After reading it, I have a lot of feelings. What caused this close relationship to fall apart?
1. Communication barriers in intimate relationships. The two parties failed to establish an effective communication mode suitable for each other in the marriage, resulting in the inability to effectively transmit the needs to each other, let alone be deeply understood. From the beginning of the film until the lawyer intervenes, the two maintain the superficial, fragile decency at the end of their marriage. After the lawyer intervened, the two were coerced by each other's agents to hurt each other. The deep-seated problems in the marriage between the two parties were not revealed to the audience in an intense form until the quarrel scene in the middle and later stages. Nicole thinks that she has clearly expressed her willingness to return to LA for a short-term stay and got Charlie's promise, but in Charlie's view, it was just a mention, and in the same chat as "Would you like to buy a cabinet?" occasional inquiries. Perhaps Nicole is arrogant, and after she thought she could not respond to her clear appeal, she concluded in her own cognition that "I can't communicate with Charlie". From a bystander's point of view, Nicole's injuries and struggles in her marriage largely occurred in her own heart. The reality is that until most of the divorce case, Charlie didn't realize the fuse that led to Nicole's divorce. How can you expect to be satisfied if your needs have not been adequately communicated to the other party? Nicole may think that I have made it clear that I want to go back to LA, but you have not paid attention to it. Do you really want me to ask you to fail? Unable to let go of self-esteem, after the communication was blocked, I did not make other efforts to try to give secondary feedback in different ways (maybe there is, but the film did not unfold or I missed it), but put on labels after putting on a big inner drama by myself , Adhering to an idealistic "spiritual cleanliness" in marriage is, in my opinion, an immature manifestation of intimacy.
On the other hand, Charlie believes that her marriage with Nicole made him "hanged from a tree" prematurely, who had the capital to linger. And this is not the sacrifice that all living beings must face after entering the threshold of marriage. And most people probably didn't (or didn't think) complete enough psychological construction on this point before getting married. After a year of sexless marriage, Charlie cheated. "You should be angry not that I cheated, but me and her laughing." This line, which has been criticized by many film critics as a typical scumbag, can sting people precisely because it is cruel but true. If you encounter other temptations in marriage, how to channel the desires that have been stimulated, how to find solutions to avoid hurting others and yourself, and how to treat the gaps that breed this desire and have long been lurking in the marriage relationship undetected? An adult male with a successful career and great work pressure also has his own demands and expectations for the role of his wife. After his wife chose a sexless marriage, Charlie didn't seem to try to find out the reason with empathy, but to complete psychological revenge by cheating. No doubt, he was also resisting admitting the fact that he did not do a good job in the marriage, and refused to Make communication attempts in marriage. Nicole's accusation of arrogance is quite accurate on this point.
What is the essence of marriage? From the perspective of moral ethics, social norms, and individual needs, how can we make reasonable compromises and sacrifices for marriage? Another question beyond the scope of the film's discussion is what to do when encountering "true love" (definition in doubt) after marriage? Marriage does not prevent both parties in the marriage from encountering new emotional shocks on the long road of life. If it is really fortunate or unfortunate that you can't love yourself again, there is really any panacea that can help people calmly and wisely get out of this predicament. ?
2. The superposition effect of social mechanisms and social roles on the relationship between husband and wife. I don't agree with the views expressed in some film reviews from a feminist perspective. From the perspective of political science, where there are people, there are rivers and lakes, where there are people, there is power, and where there is power, there is power imbalance. If everything in the world can be abstracted from the perspective of power, then the world will be simple and life will be boring. In this marriage relationship, Nicole and Charlie each have their own problems. The gap in their career development and the further destruction of their emotions by the divorce legal process have all provided a reason for the constant conflict between husband and wife and contributed to the flames. It is shocking that the legal system and social mechanism in the plot of the divorce lawsuit suppress the expression of an individual's true will. What we see is that the parties who should be the most vocal in the marriage relationship are completely deprived of the opportunity to speak up, and those misunderstood and cold accusations from the agent's mouth once again hit the heart that has been riddled with holes. Fatal injury.
3. Insufficient separation of individual predicaments from the marital relationship. There are always some individual predicaments that need to be faced by each individual alone. A marriage relationship cannot help a person get rid of the loneliness deep in the soul. In fact, no one or anything can. After all, people are individual and lonely. Marriage cannot completely save Nicole from the last unsatisfactory intimate relationship, nor should Nicole's own career development not be entirely blamed on her husband's suppression of her talent. As a man, Charlie is eager to gain a sense of recognition and conquest through nostalgia for the flowers, but even if he did not choose to marry early, he may not be able to do so. The respective problems of the two people have some deeper psychological reasons, and the individual predicament needs to be explored and resolved by the individual himself. These dilemmas can be overcome with the help of intimacy or other social relationships, but the subject who faces them is ultimately an individual, and it is unfair to impose the "nine times" of "unhappy life" on a marriage or a relationship . Pushing back from reality, and then living in the assumption that you have embarked on another life path, may only bring regret and pain. No matter what you choose, once you choose, don't look back. The important thing is to think about how to take each step well. However, if you do it, you may be really close to a saint.
In the face of marriage, we may have full awareness: is it this intimate relationship that makes you struggle, or is it the predicament that the individual needs to face?
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