Mike Zavala:
It's so funny to text. Who are you textting? That same bitch?
Brian Taylor:
Dude, yeah. She's smart, man. She's like the first girl I can actually have a conversation with. You know she has a Master of Sciences in Fluid Hydraulics.
Mike Zavala:
Fluid Hydraulics?
Brian Taylor:
Yes.
Mike Zavala:
I wouldn't brag about that, dude. That she has a Master's degree in Fluid Hydraulics.
Brian Taylor:
I date all these girls, man. They're smoking hot.
Mike Zavala:
Yeah, your little fucking badge bunnies.
Brian Taylor:
I get laid without a badge, thank you very much.
Mike Zavala:
Because you were in the Marines. Don't ask, don't tell.
Brian Taylor:
But there's a pattern. An MO here. First date is dinner and a respectful kiss. Second date is dinner and full carnal knowledge. And the third date is dinner and uncomfortable silences when I try and discuss anything of merit. Then it's two or three booty calls and it's on to the next.
Mike Zavala:
Okay, I went to prom and I got married a week later and I ain't tapped anybody but Old Faithful for, like, eight years. So I don't know what you're tripping about, dude.
Brian Taylor:
Okay. Wait, look at me real quick.
Mike Zavala:
Uh-huh.
Brian Taylor:
Okay, ready? I want somebody to talk to. Not just sleep with. Do you fucking understand what I'm saying?
Mike Zavala:
Oh yeah. White people get hung up on this fucking soul mate bullshit. Just hook up with a chick that can cook and wants kids. Some bitch that's down for you that won't fuck your friends and you're straight. Dude, you're the smartest motherfucker I know. You're not gonna find some chick that's as smart as you.
Brian Taylor:
Really, dude? I'm sorry that the perfect girl wasn't dropped in front of me when I was 18-years old.