01
A long time ago, a friend came to chat with me in a depressed mood, and I could feel the depression and helplessness in her tone through the screen.
It turned out that her mother objected to her continuing to develop with her current boyfriend, on the grounds that the other party had low education, low salary, and low background, and also asked her friend to quit her job and go to Guangzhou, where she is located.
In fact, her mother had never met the boy, nor did she understand their relationship and life status. She didn't care whether her friend was doing well or not, she just denied it based on external conditions.
The reason why a friend is upset and angry is not because her mother has opinions on her life. After all, most parents interfere with their children out of concern and love.
And her mother was a gambler by nature, lazy, and ignorant, and put money above everything else. When my friend was very young, she left her to live her own life. She ignored her from childhood to adulthood, and never fulfilled her responsibilities as a mother.
Now that her friend has graduated and is working, she turned around and blamed her bossly: "It's really a pig's brain. After so many years of reading books in vain, everyone runs to the big city and you return to the mountain."
02
Friends are very aggrieved:
What right does she have to say that to me? She didn't understand her own life, she didn't fulfill any parenting responsibilities, so she came to kidnap me morally, just because I was born to her, she made a big mistake, I should forgive her without a doubt, and obey her Willing to do anything? I really can't. If I was adopted by someone else, and one day my biological mother came back to find me, I would rather not know that such a person exists. In this case, parenting is more important to me than blood relatives, not to mention the blood relatives who raised me up. What she thought in her heart was that she would rely on me in the future, so she could not stay in our county, because she had a bad reputation in her hometown.
I have a similar experience with her, and I understand very well. A bowl of rice will go bad overnight. Is it necessary to reappear the family love that has been late for so many years?
If you don't pay, where will you gain? This is an eternal truth, and so is family love.
As the fox in "The Little Prince" said to the prince: "The time you spend on your roses makes your roses so important. 』
I have never acted coquettishly, shed tears, or laughed on you, and you have not left me a trace of what parents should do for their children. We don't need each other, our affection is as thin as paper, the gap is not deep, but it is really wide.
03
My family is a reorganized family. I never want to mention my biological father. In fact, there is really nothing to mention. I don't even know what he looks like because I was too young when my mother took me away from him. All knowledge comes from my mother.
That is a lazy, unprofessional, selfish person. To be honest, whenever I see a scum like this on a TV series, I think sadly: "How could such a person have anything to do with me?"
The only meaning of his existence in my life is a negative teaching material for walking.
When I listened to other adults say to their children, "Where did you come from without your mother", I thought to myself, if half of his existence is to bring me into this world, then I would rather stay with Mother Meng all the time. lined up in the queue, maybe my mother will be less tortured.
But now I think, maybe I can come to this world without him. After all, my eyebrows, eyes, and mouth are all carved according to my mother's mold, and it has half a cent to him?
In other words, I learned to look at and accept the sperm he had contributed to my life with peace of mind, but I had no gratitude for him. What he has done to us is more than enough to offset that small contribution.
I don't hate him for destroying the innocent happy family I could have had, it's the biggest concession I can make. It will never be possible for me to abandon my previous grudges and love him as a family member.
Everyone has to bear the consequences for their actions. If you can't be a passerby with peace of mind, then become an enemy.
If someone thinks I'm ruthless, then I like that ruthless myself. In my opinion, what is more commendable is the distinction between love and hate, rather than repaying hatred with virtue.
We came into this world to make those who love us happy.
04
I have seen a Japanese movie "Mediocre", the atmosphere is very depressing and despairing.
It tells the story of a parent who is a disaster.
Sumita's mother abandoned him and eloped with others. His rogue father often disrupted his peaceful life by rummaging through boxes, punching and kicking, and brought him endless trouble. Whenever his father appeared, he almost collapsed.
He shouted hysterically: He is the one I want to die the most among all the people in the world. Without him, the world will be a better place.
Chazawa, a girl who has a crush on him, likes to collect his quotes, one of which is: "Murdering is the most shameless thing in the world."
That's what he said when he thought he could be an ordinary person, and later, he killed his father and became what he thought was the most shameless person.
That night, his father looked at the desperate boy in front of him and said to him:
In fact, he wanted to exchange his son's death for insurance money every time he was drunk, but he never admitted it when he was sober.
It's easier now, he said.
This is a father who doesn't even deserve to be a man, so Sumita killed him.
After that, he neither surrendered nor committed suicide, but was completely driven to the point of collapse of despair, he said:
Even if it is such a worthless life, I want to use this extra life to do something useful for the society. Since I was born, I have to contribute to the society and kill the bad guys who make trouble for others.
So, he carried a bag with kitchen knives and started a life of self-destruction.
This is the destruction that a father brings to his children. His sense of social responsibility is to kill those who are like his father, what a radical and distorted value.
05
He used to be a good-hearted and friendly boy.
The neighbor's grandfather risked his life to pay his father's loan sharks for him, because he felt that living in fields was the hope of Japan's future.
When he raised the brick to his father for the first time, he stopped, he didn't want to hurt his father, he just wanted to resist, but he put down the brick, in exchange for a more unscrupulous fist.
When the gang boss came to his house to collect debts, he said stubbornly: "I won't admit defeat, this cliché tragedy can't defeat me, I was unfortunately born by a pair of dogs and boys, but I'm not a scum like you, etc. Look, I'm not going to be like you guys, I'm going to be a great adult."
When every child learns that his life is tragic because of his parents, he will save himself, struggle, resist, and want to stand up and walk out of that unbearable and tortured relationship, but not everyone can stand up.
Life is a test. By overcoming the malice of the world, finding and sticking to your true self, you will be able to encounter light and happiness, and isolate the next generation from similar tragedies. If you fail to clear the customs, you will be degraded and become another kind of malice in the world.
06
The hostess Cha Ze's family is also perverted. Her mother specially made a gallows for her and let her die when it was finished, saying that they wanted to live happily and did not need her.
Mother grabbed Cha Ze's hair and said, "It's me who named you." It seemed that giving birth to her was a great merit, enough to be the capital for her to violently abuse her children and do whatever she wanted.
But Cha Ze likes Sumi Tian, because she has love in her heart, she is always so cheerful and heartless, and she does not let go of a glimmer of hope in life.
No matter how much Sumita hated her, or even violently confronted her, she insisted on staying by his side. Especially after guessing that Sumita had committed a crime, she persuaded him to turn himself in, atone for his sins, gain freedom, and become a good adult.
All she has in her heart is to protect the ordinary but bright future of Sumita.
At the end of the film, Chazawa says:
"When you get out of prison we'll get married, rent a cheap apartment, live happily, work hard, and then we'll have babies, call us Mom and Dad.
When the child grew up, one day he suddenly felt very happy. He would thank us for giving birth to him, he thought sincerely. Even if it is fake, you can imagine that this is the most perfect happiness. "
"Well, it's beautiful, like a dream," Sumita said.
Every sentence pokes my heart, the happiness that children in ordinary families are accustomed to, but it is a luxury hope that children in broken families can’t reach even on tiptoe.
07
In the barrage, some netizens ridiculed: No wonder the phrase if you want to die is so familiar, this is what my dad often said to me! Some netizens said that his greatest effort is to live until now.
The ending of the movie is good, but because of this, the evaluation of this work is lowered. Sumita and Chazawa in real life may be much heavier than the ending of the movie, such as the once-hot Dazhou boy suicide incident.
It is human nature to love children, and it is human nature to love parents. From the movies and the experiences of myself and my friends, I gradually understand that parents are not an indispensable role in the growth of children.
Parents with knowledge and ability are the icing on the cake for their children.
Ordinary but kind-hearted parents who can teach their children the basics of life are standard.
And parents who are selfish, irresponsible, and abandon their children are not so unfortunate. As long as they live quietly in their own world and don't disturb their children's lives, although children grow slowly, they can still live well and have their own happiness.
Because every child has a positive nature, no one wants to put himself in hell.
08
After watching the movie, I think my friends and I are much happier than them, because our growth process belongs to the third type. Although I was born in a family with cracks, I grew up with the care of other close relatives, the friendship of my friends, the kindness of teachers, classmates and strangers in the society, and most importantly, a peaceful life.
Now, when I finally grow up, I have the right to be the master of my own life. I also have the opportunity to choose the path I want to take and become the person I want to be. I don't have to resist like a child.
I've thought about it many times, why does a family that should be bound together by love become such a face?
Why not love the child but bring him into the world?
Why turn a warm family love into a cold hatred?
Why are some parents scarier than the devil?
In the book "Only You Can't Live Up to You", the heroine asked the hero: "Why do immature and irresponsible adults have children?"
The male protagonist said, "Maybe it's because they didn't know they were still a child when they gave birth to us."
Instead of discussing parenting styles, we want to make it clear to some people that they are not qualified to be parents in the first place, and it has nothing to do with ability, age, education, but deep down humanity, character, and Responsibility decides.
09
I didn't know what it meant to be unprepared to be a parent before, but now I understand.
Becoming a parent should not be a natural, step-by-step role change after marriage, but an attitude of being ready to accept and give some love to a new life and be responsible for him. It is to make sure that you have grown into an adult who can lead by example to your children, and to be willing to be tired and happy to fulfill your responsibilities as a parent.
The generation of parents can't be changed, and I hope we can all understand the importance of good parents for the growth and happiness of children. Don't become parents when you are still children. After you are truly mature and ready to build a warm harbor for your children, Bring him back into this world.
In that case, even if he has experienced all the pain in the world, when he is exhausted by the social disturbances, he can still have a place to rest in his heart, return to this safe and happy castle to accumulate strength, and set off again.
A passer-by in the film, who may be mentally ill, said: " The worst person in the world is the one who lives to cause trouble for others. "
Even blood relatives are not worthy of forgiveness.
For those parents who abandon their children and think that their personal interests are above all else, I would like to say something to them that I have heard on the radio: " Time dilutes resentment and smoothes fate. "
Now that you have chosen to leave, don't show up again. No matter how good or bad your life is, you will be treated as a parallel line that never intersects in the world of both parties.
Don't be kidnapped by morals, and don't think about getting anything from your child, because from the moment you leave, not disturbing is the best fulfillment for his life.
If so, maybe at some point the child will remember that there was a person who gave me life but not love, but that's okay, I thank him for disappearing into my life and giving me the opportunity to experience more true feelings and kindness.
He made me understand that there are many more precious emotions in the world besides blood. As for the love that he is absent, I will give my child twice as much, so that he will never have such a lack.
This is the only positive meaning and growth energy that an irresponsible parent leaves a child to a child I can think of.
end.
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