Watching again, recording again, still intoxicated and deeply touched. From the very beginning, it is a mechanical, declarative monologue, which is indifferent, numb, and autistic, catering to the surrounding, but also rejecting the surrounding, laughing at the surrounding. Everything in the outside world, under the surface of harmony, is a sense of disobedience and distrust. Controlling emotions seems to have become a habit. The repressed self can only echo in the deepest part of the heart, but this does not hinder the ridicule and self-deprecation of everything in the outside world. Plans and arrangements, following the rules, have no space for self-squeezing, but, in the habit, it seems to be the reason for continuing, and it becomes superficial. The universe is silent, but the voice of the heart echoes in my mind. In this monologue, I gradually reveal the world and explore myself. The stark contrast, the outside and the inside, the outside and the inside, the hypocrisy and the truth, the speech and the silent, all reflect the opposite. This movie reminds me of many cyberpunk movies, the same gradual awakening of self-consciousness, the same serious sense of violation under the surface harmony, and the same pure rational drive to produce sensibility. Is this habitual calmness an external manifestation of suppressing self-insensitiveness? When it is decided to stop taking the drug, the human emotion will gradually emerge, and the behavior will change from a machine to a humanoid. Is the path chosen by your father as an example, and everything you accept from the outside world, what you really want? Is it the real self? When your example is questioned and your beliefs are shaken, do you try your best to embark on the road of unlocking the truth and finding yourself back. Does everything you do make sense? What my father represents is the road under my feet and the beliefs in my heart. From questioning to understanding my father, who I have never known before, is to look inside and identify myself, and I have always been alive, but I am living as someone else. what about? Choosing the path of a role model as your own path, is it really living for yourself? People are here, but the heart is not here, so where is the heart? In this unknown and profound universe, is there a deep nothingness under its magnificent and beautiful appearance? Maybe there is something in common with the depths of loneliness. Can such a magnificent macro map reflect such a tiny micro? Lonely pool water, do you still want to continue soaking in the cold? Gradually, in consciousness, filling, enriching. The father is a portrayal of the self, and the part of human nature that has been given up in order to pursue the truth, perhaps, is still complete, right? The universe is lonely, cold, and rational, but man, as a product of the universe, perhaps, does not exist to become the essence of the universe. It is composed of physics, but it cannot be physics itself, right? In the end, you and I are not the same. After all, we have our own pursuits. You dedicate yourself to the truth, and I will renew As a human being, then, say goodbye to obsession, and be yourself again. This sacrifice to pursue, is what you really want, just fine. I'm looking forward to the day when I'm not alone anymore and I'm going home.
I am calm and stable. I slept well and had no nightmares. I'm full of energy and ready to go. I am able to perceive the environment around me and the people close to me. I am very attentive, I only focus on what is necessary and exclude other distractions. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm not worried, I'll be relying on those closest to me and I'll share their responsibilities as they share mine. I will live and then love.
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