fell in love with Sanmao's books when I was in high school. Her words are the only spiritual outlet for me stuck in the pile of books all day long. The depressing and boring high school life was forced to squeeze out the imagination of life, and the college entrance examination became an ideal corpse, a shining truth and fresh hope in the hearts of schools and parents. Sanmao said that when she wrote her composition, her ideal in life was to become a popsicle seller. While earning money, she could enjoy the sun and eat free popsicles at the same time. Her composition was naturally judged unqualified by the teacher, and even the "ideal" in her composition was also unqualified.
The teacher's judgment is not only for her composition, but also for her ideal of life.
The teacher's judgment is not only the judgment of the teacher alone, but also represents the judgment of the whole society on the value and choice of the individual.
As a reader of Ai Sanmao, it is natural to think that except for the readers who are holding her book and reading her words and her life frantically, everyone else is a normal-looking lunatic who does not understand all this. But as me, who is as mature in IQ and physical development more than ten years later, if I meet such a little friend, I will cast a kindly ridicule like the adults I met in the past. That's why I'm understanding, embarrassed, pathetic, and numb to see April hysterical, dying to pursue her Parisian dreams.
2.
April struggles to get up from the mud of life from calm to numbness, only to run fast, towards Paris and its immature dream of a new life. What are you going to do in Paris? I kept asking silently in my mind, she was vague, and she didn't know what to do in Paris. She goes out to work and Frank stays at home and does what he wants to do - isn't it her imagination, or her wishful thinking? Staying at home and doing what you want to do -- it sounds beautiful, and it expresses the true wish of millions of ordinary people who are stuck in the mud of reality and cannot extricate themselves. Just, what do you want to do? Raising flowers and grass, feeding cats and fish, playing chess and calligraphy, playing chess under a tree every day? I'm afraid that when these ideals become reality, it's time to find another outlet.
Look, although I love this film, when I tell it, it is full of philistine spirits that have been infiltrated by the dust of the world, revealing bitterness and meanness, revealing a person who has been swallowed up by real life and is powerless and no longer willing to refute "Normal people" are boring.
Her husband, as a co-living partner and a like-minded revolutionary friend, was determined to join hands to get rid of the old life and run towards the new life under her persuasion. It's a pity that she defected halfway, and April's burning revolutionary passion was poured cold water, and she collapsed. The revolution of this couple who lived on the revolutionary road just died, but it touched the heart of the cold normal person in front of the screen. She is asking: Are you still looking for an outlet for a new life?
I sympathize with Frank. His repetitions, he stood up from the mud of reality, but succumbed to all the pressures and temptations of reality. He is a true portrayal of countless aspiring young people. How do normal people who climb up the social ladder obey the social rules and the rules of survival. As he himself said, he is just a young man with a big mouth and some sweet talk and nonsense. He has some ideals, but he is easily swayed by various interests and pressures in reality. He found an opportunity for him, so he gradually began to feel that the ideal became unfamiliar.
3.
Mad mathematicians are actually the most sober people. He stood alone among the normal people like a hard, twisted, weird tree. Only he insisted on the truth of what he saw, so he became a lunatic in the eyes of normal people.
We are not crazy, just because we have begun to give up gradually.
4.
The impoverishment of language and even disgusting face are best shown in this film.
April and Frank's chattering and shouting arguments were all talking to themselves. It is an important feature of Western culture to believe that conversation and communication can solve all problems. However, in some cases, diligent communication is just high-frequency self-talk. Everyone is in circles in their own logic. The conversation turned into a grotesque play.
Marriage experts say marriage requires communication. In some cases, however, communication is just useless.
It is futile to talk about everything under such a premise if each other's views on life and the value of life are misaligned. Even if April hadn't died, I don't think they would have gotten any more loving because of the risk of private abortion. Anger, quarrels and even fighting will become the themes of their lives, and it is not difficult to imagine that April will gradually become a chattering old woman trapped in real life, while Frank will become an easy-going man under the pressure of work and a troubled marriage. Angry, irritable, impatient old man.
Sometimes it's better to shut up than that bullshit communication.
Sometimes shutting up or communicating is bullshit.
5.
April is an idealist and Frank is a realist.
We will mourn for April, the epitome of our unyielding self, a tribute to our dying ideal.
But I was quietly approaching Frank. I knew that I didn't have the courage of April to resolutely pursue that dream of my own, even without knowing how it would end. The stumbling of reality gradually developed me into a cautious "little man" - appropriately giving up a little ideal in exchange for a little practical benefit, until I gave up all those pure and unreliable ideals.
April ran towards the bright exit in his mind, even though our eyes couldn't see it, it really existed. Where does it exist? heart. It opens a new life to us so brightly, emitting a peaceful light so quietly that only a few madmen among normal people would try to fly away. This lunatic is April. We, who looked normal, suppressed the calm on the surface, but in our hearts we tried to follow her and go through the exit that sprayed light.
What's at the exit?
unknown.
Brighter and more hopeful -- it's just our hope.
We have all had an era of dreams, and we have had countless ideals, big and small, in our hearts, now and in the future. But most of them are like bubbles popping up in water and disappear with a gurgling sound. In the face of all kinds of real society, I can only quietly admit that I must be a submitter. The struggle I tried when I was young and the unconventional path proved that I had gone through many inexplicable detours, and I thought I had picked up a black gem, but to people it was just a piece of cinders. When all ideals meet the cold reality, the ruthless face of life will be revealed.
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