let me know.) When I was young, I was often attracted to this kind of girl, who wore simple T-shirts or pullovers and carried unknown handbags. Stepping on flat shoes, appearing in the driving seat of an economical car, public transportation or even a bicycle, you can go to Mala Tang and skewers without stress when you go out for dinner with them. Of course, the most important thing is that they are all beautiful enough, so beautiful that they need to overcome too many temptations to reject countless men, and work very hard to live the lives of ordinary girls. When girls with their same looks carry Dior on Audi's co-pilot, I think they are almost like angels.
I think that when Gatsby, an ordinary military officer who was born poor and penniless, first fell in love with the goddess Daisy, he must have been the same as me, taking the feelings of those seemingly unreachable goddesses on his ordinary self as a kind of feeling. Grace, I believe she must be the most romantic, coolest and least material girl.
Gatsby and I were both wrong.
Sensation and Value
From the perspective of perceptual and rational, we generally divide girls into two categories simply. If the so-called perceptual girl is a sensory type that pays more attention to feelings, then a rational girl is a more pragmatic value type.
But the reality is far more complicated than this. Gatsbys ignored a group of high-ranking players, such as Daisy and most of the angels I mentioned at the beginning. To borrow the term of a top PUA, we call it a value type disguised as a sensory type. They know that men’s inherent innocence has led them to generally favor sensational girls. After all, no matter how much wealth or value is, everyone is more eager for a woman to choose herself because she likes the feeling of being with herself. Compared with those girls who have too low EQ and emphasized that they would rather cry in the BMW, the girls who make men feel more like to laugh on the bicycle tend to be easier to sit in the BMW in the end.
I believe that Daisy loved Gatsby five years ago, but poor Gatsby mistaken that short passion for the love of a lifetime. If he died in battle, it would be a perfect love story, just like The same as the Titanic.
Therefore, even when Gatsby thought he had successfully returned to Daisy, he was still just that short-lived passion. The intrinsic attributes of Daisy’s value type, that passion is far from enough to make her completely abandon Tom, her children, and her existing life circles and habits, let alone considering Gatsby’s huge wealth of unknown origin (in the original book this is a deal breaker, in order to make Daisy's image more complicated and weakened in the movie). But her disguised feeling type convinced Gatsby that his favorite person is him.
In fact, to a certain extent, most women will gradually move closer to value in long-term relationships as they grow older. Their deep desire for security continues to soar as the years go by, stable and predictable. Sex will eventually suppress everything to become a decisive factor, and that's when it's time for the players to play. But at the same time, they will not completely reject all short-term passions. In the short-term relationship, they are enough to enter the drama or really like the men who bring them unforgettable feelings, but the long-term relationship they finally chooses still has to return. To the appeal to one's own sense of security.
As a woman, how do you choose Tom and Gatsby?
Mentioning that Daisy is a model of value disguised as a sensory type, you must be familiar with their other originator, Lin Huiyin, and Xu Zhimo is one of the Gatsbys. Gatsbys are like skewers. People with healthy eating habits will occasionally want to eat them a few times, but they will never change to skewers every day because they are delicious. Skewers can never figure this out.
The fate of Diaosi
When I was young when I first read The Great Gatsby's original work, like many people, I was moved to tears by Gatsby's infatuation. I gritted my teeth with hatred for Daisy 's fate . But looking back now, Daisy, like many girls I met later, is not a good person nor a bad person, she is just a woman.
Gatsby, even if he did not consider that the risk factor of his accumulated wealth was too high and planted the fuse of the final tragedy, from beginning to end, it was a complete dick.
Because the first trouble in life when Diao Si was young was lack of money, this congenital deficiency caused a defect in her thinking, and she always mistakenly thought that all problems would be solved with money. This is clearly not the case. Those who are born with huge wealth must understand that even if they are rich, there are still a lot of confusion and pain in life.
It took Gatsby five years to get rich with unremitting efforts and great luck. But what he said and did to Daisy was still pure dick. Compared with the senior, wealthy and handsome Tom, Gatsby's sense of need is too strong, and the sense of security is too lacking. There are too many details in the movies and books, and there are too many details in the movies and books. His diary, the constant demands and expectations raised during cheating, and even the crime of finally replacing Daisy in a car accident, all of these are self-destructive behaviors that have plummeted attractiveness for a beauty who has seen the world at Daisy's level.
In fact, the reason why Gatsby is Gatsby, everything he did was to make him meet the standard of marrying Daisy. And most of the efforts and efforts that start from catering to a certain woman's standards end in tragedy.
Over the years, I’ve come to understand that beautiful women’s intuition is so keen that they may not be aware of it, but whenever a man has a sense of need and anxiety in his heart, no matter how good at covering up, how restrained his speech and behavior, he will always be in front of women. Exposed. This may be a self-protection mechanism bestowed on women by natural selection to help them choose the most suitable opposite sex for reproduction.
When a girl feels that everything a man has done for her must be exchanged for clearly visible rewards, their instinct is not to move but to escape. Men often think that they have not done enough to complete the transaction. As a result, the tighter the pressure, the farther she will escape. At this point, no matter how much wealth you have, how funny and humorous you are, how many goddesses you have soaked in, it is meaningless in that girl's heart. Too many tragic stories of high wealth and handsome have become diaosi, and they are all like this in essence.
As mentioned earlier, restlessness is the nature of women, so they spend their entire lives looking for a man who has a real sense of security in their hearts, rather than a child who will be emotionally overwhelmed by what they say and do.
Gatsby disappeared for five years and reappeared, singing and spending money every night, but as soon as he came up, he asked Daisy to give up everything he already had and the life he was accustomed to, and return to himself. What a strong sense of need and anxiety is this?
In fact, when you try to persuade a girl you like to fall in love with you, you have lost all the qualities that she liked you in the first place.
In the Gatsby's Redemption
movie version, the most moving scene, I think, is the scene where Gatsby first met Daisy. Leonardo hurriedly fled after the arrival of the goddess and ran back in the heavy rain. The look in his eyes when he first saw Daisy was tender and heartbreaking. The look in his eyes was familiar and unfamiliar, reminiscent of himself when he was young, and wondered where it is now?
True love and a sense of need seem to be born as a pair of evil twin brothers, who are born and overcome each other. People who have experienced it understand the endless pain and helpless entanglement when they are deeply involved. From this derives "confession must die, you will lose if you are serious, whoever tempts first will be the end" and the seemingly expert advice, in fact, has deviated from the core of the problem.
The sense of need itself is fear. Fear of losing, afraid of not being good enough, afraid of never seeing it again, afraid of not getting rewards for your efforts. All that Gatsby did for Daisy later included each of the above-mentioned fears, fully exposing himself as an insecure person. What women naturally reject most is men who have too much fear in their hearts.
So is the sense of need born out of love really hopeless? Can Gatsbys really just watch the goddess and a bastard together and remain indifferent?
You have to go through a lot of pain to understand. The answer is no. True love can be separated from the sense of need. When you dissolve all the sense of need, only love is left. This requires a long and difficult process. Gatsby didn't understand. For a girl like Daisy, you can't force her down beside you. You can only strode forward and let her turn around and pursue you.
If she does not follow, it should be her rather than you who regretted it.
Most of the way men think when they are young is linear. After encountering emotional problems, the first thing that comes to mind is to use a series of linear methods to solve the problem. If you lack money, you will make money desperately. If you come from a humble background, you will use a prestigious school to impose a halo, but you can be satisfied. All known conditions then lead to the desired result. But the subtlety of human emotions is that most problems cannot be solved in a direct way. The essence of emotions is powerlessness.
Acknowledging that we are powerless in most things, and calmly facing powerlessness, is the first step to fundamentally eliminate the sense of need.
Gatsby is back, he still loves Daisy deeply, but what should he do if he is a person who only loves but has no sense of need?
I think he can tell Daisy generously that he still loves her, and is eager to start again with Daisy, sincere and sincere, no need to tweak, as long as everything is based on Daisy's own willingness. He understands and respects her choice, let alone whether she has loved others. Before Daisy makes any decisions, he can interact with other girls normally and establish a healthy social circle (rather than just playing with Daisy's cousin every day). If possible, try to quickly wash away the wealth he has acquired illegally. , Life is romantic and solid. In fact, there is no sense of need and it does not mean inaction. It is two completely different things to be happy with a woman you like and to please a woman you like (in novels and movies, Gatsby is obviously the latter), and he can still invite Daisy to join him. In the exciting and exciting life, it’s okay to give a gift occasionally, but deep down, you must really let go of all thoughts of "Look, we used to love each other so much and now we have done so much for you. You have no reason not to abandon your family and choose me". This letting go cannot be pretended or concealed, she will definitely feel it. As for what Daisy will do in the end, it is entirely her own business.
What you have to believe is, "Men can never really choose women. They can only be given a chance to choose him."
Gatsbys are not persistent, do not dodge, do not conceal, do not prove, but still believe in love, they are the Gatsbys. The highest state that should be pursued.
I hope all Gatsby and Daisy in the world will finally get married.
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