2020.9 Update
I have received consultations from several MMs one after another, asking if I must do a physical examination first? I am afraid of pain. I have never had a gynecological examination. I am very scared. What should I do?
Yes. Only by having a doctor do a physical examination can other purely physical reasons be ruled out, and the diagnosis is vaginismus. This step cannot be skipped anywhere. Physiological causes may include vaginal obstruction, abnormally shaped hymen, etc.
Another function of physical examination I personally think is also a psychological suggestion. When the doctor told me that my body was normal, I thought, "Wow! Don't worry, my body is no different from other girls! I'm normal!" Such psychological cues are helpful for treatment.
I did the inspection in the US. I have never had a gynecological examination before. I tried to do a physical examination many years ago, but it was completely unbearable. After 10 seconds, I could only scream and stop.
The American doctor knew about my condition, so he deliberately used the smallest equipment and helped me to do the examination very gently. Therefore, it is recommended that you, MM, tell the doctor about your situation when you go to see a doctor. If the gynecological examination is very difficult for you, it is recommended to know your body in the mirror and feel it. One of the reasons for not being able to do a gynecological examination, I personally think, is that it is unacceptable that foreign objects touch and penetrate into my body, for fear of stabbing my body. Must pass this.
Before I went to the hospital, I probably spent a few weeks looking in the mirror to understand my body, otherwise I might not be able to carry the test.
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First of all, I would like to thank TheBestNameEver girl, it is her article that helped me solve my confusion for many years, went to a doctor for treatment, and achieved good results.
First of all, the conclusion is that vaginismus is absolutely treatable. And through my own experience, there are actually reliable doctors in China who can treat it without surgery.
my story:
I still remember the shock and excitement when I stumbled across the vaginismus patient's self-reported article at the end of March this year. I was in a relationship years ago and tried sex for the first time and it kept failing. At that time, I felt that something was pressing against me, and I wanted to go through it but couldn't. The piercing pain made me jump out of bed. It was later learned that many patients described the feeling as like hitting a wall.
This experience has caused such a psychological shadow on me that I have been afraid to fall in love for many years. So when I saw the line in the article "I don't know what's wrong with me, I blame myself, I'm depressed, I get blamed by my partner, I lose confidence, I'm depressed, I have sexual fears, etc. I've been through it all." tears.
When I saw the article, I was working abroad and I could google it, so I did a lot of research and started looking for a local doctor for treatment. Due to the outbreak of the overseas epidemic in March, hospitals have cancelled non-emergency outpatient clinics, so I also had the idea of giving it a try and let my family find a doctor who has treated the disease in China.
By chance, I found such a doctor in a public hospital in China, which helped me make good progress. Due to the need for confidentiality, I cannot disclose the specific treatment method here, but if there is a need for sisters, please send me a private message to ask for specific information. (Solemnly declare: I have no financial interests with the hospital or the doctor).
My experience:
Vaginismus is a dual psychological and physical disease. Physiologically manifested in the final muscle contraction. Another name for the disease is coitusphobia, because the brain is dominated by too much subconscious fear, which eventually manifests itself in involuntary muscle contractions. Since this fear is so deeply ingrained, it cannot be solved simply by saying a few words and relaxing.
I myself have followed the rules since I was a child. I am a standard good child. I have little courage and fear pain. Since I was a child, I have been afraid of needles and sharp objects such as scissors. My parents are very well protected.
On the other hand, I know almost nothing about sex knowledge, and education about sex knowledge in Chinese schools is very lacking. For a long time, my understanding of sex life is that girls will be very painful for the first time and will bleed a lot. This caused me to feel very scared deep inside before I tried it for the first time. Later, I thought about it, lack of sexual knowledge - nervousness and fear - sexual failure - more nervousness and fear - continue to fail, so it became a vicious cycle after a few times.
At that time, I also checked on the Internet, but I didn't find any useful information, and I hadn't heard of the name of vaginismus.
Regarding treatment:
For most patients, the treatment of vaginismus is not surgery by injections and medicines, but more of a behavioral therapy, so the guidance of the doctor is very important.
Since I couldn't insert my fingers at first, I thought I would be a very serious patient too.
Due to the epidemic, I couldn't go to the hospital, so I bought Intimate Rose's No. 1-4 dilators by myself. I wanted to try them first, but I found that there was no way to start - I couldn't even figure out the location of the vaginal opening, and I didn't dare to use it myself. Inserted like this, for fear of accidentally stabbed myself. So I bought another tampon to try it out, but it didn't work either, and I couldn't find it at all.
So I looked in the mirror and took a serious look at my body for the first time. Later, when I went to see the doctor, I found that the doctor also asked to do so. Many people are afraid precisely because they don't understand their bodies.
So sisters, if you haven't done this before, be sure to look in the mirror and get to know your body. You may feel shy at first (I am), but if you don't know your own body, no one else can help you.
In the previous picture, this is the material that the doctor gave me, starting from understanding my body.
Later, when I started treatment abroad, the doctor first asked me in detail about my sexual life history, how I felt, whether I had tried finger insertion, whether my period was normal, whether I had desires, and so on. According to my description on the phone, the doctor thinks that I have a very high probability of being diagnosed. Then an inspection was arranged. The main function of the inspection was to see whether there was a blockage in the vagina (called blockage in English) and whether the shape of the hymen was normal.
When the doctor examined me, she entered very slowly and gently with her pinky finger, so she thought I would be fine with stretch training.
Therefore, sisters, if you suspect that you may have vaginismus, please go to the hospital to find a professional gynecologist for examination. On the other hand, gynecologists are professionally trained, and they are the most authoritative people who can judge whether you can insert your fingers.
The key to vaginismus treatment is dilation and insertion, allowing your vagina to gradually expand to the width it can tolerate. Through continuous practice, your vagina can accommodate larger and larger dilators, which is the Dilator mentioned in the article, from the initial thickness of the little finger to gradually increasing.
This is also the focus of domestic doctors' treatment. They help me to expand and insert through professional guidance , and try to make the process of this exercise as less painful as possible. It is best if you can do the expansion exercises on your own. But for me, it's really hard to do it by myself (think I couldn't figure out the location of the vaginal opening at first), so sisters, if you can't do it by yourself, please go to the doctor! !
Another point to note is that vaginal dilation is not the bigger the better, and the final dilation should be about the size of your significant other. Expansion is too large on the one hand to spend a lot of unnecessary efforts, on the one hand, it will also affect the quality of subsequent sexual life. The average size of a Chinese male is about 11cm in circumference and I can now expand to around 10.5cm. These few days are the menstrual period, and I plan to continue to consolidate and practice.
Another picture, this is the Dilator and simulation tools I bought. If it wasn't for medical treatment, my friends would be stunned to see me buying these things! (Again, the colored Dilator's head is a bit hard, so it might feel a little sore.)
other:
I was treated alone during the epidemic. Vaginismus patients generally have a lot of psychological pressure (think about other girls who seem to be born with this, but they actually need treatment!!), so the help and encouragement of people around them is very, very important.
I was fortunate to have met a very kind and patient doctor who always encouraged me not to rush too much and take it step by step. I also communicate with my family and two very trusted friends from time to time, telling them about the treatment, my questions, etc.
Trust me, never close yourself up. Chinese culture is very shy about talking about sex. But this kind of closure and shyness is not good for vaginismus treatment.
Whether you go to therapy alone, with your boyfriend or husband or other family members, be sure to communicate with people you trust. The treatment of this disease can not have too much psychological pressure, once the muscles are tense, it is easy to contract. Even if I am busy with work or have a lot of things during the treatment, I will be obviously nervous and affect the treatment effect.
In addition, you may encounter bottlenecks during the treatment process, and after a certain level of expansion, it will stagnate, which is very, very normal. If you encounter such a situation, please do not worry, take your time. There should be no deadline pressure for treatment, believe in yourself, believe in the doctor, believe that the final cure is only a matter of time, and do not feel inferior.
To the boys:
I don't know how many boys might see this post. Sex is a two-way thing, if you find that you can't insert it smoothly, please try it first to see if you can insert it with your fingers. If your wife or girlfriend can't use her fingers, or it hurts, it could be vaginismus.
If you find out that your significant other has vaginismus, don't blame her. Like the article says, many girls (myself included) simply don't realize it needs therapy. No patient should be blamed for being sick.
Please don't think of her as a weirdo either. The prevalence of vaginismus is said to be around 2%, but it is not difficult to treat. The Chinese and English materials I have read clearly state that the cure rate of this disease is very high. Generally, as long as there is enough motivation and consistent training, the cure rate is basically 100%, and it is basically better. Just like learning to ride a bike, it is unlikely to rebound.
About the future:
My treatment went much better than expected. But I don't have a boyfriend now, so I'm going to keep training about two or three times a week.
Of course, the human body and training with tools are definitely still different, and there may be conditions for the first time in the future (in fact, I learned later that even normal people, many people will have various conditions for the first time). I hope I can meet someone I love and I will be able to update this post in the future.
Looking back on the article from the end of March to the present, more than four months have passed, and I can finally have the confidence to date, fall in love, and explore other possibilities in life. Thanks again girl TheBestNameEver, it wasn't for that article, I wouldn't have realized it needed a doctor.
So the doctor confirmed that my treatment was ok the other day, so I rushed to write this article. If one more person sees it one day earlier, there will be one less person in this world who is as painful as me back then. For a girl, if this problem is not solved, then love and marriage will be almost impossible, and many possibilities will be lost in the whole life. So, if you find yourself with this problem, be sure to get it fixed as soon as possible! Don't delay, the longer you delay, the greater the psychological pressure.
If my little sharing can help more sisters, then I am very happy, this is related to the happiness of a girl's life, and the most important thing, self-confidence. As a person who has been troubled by this problem for many years, I know the pain of the patient too well, and I dare not tell others about it, for fear that I am not normal, and I am afraid that it will not be cured. I have experienced all of these feelings, so if you find that there are friends around you who have such problems, please help publicize them, and you are welcome to privately message me if you have any questions.
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