You are everywhere like this: go to brush your teeth, sleep, lock the back door, the cello in the corner of the house is not a far-reaching, earth-shattering thing, even has nothing to do with God, but it frequently touches my heartstrings until, on the piano. Only the damn rat appeared, knocking on my bottom line again: You are gone, and you won't appear in my life again. I work mechanically and refuse to communicate with others, hoping that I can remember every bit of our past wholeheartedly.
Yes, I still get in touch with others: a psychologist who looks unqualified but pretends to understand well, a boss who doesn’t speak Spanish, a narcissistic suitor who helps me repair doors and cabinets and dances to drive mice, but what? How? I still only miss you. In our house, although everyone said she was very bad: there were rats, the water pipe was broken, the door was not locked well, and the load-bearing wall was sinking, but what? I still miss who we are here, or maybe we used to be.
I can't work, live, or even sleep normally, because whenever I sleep, I wonder what is the point of this? Maybe it’s anger, anger toward those who are in love but don’t know how to cherish it, toward those mothers who raise children, or, toward you. I won’t admit that all of this has something to do with you. So, when they wanted to borrow the cello, those uncontrollable sorrows suddenly flooded up. That's you, the only thing I can catch now.
I was shocked when you appeared behind me in dreams and dreams, but no matter what you are, I just want to hold you tightly, tightly, never let go. I don't know where you went, but I just need to make sure that you are here now and you will stay in what you call a terrible house again. I just want to look at the sky with you, watch the clouds, and then dance and sing without reservation. I want to vent my joy. No one can understand the sorrows and joys I have lost, but I want to sway them all and rippling in the room. By your side: the sun no longer shines, the moon no longer hangs in the night sky...
I still remember you telling me the story of that little girl, that little girl who was doted by everyone but was not spoiled. I think you wanted to hint to me, but I didn't want to understand. I would rather just live in your shadow like this.
But, that’s the hateful, but life is so tortuous, but later, I met another person. Regarding him, I don’t want to make many assumptions. Maybe I will be happy with him, but that’s the purpose of your coming back. You want to teach me, don’t you?
Forgive me
if you are gone,
if you love me deeply, if you are gone,
all the leaves will fall on my chest,
my soul will cry day and night,
I will want to go where you are,
but I have to live on
I left the house, our house, and the cello, just like you left me behind. It's not that I don't love you anymore, my dear, it's just that I understand the love you want to give me.
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