She cried when she looked at me.
XX highly recommends, in fact, why should he recommend it again? I have never seen a pig walk and eat pork anyway. I just don't know good and bad, and hate deliberate cognition.
After reading XX, I published an opinion on government dictatorship and violence, which made me a little boring. In fact, I am very taboo to make too formal comments on anything, especially good works with a reputation.
Having been with CC for a long time, it was also affected. With harsh cleanliness and picky.
So what I want to say below has nothing to do with the movie itself.
In the first scene of "A Clockwork Orange", I just cried. Because Malcom McDowell is so similar to CC. So I cried almost from the beginning to the end of the film, from his long eyelashes sticking to his lower eyelids to the end tied into a zongzi lying on the hospital bed, with his mouth wide open, waiting for the minister to feed him. From the first sight, I decided to fall in love with this bad boy, this wicked little bad boy, because even when he committed a crime, the sincere light flashing in his big eyes made me love it.
This is so much like CC. When he first saw me, he was 187 arrogantly wearing AlFA uniforms and big army boots. When he walked over to me, my first thought was, run away? ! However, he is like Alex, with pure and innocent eyes far beyond your imagination, making you willing to be trapped by his side and reluctant to leave.
Alex is a good boy, actually. In the prison, he was neatly dressed, sitting upright, his hair was well distributed, and he spoke politely. This is so similar to my CC. Putting on clean clothes, he is as holy as an angel. He always smiles when he talks to people. He is so rebellious. He often beats up children with nosebleeds in kindergarten. He is so well-behaved, as if he was cultivated in this socialist country. The most orthodox and most upright little red flower. No matter how violent his fists are, he sideways his head and looks at you with wide eyes, as if he would believe every word you say in your mouth, so he didn’t hesitate, just like believing in our beautiful communism. Will come the same.
No matter how cruel and ruthless he may be, how easy he is to believe in beauty.
Alex was released from prison after undergoing inhuman Luther psychotherapy and losing his ability to abuse and indulge. The tragedy really began. An inexplicable young man lived in the house, hugging his parents, sleeping in his own room, taking his place; all retribution came one after another, and the vagrant old man who had been beaten up by himself brought a group of old men to beat him. The former accomplice who was bullied by himself became a policeman, dragged him to the suburbs to laugh and beat him half to death; he escaped from the dead and was treated with ulterior motives by the old artist who had been beaten and maimed by himself and his accomplices. In the end, he Beethoven’s ninth symphony, which was once the favorite but can’t be tolerated, jumped from a building in an attempt to kill him.
My dear CC, when did he change silently? His party membership, which was expelled for beating others, was restored when he graduated. He was doing the country's most popular talent show and variety show. Do you still remember the first drama "Sun Bizhen" in the school? When he finally stood in front of thousands of people, he would never sing Wan Xiaoli's "Fox" in front of them again.
Where did his violent and frivolous youth go?
I grabbed him at the end of his youth, felt his throbbing heart, and his promise to travel for the rest of his life, and let him slowly disappear from my sight like a dragonfly.
Alex didn't fall to death, he was wrapped up in a zongzi and lay on the hospital bed. Ushered in another great change that caught him off guard. He suddenly became a useful person to society, very useful. Our little slicker also tasted the sweetness so comfortably.
End of the play.
This is a black humor, and life is not.
He watched "Secret Love in Peach Blossom Spring" and wrote such sad words that I cried as soon as I saw it. Up to now, I can recite word by word, and even the meditation in my heart will make my face burst into tears.
He is a bad boy, but he is likable.
I often think of many people as him and feel that they are like him.
One day, I think I found a word that suits him best: desolation.
Thinking of him, I feel like a tragedy destined to be born.
No one is more children than him.
Sometimes I think he is like a person on stage, performing so hard, harder than anyone else, I see it. It's just that there are things that can't compete for life.
I want to cry a lot, I don't know if it's for him or for myself.
I always feel helpless when I look at him. I think if I can, I must give him all the best things in the world. Let him not feel sad for a moment.
In fact, I cry every day because I left him, and I don’t know what else to do.
I don't know whether sacrifice is considered love,
if I can make him happy forever,
I am willing to die now.
On March 26, 2005, we watched the Urban Folk Song Festival in the open air, listening to Xiaohe and Wan Xiaoli. When night fell, I was riding on his shoulder, Xiaoqiang supported me on the side, and we watched Zhang Chu together. That night. Farewell to the night of the virgin. At that time, I was desperate for life. Now I feel happiness from the bottom of my heart.
For the next year and a half, we lived together, separated, and together again.
We ate McDonald's at Jing'an Temple. He had to eat a lot of chicken wings every time. Today I was sitting in McDonald's again, crying amidst the voices of people. I saw his smiling face through the person sitting across from me.
We play Northeast Mahjong at c'est la vie, and I always lose. Fighting landlords and royalists at home, laughing at meaningless wins or losses.
At the beginning, he would ask his brother to come to the house to eat the food I cooked, even though the food I cooked was awful.
He never does housework. And I gradually stopped cooking, I wash my clothes and his clothes, and dry them, so I often have to fold clothes.
He always doesn't take a shower when he comes back at night, and just falls asleep. I took off his shoes, pants, socks, washed his feet, and covered his quilt. Before going out every day, he takes a bath. I watched him go out in clean clothes.
We only visited Jiuguang once or twice, because there was no money, only once we bought him a pair of sneakers in Adidas.
We don't eat out often, and later, we don't eat together often. I am willing to walk some distance to the Lanzhou noodle restaurant to buy him ramen, but I don't want him to sit there and eat, and I don't want him to be wronged. He is so big, I think he should be born with good food, clothes, and play.
The only valuable thing I bought for him is a DKNY watch, which he wears all the time. It was broken twice in the meantime, we took it to Jiuguang’s counter to repair it, and then it recovered.
Once we were on Changle Road, he bought me a pair of white sneakers, I liked them very much.
We often do taxis together.
At home, I always give him the computer.
He was like a child when he was drunk. After work, he often gets drunk and comes back in the middle of the night. Sometimes he would call me drunk and let me go downstairs to pick him up. He will always recognize me, and then I will carry him upstairs. When he was drunk, he would say a lot of interesting things. Like a child, what he said when he was drunk made me believe that he actually loved me very much.
When he fell asleep, he often talked in dreams, in Mandarin, speaking very clearly. When I wake up in the morning, I always like to tease him. He won't wake up, but he will say childish nonsense and cry. It makes me want to stop. I leave before him, and I am always reluctant.
We almost never took a group photo.
With him, I often cry and work hard. We are all emotionally ups and downs, and it hurts to be together.
He once promised to marry me after his 22nd birthday. Of course this promise was not fulfilled. In the beginning, we were all children. We didn't think about the future, let alone that it would be so difficult in the future. We can't see the future, and we are reluctant to separate. Even if we separate, we are reconciled as before.
Leaving Shanghai is the last way out.
I hardly remember what Yuan said, to separate, so that I can have a chance to be together in the future.
I put a line of text on my left arm, which means: We can’t grow old together.
It's hard to leave, I know that others can't.
On January 22, 2005, you left the first sentence on my blog. By October 30, 2006, you personally sent me to the train station. This is the best time in my 25 years of life.
You see I said so many digressions again. Admit it. I just saw Malcolm think of you.
You say that Kubrick is your god and Fassbinder is yourself.
You look at Kubrick with unparalleled reverence,
and every shot of Fassbinder can make you cry.
After returning, I bought the complete works of Fassbinder. In fact, when I thought of Spind's biography before, I was like seeing another you, childhood experience, life with no retreat, and the end of tragedy.
Today is the third day of the new year, 2007. I'm telling others, how do you spend a year like this?
I'm reading your blog, and your words made me shed tears again. I am listening to a song in your blog, the watch you wear is my face, and I will miss it day and night.
I think I am your clockwork orange,
you pinch my mechanical strip,
I can only beat for you.
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