I was a very young man, but has a very old story.
That summer, I was rejected by the Film Academy because I did not have a Beijing registered permanent residence, and my professional grades with high scores did not help me. But I love movies very much, almost stubborn, no, stubborn love.
I watched "The King of Comedy" persistently and sadly, and watched Zhou Xingchi's persistence until I met him. He was 37 and I was 19.
I just found an Internet cafe casually, and he happened to be the owner of that Internet cafe. The "Movie World" in my hand attracted him. He asked, "Let me have a look, can you?" Looking back, it was Hu Biyun's. The water is gentle with that water. Coincidentally, we all like Nicolas Cage. After that, he will watch every issue of "Movie World" first, and I will go online. I also often go to the Internet cafe far away from my "home". Every day I come back from scouring, I let him copy it to the computer, such as "Sunny Day", "Heartbeat", "Paradise Cinema", "Love Letter" and "Leaving" Las Vegas.
Winter has passed, and summer has come suddenly.
As a Korean, I am also obsessed with watching Korean movies. "August Photo Studio" made him feel very impressed. He said it was the most successful movie I bought. The Internet cafe moved to the opposite side of my "home", so that my sojourn was no longer lonely. That summer, he was 38 and I was 20. I learned that his wife and daughter are in Singapore, and he "survives" in this city alone. He called it survival.
There was an issue of "Movie World" with a very attractive face-Jean Renault, the killer Leon that I have never been able to buy. That night, he rented the movie and watched Leon and the beautiful Star Wars queen in his "home". It was discovered when changing the disc that he fell asleep there, and the expansion of the Internet cafe must have exhausted him. I closed the VCD and watched him. A 30-year-old man sleeps like a child. There was only a faint light and distant noise in the room, and his breathing. He suddenly opened his eyes and picked up me who was sitting on the ground looking at him. Very gentle, so gentle. We haven't finished watching "This Killer Is Not So Cold".
Summer also goes very fast, but, very happy...
I grabbed the "This Killer Isn't Cold", which I can easily buy, and ran all the way back to the Internet cafe. A very touching woman asked kindly: "Little sister, come to play often?" Just like the hostess. The next day, he said: "My wife, I will leave tomorrow." Singapore, not far away, I smiled and listened to his apologetic words, so gentle.
I have to disappear in his life, and our unborn child. The only thing I took with me was the box of VCD, "This Killer Is Not So Cold". I was lying on the operating table, as if I could hear his smile and Leon's deep "Alwanys". He looked for me like crazy, his phone was full of his messages, I never reply, just turned on the phone for 5 minutes every day. I just want to read his text messages and taste the kind of unhappiness and bitterness. One day, a message was an employee of an Internet cafe: "The boss is crying, watch his movie that you left behind." "This killer is not too cold"? I took out the disc box, it was empty, and I couldn't see the ending again. I replied: "Tell me the ending." He waited until he "come back!" I removed the battery, threw the phone and the battery into the sewer, and stood on the road, crying at the gutter, hoarse.
Seeing the wonderful, serene and holy "bed scene" of that movie on a website, Leon and Portman hugged and slept together. Because of my parents' request, I returned to that city, but I didn't dare to get close to the area with him. After all, this city is very big and lonely. I tried hard to change myself, only one habit remained unchanged, the last issue of "Movie World", I look forward to an article about "This Killer Is Not So Cold", just to clarify the ending of that story.
A man in front of the newsstand was watching the last copy of "Movie World" in his hand. I asked, "Buy it?" "Of course!" I didn't look up, but that voice! I was stunned. That issue introduced Cannes, the hometown of “leon”. The man suddenly raised his head: "Either you?" It's really him... still so gentle, the lake is like green water. I shook my head, smiled, turned and left. He didn't recognize me, or he forgot me. I cut off my long hair, changed into casual clothes, and threw away our child, the child who often appeared with him in dreams and who had never seen the sun. I also threw it away. I walked fast, tears creeping across my face behind my sunglasses. "Is that you..." The voice behind me was small, but it still stung me.
I just jumped on a bus and fled. Several little girls in the car discussed F4 enthusiastically. I looked at the sun outside the car window, avoiding the eyes he was looking for.
The indifferent black angel in "Flower Eyes" will definitely not give me five stars, so will my tears in the sun make me like Wu Lala this time, will there be rainbows in my eyes?
It’s impossible for me to know the ending of "This Killer Is Not So Cold". what about you?
Tell me...
on May 31, 2002,
this was written when I was 19 years old, before I made up my mind to sink into the gentle turquoise water of the lake. When I was on "Movie World" in July of that year, I was betting with myself that when "Movie World" was published, I sank. If I didn't log in, I could apply to a university outside the country to find a young boy to fall in love, fight, and break up. However, it was posted, and before the volunteers were reported in such a timely manner. Therefore, my volunteer list is clean enough for the teacher to scold. I do not care. I will stay in Shenyang. I'm very stubborn. My only strength.
I don't want to use this story to sell money, I just want to talk, so I remember that I signed "no name", and I was still very stubborn. God knows, the writing teacher at the university said that if he published an article in the newspaper, he could be exempted from taking his class, because of my "no name", I only had to listen to that old hooligan's class for one year.
At that time, he and I were just beginning, and I saw the end.
I wrote the ending of this story. Who wrote the ending of the story between me and him?
In the summer of 2004, I showed him this story. Before, I was stubborn not to let him read it. He cried. Although he didn't understand movies, he said he was happy that I could write it. I didn't sign it. He knew it was me. I knew it was me. That's enough.
The reality is always much worse than the imagination, I only know that I am very painful. This story is true, except, except that I know the ending of "This Killer Is Not So Cold". And the story started to become very complicated.
Until 2006, one early morning, I suddenly felt hypocritically, why is so sad. But I found out that a website I used to have still kept these hypocritical texts from when I was 19 years old. At least, I wrote very sincerely at that time.
Turn around, because I don't go to that website anymore, just like I have never bought "Movie World" again. The reason is that they are all rotten.
Also, I will never have the kind of hypocrisy that I had when I was 19 years old.
On August 5, 2008, I really cut my long hair. After so many years of long hair, I feel that my neck is very cool and lonely. I also left Shenyang. Shenyang with so many stories for so many years. When I arrived in Chicago, I chose to go forward in this place where I was all stupid and beautiful, and then I became the unruly me in the eyes of people who didn't know me at all. Then, stubborn memories, even if that memory makes me sore at night that I can’t breathe.
In 2006, I revisited my hypocritical nonsense, my hypocritical sadness.
In 2008, I revisited my more hypocritical nonsense, and I knew that it turned out that the story was really written by me.
Also, I brought Leon here and stayed with me. Just like every night, his smile flashes past, his eyes will still accompany me. Just stay with me all the time. Until, I die.
I will be in a daze, then smile slightly, and then close my eyes tightly.
I can see his face by closing my eyes.
At the end of 2011, I got married.
One night in 2012, inexplicably sounded stranger. I suddenly thought of him and told myself that it had been 10 years. I really don't have the hypocrisy when I was 19 years old.
I don’t know exactly how the period from 2008 to 2011 passed. I only know that I hurt a lot of people.
I don’t know if it’s because of the last sentence he said to me: You won’t be happy with anyone, I hate you. You will always think of me. So, I chose to hurt others before getting hurt.
I know, I was wrong.
Don't you guys hate me. I'm sorry I used you to help me feel relieved.
Hope you are all happy. I don't need to know where you are with whom, as long as you feel that you don't have to worry about hate or miss in the end, only superficial happiness can help you relax.
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