The Modern Love column is a reader contribution column launched by The New York Times in 2004. The editors select the most moving one published in each issue from the "love stories" submitted by many readers.
Some of these small stories of different shapes and sizes have ended without a problem, some have blossomed, some are on the verge of breaking up, some have been relieved of crisis, some are struggling, and some have been relieved. The protagonists of most of the stories are ordinary people in the city of New York.
These short stories are not entirely about love. They have origins and demise and different moods. They are all wonderful and delicate fetters between people in the metropolis of New York, subtle yet warm. Gives the courage to continue living.
Recently, the author revisited four readers who had contributed to the "New York Times", and it is precisely because of their contributions that the current hit drama "Modern Love" was born.
1. "When your most important man is a doorman"
The first episode of the American TV series "Modern Love" came from an article submitted by Julie Hoben in 2015. The heroine goes through all kinds of fruitless dates in New York, and the doorman Guzmin is the only man who guards her. (D: the author, J: Julie Hobben)
D: At that time, your article wrote about an unexpected pregnancy, but you didn't actually love the child's father. And that important man Guzmin has been guarding by the side. Would love to know how you felt when sharing this story.
J: Actually, it was a little embarrassing at the time, but for me, Guzmin's friendship and love for me were great. This is just a short essay of 150 words, not an article.
Maybe in this short article, there is no one else by my side except Guzmin. This may be one of the limitations of the short essay genre. Also, this short article is not about my pregnancy, but about how life should go on as a single mother.
D: Why is pregnancy and childbirth not a problem for you?
J: I'm a Catholic, so I've never had any doubts in this regard. Having children is certain to be born.
D: How old was your daughter when you wrote this story?
J: Are you 8 years old? I posted it four years ago (2015) and she is now 12. However, it seems that she only actually read this piece of writing I wrote two weeks ago.
D: So about Guzmin in reality, whether it is your article or the current TV series, do you feel uneasy because you are in the spotlight?
J: He doesn't seem to have any qualms about it. I thought he would be happy to be the hero of my article. But it was with his consent. He's an unsung hero, smart, and deserves attention. A lot of people don't realize the contribution of this profession to society, and I don't think he has received the recognition it deserves.
D: Is he still doing this job now?
J: Still, on the Upper West Side. You can meet him there now. Every time I come to New York, I run to the door to peek at him.
D: For your story, most readers and viewers will think that you and Guzmin should have a more romantic ending. What do you think?
J: Really! A good friend of mine asked me, why not marry Guzmin? And then I said, huh? But no! He's been dating the same woman for years in reality, and he's much older than me.
D: Does it feel more like a father-like, protective relationship?
J: Yes, from the beginning.
D: Then how did you feel when you saw the TV series? Are you unhappy?
J: A little bit. However, it was stated that it was adapted, and the changes were very large, and the gap with the original published article was far away. On the contrary, this will help everyone distinguish the difference between film and television and reality. Aside from the visuals, some of the footage really looks like what I look like in reality.
D: For example?
J: The lobby of the apartment, the heroine's dress, the little girl who plays my daughter, and Guzmin in uniform, etc. These are particularly New York-esque scenes that really evoke memories. But the adaptation of the plot is quite big, so it won't fit in with your own life at all.
D: I still remember that scene, when Maggie came home from the hospital with the baby for the first time, Guzmin came out to greet them and said, "Well done, the baby is beautiful." directly quoted from your article.
J: I will never forget that moment. He helped me open the car door and took the baby stroller out of the car.
D: Then in reality, did he take your daughter to the American Museum of Natural History like in the play?
J: Never, he usually just greets us in the lobby. This is New York life, and the lobby is a children's playground.
D: So for you, which scene in the show is the most realistic?
J: Well, just like the opening. Every time I come back from a date, I say goodbye at the intersection. Because I don't want Guzmin to see the guy I'm dating, I'm afraid to let him see. I'm not as brave as the characters on the show, and usually I'll sneak into the building, or get the guy home 15 minutes early when Guzmin is on duty. That way you don't have to be afraid of being bumped into.
D: In the show, it seems that there is no other doorman except Guzmin.
J: Yeah, that's about it, he probably works 6 days a week.
D: But is he the only one who has this special care relationship with you?
J: Yes, there used to be another doorman who always taught me not to do this or that. I was thinking, I didn't come to listen to your lesson, even if it was, Guzmin came to teach me, not you.
D: So how is your love life now?
J: I haven't been in love since my daughter was born. My daughter would secretly open a dating account for me and then help me on a date. But I think she's trying to distract me from staring at her, hahaha.
2. "If Cupid Were a Gossip Reporter"
When a former lover meets again, do you want the other person to be the same as they liked back then? Deborah Copaken told two stories when she contributed to this column in 2015. One is about his love for the past 30 years, and the other is about the love of dating app Hger founder Justin McLeod, whose story eventually became the second episode of "Modern Love". (DJ: Writer, DC: Deborah Copaken)
DJ: When readers read the "Modern Romance" column in The New York Times, they often ask, who wrote all this? What is the purpose? So I am now asking you for readers, what are the reasons for choosing to expose your private life in a public domain?
DC: I believe that many people are in this perspective of a shared life experience when they unveil their personal moments. Everyone who has experienced it will wonder if I am the only one in the world who has felt these feelings. I have received many letters from readers saying thank you for telling me what I have always wanted to say in my heart. The story I tell may be the story of any other person, the helplessness and sadness of others.
DJ: I want to ask, is that lover from a long time ago still in touch?
DC: Do n't keep in touch, but follow each other on social media and watch each other's lives from a distance.
DJ: Then when you were writing an article or writing an idea for the screenwriter, did you contact him and tell him something?
DC: Of course there is.
DJ: Did you get back in touch then, or did you get in touch so suddenly?
DC: Quite suddenly. When I was planning to reconnect at the time, it was because I was doing some data collection for a novel, and the name suddenly flashed on the screen. I was wondering if it could be the same person? It was later discovered that it was indeed the same person.
DJ: This is the first contact after many years?
DC: Yes, at least the first time since my pigeons were released in Paris thirty years ago. I learned later that he had lost my phone address in Paris, even though we both missed each other.
DJ: That was thirty years ago, and that probably wouldn't happen today. But I'm curious, that moment should have been very heartbreaking for you, did that heartache force you to forget him? So you probably never tried to find him in all these years, right?
DC: We grew up in different eras, and that was 1989, when there was no internet. I met him on the beach in Jamaica and later spent a week with each other in London. The only way I had contact with him was his phone number, and I didn't even know where he lived.
DJ: So the situation at the time was that even if you really wanted to find it, you couldn't start, right?
DC: His name is generic, too common. I've missed him a lot over the years. But if you meet someone on a beach in Jamaica, fall in love in London for ten days, and then disappear without a trace, you ask yourself what the hell happened.
After reconnecting later, he told me a story about a friend of his in Paris the year after we separated, and I happened to be interviewing Jim Morrison there.
When his friend showed him the photos of the day, he suddenly saw my figure in one of the photos, and then he asked his friend, did you talk to her? His friend told him, no, she was just a photographer who happened to be there.
That was the last time he "touched" me. Then came the Internet age, my new book was published in 2000, he used Google to search my name, but the information that came out was a picture of me and my husband and children, and it didn't take long for him to meet his current wife .
He said he had always had an illusion that he would find me one day. He wants me to miss him all these years. It's an emotional memory that builds up over time.
DJ: How did it feel when we finally met again in New York?
DC: Feeling very sad. We sat on a Central Park bench, ate sandwiches, and chatted. I haven't seen each other for over 20 years. Nervous and like I wanted to cry, my marriage was in trouble at the time. It wasn't until that moment that I suddenly realized, oh yeah, that's the thing I'm missing in my marriage, this feeling of love.
DJ: Did you get divorced then? Have you been separated by then?
DC: Not yet, not yet, but painful. The former lover lives in California, and I live in New York. He's like my memory box, and I'll call him from time to time. We had a very close relationship afterwards, which made me see my own marriage and made him understand how good his married life is now. So every time he complained about his wife, I would say to him, "Come on, what's the matter, it can be solved".
DJ: So what did he think when he saw your article?
DC: He sent me a text saying that he was so touched that he hadn't thought about our relationship and that he could give Justin the power to love bravely.
DJ: So the change to Justin is real?
DC: Changed the trajectory of his life, and now Justin is back with ex-girlfriend Kate. So sometimes I imagine throwing a pebble into a calm lake with ripples echoing. It's incredible how I imagine a relationship that died 30 years ago, somehow continued in the life of a stranger 30 years later.
3. "No matter who I am, please accept me"
Putting bipolar disorder on the screen has formed a short drama that is both funny and healing in "Modern Love". From a short article Terry Cheney voted for The New York Times in 2008. After fighting with bipolar disorder alone for decades, I can finally face it bravely, no longer fear the eyes of others, and confess my illness to all my friends and colleagues who have been hurt. This is the third episode. (D: the author, T: Terry Cheney)
D: Your story is about yourself, and you concealed the fact of bipolar disorder for a long time. But now that the story has been made into a TV series, will more people know about your situation, will they be afraid?
T: Terrified. Except for my doctor, very few people actually know about my condition. I am the kind of passerby that few people will notice even if I disappear from the world immediately. I am very efficient at work, always ahead of my colleagues, to make up for the work I have left behind when I am sick, and this is also the case at school. But I was terrified of getting fired or liking me once everyone found out I was a patient.
D: Has anything changed since the article was published?
T: It 's amazing how many people have reconnected with me. Many people agreed with me, some even invited me to give a speech, and I was even proposed to marriage.
D: Really?
T: Really, someone read the "Modern Love" column and thought I deserved love.
D: Did you contact me by email?
T: Yes, by mail. Sorry, I can't reply all of them. It was really stressful and beautiful at that time, and suddenly it felt as if everyone knew me and started to reconnect with those old friends, especially the colleagues I worked with. They all said, in fact, we all really want to get to know you, but have been unable to start.
D: Will you breathe a sigh of relief when someone tells you "I've always wanted to know you"? Or even more confused?
T: It's actually quite annoying, I thought I was hiding it especially well. So when I express myself, I choose a more pertinent way. But in 2008, bipolar disorder was not like today, so many people knew about it.
D: Are people always confused by your extreme emotions? I mean, sometimes you're in high spirits and you're super productive, sometimes you're so down that you almost disappear, and when you're depressed, you don't show up at all, right?
T: I think people are just trying to figure out why I sometimes disappear for no reason. I've never actually lost a job and won't get any professional accusations, but I'll disappear. Back then people wouldn't work from home like they do now. So I can only work part-time with a more flexible schedule.
D: Then when you disappeared, were you actually still working? Or is it simply not working at all?
T: Not working at all. Curled up on the bed like a baby, unable to move. The most terrifying state of depression is what they say is mental retardation, unable to move. Can't get up, can't go to the toilet, can't answer the phone, and lie like a corpse.
D: How many days?
T: Right, cut off any contact with the outside world; so I developed the ability to make excuses. I have been very good at making excuses since I was a child. My mother is a nurse, and my family has medical books. I can make up any kind of disease, and I can make it well.
D: Will your mother stay with you all the time?
T: My parents don't know what to do with me either. Because academically good grades, not a bad boy, just think the behavior is weird; and bipolar disorder was almost unknown in my day. It's different now. It's definitely not normal for a child to lie in bed for days without crying or eating or drinking.
D: Now that your story has been made into a TV series, it should be able to remind more people to learn to pay attention. Anne Kathaway portrayed your experience in a more exaggerated way in the play, what do you think?
T: I actually had a very in-depth conversation with her. Talked to her about what it's like to have bipolar disorder, and how the experience that happened to me has changed. She should understand. And I know that the directors of this episode, John Carney and Anne Kathaway, are very careful with their characters.
The two of them dealt with this matter very carefully, and the conversation at that time was quite pleasant. And they also want to know more about the details, not the stereotypes that people usually call them. I remember when Annie asked about her bipolar disorder, I told her that her movements were very slow, like being under a heavy load and unable to move.
When discussing with the director John, he said that he remembered the song and dance clips of "La La Land", which I think is very good, because when the mood is high, it is indeed as cheerful as in the movie, and everything is bright.
D: It's been 12 years since your article was published. If you don't mind, can you tell us about your recent life?
T: I'm no longer a lawyer. My first book, Mania, was a New York Times and Los Angeles Times bestseller and has now been translated into eight foreign languages.
The second book, The Dark Side of Innocence, is about my childhood with bipolar disorder. And now just finished the third book, coming out next fall, called The Handbook of Modern Madness.
D: What about your love life?
T: I'm healthy now and in love. Almost all the men who dated later read my articles, and I hope that if anyone wants to get in touch with me, that's the first thing you should know. I don't need to explain my actions anymore, and I get out of a lot of trouble.
A lot of people will ask me about what happened to Jeff (translator's note: the man the heroine met) after that, and unfortunately, there is no more news from him. I had hoped he might reappear when the "Modern Romance" article was out, but sadly never heard from him again. I still go to the same grocery store, maybe meet again someday.
4. "You come and go, let the game continue"
In a 2013 article, Ann Leary contributed to her "marriage crisis" with her husband (actor Dennis Leary). As of today, the couple has just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. When they were on the verge of divorce, couples learned two lessons about love: 1) Don't run away or be afraid to separate, as this may well be the key to moving on; 2) If marriage is like playing tennis, learn how to I tend to be very important. (D: the author, A: Ann Larry)
D: The time of submission was the most difficult time for your marriage. What prompted you to write this article?
A: Few people like to write about failed marriages, but in our relationship, even our closest people can't feel that there is something wrong with our relationship. We both hid it so well at the time that even the kids were surprised afterward. They didn't notice it at all, maybe they were too focused on their own lives.
But I still remember very clearly that when I walked out of the marriage counselor's office and announced the failure of the marriage to the other party, the time became very long, but it also made me remember every bit of that time, the shoes I wore, and the pace of walking. When the relationship really faces separation, it becomes clearer how much you want to keep the other person.
Admitting a failed marriage can be especially scary for a couple, but it's something to consider for a long time. In fact, even if you say it, the world will not explode.
We were like, "Oh, I'm hungry, let's go get something to eat." Then all of the depression suddenly disappeared. At the time, I was very rude, trying to maintain this sense of failure in the marriage, but Dennis immediately surrendered, "Am I wrong, I can't do anything now, can I go to dinner?"
And then I said, "Oh my God, well, so am I." After that we went to a movie together, and we were still in the theater while we were watching the movie, because Dennis had very long legs, so he had to wrap his feet all night.
D: What movie did you watch?
A: No Country for Old Men, it's pretty cruel, but we all like it. When watching a movie, Dennis would tell me about the laws of camera movement, which I don't really understand, because I'm more concerned with the plot. But when watching a movie together, I can't help but think from his point of view. Then I suddenly asked myself, "If I could choose, who would I most like to watch this movie with?" I can't think of anyone else besides him. It's a special feeling, and it's been a long time away from itself, but I'm sure we both felt it.
D: You know, the feeling you described is quite transparent, and it is a bit unexpected, as if you said that deciding to divorce can save the marriage.
You also mentioned "Emperor Penguin Diary" in the article, and then it became a very exciting little scene in the play. Can you tell me how this came about?
A: This is a common hobby of Dennis and I. It is also our favorite movie. We both like nature documentaries. Every time we watch this movie, we cry.
Then "Modern Love" screenwriter Sharon Hogan wondered how he could turn this into a scene on the show. Later, I received a lot of letters from readers.
D: So are you still playing tennis with Dennis? Does he still play that kind of "Dennis tennis"?
A: We are still playing, I like women's doubles now, he is playing more with pro players now. But he still hates the rules of the game, so he is still the same, likes to change the rules at will in the game.
He serves really badly, so if we play together, we must not be partners. It's normal, if I'm partnering with someone and the partner makes a mistake, I'll usually say, "It's okay, don't worry, come again." But if Dennis makes a mistake, I'll usually say, "Damn it! wind?"
So we have reached a consensus now, that is, we like one-on-one singles, and I am happy to win, but when the other party plays this ball well, I also feel very happy. In fact, marriage is a friendly match between you and me. .
D: Yes, in fact, to prolong the game so I continue to play.
Translation | Peter Pan; Official Account | Watching Movies and Seeing Death
Editor | Teenager on the Roof; Please indicate the source for reprinting
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