Still sitting alone in front of the writing desk, facing the computer screen full of stains but inadvertently wiping, unscrewing the mineral water exchanged for 80 game tickets a few days ago, watching the time slowly slip, there is no trace, also It's a self-defense.
To kill yourself, you don't have to search for pistols everywhere, or pray for stray bullets of fate. It is enough to rely on a warm body, entangled in the madness of the world, and bewildered in the glory of all phenomena.
And when I put all these arrangements on hold, and suddenly pulled out on this New Year's Eve, in addition to the thousands of darkness, all that was left was the despair that lingered in my eye sockets no matter how tired and exhausted I was. .
In the past few days, in addition to A-movies, I have also watched a lot of regular movies. Although it seems that it is rare to concentrate on watching a full-length film at a time, I also grit my teeth and forget the pain in the back of my neck. Less long dark nights.
During the viewing of the film, I gradually came to the idea that maybe the film is really a more advanced form of narrative or atmosphere creation. The combination and structure of characters, sense of form, plot, conflict, and structure are far better than a writer staying at home. Any novel tinkered with is going to be complicated. The overlapping and contradictions of various elements, as well as those irreconcilable conflicts in the process of filming and viewing, are closer to the original appearance of the world without any clue and logic than static visual art or text works.
Like the desperation deep inside people, yes forgive me for always mentioning this old friend.
In all the texts I have read, no matter how hype, the so-called despair, like all other inner activities, is only an emotional boundary that has long been delineated. And there is a movie, "Twenty-fifth Hours", through the extension of time and space and the external changes of the characters, it accurately describes such a fallen world that I know well but cannot tell.
I want to say a lot about the whole movie. First of all, for the first time, I learned that the foreign police caught you and committed a crime, but instead of putting you in the detention center directly, I wanted to embody humanitarianism and give you a day off and let you second Check in on your own early in the morning.
Also, as a member of a mono-ethnic state, and I'm used to seeing the head scratching of Western white people, I really can't accept the typical Sudanese-Ethiopian appearance of the protagonist's girlfriend in the film. Even if there is a scene where she is set to be eighteen years old, wearing a school uniform with a plaid skirt and sitting on a swing, she is bored. With such a complete set of elements, I can't imagine a blessed LOLITA in my empty mind.
In addition, I admit that my intelligence is limited, or because I have watched too many bad movies, I can't help but have a lot of misunderstandings when I first watch a film with a slightly pretentious narrative method. For example, at the beginning I thought the protagonist Two of his friends are villains who are plotting a sinful activity against him. And whether the dog in distress in the film is a metaphor for the protagonist himself to some extent, I don't know much about it.
Of course, none of this matters, and even the director's diligent rendering of the tragic complex of New York, the strange world capital, is not so important.
The important thing is that for the first time in a movie, I found such a fitting resonance, the kind
of loneliness that is pressing on you before the end of the day - downright, irreparable. Facing the iron-like facts of the huge world and the rush of people, I deeply feel my own insignificance and weakness.
And most importantly, before the most poisonous sun rises in this round, you have ruled out all reason and believed that you will be burnt to ashes. At this time, all you can do is to grab something in the middle of anything you pass by. , expect it to take you away, or that you can hitch a ride across the line. You are sorry, and you do not want to join this real life, but you will never have that superhuman power. At this time, destruction and exile become the only options.
There is no tomorrow, tomorrow belongs to someone else, and you are just unbearable, a powder under the pressure and terror that you have never met. Then run away, you poor wretch who was cast aside by fate and thought you could find mercy somewhere. To commit those unimaginable crimes, to corrupt the things that you regard as treasures, the so-called cowardice is most real at this time. Once there is an irreparable crack in life, it will be completely destroyed and completely destroyed, together with your painstaking management or life. 's collection. When you are beyond rescue, then cast your life that has melted into juice into another sharp knife, and carefully taste the suffocation that tears open your throat. This kind of absolute pain, even if it is only for a second, you will think it is eternal life Bliss. As for the future, it has long been impossible for such a life to be calculated and controlled.
Just like the protagonist who has been investigated for drug trafficking and has to be sent to his door for seven years in prison in an hour, what can he do after he completely collapses? Fear is the behemoth that will overwhelm the mountains at the last moment. At this time, the distinction between reality and imagination is no longer clear, and the contrast between my heart and the emotional field in the film has finally reached the same:
watching him limp in the car, imagining endlessly In the midst of a reformed and reborn escape career, from the tragic farewell to his father at the beginning, to the end of his old lover who has been traced, he starts a new life like a paradise. In front of the screen, I finally laughed unconsciously for a moment. If it wasn't for fate to choke my throat, how could I still have such an imaginary that it has been turned around a thousand times and finally brightened up. Escape means bravery and cowardice at the same time, and means that there is no longer self-confidence to bear the weight of the reality that comes one after another.
When I think of those moments, I kept breaking out of the cage and tearing the skin that I finally grew. The only thing I can trust is that I am still young, even if the clouds and hell are bumpy in front of me. As for the price, I thought about it at the time, but I gritted my teeth.
When everyone is rushing in one direction, you scoff at the pointless end, but how confident are you? When you turn around and go to a distant place that you shouldn't have gone to, have you ever thought that you are not qualified to say goodbye? It was your name and body, your soul and your hometown, those plants that tangled and grew in the rainstorm wilderness, those times when they were not satisfied even if they devoured each other.
Who wants to live crippled, so everyone has a sharp blade to cut off memories, you can escape, escape 10,000 kilometers, an era, you will live forever outside of life, those already soaked leads, no longer It won't set you on fire, but it's the only frame you can pay your respects when you whimper in the terrifying void.
There is a kind of power, the enemy you cultivated, that is eating away at your heart. When you are getting weaker and weaker, it actually becomes a bit like your lover. It smiles at you, and it can make you feel the same. You wet your eyes. You will never experience hope for nothing until you are finally old.
I know that the emotions are broken, the laughter is withered, and only the innate madness is left, jumping out from time to time, and directing the next escape in this defeat. At this point I flicked the slider that controlled the playback time, until I finally came up with the words that made me content:
"You forget your old life. You can't come back. You can't call. You can' t write. You never look back. You make a new life for yourself, and you live it. You live the life the way it should have been."
I think, it's a movie about despair and escape, so, too My favorite of the year.
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