I recently rewatched the movie "The Big Talk". An old movie starring Jim Carrey. The reason I thought of going over it again is because it reminds me of "sincere". Not only did I think of the word, but also a fragment of my own experience of having a relationship with others: a friend borrowed Huabei from me, and my first instinct told me that I didn’t want to lend it to him. And I felt that I couldn't tell him the real reason, so I had to find some excuses to prevaricate. Because I didn't handle it well, our relationship was affected as a result.
It seems that the education I have received since I was a child has always preached the importance of honesty, to be honest, to be honest with others, to be sincere... However, it was not until last year after I carefully read an important book on honesty by Carl Rogers Only then did I begin to consciously and soberly think about the meaning of "sincere" in my life. However, why have the earnest teachings from all sides that have been around me since I was a child never worked? Don't worry, just listen to the following story:
This is a story about Mahatma Gandhi.
Once, a woman traveled thousands of miles with her child to visit Gandhi. When Gandhi met them, he asked, "Is there anything you want to do with me?" The woman replied, "I am looking for you for my son. He has a bad habit of eating a lot of sugar, and no matter whether we No matter how you persuade him, he will not listen. But he admires you very much, so if you can persuade him, he will definitely listen." Gandhi listened to the woman patiently, and then told her: "Okay, I heard You said it, but please take your son back first, and come back in a month." The woman went back with doubts. A month later, the woman brought her son to see Gandhi again. This time Gandhi called her son over and said to him solemnly and seriously, "Child, don't eat too much sugar." Then Gandhi told them to go back. But before she left, the woman summoned the courage to ask Gandhi, "You could have told him these words last month, why did you wait until this time?" Gandhi told her seriously: "Because of a I also ate a lot of sugar a month ago."
People generally know a person by their actions, not just by what they say. Teachers and other adults at school teach us to be sincere, but they themselves act on a different set of principles, so naturally, how can we be expected to practice sincerity?
The friend who lent me Huabei had lent me money before, and I always thought he was a very generous person. However, when he borrowed Huabei from me that day, the first thing I thought of was not the help he had provided me, but the disdain and contempt he had expressed for my personal beliefs and values. So in that particular moment, the thought prevented me from choosing to repay him on a reciprocal basis, but instead made me think that maybe this time could be my chance to "revenge" him. I know for myself that I cannot tell him the truth no matter what. And even if I don't tell him directly that I'm disappointed that he didn't understand my behavior, at least I can't tell him something like "I don't want to borrow it from you this time." Because this is very abnormal in Chinese society where human feelings are the most important. Or at least that means you'll be embarrassing and embarrassing for the person who hears it.
But is it really so? If I made up an excuse for him not to feel sad, something like "I don't have enough Huabei quota", would it be possible not only to prevent my friend from facing the cruel truth, but also to maintain our relationship at the same time? ? In my opinion, the reason behind maintaining the relationship is that I want to avoid expressing my true self, and it is my unwillingness to face this friend sincerely, rather than the so-called high-sounding consideration for the friend. In fact, it's not good for either party in the relationship.
Another thing about this experience is that I was on the side of asking friends for help. At that time, I wanted to borrow a few thousand dollars from a close friend, because I knew this friend had the ability, but he responded with a very lame excuse. I hardly need any analysis to find out that this is not the truth, just prevarication. The tone of his speech, his expressions, his movements, and the speed at which he changed the subject did not match the excuses he made up. This makes me angry. To be precise, I can understand that he doesn't want to lend me money, and although I'd be saddened by it, the reason I'm angry is that he's not being honest enough, and I'm angry that he chooses to perfunctory me with a false attitude (or talking about our relationship perfunctorily), rather than telling me the truth honestly. This got me thinking that our relationship wasn't as open and honest as it seemed on the surface, or that I myself wasn't someone he could trust enough to tell the truth. Other than that, it's hard for me to accept an uncertain explanation in this friendship, because even if the truth is cruel (like he can tell me he doesn't want to lend me, whatever the reason), but It can make me feel at ease and at ease; and a lie, no matter how gorgeously made up, is empty and deceitful. (It is true that life is full of lies, and it is normal to lie between friends, but it depends on the situation)
In the film "The King of Big Talk", the protagonist Fletcher's original life seems to be perfect. He has always been "friendly" to the people around him, always thinking from the positive side of things, and never saying anything If you hurt others, you can become a spokesperson for positive psychology. However, it is also his "hypocrisy" that makes his relationship with the people around him just a castle in the air, which is not firm and may collapse at any time. Lies are arguably Fletcher's most useful tool, and as long as he's communicating with people, he's bound to make the best use of it. Until one day, at the birthday party of his five-year-old son Max, who had long been disappointed with his father who often lied, Max silently made a wish before blowing out the candle that his father would stop lying. The magic was that this wish It actually came true. This caused great trouble for Fletcher, who had lived by lies for many years, because he discovered that he couldn't live without lies for a moment. Fletcher went through all kinds of hardships and twists in the middle, and was led by his "instinct" that he could only tell the truth, and suffered a lot. It was not until he slowly realized that it was the most valuable to treat people who were important to him sincerely, which made him finally change the relationship with his son, ex-wife, assistant, and boss.
The entire film has been exaggerating and expressing the many subtle effects of lies in our daily lives. It is only through exaggerated expressions that the viewers can deeply feel the truth that has been ignored by most of us - we have long been accustomed to a life of lies, and we have long been accustomed to wearing false masks. Handle relationships with significant others. There is a clip in the film that left a deep impression on me, and it can also be the best metaphor and irony for the normality of our lives: when Fletcher happily expressed his thoughts about each colleague and leader in his heart. After the really vulgar comment, it caused everyone to burst into laughter. Everyone laughed so genuinely and happily, which finally brought everyone closer to Fletcher. In my opinion, in that scene, everyone is real, and everyone is relaxed because of it. Because everyone knows that my criticism of you at this moment comes from my true heart, which will allow you to let go of your guard and talk about your true thoughts about me with confidence and boldness. As a result, mutual trust is created and the quality of the relationship is enhanced. Finally, I want to say that sincerity may be "bitter", but it may also be good for you. Maintaining a relationship with lies may seem like an easier option, but it comes at a price. It may seem more difficult to face and handle relationships with others sincerely, but the rewards it brings to you are real and irreplaceable. Please be sincere to the important people in your life!
View more about Liar Liar reviews
