Girl and the Senator] Why "of course"? It might, for instance, be politics...
Linda James: Me? I mean "I"? Are you kidding, Mr. Hunsecker? With my Jersey City brains?
JJ Hunsecker: The brains may be Jersey City, but the clothes are Traina-Norell.
Sen. Harvey Walker: Are you an actor, Mr Falco?
Linda James: That's what I was think. Are you, Mr Falco?
JJ Hunsecker: How did you guess it, Miss James?
Linda James: He's so pretty, that's How.
JJ Hunsecker: Mr. Falco, let it be said at once, is a man of 40 faces, not one - none too pretty, and all deceptive. You see that grin? That's the, eh, that's the Charming Street Urchin face. It's part of his helpless act: he throws himself upon your mercy. He's got a half-dozen faces for the ladies. But the one I like, the really cute one, is the quick, dependable chap. Nothing he won't do for you in a pinch - so he says. Mr. Falco, whom I did not invite to sit at this table tonight, is a hungry press agent, and fully up to all the tricks of his very slimy trade.
JJ Hunsecker: Match me, Sidney.
Sidney Falco: Not right this minute, JJ
Sen. Harvey Walker: May I ask you a naive question, Mr Falco? Exactly, how does a press agent work?
Sidney Falco: Uh...
JJ Hunsecker: Answer the man, Sidney. He's trying to take you off the hook.
Sidney Falco: You just saw a good example of it, Senator. A press agent eats a columnist's dirt and is expected to call it manna.
Sen. Harvey Walker : But don't you help columnists by furnishing thenm with items?
Sidney Falco: Sure, the columnists can't do without us, except our good and great friend JJ forgets to mention that. You see, we furnish him with items.
JJ Hunsecker: What, some cheap, gruesome gags?
Sidney Falco: You print 'em, don't ya?
JJ Hunsecker: Yes, with your clients' names attached. That's the only reason the poor slobs pay you - to see their names in my column all over the world. Now, I make it out, you're doing *me* a favor ?... The day I can't get along without a press agents' handouts, I'll close up shop and move to Alaska, lock, stock, and barrel.
Manny Davis: Sweep out my igloo, here I come.
JJ Hunsecker: Look, Manny, you rode in here on the Senator's shirt tails, so shut your mouth!
Sen. Harvey Walker: Now, come, JJ, that's a little too harsh. Anyone seems fair game for you tonight.
JJ Hunsecker: This man is not for you, Harvey, and you shouldn't be seen with him in public. Because that's another part of a press agent's life - he digs up scandal among prominent men and shovels it thin among columnists who give him space.
Sen. Harvey Walker: There is some allusion here that escapes me...
JJ Hunsecker: We're friends, Harvey - we go as far back as when you were a fresh kid Congressman, don't we?
Sen. Harvey Walker: Why does everything you say sound like a threat?
JJ Hunsecker: Maybe it's a mannerism - because I don't threaten friends, Harvey. But why furnish your enemies with ammunition? You're a family man. Someday, with God willing, you may wanna be President. Now here you are, Harvey, out in the open where any hep person knows that this one... is toting THAT one...around for you. Are we kids or what? Next time you come up, you might join me on my TV show.
Sen . Harvey Walker: Thanks JJ, for what I consider sound advice.
JJ Hunsecker: Go, thou, and sin no more.
...
JJ Hunsecker: Don't let the Senator pay that check. President! My big toe would make a better president. Where's your coat, Sidney? Saving tips? My curiosity is killing me, but what are you so rambunctious about tonight?
Sidney Falco: There is your fat friend.
JJ Hunsecker: Harry, say hello to Sidney Falco. Tickle him. He's been a bad boy tonight. He called you "my fat friend".
...
JJ Hunsecker: I love this dirty town. Sidney, conjugate me a verb. For instance, "to promise." You promise to break up that romance. When?
Sidney Falco: I doubt if you know what involves.
JJ Hunsecker: I'm a schoolboy. Teach me, teach me.
Sidney Falco: You break it up . You know you can do it in two minutes.
JJ Hunsecker: At this late date you need explanations? Susie's all I've got. Now she's growing up, I want my relationship with her to remain at least at par. I don' t intend to do anything to antagonise her if I don't have to. Be warn, son. I'll have to blitz you.
Sidney Falco: Frankly, JJ, I don't think you got cards to blitz me.
JJ Hunsecker: I don't?
Sidney Falco: Corrct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think so.
JJ Hunsecker: I 'll listen for one more minute.
Sidney Falco: A year ago, I did you a certain favor. It was a thing... I never did such a dirty thing in my life. All right, it's forgotten. Which brings us up to five weeks ago. "Sidney, I got a nasty problem. Do so- and so- and I'll aprreciate it." Did I say no? I'm the first to admit it didn't jell as fast as we' d like. But why, all of a sudden, can't I get you on the phone? And why am I frozen out of the column?
JJ Hunsecker: You finished?
Sidney Falco: No, let me finish, JJ I don't like this job. That boy is numb on matinee days only. Otherwise he's got a head. Susan is growing up - two heads. We got a slippery, dangerous problem here.
JJ Hunsecker: Not "we", Sidney, you!
Sidney Falco: Correct me if I'm wrong, we! If I'm gonna go out on a limb for you, you gotta know what's involved!
JJ Hunsecker: My right hand hasn't seen my left hand in thirty years.
Sidney Falco: I'll do it, JJ Don't get me wrong. I'll go through with it. But stop beating me on the head. Let me make a living!
JJ Hunsecker: Sidney, what you promised, do it. Don't finagle around. It's later than you think.
Sidney Falco: Excuse me, JJ It's later than you think.That boy proposed to her.
JJ Hunsecker: Susie told you that?
Sidney Falco: Uh - huh.
JJ Hunsecker: What was her answers?
Sidney Falco: She'll discuss it with you at breakfast.
JJ Hunsecker: That means you've got a plan. Can you deliver?
Sidney Falco: Tonight. Before you go to bed. Cat's in the bag and the bag's in the river.
JJ Hunsecker: Don't be a two - time loser, Sidney. The penalty could be severe.
JJ Hunsecker: [Discovery Sidney stood behind him, to MP] Harvey, and I used to wish I was deaf, with hearing aids, and with the flick of a switch, I could keep out the greedy whispers of these little people.
Sidney Falco: JJ, just listen to me.
JJ Hunsecker: [calls waiter] Mac, I don't want to see this guy standing at my table.
Sidney Falco: I have news about your sister.
JJ Hunsecker: [withdraws the gesture for the waiter to drive Sidney away, to the congressman] Sorry, Harvey, we were interrupted.
[Continuing with MP] MP
Harvey Walker: [to Sidney] I don't think we know your name yet, young man.
Sidney Falco: Sidney Falco, Mr. But everyone knows and admires you, Senator Walker.
MP Harvey Walker: Every six years I have less confidence in that. [ Referring to the six-year term of the senator] This young lady is Linda James, and her agent is Manny Davis.
Sidney Falco: I know Manny Davis.
JJ Hunsecker: Everyone knows Manny Davis, except Mrs. Manny Davis. [answers phone] Go on, Billy, say ah. Sports cars in California are getting smaller, and you're walking down Hollywood Boulevard and you hit one and you have to go to the hospital to get it out, right? [Manny laughs, JJ gives him a displeased look and continues to answer the phone] Billy, you didn't follow the column, I found out last week. [hangs up]
Sidney Falco: [to MP] MP, do you believe in the death penalty?
MP Harvey Walker: What?
Sidney Falco: [points to phone] A guy has just been sentenced to death. [
Referring to JJ's ruthless attitude towards Billy on the phone] JJ Hunsecker: [Looks back at Sidney, then to Manny] Manny, what is the undiscovered talent of this cute little thing you're her manager?
Manny Davis: Well, she can sing... you know, sing...
Linda James: Manny has a lot of trust in me, Mr. Hunsecker. Actually, I'm still learning, but...
JJ Hunsecker: Learning what?
Linda James: Singing, of course... concerts and...
JJ Hunsecker: Why "of course"? Maybe learn something like politics or something...
Linda James: Me? Is that me? Are you kidding me, Mr. Hunsecker? With my Jersey City brain?
JJ Hunsecker: The brains may be Jersey City, but the clothes are Traina-Norell. [Traina-Norell is a clothing brand]
MP Harvey Walker: [Change the subject, to Sidney] Are you an actor, Mr. Falco?
Linda James: That's exactly what I'm asking, are you, Mr. Falco?
JJ Hunsecker: How did you guess that, Miss James?
Linda James: He's beautiful, that's all.
JJ Hunsecker: Mr. Falco - let me get it straight - is a guy with 40 faces instead of one, and they're not pretty at all, they're all deceptive. Did you see that smile? It was, um, the face of a charming street urchin. It's part of his helpless show: he begs your forgiveness. He had six faces to the ladies, but the one I liked, the really lovely one, was a quick, dependable lad. He would do anything for you if necessary - he said so. This Mr. Falco, whom I didn't invite tonight, is a horny press agent, ready to do all the tricks for his humble business.
[
Pull up an unlit cigarette and face Sidney] JJ Hunsecker: Match me, Sidney. On the one hand, match also means a match, so JJ picks up an unlit cigarette and makes a gesture for Sidney to light it]
Sidney Falco: Not now, JJ.
MP Harvey Walker: May I ask you a question, Mr. Falco? What exactly does a press agent do?
Sidney Falco: [Looks awkwardly at JJ, as if asking for permission] Uh...
JJ Hunsecker: Come on, Sidney. People are helping you out.
Sidney Falco: You've just seen a good example, MP. News agents eat ashes after columnists, and that's called manna. [Manna is the God-given food in the Bible, which means that Sidney is grateful to JJ when he sees his face]
MP Harvey Walker: But aren't you helping columnists by providing news?
Sidney Falco: Of course, the columnists can't live without us, but our amazing good friend JJ forgot to mention that. You know, we gave him the news.
JJ Hunsecker: You mean your cheap, clumsy gags?
Sidney Falco: But you got them out, didn't you?
JJ Hunsecker: Yeah, with your client's name. That's the sole purpose of those poor fools paying you - to see their names spread around the world with my column. But now it looks like you are helping me? ...the day I can't do it without a press agent, I'll close down and pack up and move to Alaska.
Manny Davis: Sweep my igloo, here I come. [The igloo is an Eskimo building. The Eskimos in Alaska mentioned in the previous sentence of JJ, so Manny wanted to make a joke]
JJ Hunsecker: Listen, Manny, you came in with the senator's clothes, so please shut up .
MP Harvey Walker: Enough JJ, it's a little too harsh. It seems that everyone is the object of your entertainment tonight.
JJ Hunsecker: This guy doesn't deserve you, Harvey, and you shouldn't be in public with him. Because that's just another job of a news agent -- digging up scandals about prominent people and stuffing them with willing columnists.
Congressman Harvey Walker: Did I miss something...
JJ Hunsecker: We're friends, Harvey - let's go back to when you were a rookie Congressman, shall we?
MP Harvey Walker: Why does everything you say sound like a threat?
JJ Hunsecker: Maybe it's just a matter of style - because I never threaten my friends, Harvey. But why are you giving the enemy ammunition? You're a family man, and by God's will, maybe you'll want to be president someday. But now you're here blatantly, letting anyone in the know know that this [point to Manny Davis] is selling that [point to Linda James] to you [point to MP]. Are we still kids? [Gets up] Next time you can join me on a TV show.
Congressman Harvey Walker: Thank you, JJ. For your sake...I'll take it as a suggestion.
JJ Hunsecker: Come on, stop being stupid.
[Everyone
leaves , Sidney follows JJ] JJ Hunsecker: [to the waiter] Don't let the councilor pay the bill. [to Sidney] President! I could be a better president on my big toes. Where's your coat, Sidney? Save on tipping? My curiosity kills me, but I still wonder why you talk so much tonight?
Sidney Falco: [points to cop Harry Kello in the distance] That's your fat dude.
[JJ talking to Harry]
JJ Hunsecker: [To Harry] Harry, say hello to Sidney Falco. Make fun of him, he's a bad boy tonight. He calls you "my fat dude".
[Harry leaves after the two talk to Harry]
JJ Hunsecker: [witnesses drunken rioting] I love this dirty city. Sidney, tell me a conjugation of a verb, say, "promise." You promised to ruin the affair. So when?
Sidney Falco: I suspect you have no idea what this is doing.
JJ Hunsecker: Well, I'm a primary school student. Teach me, teach me.
Sidney Falco: You destroy it yourself. You know you can do it in two minutes.
JJ Hunsecker: It's already now. You want me to explain? Susie is everything to me. She is growing up and I hope my relationship with her at least stays the same. I don't want to do anything against her unless necessary. Beware, boy, I may have to give you a little warning.
Sidney Falco: Honestly, JJ, I don't think you have any leverage to threaten me.
JJ Hunsecker: Really?
Sidney Falco: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that's it.
JJ Hunsecker: I'll just listen to you for one more minute.
Sidney Falco: I did something for you a year ago. It was a... nasty thing I've never done in my life. [sees JJ turn to go] Okay, I forgot about it. Now let's talk about five weeks ago. "Sidney, I've got a nasty trouble. Doing this—that—I'll appreciate it." Did I say a "no"? I'll just be the first to admit that things are not going as fast as we thought. But why did you suddenly stop answering my call? Why did you block me from the column?
JJ Hunsecker: Are you done?
Sidney Falco: No, let me finish, JJ. I don't like this errand. That kid was just a little dull on show days, he still had a brain at other times. Susan is growing up - that's two brains. We face a very dangerous problem.
JJ Hunsecker: It's not "us", Sidney, it's you!
Sidney Falco: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'll say "we" anyway! If I take risks for you, you have to know why!
JJ Hunsecker: I haven't seen my left and right hands in thirty years. [meaning there's always someone doing the dirty work for him. These people don't know each other, and he's never going to fall behind the scenes.]
Sidney Falco: I'll do it, JJ. Do not misunderstand. I'll get things done. But please stop hitting me head on, you have to make me earn a living!
JJ Hunsecker: Sidney, you do what you promise. Don't lie to me, it's later than you think.
Sidney Falco: Sorry, JJ, it's later than you think. The boy proposed to her.
JJ Hunsecker: Susie said that?
Sidney Falco: Yeah.
JJ Hunsecker: How did she reply?
Sidney Falco: She'll talk to you about it at breakfast.
JJ Hunsecker: That means you already have a solution. Can you reveal it?
Sidney Falco: Tonight. before you go to bed. The cat is already in the bag, the bag is already in the river. [Metaphor everything is ready]
JJ Hunsecker: Don't be a two-time loser, Sidney. The price will be heavy.
6. Sidney asks Otis Elwell to publish news that defames Steve
Otis Elwell: I can't think of a good reason why I should print anything you give me. I can't even think of a *bad* reason.
Sidney Falco: Suppose I introduce you to a... a lovely reason. .. who's both good *and* bad... and available?
Otis Elwell: I'm not an unreasonable man.
Otis Elwell: I can't think of a good reason to publish what you gave me. I can't even think of a bad reason.
Sidney Falco: [Looking at the magazine cover girl] Maybe I can introduce you to a...a lovely reason...both good and bad, and usable?
Otis Elwell: I'm not unreasonable either.
7. In order to lure Otis to publish the news, Sidney introduced him to his lover Rita, Rita was very annoyed and wanted to pack up and leave, Sidney went to persuade
Sidney Falco: Don't you know who that man is?
Rita: Yeah! Otis Elwell, the columnist.
Sidney Falco: Yeah.
Rita: And he's a perfect stranger to me.
Sidney Falco: So take the five minutes. Get aquainted. He's an importent man. He's lonely. Don'
Rita: What do you want all of a sudden? Lady Godiva? Where's my other shoe?
Sidney Falco: What kind of an act like this?
Rita: Don't you think I have any feelings? What I am? A bowl of fruit ? A tangeine that peels in a minute?
Sidney Falco: I beg your pardon. How do you like this! I turn myself inside out to do you a favor, now I'm the heavy! Here's your shoe. There's your coat. And there's the door.
Rita: Sidney, I don't do this sorta thing.
Sidney Falco: What sorta thing?
Rita: This sorta thing!
Sidney Falco: You need him for a favor, don't you? Well, so do I . I need his column tonight. Did'nt you ask me to do something about your job? Don't you have a kid in military school?
Rita: You're a snake, Falco. You're a louse. A real louse.
Sidney Falco: Honey, he's gonna help you!
Sidney Falco: Don't you know who that guy is?
Rita: I know! Otis Elwell, columnist.
Sidney Falco: Exactly.
Rita: He's a total stranger to me!
Sidney Falco: So use those five minutes to get acquainted. He was a big man, and he came alone. Don't stand here stupidly.
Rita: So what do you want now? Lady Godiva? [Lady Godiva was a medieval noblewoman, and according to legend, she rode naked in the town in order to ask her husband to exempt her subjects from taxes. It means that Sidney wants Rita to sell his body] Where is my other shoe?
Sidney Falco: What are you?
Rita: Do you think I don't feel the slightest bit? What do you take me for? A bowl of fruit? Oranges peeled in a minute?
Sidney Falco: [Bows] I beg your pardon! How can you do this! I did my best to help you, and now I'm a villain! This is your shoe. This is your coat. This is the door.
Rita: [stops at the door, hesitates] Sidney, I don't do that.
Sidney Falco: What kind of thing?
Rita: Such a thing!
Sidney Falco: You need his help, don't you? Well, me too. I need his column tonight. Didn't you ask me to think of a way to keep your job? Don't you have a child to support in the military school?
Rita: [Convinced by Sidney, leaves the door, puts down his clothes] You're a snake, Falco. You scumbag. A real scumbag.
Sidney Falco: Baby, he's here to help you!
8. After Rita
gives in and agrees to "host" Otis, Sidney leaves and leaves the two alone Sidney Falco: Don't do anything I wouldn't do! That gives you a lot of leeway...
Sidney Falco: [Yes Otis] Don't do what I won't do! This has left you a lot of leeway...
9. Sidney calls JJ to indicate that the task of breaking up Steve and Susie has been completed
Sidney Falco: Hello, JJ? Sidney. JJ?
JJ Hunsecker: Yes, Sidney. You sound happy, Sidney. Why should you be happy when I'm not? How do you spell Picasso, the painter? One S or two?
Sidney Falco: Two.
JJ Hunsecker: It's an item - I hear he dates three-eyed girls.
Sidney Falco: It'd be nice if you mention Robard. Robard's jazz joint. It's his 20th annivesary. Don't begrudge it to me, JJ I owe him a lot of favors. I think you understand that the Dallas skull is badly dented . Oh yeah, very bad. Starting today you can play marbles with his eyeballs. Now don't begrudge it to me, JJ Mention Robard...
JJ Hunsecker: We shall see what we shall see, Sidney. And Sidney, don' t use this phone anymore. I have a nervous sister.
Sidney Falco: Hello, JJ? Sidney. JJ?
JJ Hunsecker: It's me, Sidney. You sound so happy, Sidney. How can you be so happy when I'm not happy? How to spell "Picasso", that painter? One S or two S?
Sidney Falco: Two.
JJ Hunsecker: [Typing while listening to the phone] Here's the news -- I heard he's dating three-eyed girls.
Sidney Falco: It would be better if you could mention Robard. Robard Jazz Restaurant, this is his 20th anniversary. Don't be so reluctant, JJ. I owe him a lot. I think you understand that Dallas is screwed. Yes, he looks good. Starting tomorrow you can play pinball with his eyeballs. Stop being so stingy with me now, JJ. Mention Robard in your column...
JJ Hunsecker: We'll see how it goes, Sidney. Also, don't use this phone again. My sister is a little neurotic.
10. Susie suspects Sidney and JJ conspired to frame Steve, Sidney and JJ discuss countermeasures
JJ Hunsecker: I got that boy coming here today. If I can trust my eys, and I think I can, Susie knows all about your dirty work.
Sidney Falco: Can't hurt.
JJ Hunsecker: Can't hurt? I had to get that boy his job back.
Sidney Falco: Look JJ, we can tie this off into one neat bundle, address it to the dumps, to oblivion. We're doing great, but please do it my way. I've cased this boy. I know his ins and outs. He's full of juice and vinegar, waiting for a big shot like you to put on the squeeze. You got the boy's job back, but he's not gonna accept your favor. The manager, yeah, but not that boy.
JJ Hunsecker: What's this boy got that Susie likes?
Sidney Falco: Integrity - acute, like indigestion.
JJ Hunsecker: What does that mean - integrity?
Sidney Falco: A pocket fulla firecrackers - looking for a match! It's a new wrinkle, to tell the truth ... I never thought I'd make a killing on some guy's "integrity."
JJ Hunsecker: I'd hate to take a bite outta you. You're a cookie full of arsenic.
JJ Hunsecker: I let that kid over today. If I can trust my eyes - and I think I can - Susie knows exactly what you're doing.
Sidney Falco: That doesn't matter.
JJ Hunsecker: Irrelevant? I had to help that kid get his job back.
Sidney Falco: Listen, JJ, let's just pack this up in the trash first, forget it. We are going well now, but we have to do as I say. I've got the kid, I know all his weaknesses. He's full of juice and vinegar, just waiting for you to squeeze him. Even if you help him get his job back, he will never take your favor. His agent might, but he definitely won't.
JJ Hunsecker: What on earth did Susie like about that kid?
Sidney Falco: Upright, upright, to the point of being blunt.
JJ Hunsecker: What do you mean by integrity?
Sidney Falco: He's got his temper like a bag of guns - just one match away! [laughs] It's a new trick to be honest...I never thought I could use a guy's "integrity" to kill him before.
JJ Hunsecker: I hate when you have to bite into you and you're an arsenic-covered cookie. [Meaning both admiration for Sidney's tricks, and feeling terrible about him]
11.
Steve Dallas after being irritated by JJ and Sidney's design : Mr. Hunsecker, you've got more twists than a barrel of pretzels!
Steve Dallas: Mr. Hunsecker, you have more guts than a bucket of pretzels! [Pretzel, a twisted dessert, can also be used to describe tangled things]
12.
JJ Hunsecker: Son, I don't relish shooting a mosquito with an elephant gun, suppose you just shuffle along and call it a day?
JJ Hunsecker: [to Steve] Boy, I don't like hitting mosquitoes with an elephant gun, so why don't you just step aside and kill your time? [Meaning disdain to care about with Steve]
13. Sidney and JJ had a meal to celebrate the breakup of Steve and Susie, but JJ had no plans
Sidney Falco: We're on the verge of a farce. A real farce. As I see it , if Susie had stood behind him today, he might have proved a threat. But since primarily he's wedded to his work, he's not gonna be able to take it.
JJ Hunsecker: Stop tinkering. That horseradish is fine.
Sidney Falco: It's all over, because any hour now that boy will give her up. Now, is it a farce, or is it?
JJ Hunsecker: Sidney, this syrup you're giving out with... you pour over waffles, not JJ Hunsecker. What do you mean, this lousy kid'll give up my sister?
Sidney Falco: How does it matter whose sister? The main thing is they're through.
JJ Hunsecker: Am I supposed to forget how that kid talk to me today?
Sidney Falco: JJ, is he worthy of a seconde glance from a man like you? I mean that...
JJ Hunsecker: Bite on this.
Sidney Falco: Steamship ticket.
JJ Hunsecker: The next sailing. Susie's run down.
Sidney Falco: That's good. Now that louse is outta Susie's hair for good.
JJ Hunsecker: I want that boy taken apart.
Sidney Falco: JJ, why do something that's gonna drive them right back into each other's arms?
JJ Hunsecker: I know how to handle Susie. You just... You just handle the boy. Perfectly tonight.
Sidney Falco: What's tomorrow? A holiday? I think I'm going home. Maybe I left my sense of humor in my other suit.
JJ Hunsecker: You've got a god - given brain, Sidney. Use it. You think this is a personal thing with me? Are you telling me I think of this in terms of personal pique? Today that boy wiped his feet on the choice, on the predilections at 60 million people in the greatest country in the world. If you had any morals, you'd understand the immorality of that boy's stand today. It wasn't me he criticised. It was my readers . Don't remove the gangplank, Sidney. You may wanna get back on board.
Sidney Falco: JJ, it's one thing to wear your dog collar. When it turns into a noose, I'd have my freedom.
JJ Hunsecker: The man in jail is always for freedom.
Sidney Falco: Except, if you'll excuse me, I'm not in jail.
JJ Hunsecker: You're in jail. You're a prisoner of your own fears, your own greed and ambition.
Sidney Falco: You're blind, Mr Magoo. This is the crossroads for me. I won't get Kello. Not for a lifetime pass to the Polo Grounds. Not if you served me Cleopatra on a plate.
JJ Hunsecker: Sidney, I told you...
Sidney Falco: I swear on my mother's life, I wouldn't do that. Not if you gave me a column would I do a thing...
JJ Hunsecker: Who do you think writes the column while Susie and I are away for three month? The men in the moon? Thank you, Sidney. And, Sidney, I'll have that piece of paper back.
Sidney Falco: We almost It turned into a farce. A real farce. As I see it, if Susie stands by him, maybe he's a real threat. But since he married his job in the first place, he had no luck.
JJ Hunsecker: Stop chattering. This wasabi is good.
Sidney Falco: It's all over, that kid is going to give her up anytime. What a farce, isn't it?
JJ Hunsecker: Sidney, you should pour the syrup on the waffles, not me. [meaning don't say anything nice, it's not time to celebrate] Do you really think that little rascal will give up my sister?
Sidney Falco: Whose sister does it matter? What matters is that they are over.
JJ Hunsecker: Should I forget how that kid talked to me?
Sidney Falco: JJ, does he deserve a second look from someone like you? I mean...
JJ Hunsecker: Look at this.
Sidney Falco: Ferry tickets.
JJ Hunsecker: Next shift. Susie was hit hard.
Sidney Falco: That's fine. That way the bastard will stay away from Susie.
JJ Hunsecker: I want that kid to be cut into pieces.
Sidney Falco: JJ, why do something that might get them back together?
JJ Hunsecker: I know how to deal with Susie. You just have to... just deal with that kid. It's good to start tonight. [hands Sidney a note asking him to contact Police Kello]
Sidney Falco: How about tomorrow? a holiday? I should go home. Maybe I forgot my sense of humor in another dress.
JJ Hunsecker: God gave you brains, Sidney. Use it. Do you think it's my personal thing? Do you think it's just because of my self-esteem damage? What this kid is trampling on today is the choice and preference of the 60 million people of this greatest country. If you are virtuous, you will naturally see the injustice of his position. He is not criticizing me but my readers. [Sidney gestures to leave] Don't take the springboard off too soon, Sidney. You might have to get back on the boat.
Sidney Falco: JJ, it's one thing to wear your collar, I'd rather have my freedom back when it turns into a noose.
JJ Hunsecker: People in prison always want to be free.
Sidney Falco: Except—pardon my correction—I'm not in jail.
JJ Hunsecker: You're in jail. You are the prisoner of your own fear, greed and ambition.
Sidney Falco: Wake up, Mr Magoo. [An American animated character, rich but often in trouble because of his shortsightedness] This is my bottom line. I'm not going to Kello, I'm not going to do this for a lifetime ticket to Polo Grounds. [Polo Grounds is the collective name of the three stadiums in Upper Manhattan, New York, home to the New York Yankees for baseball, the New York Giants for football, etc.] You give me Cleopatra on a plate, and I won't do it.
JJ Hunsecker: Sidney, I told you...
Sidney Falco: I swear on my mother's behalf, I don't. It's not like you give me a column and I can do it...
JJ Hunsecker: Who do you think Susie and I will be writing the column for the three months we've been gone? Moon people? Thanks, Sidney. Also, I need to get the note back.
14. After Sidney framed Steve for hiding drugs, Susie threatened Sidney to commit suicide, Sidney laughed at her idea
Sidney Falco: Start thinking with your head instead of your hips. Uh - by the way, I got nothing against women thinking with their hips. That's their nature. Just like it's a *man's* nature to go out and hustle and get the things he wants.
Sidney Falco: [to Susie] Start thinking with your head, not your butt. Ah, of course I'm not against women thinking with their butts. That's their nature. Just as a man's nature is to fight and get what he wants.
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