For some, quite inexplicably, love fades;
For others, love is simply lost;
But then, of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night;
And then there's another kind of love, the crulest kind, the one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love.
Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other.But about the rest of us?What about our stories?Those of us who fall in love alone,we are the victims of the one-sided affair.We are the cursed of the loved ones.
We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded, the handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space. Yes, you are looking at one such individuel. And I have willingly loved that man for over 3 miserable years. The abasolute worst years of my life. The worst Chistmases, the worst birthdays. New year'Eves brought i'm by tears and Valium.
These years I've been in love have been the darkest days of my life, all because I'm cursed by being in love with a man who dose not and will not love me back. Oh, god, just the sight of him, heart pounding, throat thickeming, absolutely can't swallow, all the usual symptoms. It men always know just how to get us. He knows whenever he wants back in our life.
What I'm trying to say is I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. How it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you. It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get or gyms you join or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with girl friends. You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy? And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long "all that" maybe. You'll go somewhere new and you' ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again.And little pieces of your soul will finally come back and all that fuzzy stuff those years of your life that you wasted that will eventually begin to fade.
Let's say we just make long-distance relationships happen, we commit to flying back and forth as much as we can. And then let's say in 6 months we hit a wall, like I can't constantly be away from work, or girls can 't deal with you leaving so often. And we start to feel the tension, we know this isn't gonna work, so we start fighting because we don't know what else to do. And then, after a long, tearful. ..at your end...phonecall...we just...we say goodbye. That'll be it, for real. It's not like we'll ever bump into each other. And then what's left? 2 miserable people feeling totally mashed up and hurt,or maybe we should just realize that what we've had these past few weeks has been perfect.And maybe it won't get any better than this,maybe we're trying to figure this thing out because it makes us feel good to feel this. Maybe the fact that I'm leaving in 8 hours make this far more exciting than it might actually be.
"You are,seriously,the mostdepressing girl I've ever met."
I'm not feeling this because you're leaving,and not because it feels good to feel this way.Which,by the way,it does... or did, before you went off like that. I can't figure out the mathecuatics of this, I just know I love you. And I never thought I'd feel this way again. So that's pretty phenomenal but I finally know what I want and that, in itself, is a miracle. And what I want is you.
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