The owner announced that Ryder suffered from a rare disease called Tourette's disease. He could not control himself to make various strange noises and twitch his head, so he often attracted attention in public, was bullied by his classmates, and embarrassed his parents. When watching a movie, I often think of a famous saying in the field of psychology: "It is not the things themselves that make us painful, but what makes us painful is our view of things." In this movie, I see the nature of men, the difference between fatherly love and maternal love, the source of inner strength, and the creativity of life.
A creature
like a man forgets where to read an article saying that “first create a man, then create a woman from the man’s ribs” is not scientifically based. The person who made the story must be a man, otherwise the story might not be. so. The author believes that the first sex is very likely to be female. Later, because sexual reproduction is better than asexual reproduction to optimize offspring, the male sex was born. He further said that we see that women’s IQs are relatively average, usually above average, while men’s IQs vary widely. They are either extremely smart or extremely stupid. Therefore, most of the leaders in all walks of life are men. However, men’s IQs vary greatly. There are also many more patients with dementia than women.
Mentioning this article does not mean to belittle men, because it is a man who made this point. I just want to use the ideas in this article to start talking about the difference between men and women.
Brad's father is a tall and burly man, but soon after the movie started, he divorced and moved out with Brad's mother because he couldn't bear Brad's weird noises and tics, especially Brad's younger brother. He also has a tendency to have ADHD. He really can't bear such a family life, so he chose to leave and live far away.
Brad’s mother understood her husband’s choice. She took her son to see a psychologist, went to the hospital for treatment, and took him to a mutual aid group suffering from the same illness. Later, she even began to study psychiatry on her own until she discovered My son did not deliberately make strange noises and twitch his head. It is just a disease called Tourette's disease, and it cannot be cured.
She encouraged her son not to be overthrown by Tourette's disease, and to always face his opponent head-on.
This movie also reminded me of a news report. It probably said that a child was suffering from a congenital brain disease. His legs could not be straightened. The doctor thought it could not be cured. That would cause him to stay in bed for the rest of his life. walk. The child's father could not bear this kind of life and chose to leave, but the mother chose to persistently massage the child's legs every day, and broke his legs vigorously in the child's howling. Until one day, the child could stand up and walk like ordinary people and lead a normal life. The doctor said it was a miracle.
But we cannot blame the father's choice, because for men, such a choice is understandable.
Men usually think that life is constantly solving problems, and their thinking is more inclined to rational analysis, logical and linear.
If something happens in life, men tend to solve the problem, while women tend to express their feelings. The most prone to problems with communication between the sexes is because they have not figured out the true intentions of the other party.
For example, when a wife says to her husband: "I was scolded by my boss today," the husband will think that the wife wants him to help her find a way to prevent her from being scolded in the future. But in fact, the wife just wants her husband to comfort her. For another example, if a husband says to his wife: "Ah, the stove is really dirty", the wife will interpret it as: "Are you talking about me lazy?" But in fact, the husband just thinks the stove is dirty.
A man always wants to be needed. In the family, he shows his strength and feels his own value in the process of solving problems for his family. So in the second half of the movie, Brad’s father told him that he chose to leave because “I’ve been helping others fix things all my life, but there’s one thing I’ve been unable to fix, that’s injury. The deepest thing about you, I feel so helpless"-that is the most fundamental reason why he chose to leave, not that this father doesn't love his children enough. He left because he felt that he could not play his own value in this home, and therefore asked him to deny himself as a whole.
After all, the creature like a man is still a bit fragile, because once he doesn't feel needed, he will leave, and he will subconsciously base his value on the needs of others.
And these are often unaware of most people.
Fatherly and maternal love
Fromm mentioned in "The Art of Love" that paternal love is conditional love. Fathers usually subconsciously send such a signal to their children: "If you are obedient, I will love you, otherwise I will punish you or even abandon you." This is best reflected in the emperor's establishment of heirs. In many cases, the emperor does not set up the most talented child to take over his own world, but sets up the most obedient or most like his child as the prince.
This means that we need to work hard and obey certain rules in order to get the love of our father.
The most important reason why Brad's father left in the movie was that he couldn't make his son obey his instructions-quiet down, his son didn't obey him, and didn't follow his rules. This made him feel a deep sense of powerlessness and thus denied his value in the family.
Maternal love is unconditional. The most fundamental reason is not how great the mother is, but because the child was born to her. For a long time, the child was herself and a part of her. So the mother's love for her child is actually her love for herself. Her subconscious mind will feel that loving her child means loving herself. So no matter what happens to the child, most mothers will choose to keep loving their child because that child is part of her.
Conditional paternal love allows us to learn to compete, learn to abide by the rules, and have a sense of control, because we know that we can get it as long as we work hard, so we will gradually develop confidence in our own abilities and become our own masters.
Unconditional maternal love gives us a sense of safety, warmth and acceptance, which makes us realize that we are a unique individual and realize that "I am loved because I am me", which makes us have the ability to repair ourselves after being hurt. , There is continuous power within.
However, it is precisely because fatherly love and maternal love have such completely different characteristics, and the two complement each other and fit each other, which makes us lose one of them, we will show obvious shortcomings in our lives. If the father’s love is absent, we are either cowardly and powerless, or we are lack of restraint and do not know how to express our feelings. If the mother’s love is absent, we usually feel insecure, keep seeking out, and have a sense of emptiness.
Of course, I don’t think every mother can love her child unconditionally. This is usually when a mother doesn’t love herself.
Because when I was watching a movie, it reminded me of a little boy I met in the bank one day. He would make some strange noises and kick his feet after a while. A woman who looked like his mother looked at him with contempt, and sternly told him not to do this, and immediately walked away a few steps away, as if to distance himself from him.
At the time, I wondered why this child was like this, and thought it was a prank. But how can his mother treat her child like this? In this world, no matter how others treat him, what kind of censure they receive outside, only the mother's love is deeply inclusive, unconditional, safe and warm—— This is what I think is maternal love. hehe.
No matter what, it's a lifetime.
I think the reason why Brad is so energetic, optimistic, and has firm beliefs, the most important point is that he accepts himself as he is. He called his strange noises and tics as "friends, partners", he accepted his status quo from the beginning, and never deceived himself, nor hoped that the external environment would one day be better.
This also makes me very emotional.
Indeed, we live in this society, people of all colors, etc., all kinds of things are happening every day-earthquakes, waterlogging, corruption, insider information, academic fraud, deception, human flesh searches, stock market turmoil, rising prices... Such things have never happened. There has never been a day to stop, and it does not look like it will stop in the short term.
Everything is real and exists in reality, but here we are, what do we choose to see? Do we focus on those black negative events, or do we focus on how we can creatively deal with it? Are we earnestly pursuing a better tomorrow, or are we willing to trap ourselves in a muddy past with self-compassion?
Brad’s classmates bullied him, teachers criticized him, neighbors laughed at him, he would be bombarded when he went to play golf, and even the parents of the students didn’t understand him. Those people were not wrong. Their reaction was normal and understandable. of. Because for them, they just made the choices they think are appropriate. They have the right to make their own judgments on things outside. They live in their own world. We cannot ask everyone to be compassionate and compassionate. Full of kindness.
But Brad can choose, and he has the same right to make choices for himself. He can choose not to care about them, or he can choose to be sad for their attitude every day, he can choose to abuse them to defend himself, or he can choose to understand them to be relieved. In his heart, he can give up on himself and let his parents support himself with a natural attitude, and he can also make self-improvement and laugh at the illness to realize his life dream.
In any case, it's a lifetime.
It just depends on what life he chooses to live.
But the different choices determined his feelings in this life, whether he was full of happiness and joy, or full of sadness and sorrow.
Concluding Remarks
To live creatively, this ability is available to all of us. The movie owner with a disability announces that Ryder possesses it, and we who are able-bodied also possess it. Brad, who is deeply disabled, chooses to smile and face it positively. What choices can we healthy people make?
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