On May 17, 2020, I opened the cultural section of the national newspaper, and three news in a row were obituaries. It makes one feel like "the culture is dead", which of course is not wrong, but it still makes people sad.
I knew a man many years ago, and had heard about his rough times before. At that time, my father had just passed away for a year, and he began to understand the grief of a small number of people. When he saw people who were also tortured by life, he felt a sense of compassion. Unexpectedly, when they met, he was in high spirits, and only danced about a person who tasted mulberries before hanging himself. All the shops were closed that night, we were driven out of the shops, the street lights in the city were dim, and the bottoms of the wine bottles left wet rings on the wooden tables.
I was ignorant at the time, and most of the time I just sat quietly and listened. It has been a few years now, and the memory of that time has been blurred. Only the scene of picking mulberries from the hanging tree has always been in my heart. Later, I learned that it was a plot in Abbas's movie.
After that I was stuck in my own life and never had time to watch the movie. But just five simple words like "the taste of cherries" are enough to echo in my empty body for a long time.
I watched this movie today, and for the first 20 minutes I almost thought the male protagonist was a pedophile, only to find out later that he was just going to commit suicide. It may be inappropriate to say that, suicide, at least for others, is always an unfortunate thing. In any religion, that is considered a great sin. But I wasn't born with a god to worship, so I didn't have that deep understanding of sin. How can someone be so obsessed with death? Trying to find a burial for himself. But on the other hand, I really like this kind of people who are careful about their own death.
As if deliberately preventing people from dying easily, modern society seems to keep silent about death. If you die, you will pay for it, and if you die, you will be reprimanded. When I was young, my parents were reluctant to even say the word "die", as if they had committed a big taboo. When my grandparents died, there was still a buffer from my fathers, but when my dad died, death showed its face and looked me in the eyes.
During that time, I found a lot of articles on how to adjust my mentality in the face of the death of a loved one, and received a lot of comforting messages, but I still didn't know how to deal with my emotions. It was a situation where reason and sensibility were hit hard at the same time. If there is only emotional hurt, then reason can always comfort me. But when reason is unable to control the current situation, I despairly find that there is no complete theoretical method that can be effectively applied to myself.
I've been dead for three years and then slowly come back to life.
Death awaits, which is inevitable, and many times it is only necessary to turn left at the usual intersection and take a longer but beautiful road. Under such a premise, it is inevitable that life will take some detours.
When it comes to suicide, the male protagonist has this to say:
"I know suicide is a very serious sin, but unhappiness is also a very serious sin."
The four seasons will bring new fruits. I think the person who had a relationship many years ago also tasted the taste of cherries and chose the sin of being unhappy.
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