-Leo Tolstoy's "War and Peace"
movie actually made me cry. I watched it twice in a day. Then this story made me think of Haizi constantly.
I think I've always been a very selfish person. No matter how tragic, how poignant and touching I watch, I rarely have tears in my family stories, love stories, guide dog movies. When I first came to Beijing, I often asked myself how far I was from this city. Three years later, my conclusion is still too far. Because when you are in this city, you can hardly feel your own existence. All your happiness, sadness, thoughts and love will be overwhelmed so easily. There is no metaphysical thing, and you can’t hold the mind of your mind. Sometimes you almost I can't feel the world, but I can feel it is extremely difficult.
"... That is the endless gray fog city, which makes people feel that time is stagnant. All the slight and heavy sorrows are not going to end; all the remnant and carbuncle diseases will not be fatal, but just drag and form. The huge vortex was a little better yesterday than the day before, and today is a little worse than yesterday. Someone sprinkled a few drops of spiritual liquid in the swamp full of rot, so that withered, it has a stronger will to exist than fresh youth. "
If we admit that human life is ruled by reason, the possibilities of life will be destroyed." Among the people I know, who can discuss this sentence with me with both eyes open? I think of my summer vacation back to the countryside. After the thunderstorm, I stood on the mountainside and saw the fireflies flying in the evening in the rice fields. I closed my eyes and could smell the sweet air and feel the blood of the mountains and trees flowing into you. Body. I don't know what else I can do except yelling and then starting to cry. I think this is the most beautiful scene I have ever seen in my life. Seeing a scene that gives you a great sense of presence in a piece of land that resonates with yourself. You are in it. The flow of time and the rotation of the starry sky naturally gradually quietly metabolize. No matter how small, you can feel that you are a part of it.
I think this has nothing to do with dreams, escape and cynicism at all. This is your original and most primitive love for nature as a human being. This is really a very awkward character. In ancient times, we called it the style of Yishi. It’s sad that only a small part of the people in many cities can sometimes understand and feel it when traveling. We think that raising a bird on the balcony, hugging a cat on the sofa, and walking a dog in the community is natural life. Condemning animal cruelty on the Internet is love. In fact, it is just to fill the gaps in some things in our heart. We are willing to dress and buy medicines for pets and buy high-priced rations, but we have not donated a piece of clothing to the orphans in the orphanage. This book is for children in Hope Primary School. We drove the car and strolled the streets with dogs and enjoyed modern civilization, but we never imagined how many trees and wild lives would be sacrificed in such a life.
I am really afraid that I will be drowned in this kind of life after all. I have asked myself if I have this terrible courage to throw away all the reason and burden of the heavy, dirty, beautiful entanglement and burn it. To seek a life or a journey that you can’t define yourself, is like "It's only after we've lost everyting that we're free to do anyting." No matter how rich, poor or how you are Sadness is so angry, you do your best to ride a motorcycle alone, there is a light in your eyes that you have never seen before. Then go all the way to the north.
If I were to choose the three things I most want to lose before I set off, I would take out the love, unnecessary sympathy, and the sensitivity and vulnerability of fear of loneliness from my backpack. In winter, I kept telling my classmates in Northeast that I want to go to Daxinganling, but he said that if I go in winter, I have to wait until the beginning of spring to come back, because I will be frozen and live there, and then the ice and snow will melt in spring to survive. I think I must go to the coldest place I can hold by myself in my lifetime, then stand on a high ground and close my eyes. I think my life is complete. I want to go to Finland. I want to compare the sense of existence that the wilderness of the Arctic and the rice fields of Nanling give me.
"Please go down, straight down to the
eternal world of loneliness go"
- Elliott
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