Dear Camille:
Long time no see, how are you?
Are you now making your sculpture in a dark house, or are you walking along the Seine at dusk? Do you feel cold in Paris in winter? Has anyone appreciated and talked about your work recently? Do you still drink too much when you are alone and in pain? I assure you that I am definitely a rare and outstanding wine partner. My excellence lies in the fact that I am not good at wine at all, but I am just good to drink with people who want to drink with her. I say this just to let you know that I can be trusted when you want to confide in wine.
Are you still in love with him? Are you still hating him? That great artist, author of The Kiss, author of The Thinker, Rodin. Before you met him, you always carried the box to dig the mud on the construction site at night, and then carried it back on foot. When the first morning light entered your studio, you started to create your sculpture. Nothing in your family can stop your crazy passion for sculpture. When you meet this arrogant and famous sculptor who you think is uncultivated at first glance, you find that loving him is loving sculpture, because only he really knows how to shape it. You long for your work to be liked by him, and even just his comment on your work is enough to excite you. Until your maximum display of talent is recognized and accepted by him, you hope to work with him and engage in a great cause together. There is nothing more exciting than this. At this time, you fall in love with him desperately. His elder tolerance, genius and enthusiasm for art, and his youthful passion make you think that this is the love you will pursue in your life.
But when your love for him is realized, your love for sculpture is destined to take the second place. In the face of art, you can only work for him, your artistic inspiration is all reflected in his works, and you can only have the identity of an assistant or a student. You can never reject his opinions and create your own works independently. As long as Rodin loves you and loves you wholeheartedly, you accept all of this willingly. However, the fact is that he still has his own unmarried wife, and it is impossible for him to leave her. As an artist, you absolutely do not allow this love to be shared by other people. However, for Rodin, to love you at this time is to love sculpture. Your talent and love have become his source of inspiration, and you have made his genius. So, when Rodin unveiled the self-portrait you created for him for the first time, he was amazed by your talent, and you were asking him, who is the one he loves? Is it you or Rose? There is no doubt that he needs both, and thus refuses to choose. This makes you hate this weak and selfish man for the first time and forever, and destroy you and his children.
You are in despair.
At this moment, you suddenly realize that your love for him is the greatest restraint to yourself, because you sacrificed your artistic talent for him. You start to stay away from him. In your heart, you especially despise his interactions with some dignitaries who seem to be friendly but don't understand art at all. You think he is not pure enough, and he is not more worthy of the name of an artist than you. The distance of your love also causes the distance of art. You begin to feel that the direction of art you pursue is exactly the opposite of him. He expresses imagination, expresses the beauty of nature; and you express the truth in your heart, this truth is your pain. You have become his worst enemy.
However, you have fallen into another layer of pain.
You hate him, in fact, because you always love him. This love is too long, causing it to erode everything about you, including art and life. On the one hand, you think that he oppresses you in various ways in art, jealous of you, and even steals your artistic inspiration, so that your artistic creation is just for revenge, it becomes the best channel to vent your pain and injury, you His talents are not brought into play in this artistic attitude, but are suppressed and distorted. On the other hand, even though you are enemies everywhere in reality, you are always looking forward to him surrendering in your heart. As long as he disarms and says he loves you, you will give up all these fights without hesitation. Go back to the past with him. Even when you hate him to the extreme, you are still standing on the road in the rainy night with a face covered in raincoat. Hope he can see you, recognize you, and reach out and hope to get him. The care and love has been proven. In the dark rain, what your outstretched hand finally grabs is the void air, his steps are rushing to the brightly lit manor, where there is a wife waiting for him to return home.
You actually love him. This will never change. You know it best, but now you must hate him, and hate him more than anyone else. Is there anything more desperate and painful than this?
Let's take a look at the whole story from Rodin's point of view. For him, things are not complicated. First of all, for him, you are the most beautiful woman he seeks: a mature virgin. "True youth is the mature virgin age, permeated with fresh vitality, but all of them are obviously proud, and at the same time they seem to shrink, seem to be courting shyness, this period is only a few months." (Rodin: "Art Theory" ") He always admits that you are the only woman he really loves, this is because he captured your "youth", and through his great works, such as "Kiss", "I am Beautiful", "Eternal "Idol" and "Contemplation" show this most beautiful human body vividly and vividly. This is your gift to him. For him, you are the most beautiful and the most talented. Of all women, he loves you the most. However, there is one thing he loves more than you love, and that is art. After all, he always loves you with an aesthetic and artistic perspective, and you love a man as a realistic and alive woman.
Therefore, when you leave him and shut yourself in the house to create your own sculptures, he looks for you everywhere, and when you finally meet again after a long time, you cry with joy, and you ask him why he didn’t touch you first, but touched your sculptures first. He said he was exploring through touching, he thought you were mocking him through works, and you complained to him that you gave him your youth and everything but you still can’t get his wholehearted love, you quarrel fiercely, you are love , He works for you. Although when you told him that he had infinite guilt when you conceived a child for him, the final decision in his heart is that your entanglement with him will affect his artistic creation. He is tired and he must get rid of these interferences. , Because these have been "passed", he wants to get rid of you, get rid of love, and return to the original quiet art world. However, for you, these have never passed and have been going on. When he left, you were left with tears in your eyes, slapping the cold wall, asking "why" and why this last time. Opportunity, he still chose to escape?
Rodin thinks that your sculpture is a mockery of holding a young woman in his arms, but the light in his eyes glances at another old woman. But in fact, the young woman in this sculpture is you, the man is you, and the old woman is also you. You have given your youthful woman to that determined man. Now your haggard old woman’s heart The reward he got was nothing but endless emptiness. You are the "Void Trinity". But these silent and painful confession, he will never understand, never understand, he just possessed your beauty, and never set foot in your psychological world. From then on, the resentment towards him continued for the rest of your life, and even became the motivation and highest goal of your life.
You close yourself up, drink heavily or sculpt your head, and when you wake up and find that the flood of the Seine has flooded your studio, you actually imagined that it was Rodin who came to kill you. You will never forgive him, you hate the whole world because you hate him. When you are out of control in your solo exhibition, thinking that this is a counterattack against Rodin and embarrassing your brother Paul in public, you lose this brother who has always cared for you and is loved by you, and he is you and the world The last only link. After that, you were admitted to a mental hospital in 1913, and Rodin sent you money. In fact, he could only do so. Four years later, Rodin died and was buried with his wife Rose in front of The Thinker. During the period, in 1932, you received a letter from your earlier friend Blot. The letter mentioned your work "The Beggar". He said: "One day, Rodin came to visit me and I saw him Suddenly stopped in front of this statue, stared for a long time, gently stroked it, and cried. Yes, he cried like a child. Today, 13 years after his death, Camille, I can say: The only person he really loved was you...". You may know this from beginning to end, but what use is it, other than aggravating the tragedy? You stayed in the mental hospital for 30 years, until 1943, when you were old and helpless, you fell asleep forever.
Dear poor Camille, love made him, but destroyed you! As you said, you wish you never knew him.
You think you love sculpture more purely than him, you think you have more artistic talents than him, but you are wrong, he is a cold artist, and you are a complete love trapped by love Supremacist. You think he is jealous of your talent and inspiration, and I am willing to drink the glass in my hand first and tell you that the truth is that you are jealous of him while you hate him, just jealous that he is a man. Rodin has always believed that art is emotion, but he is an art supremacist. He will not give up art because of love, but achieve art through love; but to you, you are an emotional supremacy. When your love is complete, you Willing to give up art. When your love is stranded, you use art to accuse it and miss it. For men, the two can coexist, just like Rodin can communicate with politicians, but still maintain the heart of art. He takes social and political factors as a nourishment to his art, which is unimaginable to you. For you, either purely engage in art or purely realize love. Rodin is full of enthusiasm for this world, and you always observe it silently, keep a permanent distance from it, and finally return to silence.
You hate him, hate this world, hate the rules of this world. You asked why, why are you always in a dependent existence in front of him? In love, you are weak, you have dedicated your youth to this experienced guy, but he has always had other women; in art, without your position, his social status and male artistic language tradition have been oppressing You, you are not competing with him alone, but fighting against this set of artistic rules. You are destined to not win this war. From the beginning, your status has not been equal. When you meet him, you experience the fatherly tolerance and the talent of a well-known artist. However, once this attracting force becomes your enemy, you find that it becomes a high wall in the courtyard that suppresses your breathing. . The reason why you can always maintain a friendly and intimate relationship with your brother, the submissive and determined poet, is that he always waits for you in reality and spirit. However, women are animals of love after all, and friendship is nothing but the inconspicuous street lamp next to the love manor that only lights up at night. But a man is just a hunter of love. The greater he is, the crueler he is.
Dear Camille, dear Isabelle Adjani, do you feel cold in Paris in winter? Do you still feel Rodin is rising, Daniel Day-Lewis is rising, and you are falling? I seem to see the deep blue eyes under your sad face, shining tired and puzzled. Is there any way not to hate this world? If you hate this world in the first place, love seems like a beautiful harbor for you to escape it, but it has just become the shackles of your life. How to love this world? I know that perhaps the silent you never let this question enter your mind. If my wine partner can make you think about it for the first time, it is already very gratified. Let us drink the last glass for it. Bar.
I hope you can talk about your work in your reply. I am willing to chop wood for you, burn everything I have in this world, and talk with you all night about the sorrows of the world.
Your friend: a deep
2010-8-24 in Wuchang
switched http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_48907c5a0100l6wi.html
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