I would like to talk about my feelings in terms of cultural differences between China and the West:
1. Attitudes of the family of origin
Nicole decides to end her marriage and move back to her natal family in Los Angeles. She informed her mother and sister of her decision. The mother just said that she liked her son-in-law Charlie, and there was no other subjective judgment. The sister was just a little overwhelmed by her sister's task of asking her to give Charlie a lawyer's letter, and she was surprised at the end. Completed the mission without risk. When Charlie came to his mother-in-law's house, it could be seen that he had an excellent relationship with his mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and Nicole's family not only had no prejudice against Charlie, but also liked him very much. However, when Nicole decided to end the marriage, the family did not interfere, persuade, or ask her why, but did not interfere with her decision and fully accepted the daughter/sister who wanted to end the marriage, for her and her children Provide shelter and emotional support.
In China, if a person wants to end a marriage, the family of origin must be involved. You may have to repeatedly explain to your parents and aunts and aunts why you want to divorce. If the other party has no "principled" problems such as cheating and domestic violence (or even such problems), you may have to be persuaded several times. Why do you think about your children? , what to talk to the other party about, what marriage is better than being single and so on. Or parents feel that their children are wronged and make trouble with their in-laws. The daughter of an aunt I know got divorced, and the two adults almost fought each other. After the divorce, the two families were like enemies. Another friend's colleague, the husband and wife quarreled over some things, and the daughter went back to her parents' home to complain. As a result, her mother felt that her daughter was wronged, so she ran to her in-law's house to make a fuss, and finally divorced, and the other party refused to even see the children (of course, it violated the law. and humanity).
So I think American parents don't get involved in their children's affairs. If you want to end it, end it, and I accept you. You have a new relationship and I bless you too. I won't say that your husband is a good man. It's not easy for you to get divorced and have a child in your thirties. No one wants to make it. I think this is a kind of respect for children, or respect for an adult who can make his own life choices. Rather than kidnap you with some worldly prejudice.
2. The law of divorce
Nicole had planned to divorce by agreement, and her husband agreed. But friends advised her to find a lawyer, so she found Nora, a female lawyer who understood her business skills and was very capable.
After finding a lawyer, you don't have to deal with a lot of things yourself. It takes a lot of time and energy, especially mental effort, to face this matter, because a professional lawyer will help you. All divorce matters, you can say to the other party, you talk to my lawyer. Now that you have decided to divorce, there are really not so many good face-to-face interviews. If you get emotional when you talk about it, you may not be able to get divorced. Not to mention the nerve-wracking matters of dividing property and guardianship. Divorce lawsuits in the United States are time-consuming, labor-intensive, and expensive, but everything is backed up by systems and laws, so the parties can take it easy.
In China, if both parties can reach a consensus on all aspects, a divorce by agreement is fine. But if one party wants to leave and the other doesn't want to leave, or both want to leave because there is a dispute over some issues, it will be difficult to handle. One party goes to the court to sue, and the court will appoint someone to mediate you in a few days, who is equivalent to the aunt of the neighborhood committee. I think you are fine, he didn't beat you, she didn't scold you, you both have children, what are you making a fuss about. What, is he flirting with someone else? Men, it's hard to avoid being half-hearted. You see now he says he has changed, he doesn't want to get divorced and wants to live with you, so why don't you give him a chance... how? Can't you stand her cleanliness? It's nothing, she loves to clean and cleans the house neatly every day. Don't mess around and go home and live... In the end, you said you just wanted to leave, and the other person said that there is no serious problem. Judgment. You waste it, why don't you try to sue after living apart for half a year and a year?
3. Communication in Divorce
Although the heart-rending quarrel between the two people in the movie is painful. Many people also said they saw the cruel truth in the divorce process. But I don't think it's the worst. At least two people can still have a dialogue and communication with mutual respect most of the time. In the quarrel in the movie, Charlie said ruthless words and immediately burst into tears and his jaw twitched, which shows that he still cares about Nicole. Saying harsh words to someone you love and care about is actually the cruelest punishment to yourself. In reality, the disintegration of marriage is often after a long period of separation, or it has long since been divorced. Don't forget, in China, if you want to end a marriage, there is the intervention of the family of origin, the persuasion of relatives and friends, and the mediation of the court aunt until you are exhausted. And many couples, in the process of divorce, did not even have a sincere communication, not even that kind of quarrel-like communication, only a cold confrontation. Sometimes cold violence is more lethal than the kind of quarrel that can express emotions. The movie does reveal the truth of marriage in a shredded way: the wife thinks that the husband is selfish and cannot consider his own needs and feelings (career sacrifices for the family, hope to move to Los Angeles, etc.), and the husband thinks that his career is also for the Contributing to the family and compromising for love (when he was young, he didn’t want to get married, so Nicole got married and had children early), thinking that it was too much for his wife to file for divorce and hire a lawyer to fight for custody. The truth of marriage is this: You can never truly satisfy each other. You claim to love each other but in fact the only one you love most is yourself. You may compromise for each other, but you can't compromise for the rest of your life. Even if you love each other, your starting point for making decisions is still yourself. Even if you sacrifice for each other in the name of love, resentment will accumulate in your heart and one day it will explode.
But, at least, two people can hug and comfort each other after a tearful quarrel. In this case, this is already the highest tacit understanding. Nicole didn't stand by Charlie's pain, even though she herself was in so much pain. This is not something the average couple whose marriage has come to an end can do.
In the movie, it can be seen from the letters that the two people wrote to each other, and even from the performance after the two people quarreled, that they once loved each other deeply and understood each other deeply. But in reality, how many couples whose marriages come to an end are really in love? We Chinese people are too realistic. In reality, there are many marriages. From the day of marriage, two people do not come together because of true love. Many divorces seem to be doomed from the very beginning. In fact, if you really love, and one day you can't go on, then it is better than not having loved, after all, it is better to waste precious time in life. The daughter of my mother's friend was divorced. At that time, her mother forced her to dismantle her daughter and her college sweetheart (suspected of being poor) and let her marry the rich second generation. The result was a divorce after the birth of a child.
Li Yinhe said that people should love once. Many people spend their whole lives without knowing what true love is.
So even though many people said after watching the movie, it's so cruel and painful, I can still feel some traces of two people loving each other sincerely and passionately, and there is still some warmth from some fragments of love. . I think the film not only narrates the cruel truth of life, but also has a fiery emotional expression, which together constitute a kind of life, which is a life with emotions flowing in it, although the ending is not like a fairy tale.
4. Children
Before the divorce, during the divorce, and after the divorce, the two were very concerned about their children. They will consider where the child is educated, consider the child's friends, and consider whether the court's intervention will affect the child. In the process of divorce, they spared no effort to care for their children and did not speak ill of each other in front of their children. The two have a tacit understanding to minimize the negative impact of divorce on their children.
However, in reality, it is often difficult for both parties and their families to keep calm during divorce, which causes great pain to the children. Take the example of an aunt's daughter before. After the divorce, the man taught the child to a nanny, and did not let the mother visit the child. Isn't it too selfish for an adult to be deadlocked, but deprive the child of the mother's love? Or husbands and wives quarrel for months and years before the divorce, making the child miserable. After studying educational psychology at the postgraduate level, after reading relevant literature, many children will think that their parents' divorce is caused by themselves, so they feel pain and guilt. Children will subconsciously feel that they must be bad, and that they let their parents separate. Because discordant parents sometimes piss off their children. It's all because you make me unhappy. So the child is very poor. I feel like the parents in the movie are calm and restrained at least at this point. They have decided to divorce, and they will still read and tell stories to their children in the bedroom together. They smile tacitly and even joke whenever they have children, giving them a safe, warm atmosphere.
5. Women
The end of a love or marriage is always sad. But Nicole, played by Riscarlett Johansson in the movie, is a woman I admire. First, her unisex look is stunning. Her dress does not have the kind of feminine softness, but it always reveals a kind of intelligence and self-confidence. Nicole is a very emotional woman, which was clearly expressed in her several tears. She was crying in bed twice, once at her home in New York and once in Los Angeles. She sheds tears as she recounts her plight to Nora, and at the end when she and Charlie quarrel. Every time, whether it is silent tears or emotional bursts of crying, it moves the audience very much. But at the same time, she is very calm and decisive. Especially appreciate her. When she realized that she was disappointed in her marriage and her husband, she decisively proposed to end the marriage. Without so many worries and entanglements, she returned to Los Angeles with her children. Instead of taking time to immerse herself in her grief, she quickly started a new job (the film ends by saying she won an Emmy, which means she's on the right track). When Charlie came to Los Angeles to find her, she said clearly: "I want to be a new me and start a new life." At that time, Charlie should not have really decided to end the marriage, but Nicole has asked Got a lawyer to do this.
After getting married, she gave up her favorite city and career direction and put her family first. But when she realized that love couldn't give her what she wanted, it couldn't make up for the day-to-day shortcomings in her life, especially when she realized Charlie's "selfishness", she never looked back to explore other possibilities in life . Although this decision is painful, reluctant. The process is difficult and hurtful.
Nicole's character in the movie is very independent and bold. She shook off the weakness and fragility of the usual female characters, and dared to explore her own life, unwilling to be trapped in a certain place (marriage, secular view). And along the way, she also gained support (family, lawyer, new boyfriend). In fact, sometimes when you are willing to change, it seems very difficult. As long as you make up your mind, you will always be able to meet noble people, overcome obstacles, and achieve what you want. Nicole even helped her husband grow. For Charlie, everything in the past was taken for granted, including the unconditional contribution of his wife. After the pain, he suddenly realized that the solo in the bar was very exciting. At the end of the film, he finally temporarily moved his job to Los Angeles, and Nicole even stayed for three seconds after hearing the news.
summary:
The one who said: Marriage is not easy, and the woman who does it and cherishes it finally chooses to end the marriage. It can be seen that real marriage is neither a fairy tale nor a movie. Marriages that rely on love, sacrifice, and compromise sometimes don't last long. If you can't go on, you can separate. Even a little decisive. Whether it is the choice of both parties or the choice of one party. But this process shouldn't be too painful. Give each other enough decency and respect, and give the child the least harm and loss. Nine times out of ten things are unsatisfactory in life, and being able to handle them well is also a realm.
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