At first it was fog, and later it was ant-like fragments. It was dense. The scene was orange with a bit of dead gray, a bit like Dali's paintings.
When the body is weak, dreaming of deeper colors, as if falling into a dark valley. Leading you somewhere. Some things are invisible, but you know, it's there.
When he was four years old, he learned watercolor and painted cars, sky blue. There is a little driver inside. I painted his eyes, but the color blocks are too big and look like stones. At that time, there was a fever, and under the incandescent lamp, I called it "the person with the stone in the eye socket". This is a very gloomy association for a child. I was still in pre-school years and had never seen death. I "persisted that the mouse would transport all the toys away at night", and spoke softly, quietly and thinly enough.
But that night, I met it.
There are many more that appear with it. More than ten years later, I can only name flames, lotuses, and blue horses. We are squeezed in a thick shell, but not deep in the flesh. Our vision cannot capture each other, but I did "see" it. What happened in the dark, my memory is hard to corroborate, but there is a feeling that is extremely deep. When he was six years old, he drowned and felt that he was rising. Heidegger's so-called "running towards death" mood was surprisingly similar to that in his dream.
For my parents, the situation is completely different. The next day, they described in detail how I sat up in a single shirt on a cold night, how my eyes were wide open, how I walked around the room, and how I made a cat-like bark.
It seemed to wake up later, and dreams and death slowly moved away, followed by a deeper sleep. To this day, I still cannot be sure if I swim out of the deep pool that night. Life gradually covers the childlike fragile nervous system, and we climb, forbear, and indulge in a heavy sleep. Every night when it rains and is cold, I can hear the ticking sound on the balcony that year, through the curtain, such as death.
Recently, I revisited the classics of American fear, and for a while I saw "The Exorcist". After all, it is an old movie, and it is difficult for light and shadow to provide "comfortable" satisfaction. It tells the story with a plain camera, and the "ghost" that occasionally flashes at the beginning is actually a bit clumsy. As the plot cuts in, the film is shrouded in a gray mist: the gloomy mansion, the old-fashioned furniture, the empty church, the secluded "exorcist"...... The justice that paid a considerable price temporarily defeated the evil, the common people Peace, the hero is immortal, and the ending is reasonable.
But it made me shudder.
This is not even my first contact with this film. When I was in elementary school when I stepped on a speeding car to chew spring rolls, I saw a disc with my friends. 29's "low-definition" color TV, VCD that often creaks, and straps that get stuck in the middle. The impression is not very clear, I just feel that the whole is stuck in damp and gloom, which is very suitable for the light rain weather at that time.
But today, seeing the girl cut off the sunlight in the room, I actually stepped into my own nightmare. It was an address that had been sealed for too long, but the psychedelic breath remained unabated. I saw myself falling into the pond, and I also saw the blue car and the stones, and felt an amazing sinking.
Recalling the flow, there are two scenarios where the fever will not go away. One is when he was eight or nine years old, he witnessed the tragic condition of a frog: its body was penetrated by a wire, and it was swollen from being soaked for too long, like the lips of death. This "encounter" made me seriously ill. One is reading about the "Porjedales Phenomenon" in a book of "Unsolved Human Mysteries" that has been turned into pornography. It is about a family in a foreign country. The tableware in the house will automatically fall and the book will disappear. The walls will make strange noises. For more than a month after that, I was tortured by fear and kept "praying" during the day. I know it will come, it will.
These things seem to be innocent and even obsessive-compulsive. The behavior of continuing to "chant the curse" seems to be as absurd as the various abnormalities of girls in the eyes of adults. At that time, I must be praying for the appearance of the "exorcist". When I was six years old, thinking about the word "future" on a wire bed, I cried out of worry. It's there, under the bed or in the closet. When it comes, so will the exorcist.
When I was a child, I often felt that I was walking in a dark tunnel, and my emotions were the same as reflexes, which I could not control or show. We will suddenly "turn our heads up to ninety degrees" and scare our dear ones, and we will crawl on the stairs strangely, like spiders in the dark. We live in a clumsy body, we are the king of the infinite world.
The exorcist lives not far away, but never shows up. Wearing black top hats and carrying suitcases, they passed our strange dreams. As "they" gradually approach, the exorcist will take out holy water, olives and Jesus Christ to heal our broken faith. They silently reached out their hands and guided the children to the same silent room with fire. The conversation is secret, in a low-frequency language that only they and them can receive, and cannot be heard. The breath they bring is so subtle, like the sandalwood in an old house.
Only death can be eliminated.
"The devil is always close to children." It is not difficult to find that the most supernatural elements in the horror of shadows often come from children, such as "Ghost Driven", "The Grudge", "The Shining" and so on. According to modern Yixue, immature and pure children are the best performers of "intuition" and high-quality "spirits". We who are in the ranks of "adults" have lost these endowments by indulging in the senses too much. We will no longer be frightened by the "them" we dreamed of in childhood, but what we are really afraid of is the disguise, impetuousness and even the "others" in the words of Sartre. The exorcist stood on the remote bridge, guarding the secret passages of the two worlds. We no longer need them.
"The Exorcist" is filled with a quirky nostalgic smell, which makes people disturbing, like being in a dense bush forest. It hit my key point, and the two movie-watching impressions and the four-year-old nightmare were intertwined in the night. This kind of shock was rarely experienced except when I watched "The Shining" and "Killing Ang" for the first time, and it may be difficult to reappear.
Eight years after that nightmare, I was sleepwalking again, and the situation was more serious than the first time. It is said that I went out.
After this, everything was normal.
I know that "it" has temporarily left, may disappear forever, or may return tomorrow.
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