Autumn Sonata movie script
Text / [Sweden] Ingmar Bergman
Translated by Lin Ruiyi
"Autumn Sonata" (1978), Ingmar Bergman's most outstanding film in recent years, interweaves harsh reality with tender memories in this unique and emotional film. The film depicts the alternation of love and hate in a short day and night after a mother and daughter reunite after a seven-year absence. The scene of mother and daughter meeting late at night was considered shocking.
Two outstanding actresses play the mother and daughter: Ingrid Bergman, who was born in Sweden, plays the mother, and Liv Ullman, who has worked with Bergman for many years, plays the daughter. With their brilliant performances and close collaboration, they embody the complex and intense emotional battles in the mother-daughter relationship that the director seeks to reveal.
This play was translated from a new single-volume book published by Pantheon Press, New York, in 1978. The English translator is Alan Blair.
editor
prelude
Victor: Sometimes I look at my wife and she doesn't even know I'm standing here looking at her. She likes to sit at the corner window; at the moment, I think she is writing to her mother. I remember the first time she walked into this room and she said, "Oh, how nice. I feel like I'm home." We had only known each other for a few days; there was a bishop's meeting in Trondeham Meetings, she was a representative of a church newspaper or something. We met at one lunch, and I told her about the vicarage nearby. She was so interested that I took the liberty of inviting her here one morning after the meeting. Halfway through, I asked her if she would marry me. She didn't answer, but when she entered the room she turned to me and said, "Oh, how nice. I feel like I'm home." After that we lived a quiet life in the parsonage happy life. Of course, Eva told me about her old life. After graduating from high school, she went to university, got engaged to a doctor, lived together for a few years, wrote two small books, got tuberculosis, and the engagement broke up. She moved from Oslo to a small town in southern Norway and started journalism Work. (Opens a small book) This is one of her earliest books, and I like it very much. She wrote: "Everyone has to learn to live, and I'm learning every day. The biggest obstacle is that I don't know myself. I'm groping in the dark. If someone loves me as much as I do, I'll finally dare to face myself." ( Stop reading) I'd like to tell her that someone is loving her with all of her heart this time, unfortunately I can't express it in a way that will convince her. I can't find the exact word.
one
Eva: I wrote a letter to my mother, can I read it to you? Did I bother you?
Victor: No, no, come in and sit down. Let me turn on the light. Autumn seems to have really arrived. The days are short. I'll turn off the radio right now, it's an afternoon concert.
Eva: If you want to finish, I'll come back later.
Victor: I'd rather hear you read the letter.
Eva (reading): "Yesterday I was in town and happened to run into Agnes. She came to visit her parents with her husband and children. She told me that Leonardo was dead. Dear little mother, I know this What a terrible blow to you. Agnes also said that you took a short vacation to Ascona between two tours. I called Paul and got your address from him. (Pause) Now, I don't know if you'd like to come to Binder and stay with us for a few days or a few weeks. It's as long as you like. That way you won't feel a sudden and immediate rejection, I would say that the vicarage is very spacious. You have your own room, completely separate and fully furnished. It is autumn here. There has been a frost night or two. The birches are turning yellow and red. We Picking the last strawberries in the swamp. But the wind hasn't started yet, the sunny and warm weather will continue for many more days. We have a nice grand piano that you can practice as you like. Would you like to stay at the hotel for less time? How about a week? Promise to come, dear mother! We have to make out with you, and we will do everything we can to keep you entertained. It has been many years since we last saw each other—seven years in October .Love your Victor and daughter Eva."
two
Charlotte arrived early. It was eleven o'clock in the morning when she pulled up to the long yellow parsonage. Eva was halfway up the stairs. No one could see her, but through the window she saw her mother slowly getting out of the car and standing beside the trunk of the car, hesitating. No one moved for a while.
Eva (in front of the house): Mommy, welcome to my dear! I'm so glad you came. I can't believe it's true! You can stay a little longer, can't you? Omg, such a heavy luggage. Did you bring all the sheet music? How wonderful! You can teach me again. You would, would you? Oh, it looks like you're tired. Of course, driving this far. Victor is not at home now. We didn't expect you to arrive so early.
three
Charlotte: The last day and night, I sat next to Leonardo. Although he was given injections every hour, he still felt excruciating pain. He wept from time to time. Not because of fear of death, but because of pain. It really is like a year. Outside the hospital, houses are being built. People drilled, knocked, and thumped. The strong sunlight came in directly, and there were no shutters or awnings. Poor Leonardo was embarrassed by the smell on his body. We'd like to change individual rooms, but several wards are under repair. At dusk, the noise of building the house died down, and when the sun went down, I opened the window. The heat outside was a wall, and there was no wind at all. Here comes the professor, an old friend of Leonardo's. Sitting in the chair by the bedside, he told Leonardo to wait no longer and give him injections every half hour so that he would die painlessly. The professor touched his cheek and said that he was going to the Brahms concert that night, and he would come to see him later. Leonardo asked what was going on at the concert. When he knew it was a double concerto by Schneiderham and Starka, he asked the professor to tell Janos to give him his Coltman cello, something he had been thinking about for a long time. The professor was gone, and the nurse came in and gave Leonardo an injection. She thinks I should eat something. But I'm not hungry, I feel bad when I smell the stench. Leonardo slept for a few minutes, then woke up, asked me to get out of the room, and rang the night nurse. She came in right away and got an injection. A minute or two later, the nurse came into the hallway and told me that Leonardo was dead. I sat beside him all night. (Pauses) I miss Leonardo all the time. He was my friend for eighteen years. We lived together for thirteen years. There has never been any bad words between us. For nearly two years, he knew that he was hopeless and would be dead soon. I visited him as often as possible at his villa outside Naples. He was kind, caring and happy with my success. We chat, joke, and play some chamber music. He rarely talks about his illness, and I don't want to ask, that would make him unhappy. One day, he looked at me for a long time, smiled and said, "This time next year, I will be dead. But I will be with you as often as I used to. I will miss you a lot." He It sounds cute to say that, but he is very good at acting. (Pauses) I can't say I feel sad. Leonardo's death was expected to us, sooner or later. Oh yes, he left me a blank, but don't bother with that. (laughs) Don't you think I've changed since the seven years of separation? Well, of course, I dyed my hair . Leonardo didn't want to see my gray hair. Otherwise, I am the same as before. Do you agree? I bought this outfit in Zurich. I wanted something comfortable to wear on a long drive, and this is what I saw in a window on Bahnhofstrasse. I went in and tried it, it just happened to fit, and it was very cheap. Do you think it's okay?
Eva: Yes, dear mother, very good.
Charlotte: Well, it's time for me to unpack my bags. Help me get this box, dear boy. It was so heavy, my back hurt terribly after the trip. Can you find a piece of wood to put under the mattress? You know, I have to sleep on a hard bed.
Eva: A plank has been placed under the mattress. Set it up yesterday.
Charlotte: Great! (Sudden pause) Eva, honey. What's wrong? you cry! No, let me see. What happened? My dear, you are not happy. Did I say something stupid? You know, I love to nag.
Eva: I cried because I was so happy to see you.
Charlotte: Give me a good hug, just like you did when you were a kid. I have to speak for myself. Now talk about your business. Let me see you, Eva, darling. You've lost a lot of weight over the years, and now I know, you're not happy either. Be sure to tell me what's wrong. Come on, let's sit here. Do you mind if I smoke? how is the situation? Eva, dear?
Eva: Oh, good, couldn't be better.
Charlotte: Do you live a life of complete separation from the world?
Eva: Victor and I are both doing parish work.
Charlotte: Yes, of course.
Eva: I often play the piano in church. I played a concert all night last month. I played the piano and explained each piece of music. very successful.
Charlotte: Don't forget to play it for me, if you like.
Eva: I'd be more than happy to play it for you.
Charlotte: I've had five school concerts in the concert hall in Los Angeles. Every time there are 3,000 children, I play the piano and explain to them. You can't imagine how successful it is. But it's tiring.
Eva: Mom, I have something to tell you.
Charlotte: Oh?
Eva: Helena is here. (pause)
Charlotte (angry): You should have mentioned her here in your letter. It's not fair for you to impose a fait accompli on me.
Eva: If you had been told she lived here, you wouldn't have come.
Charlotte: I'm sure I'll come anyway.
Eva: I'm sure you won't.
Charlotte: Isn't Leonardo's death enough? Are you still dragging poor Lena here?
Eva: Lena has lived here for two years. I wrote to tell you that Victor and I decided to ask her if she would like to live with us. I have written to you.
Charlotte: I never got this letter.
Eva: Maybe you never read the letter.
Charlotte (suddenly calms down): Are you being a little too unfair?
Eva: Yes.
Charlotte: I'm not going to see her right now. Anyway, don't go today.
Eva: Mommy, dear! Lena is an amazing person. It's just that she has a hard time speaking, but I have learned to understand her words, and I can be an interpreter. She desperately wants to see you.
Charlotte: Oh, my God. She seemed to be fine in that chronic hospital.
Eva: But, I always miss her.
Charlotte: Are you sure it would be better for her to live with you?
Eva: Yes. I also have someone I can take care of.
Charlotte: Is she any worse...I mean she...? She...I mean worse?
Eva: Oh, yes. She was worse because of illness.
Charlotte: Well, well, let's go see her.
Eva: Do you really want to?
Charlotte (laughs): I feel terrible, but I have no choice.
Eva: Mom!
Charlotte: I just don't get along with people who do things up and down.
Eva: Are you referring to me?
Charlotte: You see who is who... let's go.
Four
Charlotte: Lena, my dear! I want to hug you and kiss you. I'm going to take your hands like this and put them on my shoulders, I miss you often and every day.
(what Helena said)
Eva: Helena said she had a sore throat and was afraid of giving you a cold.
Charlotte (kissing her again): I'm never afraid of germs. The last time I had a cold was twenty years ago. What a beautiful room and what a view! Same view as my room.
(what Helena said)
Eva: Lena wants me to take off her glasses so you can take a good look at her.
(what Helena said)
Eva: She wants you to hold her head up with your hands and look at her.
Charlotte: Like this?
Helena: Yes.
Charlotte: I'm glad Eva takes care of you. Originally I didn't know. I thought you were still in a chronic hospital. I wanted to see you before I left. But it's better this way, isn't it?
Helena: Yes.
Charlotte: We can be together every day.
Helena (happily): Yes.
Charlotte: Do you still feel pain?
Helena: No.
Charlotte: How well did you brush your hair?
(what Helena said)
Eva: This is specially made for you, Mom.
Charlotte: I'm reading a very good book about the French Revolution. Would you like me to read it to you? We can sit in the hallway together and I'll read to you. Do you like it?
Helena: Like it.
Charlotte: We can drive out and hang out. I haven't been to this place before.
Helena: Okay.
Charlotte: I always miss you.
(Helena says something and laughs)
Charlotte: What did she say?
Eva: She said, you must be exhausted, don't bother today, she thinks you've been too good to her.
Charlotte: Does Lena have a watch?
Eva: Oh, there's a clock by her bed.
Charlotte: Lena, give you my watch. It was from someone who adores me. He thought I was always late. Will Lena come to dinner with us?
Eva: No, I usually let her eat dinner at noon. Also, she's on a diet. She ate too much in the hospital.
(what Helena said)
Eva: Lena said, then...
Charlotte: Wait a minute, I know what Lena is going to say: "There's a butterfly on the window." Right?
five
Charlotte (monologue): Why do I feel like I have a fever? why do i want to cry? How stupid! Trying to make me feel ashamed, that's all. Make me feel ashamed, and always, always, ashamed! I came here in a hurry, for what? Although I dare not admit it to myself, what am I eagerly looking forward to? I have to take a shower, get some sleep, or at least lie down and close my eyes. Then, I have to get dressed and go to dinner. That way, Eva would have to admit that her old mother was well-maintained. Crying is useless. It's past four o'clock. Go for it. She sat there staring at me with her big eyes. I held her face and could feel her poor throat muscles twitch. Go for it. I can no longer pick her up and put her on the bed and comfort her the way she did when she was three. That limp body that was tormented by the disease was my Lena. Can't cry now, for God's sake. It's quarter past four now. I'm going to take a shower to make me feel better. I'm going to shorten the time as a guest, but four days is fine, and I can handle it. Then, go to Africa as originally planned. It hurts, hurts, hurts. Let me think about it, is it as painful as playing the second movement of the Bartok Sonata? (humming alone) Well, yes. I played these bars too fast, too fast of course. It should be like this: beat, bang, bang, then a little sad. Rather slow down and have no tears, because there are no tears anymore, or there have never been tears. That's it. If so, then my trip to the vicarage would be of some value. Now, to piss off Eva, I'm going to put on red. I'm sure she'd think Leonardo had just died and that I should have worn something more appropriate. Anyway, I have no problem with my figure. It is not graceful, but it is well-proportioned and well-mannered. When I'm in Africa, I'm going to... or to see Harold in Crete? (laughs) Although Master Harold is a pig, he is a good cook and he knows how to live. Gotta give him a call tonight, I'm going to do it. After four hours of pretending, I'm going to take it easy. (suddenly) Why am I so cranky? always angry. Eva was affectionate to me; said she liked my presence here. That being said, Victor is still a pretty good guy. Eva is lucky, this crybaby has such a good husband. I bet this sprinkler is broken, oh no! it is good!
six
Eva: This strange mom. I just can't get my head around her. Look at her when I told her Lena lived with us. Look at her smile. Think about it, she was obviously surprised and shocked, but she deliberately put on a smile. Later, when we stood outside the door of Lianna's room, she was just like an actress before her appearance, very flustered, but she pretended to be calm. She performed very well. Do you think my mother is heartless? Then why did she come here? After seven years of separation, what kind of reunion does she expect? What does she expect? What am I expecting? Do people always have to count on something?
Victor: I don't think so.
Eva: Do people always have to maintain a mother-daughter relationship?
Victor: I think someone is.
Eva: When you've long forgotten that it's the baby room door and you open it, it's like a gloomy ghost suddenly falls on your head. Do you think I have grown up?
Victor: I don't understand what you mean by growing up.
Eva: I don't understand it myself.
Victor: Growing up means that you are free from your dreams and hopes. However, you don't expect anything.
Eva: Do you think so?
Victor: Maybe you'll never be surprised again.
Eva: You're sitting there with an old pipe and you look so confident. I believe that you are very sophisticated.
Victor: I don't think I am. Every day something unexpected happens to me.
Eva: What's the matter?
Victor: For example, you surprised me. Beyond that, I have some of the most incredible dreams and hopes. Something like a longing.
Eva: Desire?
Victor: I long for you.
Eva: That's a very nice word, isn't it? I mean, these are meaningless words. I have been used to listening to beautiful words since I was a child. Take the word "pain" for example. Mother was never furious, disappointed, or annoyed. She was just "painful". You have a lot of these words too. For you, I think it's an occupational disease. I was standing in front of you and you said you wanted me, and I got suspicious.
Victor: You know what I mean.
Eva: No. If I had understood, you would not have thought of saying that you longed for me.
Victor (smiling): Yes.
Eva: No way of proving that I'm as smart as you or smarter than you. Alright, I got to the kitchen to check out the roast veal. Mom always thought I was the worst cook ever. She is such a glutton. I once overheard her and an American band manager discussing how to make the sauce, and it took a whole evening, and they were both hooked.
Victor: I think, you are a...
Eva: Excellent cook. Thank you dear. By the way, don't forget to make decaf coffee for my dear mom. I often wonder why she doesn't sleep well. I know why. If a woman like her sleeps normally, her energy will overwhelm everyone around her. Her insomnia is a natural self-regulator, allowing her to maintain more or less the necessary balance. (She goes out, comes in again) Just see how much thought she put into dressing for dinner. Look at her impeccable appearance, a deliberate reminder that she is a lonely, sad widow after all.
seven
Eva: Ah, mother, what a beautiful dress!
Charlotte: Do you think I'm dressed properly? For a long time, I felt that I should not wear red. One day I ran into an old friend Samuel Berkenhurst. He said, "Charlotte, I just got back from the Dior fall show. There's a beautiful red dress there, just for you." I asked him to get it for me. ...well, it really suits me. I like it very much.
Eva: I hope you will be satisfied. I made you roast veal, which you always liked before.
Charlotte: Great. Tired of the food in the hotel, I really want to eat some home-cooked meals.
Victor: Good health, dear Charlotte. We are glad you are here. Sincerely welcome you! I hope you can stay longer as you are at home.
Eight
Charlotte (answering the phone in English): Ah, it's you, Paul. You are bothering me, really. We are eating. No, have dinner. Yes. In this country, dinner is eaten at five o'clock. Say it. To be clear, there is a lot of noise on the line. Where are you? in Nice! What are you doing in Nice? Don't gamble all my money. What did you say? (seriously) Yes. It is so. But they don't expect me to let them go as easily as I did last time. Tell them, just say what I said, my remuneration will remain the same, your commission and travel expenses will be excluded. Also, they have to cover my expenses. Excessive expenses just ruined me. What's more, they have to cooperate better when scheduling rehearsals. (looks at her notepad) I'm leaving from Munich. They had to rehearse Saturday and Sunday mornings, if Vavicio insisted on rehearsing twice. I don't intend to be rash and reckless. Changing flights can be a real hassle, and I have to wait all day at the airport. Wait a minute, I have to put on my glasses. Who the hell knows where I put it? Eva, help and see if I put my glasses on the table by the window. Thank you Eva dear! Let me see... Now, this old lady is wearing glasses. No, not possible. You clearly know that now is my vacation time. No, that's not good. I don't even want to dream. I've written here: free, free, free. You say, how much do they pay? Oh, how bad. Well, I don't care if they can put that hapless concert on Wednesday. As I said, next time I build a decent toilet in the backstage, then I won't have to pee in a vase. How peculiar the architecture of that castle is is none of my business. God bless you, Paul. Thirty-three degrees! Be careful yourself, don't overdo it. Remember, we are not as young as we used to be. I like you, you know it. (puts down the phone) He's my manager. He is very likable. Now, he is my only friend in the world. No thanks, no brandy anymore. I'd love to have a little whiskey in the evening, though. I'll help you clear the table.
Victor: As we said, we're going to let you enjoy yourself.
Charlotte (sitting next to the piano): What a good old piano, it sounds great. Just tuned. (plays the piano for a while) Now I'm really in a good mood and have nothing to worry about.
Eva: Mom, what do you mean?
Charlotte (with tears in her eyes) So what do you mean, my daughter? Seeing you again after seven years of separation, don't you realize how anxious I am? I was apprehensive and didn't close my eyes all night. Tell you, this morning, I almost called to tell you that I couldn't come.
Eva: Why, Mom?
Charlotte: Do you think I'm a stone man? Add two candies, thanks. This decaffeinated coffee is really boring. But what can I drink when I can't sleep? I see you are playing Chopin's Overture, would you like to play something?
Eva: I don't want to play right now, Mom.
Charlotte: Eva, don't be childish. I'd be happy if you would play it to me.
Victor: Eva, dear. You just said the day before yesterday that you want your mother to hear you play the piano, have you forgotten?
Eva: Well, if you must listen. I'm still pretty bad though... I mean, I'm totally bluffing, I'm not good at it, I'm not using this version of Koto's fingering, it's too hard for me.
Charlotte: Honey! Stop making excuses and start playing.
(Eva plays Chopin Overture No. 2 in A minor)
Charlotte: Eva, my dearest.
Eva: Is that what you said?
Charlotte: No, no. I was really moved.
Eva (with a happy face): Do you like this song?
Charlotte: I like you.
Eva: I don't understand what you mean.
Charlotte: Would you like to play something else? Now we are all comfortable and comfortable.
Eva: I want to know where I played wrong.
Charlotte: You're not wrong anywhere.
Eva: But, you don't like my approach to this overture.
Charlotte: Everyone has his own interpretation of music.
Eva: Yes, exactly. Now I want to know your approach.
Charlotte: What good is this?
Eva (hostilely): Because I asked you.
Charlotte: You're throwing up.
Eva: I'm not happy because you obviously don't bother to tell me your opinion on this overture.
Charlotte: All right. If you must know. (calmly) We're putting aside purely technical issues, you're not bad at that, but you should pay attention to Coto's fingering, it's helpful for performance. Anyway, let's not discuss that. We're just talking about practical conceptual issues.
Eva: How is it?
Charlotte: Chopin is not sentimental, Eva. He is very affectionate, but he is not affectionate. There is a world of difference between emotion and sentimentality. The overtures you play represent repressed pain, not dreams. It should be calm, clear and severe. Temperament is fanatical, performance should be decisive and controlled. Now play the first few bars. (plays the piano to show her meaning) It hurts, but I don't show it. Then there was a brief relief, but it went away almost immediately. Still the same pain, no more, no less. Suppressed all the time. Chopin was proud, sarcastic, passionate, tortured, violent, and strong. In other words, he's not a self-assured old woman. The second overture should be played almost horribly. It must not be made into something that pleases people. It should act as if it was played wrong. Throughout the performance, a battle must be fought, and it ends in triumph. Just like this. (plays the whole overture)
Eva: I see.
Charlotte (almost humbly) Don't be mad at me, Eva.
Eva: Why are you angry? Quite the opposite.
Charlotte: For forty-five years of my life, I've been practicing these horrible overtures. They still hide a lot of secrets, something I don't understand. But I don't want to give it up.
Eva: I admired you so much as a child. Then for a few years, I got bored with you and your piano. Now, I think I'm going to admire you again, albeit in a different situation.
Charlotte (sarcastically): That would be a little hopeful.
Eva (seriously): Yes. I hope so.
Victor: I find Charlotte's analysis fascinating. But Eva's performance was even more moving.
Charlotte (laughs happily): Victor, you deserve a kiss for this comment.
Victor (shyly): I just said what I thought.
Nine
Eva: Every Saturday, I come to the cemetery. If it's as quiet as this evening, I'll sit on the bench for a while, thinking about it. (Pause) Eric drowned the day before his fourth birthday. We have a dry well in our yard with the cover nailed down. Somehow he took the lid off and fell into the well. We found him almost immediately, but he was dead. This incident hit Victor too hard - Eric has a special bond with his father. On the surface I was sad, but inside, from the very beginning, I felt that he was still alive and that the two of us were very close. As long as I concentrate a little bit, I feel like he's there. Sometimes, as if I was sleeping, I could feel him breathing into my face and touching me with his hands. Do you think I'm insane? If you think so, I might be able to understand. To me, this is quite natural. He was living a different life, but at any time, we could communicate with each other, no dividing line, no impenetrable wall. Of course, there are times when I wonder what the place where my son lives and breathes will be like, and at the same time, I understand that it is indescribable, it is a world beyond feeling. It's going to be harder for Victor to endure than me. He said he couldn't believe in God anymore because God made children burn alive, shot to death, starved to death, or mad. I explained to him that the death of an adult is no different from the death of a child. Because adults are children too, they just dress up as adults. In my opinion, man is a thrilling creation, an incredible idea. In man, the sublime and the humble have everything, just like life itself. Man is the image of God, and God is all-encompassing and great power. So the devil was created, saints, prophets, fools, artists and rebels were created. All kinds of things coexist and penetrate each other at the same time. It's like some giant tricks that are constantly changing. do you understand me? In this case, there must be innumerable real things, not only those real things that our dull reason can comprehend, but also the real things that burst forth like the sky. , intertwined with each other, internally and externally. Only the timid and the pretentious believe in limits. There are no limits at all, neither in terms of thought or emotion. Human desires have limits. Don't you think so too? When you play Beethoven's Piano Sonata Adagio, you will definitely feel like you are moving in a world without limits and a never-ending movement. So is Jesus Christ. With a new, human A feeling we've never heard of before - love, breaking laws and restrictions. No wonder people are feeling fear and anger. It was as though when a strong emotion struck, people always fled in panic, though they were haggard with a desire to restore their feelings that had withered and dried up.
ten
Charlotte: It freaked me out when I listened to her gushing down. She is so neurotic. It's beyond reason. And take it for granted! She actually got in touch with your little son, she actually solved the mysteries of the universe, and all questions can be answered.
Victor (smiling): Yes, yes.
Charlotte: You can't let her go on like this.
Victor: What do you mean?
Charlotte: I think she's actually very unhappy. One day she will suddenly understand how bad the situation is and do something desperate.
Victor: Do you really think so?
Charlotte: Yes.
Victor: Is she upstairs at Lena's?
Charlotte: Yes. She went upstairs to tell Lina about the evening.
Victor: If you'd like to sit a little longer, dear Charlotte, I'd like to say what I think about my wife.
Charlotte: Okay, I'll sit down...
Victor: When I proposed to Eva, she bluntly said she didn't love me. When I asked her if she loved anyone, she replied that she never loved anyone. That is to say, she does not know how to love. (Pauses) Eva and I have lived here for a few years, we've been nice to each other, we've worked hard, and we've gone on vacation abroad together. Later Eric was born. Originally, we had given up hope of having children and were going to adopt a child... (pause) After she became pregnant, it changed completely. She became cheerful, gentle and friendly. Gradually she became lazy and less willing to do parish work and play the piano. She could sit in one chair, with her feet on the other, and stare ecstatically at the changing lights over the marshes and fjords. We were suddenly very happy. If you don't mind what I'm saying, we actually have a pretty good sex life as well. I am twenty years older than Eva. I feel like my life is covered in a gray haze. I think you get what I mean. I felt as if I could look back and say, okay, okay, that's my life, it's what it is. But, all of a sudden, things were different, something wonderful... (pause) Something wonderful. (Pauses) Excuse me, Charlotte, it's still hard to get to... (Pauses) Yes, there were a few years when our lives were colorful. You'd be good to see Eva then. Really, you'd be better off seeing her then.
Charlotte: I remember that before and after Eric was born, I was busy recording all the Mozart Sonatas and Piano Concertos. Not a day is free.
Victor: No time. We ask you again and again. Unfortunately, you are never free.
Charlotte: Not available.
Victor: After Elric drowned, the grey haze became greyer and darker. Eva has also changed.
Charlotte: Changed? In what way has it changed?
Victor: Her love life is still intact, or at least it seems. She was getting thinner and thinner. Her temper became more unstable. For example, sometimes, she would suddenly become furious. I don't think she's neurotic or eccentric. She felt that her son was still alive and by her side, and perhaps that was the case. She doesn't mention this very often. I guess she was afraid of breaking my heart, in fact it is possible. But she speaks vividly, and I believe her.
Charlotte: Of course, you're a priest.
Victor: The only bit of faith I have, I rely on her to maintain it.
Charlotte: I'm so sorry I made you sad.
Victor: It's okay, Charlotte. I'm not like you and Eva. I'm a person who just goes with the flow and has no set rules. It's not my own.
eleven
Charlotte: I'll take more sleeping pills tonight. Yes, it should be. How peaceful and quiet it is here. Only the patter of the drizzle on the roof. Two slices of Mongadon and two slices of Verlin are usually enough.
Eva: Do you have everything you need?
Charlotte: Couldn't be better. Tasty biscuits, mineral water, tape recorder, cassettes, two detective novels, ear plugs, eye bandages, comfy pillows and a small travel blanket. Want to try my favorite chocolate from Zurich? Here, you eat two pieces.
Eva: Thank you, Mom. I don't really like chocolate.
Charlotte: That's weird. I remember when you were a kid you were very fond of candy.
Eva: Helena loves candy. I do not love.
Charlotte: Well, that's all mine.
Eva: Good night, Mommy, dear.
Charlotte: Good night, my darling. Really enjoyed it tonight. Victor is a likable guy and you have to care about him.
Eva: I will.
Charlotte: Are you having fun together? Are you getting along well?
Eva (patiently): Victor is my best friend and life is unimaginable without him.
Charlotte: He said you don't love him.
Eva: Did he say that?
Charlotte: Yeah, what's the matter?
Eva: Oh, that's kind of weird.
Charlotte: Is there any secret?
Eva: No.
Charlotte: Did he say it, and you're not happy?
Eva: Victor is not the kind of person who is used to being open to people.
Charlotte: We talked about you.
Eva: If you want to know anything, you can ask me. I promise to answer as truthfully as possible.
Charlotte: Honey, you're making a fuss. It is normal for an elderly mother to want to know how her daughter is doing. I can guarantee that we are talking about you with all the best intentions.
Eva: I wish you had more attention to others.
Charlotte: I don't think I've taken you to heart for too long.
Eva (smiling): You're right this time.
Charlotte: Let's not talk about these unpleasant things. Otherwise, I'll be awake all night, and useless of sleeping pills.
Eva: We can talk at another time.
Charlotte: Alright. Hold me tight. Promise me you're not mad at old mom.
Eva: I promise.
Charlotte: I love you, you know?
Eva (politely): I love you too.
Charlotte: Let me tell you, it's not easy to be alone all the time. In fact, I envy you and Victor. Now that Leonardo is dead, I'm so alone, you understand?
Eva: I understand.
Charlotte: No, no, no. I'm about to start talking about my personal misfortune again. We had decided not to let emotions run rampant tonight. This detective novel is not bad at all. Written by new writer Adam Krzynski. Have you heard of this person?
Eva: No.
Charlotte: I met him in Madrid. This man is insane. I just can't defend myself. That said, I'm not going to defend myself at all. Good night, Eva.
Eva: Good night, Mom.
Charlotte: What if he compliments me like crazy, saying I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen?
Eva: Please tell me when you have breakfast.
Charlotte: Please don't trouble me.
Eva: But I want you to enjoy yourself.
Charlotte: Well, if you insist.
Eva: Espresso, hot milk, two slices of German brown bread with Immancer cheese, and a small slice of toast with honey, right?
Charlotte: And a glass of orange juice.
Eva: God, I almost forgot.
Charlotte: I can really...
Eva: There will be orange juice. Good night, Mom.
Charlotte: Good night, my dear.
twelve
Charlotte (monologue): Time to look at my ledger. (pulls out a red book) I won't forget to ask Bermuel to invest the money Leonardo left. That house is also very valuable. You never worry about money, debt or anything like that, you're otherworldly, you leave all your problems to Charlotte. "Charlotte, you're shrewd with money. Charlotte, you're my Treasurer." Once, you got mad at me and said I was stingy. I may be stingy. Of course, love money. Grandfather's peasant blood and basic common sense. Three million seven hundred and thirty-five thousand eight hundred and sixty-six francs. Look, you have so much money, Leonardo. Who would believe it? You left all your money with old Charlotte. I also have a little bit of savings, which add up to over five million. What good use is all this money for? Buy Eva and Victor a fancy car. They can't drive around in the yard in that old broken car, looking dangerous. On Monday we went down the street to find a car. It will make them happy. I will be happy for that too. (yawns) I finally feel relaxed and tired. I'm going to indulge in Adam's book and turn off the lights. How quiet here. The rain stopped. Ah... (reading)" She offered him her chaste red flower with wordless reserve. He accepted it nonchalantly, though he had been staring all morning at her little firm breast and that Lush blond pubic hair sticking out of the bikini briefs." Oh my God, what's the bullshit! Simply idiots. Adam was like that, he literally nearly killed himself for me. (smiles) How about I buy myself a new car and give that Mercedes to Eva and Victor? So I fly to Paris and buy a car there. That way you don't have to drive all the way. (Yawns) Tomorrow, I'm really going to Lavelle, and it's not good how lazy I've been these past few weeks. (closes his eyes) Victor is a boring guy. As eccentric as Joseph, but less insignificant than him. I think they are all tired of each other.
(The door opens. Charlotte is startled. Suddenly, Helena rushes into the house and throws herself on her mother. She is heavy and strong. After a little struggle, Charlotte is fully awake )
Thirteen
Eva: What's the matter, Mom, what happened? I hear you shout. I went to your room, but you weren't there.
Charlotte: Sorry to wake you up. I had a terrible dream of...
Eva: Huh?
Charlotte: I can't remember what the dream was.
Eva: If you want to talk for a while, I'd like to accompany you.
Charlotte: No, thank you, dear. I'll just sit for a while and be quiet. You can go to sleep.
Eva: All right.
Charlotte: Eva.
Eva: What's the matter, Mom?
Charlotte: You really like me, don't you?
Eva: Ah, of course, you're my mom.
Charlotte: This is not a frank answer.
Eva: Then I want to ask you a question, do you like me?
Charlotte: I love you.
Eva: That's not true. (Smile)
Charlotte: You're blaming me for my lack of love.
(Eva doesn't answer, looks at her)
Charlotte: Don't you think it's absurd?
Eva (looking at her): It's not a reproach.
Charlotte Wells: Have you ever blamed yourself for not loving Victor?
Eva: I told Victor I don't love him. But you are pretending to love. This is not the same.
Charlotte: What if I meant it?
Eva: I don't understand what you mean.
Charlotte: What if I really thought I loved you and Helena?
Eva: It's impossible.
Charlotte: Do you remember when I took a break from my career and decided to stay home?
Eva: I don't know which is worse: when you're at home as a good wife and mother, or when you're away from home. The more I think about it, the more I feel that you are making our lives miserable. Same for my father and me.
Charlotte: You don't know anything about your father's relationship with me.
Eva: Like me, he is afraid of you and obeys you. Everyone does.
Charlotte: That's not right. Your father and I had a great time together. Joseph was the best, kindest and most affectionate man in the world. He loves me and for him I can do anything.
Eva: Of course. You have been unfaithful to him.
Charlotte: I've been unfaithful. I fell in love with Martin and went out with him for eight months. Do you think it was a warm and beautiful day?
Eva: Anyway, it was me who had to sit with my father all night; it was me who had to comfort him; it was me who had to repeat to him, against my will, that you loved him though, You'll be home for sure; it's me who has to read to him your letters, your long, tender, loving, funny and humorous letters, in which you let us share a little bit of the joy of your travels. We sat there like idiots, reading your letter over and over again, imagining that there was no one better than you in the world.
Charlotte (quietly, surprised): Eva, you hate me.
Eva: I don't know, I've been screwed. You came here suddenly after seven years of separation. I want you to come here, but I don't know what I'm expecting. Maybe I think you are lonely and sad. I do not know. Or maybe I think I've grown up to be able to calmly observe you, me and Helena's illness, and our childhood. Now I understand that this is all a mess. (Pauses) Good night, Mom. Talking about the past is not good, it hurts feelings. Then again, that's pointless.
Charlotte: You vented a lot of resentment and went away!
Eva: Because anyway, it was too late.
Charlotte: What's too late?
Eva: Nothing can change.
(In the silence, a prolonged inhuman cry is heard. Charlotte looks at her daughter in horror)
Eva: This is Helena, she's awake. I'm going to visit her for a while and see what she needs.
(Eva runs to the dark room. She knows the way without turning on the light. Outside the window, under the moonlight, all sounds are silent, no wind, no birdsong. Eva carefully opens Helena's door, crying almost immediately Stopped. She turned on the lamp. Helena slept on the raised bed with rails. Her throat and shoulders twitched, she bit her lip, eyes closed tightly. She fell asleep. Eva Wake her gently. She slowly opened her eyes and gradually regained consciousness. She wanted to say something, but stopped immediately. Eva asked if she was thirsty. She shook her head, closed her eyes, and immediately fell asleep. The spasms subsided, her face became calmer. Eva sat and looked at her, turned off the light, and looked at her again)
fourteen
Eva: As soon as you have free time, I am your doll. I'm sick or out of breath, you hand me over to a nanny or father. You work behind closed doors, and no one else is allowed to disturb you. I often stand outside the door eavesdropping. When you stopped for coffee, I sneaked in to see if you were really there. You are pleasant, but absent-minded. I ask you something, and you rarely answer. I would like to sit on the floor and look at you, you are slender and beautiful. The room was cool and airy, with the drapery hanging low. Outside, the breeze blew the leaves, and everything was bathed in an illusory green light. Sometimes you let me row your boat out of port. You have a long white summer dress with a low neckline showing your bosom, it is so beautiful. You are barefoot and your hair is braided. You love to look into the water. The water is clear and cool, and you can see big rocks, plants and fish in the deep bottom. Your hair and hands are wet. Because you're always so cute, I hope I'm cute too. I started to pay attention to my attire. I often worry that you don't like my looks. I think I'm ugly, skinny, dumbfounded with big cow-like eyes, thick and ugly lips, no eyebrows or eyelashes, arms too long, feet too big, toes too flat... No, I feel like Simply disgusting. But you rarely express concern about my appearance. At one point, you said, "You should be a boy." Then you laughed, trying to keep me from being annoyed. Of course I was annoyed. I cried all week, secretly, because you hate tears - other people's tears.
Suddenly, one day, your suitcase is downstairs. You are calling in a foreign language. As usual, I went to the nursery and prayed to God that something had better stop you from going out. For example, grandma is dying, or there is an earthquake, or all the planes are down. However, you still have to go after all. All the doors were open, the wind was blowing in the house, and everyone was busy saying goodbye. You walked up to me, hugged me, kissed me, held me tight, kissed me again, looked at me and smiled. You have a scent on you, but the scent is unfamiliar. You are like a stranger yourself, you have actually embarked on the journey and turned a blind eye to me. I kept thinking that my heart would stop beating and that I was dying and heartbroken. I will never be happy again. It's only been five minutes, how can I endure this pain for two months? I fell on my father's lap and cried. He sat silently and put his soft, small hands on my head. He sat there for a long time, smoking his old pipe and puffing, until the smoke enveloped us both. Sometimes he'd say something like, "Let's go to the movies tonight"; or, "Would you like some ice cream for dinner?" But I didn't care about the movie or the ice cream at all because I was going to die. Day after day, week after week, the days passed, and my father and I shared the loneliness. We didn't have much to talk about with each other, but I felt so peaceful with him and I never bothered him. Sometimes, he seems very worried, I don't know that he is often short of money to spend. But whenever I ran to him, his face suddenly brightened. We'd chat for a while, or he'd just pat me with his little pale hands. Other times he sat on the leather sofa with Uncle Otto, drinking brandy and mumbling something. I doubt they can hear each other. Sometimes, Uncle Harry comes. They were very quiet when they played chess. I could hear the different ticks of the three clocks in the house. A few days before you were scheduled to go home, I had a fever from the excitement. I'm afraid I'll get really sick. Because I know you're sick of sick people.
Later, you really came back. I was so happy that I couldn't stand it, and I couldn't say a word. So sometimes you get impatient and say, "Looks like Eva isn't particularly happy that Mommy is back." My cheeks were flushed and I was sweating, but I couldn't say a word— -I have nothing to say, because at home, all the words are spoken by you alone. I love you, and it's a matter of life and death - anyway, that's what I thought. However, I don't believe you. I feel instinctively that you rarely tell the truth. Mom, you have such a sweet voice. When I was little, every time you spoke to me, I could feel your voice all over my body. You often get mad at me for not listening to what you are saying. Because I only pay attention to your voice and do not understand what you are saying. I don't understand your words, it doesn't match your tone or look. Worst of all, when you're annoyed, you laugh; when you hate your father, you call him "my dearest friend"; when you hate me, you call me "dear little girl", but that's not the case at all. No, wait a minute. Mom, I have to finish. I know I'm drunk, and if I hadn't, I wouldn't have said these things. Later, I lost my courage and said nothing more. That is, I kept silent because I was embarrassed by what was said. You can speak, you can explain, and I can listen and understand, just as I always listened and understood. It's not a bad thing to be your kid if you don't care about it all. I love you, that's right. You were very lenient with me, like you were on tour. However, there is one thing I have never understood, that is your relationship with your father. I've been thinking a lot about your relationship lately, your shared life is a mystery. Sometimes, I thought you were totally dependent on your father, even though he was nowhere near as good as you. You can think about him in some things, unlike you never think about me and Helena. You dote on him. When you talk about him, treat him as if he were made of some delicate material. But, in fact, the poor father was very mediocre - he was meek and humble and never sinned. I guess, several times, you paid off your father's debt, didn't you?
Charlotte: Yes.
Eva: I think my father used to have some affairs. When you were out anyway, I remember three strange women came to visit us, sitting in the living room. There's one named Maria Van Eyck, she's your student, isn't she?
Charlotte: It's true that your father has something to do with Maria. But it was a small matter and a short time.
Eva: Did his affair bother you?
Charlotte: No, really. I never get mad at him for such little things. And he's pretty funny. You call him mediocre, an assertion that is both cruel and unfair. This shows that you don't know your father. In another circumstance, Joseph could have become a great European architect, but he thought too much and loved too much face. He had to be an assistant to his brother, who didn't even have half his talent. Unfortunately, their father left the company to their joint ownership. Joseph never liked to argue or express himself. But his insights are outstanding. For example, he designed a concert hall for Copenhagen or Oslo, no, Lyon. In fact, everyone thought it was one of the most beautiful buildings of the thirties. Later, war broke out and the plan fell through. Poor Joseph, he was unlucky in everything he took on. He was a truly great man, not mediocre at all. You seem to have doubts about my words. Eva, don't you believe me?
Eva: What does that matter. Your words fit your reality. My words fit my reality. It would be meaningless if we reversed our respective words.
fifteen
Charlotte: You talked about my self-deception earlier, and I think you're wrong. I never deceive myself. The reality is quite surprising. My back hurts and I can't practice properly. My concerts were in bad shape and I lost some important contracts. I started to feel that life was meaningless. At the same time, for Joseph and you, I feel uneasy in my heart. It seems foolish to trek from one city to another to be criticized and snubbed. I'd rather stay at home with you. You are mocking me. I want to tell the truth as much as possible. I'm just telling you how I feel, I don't care what you think. But it's better to make it clear once and never mention it again.
Eva: I tried my best to understand what you said.
Charlotte: I was playing Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 1 in Hamburg at the time. It's not particularly difficult. Things are going well. After the show, I went to dinner with conductor old Smith, you know him, now he's dead. We do this all the time. It took quite a while to eat and drink, and I was very satisfied, and completely relaxed, with almost no back pain at all. "Instead of being angry outside all the time, why don't you stay at home and live a respectable life with your husband and kids?" said Smith Bad?" "No, I didn't." He smiled and said, "But I can't help but think of August 18, 1934, when you were twenty and we were playing Beethoven's First Piano Concerto in Linz. Do you remember that night? It was very hot. The concert hall was packed. Our performance was a perfect match, and the band was in high spirits. After the performance, the audience stood up and stomped, and the band added a piece of wind music. You Wearing a simple red summer dress, with long hair down to the waist. You are happy and carefree. You think we can play five more times that night, just like playing." I asked him: "You How can I remember it all?" He said: "I write it all down in the score. I usually write down unusual experiences."
When I got back to the hotel, I couldn't sleep. At three in the morning, I called Joseph home and told him that I had decided to stop the tour and stay at home with you and him, and we were going to have a real home. Joseph was very happy. We were both moved to tears and talked for almost two hours. that is the truth. It's not a lie anyway. Perhaps it was a naive idea that life would be kind to me even Charlotte Undergast. Of course, this is stupid. A month later, I found myself a heavy burden to both you and Joseph. I want to go away. It took a year or so for me to settle down. I started teaching, putting my full attention on you and your upbringing, and sharing Joseph's worries. We spent the summer in an archipelago farmhouse, do you remember? (Eva nods, with a non-smiling smile) I think we're all very happy, don't we? Didn't you feel happy then?
Eva (shaking her head): No! I am not happy.
Charlotte (sighs): You said it was never that good.
Eva: I don't want to disappoint you.
Charlotte: Just pretending. (laughs) What did I do wrong?
Eva: You're not wrong about anything. You are always as amazing as ever. But I think you are scary. I'm fourteen, and you put all your energy on me because you have nothing better to do. You think, on a whim, that you didn't take good care of me in the past, and now you're desperately trying to make up for it. I tried my best to defend myself, but to no avail. And I still love you and have always believed with all my heart that you were right and I was wrong. Do you know how you do it? You never criticize face to face, but only make a hint. No matter when, you have a bright face, say something witty, show your tenderness and considerateness, or speak in your slightly worried tone. Not a little thing is not out of your love. I have a hunchback due to growing too fast. You use your back pain as an excuse to practice gymnastics, and of course I will practice with you. Puberty started and I got acne. Zhenling, as expected, a dermatologist came. He was a family friend and prescribed some ointment and medicinal wine. It made me nauseous and made my skin redder. You thought I couldn't brush my long hair, so you cut it short. Makes me so ugly, I feel like I'm a monster. Worst of all you think my teeth are crooked and you made me a pair of braces. I've just become an idiot. You say, I am a big girl, stop wearing trousers and sweaters, and should wear skirts. Those dresses were made by you before, or by yourself, without asking my opinion at all. I can't say "no" because I don't want to make you angry. You show me books that I don't like, they are too deep for me. I read and read, and you have to talk to me about what I've read. You explain it to me, it's hype. I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I'm afraid that one day you will make a fool of me and show me and my hopeless stupidity.
I was dumbfounded, but one thing I knew very well: even a small part of that real me would never be favored by you, or even accepted by you. You are fascinated, but I am more and more afraid, more and more overwhelmed. I don't know myself anymore. Because every moment, I have to make you happy. I became a clumsy puppet pulled by you. I say what you want me to say. I imitate your gestures and movements for your approval. Even for a short second, even if it's just me, I dare not let my true self appear. Because I strongly hate everything about myself. This is scary, mom. I still shiver when I talk about this past. It's scary, but it's worse from now on. You see, I don't know that I hate you because I'm a big believer that we love each other and you know the best. So, I can't possibly hate you. In this way, this hatred becomes maddened fear. I have nightmares. I bite my nails. I tugged at my hair in tufts. I can't cry, I can't make a sound. I wanted to shout, but could only let out a dull moan. It scares me even more. One day, you hugged me, sat down on the sofa beside me, and cried for a while. You said you were worried about my future, we'd better find a good doctor. I guess you really think I'm crazy, and your reckoning gives me a gloomy satisfaction. I was sent to a psychiatrist, a listless old man in a white lab coat who poked his fat belly with a paper cutter the whole time we talked. He started asking about my sex life, but I don't know what he's talking about - I haven't had my period yet. So, I had to lie all about it. I thought it might have been the sophistication and crooked imagination I showed that surprised him, or maybe he had seen through me and just didn't want to break it. He was kind and kind and said I should remember that my mother loved me and everything was for my own good. Actually, I already knew this.
Charlotte: Then I ran away with Martin, and you'll never forgive me, will you?
Eva: I never thought of those words.
Charlotte: But you think I've failed you.
Eva: Yes.
Charlotte: You never... (to change, stop)
(Eva is silent, so is Charlotte)
Eva: Do you remember Stephen?
Charlotte: Of course I do! You and Stephen can't handle a child.
Eva: Mom, I was eighteen and Stephen was an adult. The two of us are in love. We will prove it.
Charlotte: You absolutely can't handle it.
Eva: But, we will. We want that child. But you ruined our relationship.
Charlotte: It's not true, not true at all. Instead, I told your father. We should acknowledge your business, we should wait and see. Don't you see that your Stephen is a fool, half criminal, swinger, and he's been cheating on you from start to finish?
Eva (hatred): You hated him from the beginning. Because you know I love him, that means I'll be free from your constraints. You're doing everything you can to sabotage our relationship while pretending you've always been sympathetic to us.
Charlotte: So, what about the child?
Eva: When Stephen heard I was pregnant, he was a different person.
Charlotte: Your Stephen is very drunk. Took my car, drove it into the gutter, got arrested on DUI charges. This is how he reacts to your pregnancy.
Eva (furious): Do you know the whole story? Are you there when we discuss? Did you hide under the bed when I was with Stephen? Do you even know what you're talking about? Have you ever bothered to understand people's thoughts and feelings? Have you ever cared about anyone other than yourself?
Charlotte: I've heard the accusation long ago.
Eva: What makes Stephen different from others is that he is better and more honest than others.
Charlotte: Is that why he stole that Rembrandt etching and pawned it? Is that why he concocted you a story of his childhood, teenage and family tragedy? Is that why he pried open the door with his gang of friends and family, crashed into our summer cottage, drank all the wine, and stirred up the smoky atmosphere there?
Eva: It all happened after the fact. Did you forget? You forgot that you sent me to the psychiatric hospital after my abortion? Did you report it to the police when Stephen tried to break into the house to talk to you?
Charlotte: If you really wanted a baby, I wouldn't force you to have an abortion.
Eva: How can I defy you? You have washed my brains since I was a child, everything has to be done by you. I am timid, unsure, and need help and support from others.
Charlotte (annoyed): I thought I was helping you. I am convinced that abortion is the only solution. I still stand by this until now. It's terrifying that you've buried hatred in your heart all these years. Why do you never speak?
Eva: Because you never listen to others. Because you're a famous escapist; because you're emotionally unsound; because you actually hate me and Helena; because you block your heart; because you always center yourself; because You conceived me in your cold womb and excluded me with disgust; because I love you; because you find me disgusting, and not clever, and accomplish nothing. You have been intentionally hurting me all your life, just as you are hurting yourself by others. If something is delicate and sensitive, you will damage it; if something is lively, you will kill it. When you talk about my hatred, in fact, your hatred is no less than mine. You now have a lot of hatred. I used to be young, docile and loving. You bind me, you want my love as you want all people to love you. I am completely at your mercy. Everything is done in the name of love. You keep saying that you love me, your father, and Helen
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