can sell

Naomi Lapaglia: Wake up, you piece of shit! Who's Venice?

Jordan Belfort: Who?

Naomi Lapaglia: Huh?

Jordan Belfort: Who? Who?

Naomi Lapaglia: Who? What are you, a fucking owl? Who is she? Some little hooker you were fucking last night?

Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are you talking about? No. No way, baby, no!

Naomi Lapaglia: You were calling her name in your sleep!

Jordan Belfort: Are you out of your fucking mind? I don't even know who Venice is. What the fuck does that even mean? Venice. That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard in my fucking life!

[after flashback of sex with Venice]

Jordan Belfort: That's right. That's right, I forgot. Donnie and I were investing in a condominium complex in Venice. That's why all this confusion.

Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, you're investing in Italy?

Jordan Belfort: Not Italy. California, baby!

Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, California? You're a lying piece of shit!

Jordan Belfort: Duchess, baby, come on!

Naomi Lapaglia: Don't you fucking Duchess me! Don't you Duchess me! Do you really think that I don't know what you're up to? You're a father now, Jordan.

Jordan Belfort: Yeah! I know.

Naomi Lapaglia: You're a father now. And you're still acting like an infant!

[throws water in his face]

Jordan Belfort: FUCK! GODDAMN IT! Baby, you know you got real anger issues.

Naomi Lapaglia: Who is the one who flew in here at 3:00 in the morning on their stupid helicopter and woke up Skylar? That was you! Doesn't even matter to you! Does it even matter to you that I just had that driving range sodded with Bermuda grass, Jordan, and now you fucking wrecked it!

Jordan Belfort: Oh, Bermuda grass.

Naomi Lapaglia: No, you didn't research the whole thing and deal with the fucking golf course people!

Jordan Belfort: Oh my God! You had to deal with the gold course people, too! What a Greek tragedy honey! Oh my God! You probably had to pay them in cash with your hands! What a fucking burden! And actually do some work besides swiping my fucking credit card all day, huh? Because I can't keep track of your professions, honey. Last month you were a wine connoisseur, now you're an aspiring landscape architect. Let me get that right.

Naomi Lapaglia: Fuck you!

Jordan Belfort: Don't fucking dare throw that fucking water at me. Don't you fucking dare.

Naomi Lapaglia: Good morning, daddy. Where's my kiss?

Jordan Belfort: Hey, sweetheart! Does daddy get a kiss from both of his little girls, huh?

Naomi Lapaglia: Oh no. No, daddy doesn't even get to touch mommy for a very, very, very long time.

Jordan Belfort: Daddy's really sorry about what he said in the other room. He didn't mean any of it.

Naomi Lapaglia: Daddy shouldn't waste his time. And from now on, it's gonna be nothing but short, short skirts around the house. And you know something else, daddy? Mommy is just so sick and tired of wearing panties.

Jordan Belfort: Yeah?

Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah. In fact, she's decided to throw them all away.

[opens legs]

Naomi Lapaglia: So take a good look, daddy. You're gonna be seeing an awful lot of this around the house.

Jordan Belfort: Oh, baby. Yeah mommy.

Naomi Lapaglia: But no touching.

Jordan Belfort: Ow.

Naomi Lapaglia: What's wrong, daddy?

Jordan Belfort: Mmm, baby. Okay, mommy likes to play games with daddy. Mommy, have you ever noticed anything odd about Mr. Fuzzy Bear over there? His eyes seem to be a little bit odd, don't they? Yeah, there's something a little bit different about his eyes. Yes, I think it's true. Say hi, mommy!

[waves to security camera]

Jordan Belfort: Say hi to Rocco and Rocco! Say hi! Hi, fellas!

Naomi Lapaglia: Fuck you!

Jordan Belfort: [narration] Of all the fucking days, she chooses today to give me blue balls.