Eva: One has to learn how to live. I practice every day. The biggest obstacle was that I didn't know who I was, I was groping in the dark, maybe if someone could love me as I am, maybe I'd be able to know myself. But the chances of that happening are slim. Victor (Eva's husband): I want to tell her, even once, that someone loves her with all her heart, but I can't say it enough to convince her because I always miss the point. Charlotte: He stared at me the other day, and then he smiled and said to me, I won't be here this time next year, but I will always be with you, and I will always think of you. Eva: I adored you when I was a kid, and for many years later, I was against you and the piano. Eva: Do you feel the peace here? Eric died the day before his 4th birthday, you know that. Victor can't accept it. He and Eric have a good relationship. On the surface, I am very sad, but inside I always feel that he is still alive and that we are still by each other's side. I can feel him as long as I focus a little bit. . Sometimes when I'm asleep, I can feel his breath, right on my face, and he'll touch me with his hands. He is in his world, but we can still touch each other at any time, there is no boundary between us, there is no impenetrable wall. Sometimes I wonder what my son's place is like, but I know it's indescribable, because it's a place of emotional relief, you know what I mean? To me, human beings are incomparable creatures, like unfathomable thoughts. Everything exists in life, no matter how high or low, man is created by God in his own image, integrating all things into one. In this way, human beings were created, and demons, saints, prophets, artists, and deviants were created—everything in the world coexists and grows with each other. It's like a huge pattern, constantly changing, you know what I mean? Similarly, there must be countless real worlds in the world. The reality that our dull senses can feel is only one of them, but countless real worlds are intertwined. Only fear and punishment can restrain us, and there are no boundaries. Our thoughts are unrestricted, our emotions are also unrestricted, and anxiety is limiting us, don't you think? When you are playing the slow movement of Beethoven's Piano Sonata No. 29, you must feel like you are living in a world without restraints, where you cannot explore or gain insight. Victor: When I proposed to her, she told me right away that she didn't love me. I asked her if she was in love with someone else? She said that she had never loved anyone else, that she did not have The ability to prepare a lover. Eva and I lived here for several years, and when Eric was born, we both gave up hope of having children and were going to adopt. do you know? Eva was completely different when she became pregnant. At the time, she was happy, gentle, and gregarious. She also became lazy, and she ignored her suburban work and piano practice. She would sit and watch the light, move over the mountains and the fjords, and we were suddenly happy. I was much older than Eva, and I started to feel like there was a grey barrier wrapping me around me, although looking back now, I can comfort myself that this is life, and this is what life will be like. But then everything changed. Eva: You messed up Dad's and my life. You cheated on him. I sat next to Dad every night and comforted him. I had to tell him that you still love him and you'll be back. I have to read your letter out loud, your long, soulful and funny letter, in which you will tell about interesting things you have encountered on your travels. We just sat there, like two fools, reading your letter over and over again, and we both thought you were the most wonderful woman in the world. Eva: To you, I am a doll to relieve boredom in my spare time. If I am sick and lose my temper, you will hand me over to the nanny, you will lock yourself up and play the piano and no one will disturb you. I'll just stand outside the door listening to you play the piano, and I'll sneak out while you're drinking coffee and rest to make sure you're still inside. You are always kind to me, but your thoughts are different. I ask you questions and you almost never answer them. Because you are so elegant, so I also want to be elegant, I started to pick and choose my clothes, I am afraid you will not like the way I look. I was ugly back then. I was skinny, with big, round eyes, thick lips, and sparse eyebrows. My arms were too thin and my feet were too big. I felt ugly. You once told me that I should be a boy, and you laughed after saying that. You were afraid that I would be sad, but of course I would be sad. One day your luggage was under the stairs, you were talking on the phone in a foreign language, I prayed to the sky that something happened to stop you from leaving, but every time you left, you came to me, hugged me and kissed , then you hugged me and kissed again, you looked at me and smiled, the smell on your body was so good and unfamiliar, but you were a stranger to me at that time, you were already preparing to go on the road, in your eyes You can't see me, you just left. I thought at the time that my heart was about to stop, that I would die of heartache, that I would never be happy again, how could I survive these two painful months? I would lie on my dad's lap and cry, and he would sit there motionless, her soft little hands on Over my head, he sat like this for hours. He was smoking a pipe, and the smoke enveloped us. Sometimes he would talk and he would say if we want to go to the movies tonight or let's have ice cream for dinner. I don't care because I'm dying. Day by day, we survived in loneliness, and we didn't talk much. I'm at ease with my dad, he never gets upset, sometimes he looks worried, I didn't know he was having trouble with money at the time, but every time I go in, he's always happy , we'll chat for a while, or he'll pat me with his little pale hands. There was Uncle Otto who would sit on the sofa and drink brandy, and they were always muttering, and I wondered if they could even hear what the other was saying. Sometimes Uncle Harry would come over to play chess, and it would be so quiet in the house that I could hear the ticking of three clocks in the house. A few days before you come back, I will be very excited and have a fever all over, and at the same time I am afraid that I will really get sick, because I know you are afraid of sick people. When you come in, I can't help myself, I can't speak, and you're impatient, just say to me, Eva's not happy that mom is back, and then my face turns red and I start sweating , I can't speak, I can't think of any words, and you have finished all the words at home. Eva: I used to love you very much, Mom, for me, this is as important as life and death, but I don't believe your words, your eyes will betray your words, your voice is beautiful, when you speak, I You can feel the beauty in your entire body, but I know intuitively that you don't agree. I don't understand what you're saying, the scariest thing is that when you're angry, you have a smile on your face, when you're angry with your dad, you call him "my dear friend", when you're tired of me when you call me "my baby girl". Eva: You were only 14 years old and you couldn't find anything better to do, so you put all the energy you saved up on me, and you felt like you ignored me before, so you wanted to make amends. I wanted to defend myself, but I didn't have the chance to defend myself. Your voice always contains concern and worry, and no detail escapes your loving eyes. I'm a little hunched, so you let me do gymnastics, you do it with me, using your back pain as an excuse. You think I spend too much time on my hair so you cut it short, it's ugly. You think my teeth are crooked so I have to wear braces and I look like a monster. You said that my trousers and skirt were worn by children, so you made me a skirt without asking. I dare not say anything because I am afraid I will hurt myself your turn. You also showed me books that I couldn't understand, I read them hard, and then you wanted to discuss with me what I had read, and you kept talking, but I couldn't understand a word, and the only thing I was worried about was It is to expose my ignorance in front of you. I'm paralyzed, but I've learned one thing: there's nothing about me to love, nothing about me to be accepted. You were fascinated. I'm getting more and more scared, more and more broken down, I talk and act to please you, and even when I'm alone, I can't show who I really am because I hate everything about myself. This is horrible, Mom! Now I think back to those years I was still in pain and shaking all over, it was horrible! I didn't know I hated you at the time, I always believed we loved each other. I couldn't hate you, so my hatred turned into severe anxiety, nightmares, gnawing on my nails, and ripping my hair out in huge chunks. I want to cry, but I can't cry, I can't make a sound, I want to scream, but all I can hear is a hoarse grunt, which scares me even more because I feel like I'm going crazy . Eva: Mother and daughter, what a terrible combination, mixed with emotion, confusion, and destruction. Whenever possible, the mother will do whatever she wants in the name of love, the daughter should inherit the mother's grievances, the daughter should suffer for the mother's failure, the mother's unhappiness, the daughter should feel the same. It's like an umbilical cord that has never been cut. Mom, is that so? Is the daughter's misfortune the mother's victory? Charlotte: I basically don't remember anything about my childhood. I don't remember my parents ever touching me, neither touching nor scolding, they never touched me, I know nothing about love, loving, touching, intimacy, warmth, I can only be in music Express your emotions. When I'm awake at night, I wonder if I've ever lived, and I wonder if it's the same for other people, or if some people are more gifted than others at being alive, or if some people never lived, they just live in the world. Then I get anxious, I see myself ugly, I never grew up, my face and body are old, I am accumulating memories and experiences. But deep down in my heart, I feel like I was never born, and I don't remember anyone's face, not even my own. Sometimes I try to think of my mother's face, but I can't, I just remember being tall and dark, with blue eyes, a big nose, and full lips, but I can't put the pieces together, I can't see her. Also I can't think of you, Helena, Leonardo's face, I remember the scene of giving birth to you two sisters, but the only The impression is that giving birth is painful, but what does the pain feel like? I do not remember. Leonardo once said, what did he say? Yes, he said that being realistic is also a gift that most people lack, and maybe that's a good thing. Charlotte: I don't want to be your mother, I want you to know that I'm as helpless as you are. Eva: Poor mother went away in such a hurry, she looked so frightened, she became haggard, her face looked so small, she cried her nose red, I will never see you again she is. It's getting dark and the temperature is dropping, I have to go home to cook for Victor and Helena, I can't die now, I'm afraid of death, who might need me in the future to release me from the cage? Charlotte: Paul, see that little village? The lights were on in every house, everyone was busy at night, someone was preparing dinner, and the kids were doing their homework, and I felt like I was out of tune with everything. I'm always homesick, but when I do come home I feel like I must want something else. Victor: Sometimes I stare at my wife, she doesn't know I'm there, she's tortured, she's been tortured and can't sleep since Charlotte hastily left, she says she Her mother drove away, and she couldn't forgive herself. Eva: Dear mother, I know now that I treat you badly. I approach you with demands, not love. I torture you with my hateful hatred, but my hatred It's gone, I did something wrong, and now I ask you to forgive me. I don't know if you will receive this letter or if you will read it, maybe it's too late. But I hope my discoveries are not in vain. There is still goodwill between us, I mean we need to take care of each other, help each other, and love each other. I will never let you disappear from my life again, I will stick to this belief, I will not give up, even if it is too late, but I think it is too late, it must be too late. I can't die now, I'm afraid of death, who might need me in the future to release me from the cage? Charlotte: Paul, see that little village? The lights were on in every house, everyone was busy at night, someone was preparing dinner, and the kids were doing their homework, and I felt like I was out of tune with everything. I'm always homesick, but when I do come home I feel like I must want something else. Victor: Sometimes I stare at my wife, she doesn't know I'm there, she's tortured, she's been tortured and can't sleep since Charlotte hastily left, she says she Her mother drove away, and she couldn't forgive herself. Eva: Dear mother, I know now that I treat you badly. I approach you with demands, not love. I torture you with my hateful hatred, but my hatred It's gone, I did something wrong, and now I ask you to forgive me. I don't know if you will receive this letter or if you will read it, maybe it's too late. But I hope my discoveries are not in vain. There is still goodwill between us, I mean we need to take care of each other, help each other, and love each other. I will never let you disappear from my life again, I will stick to this belief, I will not give up, even if it is too late, but I think it is too late, it must be too late. I can't die now, I'm afraid of death, who might need me in the future to release me from the cage? Charlotte: Paul, see that little village? The lights were on in every house, everyone was busy at night, someone was preparing dinner, and the kids were doing their homework, and I felt like I was out of tune with everything. I'm always homesick, but when I do come home I feel like I must want something else. Victor: Sometimes I stare at my wife, she doesn't know I'm there, she's tortured, she's been tortured and can't sleep since Charlotte hastily left, she says she Her mother drove away, and she couldn't forgive herself. Eva: Dear mother, I know now that I treat you badly. I approach you with demands, not love. I torture you with my hateful hatred, but my hatred It's gone, I did something wrong, and now I ask you to forgive me. I don't know if you will receive this letter or if you will read it, maybe it's too late. But I hope my discoveries are not in vain. There is still goodwill between us, I mean we need to take care of each other, help each other, and love each other. I will never let you disappear from my life again, I will stick to this belief, I will not give up, even if it is too late, but I think it is too late, it must be too late.
View more about Autumn Sonata reviews
