You walk by the river in spring. The young man in the field by the river. Yellow leaves falling in autumn. Floating past your eyes looking into the distance.
It is undeniable. Gao Xiaosong is a genius. Only he can write such words. Let my soul be willing to settle forever in those beating notes. Let my thoughts always travel through those sentimental sentences that are as dim as the autumn sun.
I think I will always love campus folk songs. Love Gao Xiaosong. Love those vagrant singers who wear white skirts or checkered shirts, hold guitars, smoke, and sit under the phoenix forest or cherry blossom trees and sing softly. Until I grow old with them. The old one can't sing or walk. Quietly waiting in the sun for the last rose of summer. We sit by the lake. Look at the old European building by the lake. The lights in that room went out one after another. Suddenly it was dark.
Like Kane in his Shennandu palace. A person left alone.
Citizen Kane
every moment of doing nothing. I faced all the familiar things in my room. I always sit on that broken sofa and think back to where I was today that year. What did I do today that year. Thinking slowly. It will be dusk. Then the day is over. There is no denying that I am a person with a good memory. But this will only increase the pain. Because whenever it comes to these days in January. I always think of the woman who gave me citizen Kane.
Citizen Kane. That is a black and white film. In this glitzy world full of feasting and green love of men and women. In this age when we were busy going out to make money and get rich, drinking drunk every night, looking pale and rushing to work, drunk, dreaming, and rushing to talk about a fast-food love. I was that winter night. She said to give you a plate of Citizen Kane. My favorite movie. She said I think you will like this movie. It will make you feel like going back in time.
Sometimes I have a whim to play a game with some friends who feel tacit understanding but dare not meet. I will put some small gifts in some unknown corners of the city. Waiting for these friends to pick it up. They also often give me some small gifts. I got the picture of Citizen Kane on the steps of a closed shopping mall in the city. Get the cowhide envelope. When I walked out of a broken door in that mall. It was the coldest moment of this winter. A fallen yellow leaf flicked over my head. Hovering past the girl who walked by in the red coat on the side of the street.
In this way, I got the picture of Citizen Kane in that winter. Orson Wilson made a film in 1941 that is still rated as one of the top ten classics in film history.
ROSEBUD
knew the girl on New Year's Eve that year. That night I surfed the Internet at an internet cafe on an unknown street in a foreign country. I was worried that I could not find a place to sleep that night. That night the girl added me and told me that she liked the words I wrote. Then she told me that she would insist on reading every word I wrote. Then tell me how she felt after watching it. She has an English name called ROSEBUD. But I am a person who is very new to English. I asked her about the meaning of this word. She told me you would know in the future.
The night after getting Citizen Kane. I went home and turned off the lights, lit up the cigarettes, and turned on the disc player to watch the discs. When the old film, which was more than sixty years old, was shown on the TV, the black and white shots kept beating and there was a squeaky sound when the light film was damp. Sure enough, people feel that time is beginning to go backwards. I really like this movie soon. It reminds me in a daze of the days when I was still living in the compound many years ago when I was holding a small bench to watch an open-air movie against the sky full of stars. That melodious harmonica sound. Floating from a long distance.
When Orson Wilson finished making this movie, it was about the same as my current yearbook. I suddenly wondered if he still has a childlike heart in this yearbook like me. Because I know we all have the same world that we will never find again.
The beginning of the movie is the huge Xanadu Palace. The camera pushed through countless empty rooms to Kane's room. We saw Kane as he was dying. He said his last words before he died. That's the word. ROSEBUD. Then a glass ball in his hand fell to the ground and shattered. There is a world of heavy snow in the glass ball. Then came a nine-minute documentary. In the documentary, we learned about Kane's brilliant life. He created a huge newspaper kingdom. He almost became the President of the United States. He married two women in his life. One is the niece of the president. One is a beautiful opera star. However, I saw in the movie that the great citizen Kane died alone in his Shenandoah Palace, which he spent countless money to build and pile up countless treasures of his collection. There is no relative or friend around. Only the only nurse lady witnessed his death. That loneliness is like the snowy world in the glass ball. In that world, Edward Scissorhands once bid farewell to his lover alone.
One evening this fall. I was drinking with a long-time friend in a pub on a lively street in Xiangfan. It was raining outside the window at that time. I looked at the sky slowly dimming. The rushing traffic. The constantly changing traffic lights at the intersection. I feel that I have gradually started to have nothing to say with this friend. Suddenly a little sad. Drinking continuously. That friend kept advising me to go out and see the outside world when I was young, not to stay in my hometown and mess around with nothing. But I told her that I would not go anywhere, so I wanted to stay in this city where I was born and raised me and live peacefully. Every night, write some words that make their heart beat for those who I like or who like me. No matter whether this kind of life is painful or happy, I will be satisfied. At this time, another friend brought by that friend asked me suddenly. Haven't you been frustrated and irritated? That buddy may not be older than me, but I heard that he is already the manager of a real estate company in Wuhan. Faced with this problem, I was a little dumb and speechless. I couldn't answer, I had to continue drinking with my head down and bored. I think that loneliness is no different from Kane. I remember that I was a little drunk that night. At the time of drunken eyes. I suddenly wanted to go to the movies. Those prosperous dream-like beauty in the movie are all in the blink of an eye.
The girl really started to insist on reading my words. And whether I am online or not. She always leaves me a message. Tell me something. The soft sunshine in those winters always filled my heart. I started to write something every day and wait for her to see it. But now I can only think of the only paragraph she left me. She said that she came out of the Internet cafe after reading your words. The bright sun suddenly hurt my eyes. Makes me want to shed tears. A friend next to me told me that she wanted to spend a long time with XX. I began to feel how out of reach of these four words. Death and time are the cruelest things in the world. We are so helpless to face them.
Find the secret of ROSEBUD
in the movie. Kane left us the secret of ROSEBUD. After his death. A reporter started searching for Kane's friends and relatives in order to find out the meaning of the word he said. He first read the diary of Mr. Thatcher, Kane's boyhood guardian. We saw the difference between Kane and his parents in the heavy snow that winter. Kane’s mother, who has suddenly made a fortune, is about to entrust her son to Mr. Thatcher. She wants her son to stop staying in this ghost place in the country. Go to the big city to get the best education. At this time, young Kane was playing happily with his skis in the ice and snow. When he learned of his mother's decision. We saw Kane who was angry and then disappointed. He took the snowboard and hit Mr. Thatcher hard. Then his mother held him tightly in her arms.
do not know why. Snow is always associated with my teenage years. Perhaps it is because of global warming that it rarely snows in our city. I always think of the children in the compound who were happily fighting in the snow in my childhood. Where have they all gone now? There are also snowmen piled in front of every house and ice hooks hung under the eaves. It's really memorable.
The night we met nine days later. I finally heard her voice. Floating from the phone, he spoke quietly in Mandarin. I imagine what she looks like on the other end of the phone? But her face is always vague. I went to a birthday party for a netizen that night. At the busy dinner table, I was surrounded by a group of very small children who were laughing and making noises. I really don't know what to say to them. So I had to drink up the whole bottle of red wine on the table by myself. Then I was so dizzy and then I hurriedly left to go online. I told her I was in a mess. I want to hear your voice. She was silent for a while. Then tell me a phone number. Say you call me later.
There was a little snow that night. I rushed to the night shift. I walk alone. The north wind is blowing. I was alone on that road for a long time. Then a car drove slowly behind me. The car lights up and I feel the snowflakes flying in the light behind me. I especially want to tell her that moment. On that night. She said I read a sentence, listen to it. Then she read a paragraph and I still don't know which text it is from Baby Annie. Then she started to play a song called Miss Faye Wong repeatedly to me. She said, listen. This is my favorite song from me to you. You will sleep quietly soon. At that night, I finally got sleepy in the singing.
At this time, the reporter in the movie was still looking for Kane's friends, first Kane's manager Bernstein. Bernstein didn't know the meaning of that word either. He can only recall the times when he and Kane started their business together and they succeeded in creating a miracle in the history of newspapers and Kane's interest in politics. And the happy marriage between Kane and his first wife and the final disintegration of the marriage. Then the reporter found Kane’s good friend Mr. Leland. Mr. Leland, who was already a patient, recalled the inside story of Kane's first marriage change. His encounter with his second wife. The collapse of his political career. And the details of his last fight against his friends for his wife's opera career.
On the fourteenth day of our acquaintance. She gave me the plate of citizen Kane. On that night. She told me that it was in another unknown house in this city. She was also watching this Citizen Kane. She told me it was very good. Now someone in this city can watch this movie with me. That night. We talked on the phone for three hours. In my later time. I have never spoken such a long phone call again. Because I know that some enthusiasm may be exhausted at once. That evening. I kept talking about the movies I like to her on the other end of the phone. Two can only live one. Those books. Su Tong's Toon Tree Street. Wang Shuo's stewardess. I told her that I hope I will never lose you in this life. She laughed. She said you forgot what I told you. Time and death are the cruelest things. We are so helpless in front of them. On the nineteenth day of our acquaintance. I suddenly lost her. I remember after I went online that night. I did not receive her message. Then I searched my QQ and found that this woman named ROSEBUD is no longer available on my line. I started calling her crazy that night. Until I myself didn't remember how many times I called the same number and got the same cold voice. The sound of the phone you are making is turned off. I began to wearily wonder if this woman had actually appeared. But how does the plate of Citizen Kane placed on my disc player explain it?
In the movie. The reporter has found Kane's second wife, Susan. Susan painfully recalled the days when she had to learn singing and opera under the pressure of Kane. She knew that she would never be a good actor. But she couldn't resist those demands of Kane. In the end, she could only choose to resist Kane with death. It's a pity that she didn't die. Finally Kane stopped persecuting her. She could only play with the puzzles with herself, who had nothing to do with herself, hiding in the huge Xanadu palace all day long. Waiting for the end of youth. last of the last. She finally couldn't stand the arrogant and domineering Kane. Make up my mind to leave Kane.
The end of the movie. The reporter returned to Xanadu Palace and met Kane's butler Raymond. Raymond witnessed Kane's loneliness in his later years. No one speaks to him anymore. His friends left him one by one. He wandered around in the palace of Xanadu all day long. Playing with the glass ball that broke when he was dying. Raymond said he had heard Kane talk to himself the word ROSEBUD. But who knows what exactly this word means. Finally he smiled and said to the reporter that maybe it was a girl's name. Maybe it was a wish of his. Or maybe it's nothing.
Rosebud
I lost the news of that girl since that night. She never went online again. Her phone was also turned off. It was just one afternoon in May of this year that I suddenly received a call from an unknown source. A girl on the other end of the phone kept crying. Never said a word ever since. I didn't say anything. I just listened to her crying silently. five minutes later. That call is about to hang up. I suddenly told her that it was where you had sent me citizen Kane. I will give you a gift.
The stars on that day were brilliant. There is no cross-sea bridge. There are no white waves surging. Only those of destiny who are not motivated. The mall has now been refurbished. People come and go. I put two hyacinths in the cowhide envelope that used to hold Citizen Kane. One pink. A sea blue. I think she will hang these two hyacinths on her bedside. This way she won't be too lonely. Those two hyacinths will not be too lonely to be with each other. In addition, I also installed a 16-year-old favorite Zhou Zhiping's song that I recorded myself. That turbulent affair, childhood sweethearts, Ma Susan, explained MRLEE where you are going. I hope to give my favorite things to each other just like her. Let another person in this city watch the same movie and listen to the same song. That night I put the envelope under a sparsely pedestrian tree beside the mall. I think she will get them. After I left on a motorcycle. I suddenly wanted to tell the motorcycle to turn around. Because at that moment I felt her coming. But I hesitated for a minute. I still didn't make this decision.
The reporter in the movie finally failed to find the meaning of that word. What exactly is a rosebud? When he left the Palace of Xanadu. The workers are packing away all the valuable items collected by Kane, who has been a collector for many years. Burning worthless. In the end, the camera passed the piles of piles of precious treasures or junk to a stove. A snowboard that had accumulated dust for many years was thrown into the stove. We can clearly see that this is the same ski that Kane took when he left his parents many years ago. The snowboard began to melt in the fire. Then we clearly saw a line of words on the ski. ROSEBUD.
It was another summer not long after. I surf the Internet in an Internet city that I often go to. When I spend my time online again with nothing to do. In the noisy Internet city, I suddenly heard someone playing a song clearly on the speaker. That was the nostalgia song I heard many years ago. Maybe I like to miss you more than I see you. I might like to imagine that you don't need to hold you. I stood up suddenly. I stepped across rows of computers. I saw a girl I had met sitting quietly in front of a computer. She raised her head and saw me staring at her in a daze. Smile quietly.
In a trance. I remembered the time that had just passed away and the girl named ROSEBUD that I had never met. But why are those days so far away from me?
Is it really the same as she said. Time and death are the cruelest things. How helpless we are in front of them.
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