Weihai is one of the few small seaside towns that can fill the empty and quiet streets with its unique scent of fireworks without making people feel mixed.
Xu is those simple smiling faces and splendid mountain flowers and wild cherry and apple trees, which decorate this small town in the east of Bohai Sea with rich layers and arousing joy and love.
At the end of the long coastline is the sea level that blends into the sky. From the far end that is imperceptible, the waves are transformed by the waves, and the waves are stacked by the maidens of the wind. Every evening, there is no fatigue to tear down the gravel castle on the beach. , Playfully drove away the fleeing crab cubs in a panic.
Bathing on the golden beach, there are always couples walking holding hands. Maybe it is the old man who is veiled by the sunset, or the young man and woman who is teased by the sunset to make their faces blushing.
In the eternal wave of blessings, people will unconsciously take a deep breath, stop and wait for each other tacitly, while listening to each other, looking at the quiet sky and stars at the end of the endless vision, losing focus Behind his gaze, there is a moment's mindlessness: people are always searching for the answer to what happiness is, with doubts about why they live.
Born to be a human, there is always a lingering feeling of standing alone. The desire for companionship and understanding, because of being with life, turned into a murmur around the ears, and was temporarily forgotten by the seemingly fulfilling life and entertainment. It’s like an extremely quiet room that reminds us of the faint hum in our ears, in the busy tone of waiting for the call to be connected; alone in a dark room with deep twilight; when suddenly the tide recedes, a large area of sand and pages are exposed. Rocky beach; when I accidentally tripped on a loose shoelace while rushing to the meeting site; when I suddenly realized that I was mechanically sliding open the video on the screen of the phone with faint fluorescence. , But can't put down the sad time of the mobile phone. All the moments that make people realize that they are alone, stimulate a high desire to find a soul mate, just like the momentary trance that occurs when a child looks in a mirror for the first time: dispel the denial of "I am not alone" The price is the true consciousness behind "no one by my side".
Then, when the desire for companionship is clearly recognized, what follows is the act of acquiring the embrace from the other.
In the long process of marriage formation, the first thing we think of is that human beings, as social creatures, form ethnic groups in order to resist various threats from nature. In the process of multiplying and multiplying, what transforms humans from animal social hybrids to A civilized ethnic group with a marriage system.
In the relevant data, humans have formed a set of experience accumulation mechanism in order to fight against nature. This kind of experience accumulation and inheritance will also appear in animals. But the difference is that humans have the ability to learn faster and have a more efficient group protection mechanism. From observations of orangutans, researchers have found that among the empathy mechanisms that are common in mammals, humans are the most powerful of all animal species. It can even achieve cross-species empathy. Humans show a high degree of interest and instinctive protection for the cubs of other animals. This is a powerful force engraved in genes, because it is in the protection of cubs. Sexual performance is actually a kind of biological instinct logic that protects the proliferation of ethnic groups. This instinct logic plays a very important role as a tool that can catalyze the creation of human beings, continuously explore, think, summarize experience, and pass it on to future generations. Then, under the constant observation and summary of the changes of the entire ethnic group based on this instinctive logic, under the precipitation of production experience, we seem to be able to explore the logic of the emergence of the germination of the marriage system in the human community.
For ethnic groups, how to preserve their expansiveness and fight against natural competitiveness is not just something that can be said from a single level. Anthropologists continue to combine objective natural evolution from culture, society, biology, and history. , Climate evolution, ethnic evolution and other factors are comprehensively investigated, and there are various possibilities for human beings to become human beings. In discussing this topic, we also took out some of the rationality for a brief discussion, in order to construct a brick in the whole theory, and provide some perspectives as part of the overall investigation.
From the perspective of the primitive gathering society, the inefficiency of obtaining food and the backward mechanism of preserving food are not enough to maintain the generation and development of "ethnic groups." Therefore, after a long lesson of blood and tears, human beings have discovered that the way of ingesting energy for survival has evolved from plant gathering. The hunting method has gradually replaced the gathering method to form the basic principle of survival of primitive tribes. However, primitive humans must face a serious problem at this time. The loss of life caused by hunting is far greater than that of hunting protein-rich organisms. Climbing trees to collect wild fruits is an inevitable trend, so it is an inevitable trend for primitive societies to move towards reproduction worship. Only by constantly reproducing and expanding can they fight against the wild beasts in nature and snatch the flesh from their minions to provide survival and ensure the reproduction of the ethnic group. The habitat is peaceful. Therefore, the human sexual reproduction ability is the top of the biological chain, and it has the ability to respond to sexual stimuli anytime and anywhere: in the research of sexologists, the common biological reproduction behavior of human beings is that the sexual process can be changed from [animal type] Back position] evolved into a more complex posture, because for humans, the way of relying on appreciation of reproductive organs to carry out sexual acts is too inefficient, so humans develop more complex concepts of harmony, and humans start from [back] Sexual intercourse has moved towards [face-to-face] sexual behavior, and thus the focus of stimulating desire has also shifted from observing the reproductive organs to [second sexual characteristics: breasts]. This development enables humans to transcend the animal nature of sexual reproduction and achieve maintenance. One of the biological preparation requirements for high fertility of the population.
The transcendence spawned on the basis of sexual needs has brought about the improvement of thinking ability and imagination, and also made people break the spiritual cage of focusing on survival. This kind of conceptual innovation has undoubtedly played an important role in the development of human civilization.
Then with the rise of the sexual movement in the primitive race, the primitive humans who do not follow the basic laws of biology in sexual behavior are gradually eliminated through species selection, and the survivors who survive the survival of the fittest have formed a set of basic ethics. Mechanism. This ethical mechanism maintains the biological superiority of the race while maintaining the internal harmony of the race. For some factors that may cause contradictions, the purpose of strangling the budding is achieved through prohibition . As the embryonic form of morality, basic ethics are gradually formed in the ethnic group. . Along with fertility worship, women lead the reproduction of hunting groups, using supernatural forces to restrain the harmony and obedience of hunting teams, and the earliest rudimentary sacrificial ritual of religion as a management tool-superstition behavior has also appeared.
Religion and morality complement each other more often. Using these tools proficiently, women have led the entire human race through a very long time as the leader of the race. After accumulation, human beings have become more familiar with the use of tools. The high risk and low return rate of hunting are gradually replaced by more complex planting methods. The male role is liberated from a single hunting role, and the remaining violent consciousness in the hunting era It has evolved into a protection mechanism for ethnic groups. After a period of practice, humans with weapons finally understand that violence can not only protect humans from beasts, but violence can also harm humans.
When the matriarchal society’s management efficiency was low and it was not enough to lead the human race forward, the need to form tribes emerged. The male hunters who held the stone axe began to plunder and annex other races. We don’t know who it is forever. Raising the first torch in the dark night, in the desperate cry of the wilderness, women who were once the ruling class are gradually instrumentalized in this history: in order to continue the tribe's lineage, they are transformed as fertility accessories.
The era of civilization has also entered a new stage. Women's rights have gone from being explicit and hidden behind the scenes, and from cooperative symbiosis to a phase of companion symbiosis.
Human beings are contradictory life forms. Their nobleness lies in their ability to give up life for a purpose higher than survival, in order to continue an abstract and grand imagination. Their inferiority is that they are prone to depravity and indulge in enjoyment. In fact, we can expect that women also have this kind of complexity, even as the former ruling class in terms of nobility, so in the face of oppression and rape, they would rather bend than bend. Therefore, after a long period of experience and summary, the mature and huge tribes finally realized that it needs a way to gently accommodate and absorb female objects from the hostile tribe, not just bind a wild boar. The unclothed woman plunges into the dark and humid cave. Then, a form of demand that must protect the basic rights of the disadvantaged groups with as little cost as possible on the premise of protecting themselves is proposed. This form is based on the ethical foundation and accepts Religiously protected, the logical prototype of the early marriage model.
We cannot use modern moral standards to summarize the various choices of human civilization in the historical process. When we look back on the entire history, we are actually looking at a historical rationality. The continuity behind this rationality is the continuity of human civilization. Facing up to what our ancestors did, their efforts and sacrifices for survival are the basic guarantee for us to look back at this period of history. From an objective result, this is the inevitable process of history. We accept this Inevitably, in a special historical period, human beings have always sacrificed a small part of the price, resolutely advancing tragically, forcibly blazing a path from inhumanity, standing at the top of the planet’s food chain, and blindly negatively criticizing past history. Most of them are deliberate distortions that are deliberately unpredictable, serving a secret and private evil purpose.
What cannot be denied is that the original intention of marriage was a means to maintain the stability of the ethnic group and not to disintegrate. It is an inevitable result in order to maintain the stable development of productivity. Therefore, the purpose of marriage is to maintain a kind of "stability" in a utilitarian way of interpretation.
Then, based on this purpose as the starting point, all interpretation and shaping of [marriage] are all means to serve it. Is it appropriate for us to interpret this way?
When the humble people who are driven by carnal desire and greed, rely on marriage to enslave others to annex the land.
Other noble people have realized the initial soul inquiries and re-recognized the important position of human emotional needs in marriage.
Whether it is the faint sentiment in China’s quaint "Book of Songs" or the beautiful stickers on the pottery excavated by the Nile River, we have seen the kind-hearted working people vividly and organically combine marriage and emotional companionship, completing the form of marriage. The transformation from rigid peace and property inheritance system to substantial emotional sustenance and companionship.
The stability of the social form has led to the gradual and three-dimensional development of the flat marriage system. However, when the mathematical revolution triggered the reform of human thinking and the society entered the industrialized society, people’s understanding of the expansion of space gradually changed from land planting to the accumulation of abstract property. The old understanding of marriage that was originally too old and oppressive has also been broadened. Humans’ understanding of happiness is combined with abstract money. The change in the concept of money feeding back to humans has triggered a new round of revaluation of the marriage system. People have experienced A re-anchorage of material enjoyment to the quality of marriage, abundant food and industrial products have reduced the distance between people’s material enjoyment, and through securities and works of art, new spiritual differences between people and people’s rights are defined. It is clear that it clearly recognizes the [inequality between people] which is very different from the religious spirit and aristocratic spirit praised by the ruling class of the old land in order to maintain feudal rule, the religious spirit [piety] and the chivalry [sacrifice] , Was defeated by the emerging bourgeoisie's negative pedigree theory. People's needs have become more diverse and dynamic, as well as more fragile and sensitive. In this process, the role of the guarantee distribution and inheritance system of marriage from the beginning has weakened, and new and clear laws have replaced the role of the old ethics in property distribution. The form of marriage has gone through a precarious blank period, the rapid rise of humanistic thoughts, the large-scale reflection of human civilization, the counterattack of capital alienation against the annihilation of human nature, the emotional value of marriage has been further strengthened, and the core of the form of marriage has been clearly defined as An ambiguous and highly generalized broad concept in pursuit of [happiness] serves to spread among the broad masses of people. However, the subjective initiative of capital came into play quickly, stealing the fruits of this humanistic trend, and replacing the concept of [happiness] with [happiness is to serve the development of bourgeois culture], that is to say: marriage is replaced with a guarantee of acquisition Happiness conditions concept. It is like a box. The name of the box is marriage, and it is equipped with many material standards that meet the requirements of marriage. This kind of reasonable and effective transformation of marriage is suitable for social development on the one hand, and on the other hand is the bourgeoisie’s influence on the old system. The result of the transformation of management tools.
With the development of television media, this kind of obscure intention has rapidly expanded globally. A typical example is the American life created by major American television stations in various family dramas during the economic boom of the 20th century: single-family American villas, a dazzling array of things. Household appliances, bright cars, housewives, cute children, hearty food, beer, and cozy family gatherings. These abstract and false concepts have transformed generations of people’s understanding of marriage. The form of marriage has never been so specific. People want to achieve a clear goal, like setting a specific score on an examination paper. People rely on this Scores are used to determine one's happiness index, which has caused a large-scale anxiety and frustration, which has also become one of the reasons for the postmodern thought-we are always laughing at those hippies who throw condoms all over the floor. Opposing the results of the US attack on Vietnam, but forgetting that those people also oppose becoming a screw without emotion in the factory, opposing that people who are bound by the form of marriage cannot cope with the pain and suffering caused by dynamic emotions. The disorder and intemperance of the rebels eventually led to their failure, but a rebellious mood so close to us has never been so clear and true that it has been passed down in the form of music and art.
The times are advancing and society is developing. People cannot refuse the changes in the environment. The rise of the Internet has led to the dualization and increased fragmentation of human thinking. Reality and the Internet are two spaces. A shy girl who appears in reality may fight against a group of strangers on social software, and a harmless little fat person is likely to use her keyboard power to fight the economist's rants. As a meta-unit, people are allowed to abandon their individuality on the Internet, and any objective reality conditions that can identify individuals are eliminated. People can shape their own images and labels at will, and choose to make themselves look like what they want to be. People can deny themselves repeatedly without being backlashed by reality, which can expose the negative emotions hidden in reality. We regret to realize that the training effect of habitual thinking on people is that people insist on a form of thinking process too much. In the game, the part of the personality shown in the virtual world will be accepted as the true part of oneself. Those violent and fierce fighting trained on the virtual battlefield have also become a natural spiritual trait and brought into reality. Emphasis on divergent confrontation is more important than cooperation. Behind a calm smile and nod, it is an indeterminate light of heart. However, while the herd effect allows people to face the sociality presented by the Internet, they also choose a part of the self-judgment rights entrusted to the collective. The group thinking represented by public emotions gradually dominates. In the endless quarrels, People will get bored. In the collision process where everyone is talking about themselves, the compromises derived from constant attacks on each other will cause people to find their own acceptable views in the language of the other party to stop disputes. Therefore, the Internet thinking tends to be the same day by day. Qualitative, and the opposite of this reality is that people lose the unity and independence of maintaining their own minds when facing reality and the Internet at the same time. Under the agitation of the conditions of this era, the new people's ridicule and disintegration of the marriage system are often accompanied by the alienation of emotions and cognition.
In the process of comprehensively valued society in the new era, the value of marriage has been tied to the chariot of madness as the process of urbanization deepens, which greatly weakens the emotional factors in marriage, and the tacit understanding that praises noble emotions And experience, the content of entertainment is dispelled and become cheap murals on tiles. People don't believe that the companionship of affection can satisfy the harmony and stability in married life: "Poor and lowly couples are sad" has become an absolute truth. This kind of thinking has been amplified and spread through the Internet, inverting the dialectical primary and secondary status of people’s individual feelings and values in marriage life. With the help of the material part of the concept of "happiness" in the interpretation of bourgeois marriage, the form of marriage has gradually evolved from survival and cooperation. It has become economic cooperation. Because women liberated the labor force, the quality of human life has entered a new level. From the excessive economic cooperation to the continuous transformation of the definition of "happiness", what is happiness has become a problem for contemporary people to ponder hard. Under such torture, the marriage system has fallen into an embarrassing situation of backwardness: if the [part of the inner core of marriage that leads to happiness] can be directly obtained, then the form of marriage itself has nothing worthy of nostalgia, it seems As long as you have mastered [happiness], it seems that marriage is no longer needed. For the deconstruction of [happiness], everyone in the Internet community has their own choices. Even if the most overlapping vocabulary is listed, there are thousands of answers. In the long debate, people gradually find that the pulse of capitalism is beating. Absolute law: If [valueization] applies to all narratives, then [happiness] should be equated with [value] as it should be, and people are relegated to the second place, and the backward marriage system is second.
Then, under the torture of "face [value], people [should] behave", people use maintaining their own feelings as the basic limit, divorce is rashly chosen because the perfect law deprives ethics and sacredness. To execute.
At this point, readers can't help but have questions. Is this the author cynical? This is not the case. We examine the historical nature of marriage and the reasons for its formation to gradually deconstruct the status quo, to understand the vital role of human initiative in marriage.
When we look back at history, we will find that the form of marriage has taken several transitions in the advancement of human civilization. People have taken the initiative and actively to understand and improve the core of marriage to ensure that the form of marriage can survive with the development of human civilization.
Why do human groups attach so much importance to the form of marriage that they are unwilling to sweep it into the garbage dump of history, but instead ensure the rationality of marriage through continuous innovation?
Whether it is cooperative symbiosis or dependence symbiosis, the essence of marriage is to maintain a stable state of life. A stable life state is very important for people to adapt to the development and progress of society. Only many meta-units with stable lives can constitute human civilization. Development of the foundation bed.
It is true that the progress of the times will give birth to concepts that conform to the theme of the times. It must inherit the old concepts while conforming to the trend of the development of the times. In the face of the Internet age, the concept of marriage is no different from adhering to the old standards and concepts in the face of emerging values. Strike the stone with the pebble, so facing this new era, the progressive transformation of the concept of marriage is in line with the needs of the development of the times. Our contemporary is in an era of information explosion. The objective reality caused by the vigorous development of the Internet is that knowledge and information are rapidly expanding due to human sharing and communication. It is impossible for individuals to internalize the sense of time and balance the speed of social development. Individual power Compared to the power of a group, it is like a mountaineer encounters a hurricane. Before the information reaches the threshold, everyone is threatened by a faint dust that is difficult for them to own. This destructive force of horror advancement abstractly and obscurely corrodes the human spirit, making people stand alone in the vast wilderness and facing the silence of the world. The human soul needs a kind of company, and the human imagination needs a concrete support. In order to be placed, people who drift in the ocean often die not from anxiety, thirst and hunger, but from the madness of swimming. The spirit squeezed to collapse by the hugeness will often give birth to Sanatos in human nature. Therefore, marriage still has the reasons why it meets the needs of human spiritual civilization.
How do we view marriage? The core part of the traditional form of marriage is screened out and the positive part is selected as part of inheritance and development. These parts that we think are beneficial are the cornerstones of proper adherence to marriage. They conform to the law of historical development and have been verified countless times by the ancestors. Reasonableness.
Marriage mode represents a human survival mode. This mode of survival is divergent and altruistic. It is through a tacit understanding of "paying for each other" to ensure that a part of their own thinking is relaxed. Those who accept the marriage mode first recognize the individual The limitation part is that under the premise of no lofty ideals and strong willpower, people choose small-scale cooperation to ensure that the continuity of individual life is in line with the laws of natural development. Trapped in the jungle of steel and cement, you will still face all kinds of sporadic life about life. These unexpected blessings and misfortunes often make people entangled and hesitate. What's more, people cannot always maintain a high level of mental tension and always cope with unexpected times in life. Then at the decision-making level, people need people with [trust] who stand in a unified position for decision help at critical moments. , The unity of position is the basis of [trust]. When we are young, we can rely on our parents, and as our parents get older, we need someone to take the place of our parents, as supporters of each other to face the many trials in life, in the field of [cooperation] The degree of mutual dedication and tacit cooperation determines the ability of the participants in the form of marriage to maintain the form of marriage.
At the same time, from the perspective of economic construction, marriage should not be a subtraction. Thanks to consumerism, contemporary young people have a wrong idea that the beginning of married life means a reduction in the quality of life, especially after having children, extreme emphasis on the role of education in shaping the growth of children will lead to children’s education being tied up by consumption . The purpose of marriage has always been [stable]. When entering marriage, the [temperance] side that is the positive meaning of [planning] is weakened, while the negative side of [planning] is the goods and services that are measured by value. After the young people started their married life, they carried out irrational consumption behaviors on the grounds of building new families . They purchased real estate, vehicles, travel, household appliances, clothing, cosmetics, and parenting to maintain their sexual attractiveness. All these are beyond the bearing capacity of the actual family. Young people affected by consumerism often regard the high consumption level in consumerism as the average consumption level. They are bound by the consumption contempt chain, and it is difficult to lower the consumption level, and finally enter Because of financial ability, the marriage ended in disintegration. We recognize this and come up with a practical concept through self-reflection: people should not make decisions about their own behavior with a vision that exceeds their own ability. There should be a balance in the total expenditure of a family, and should not make ends meet. This kind of normal situation appears, and the subsidy from parents will eventually dry up. How to clearly recognize one's ability to formulate needs depends on whether people use fantasy to replace reality. Marriage life exercise is the family's planning ability. It is the family's ability to live in a state where it is impossible to open the pot. There is always a reserve to deal with sudden risks. What tests the family's rational ability to deal with life affairs. Therefore, the healthy and reasonable management of the married life can lead to stable development, which can reduce the cost of living of two independent persons, exercise financial planning ability, and improve the quality of life.
Is it true that only the form of marriage can guarantee a stable and cooperative life and ensure surplus savings? Is this conclusion too absolute? How to define [cooperation] or [slavery] in the process of marriage formation? [Consumption Ability] As long as the rate of earning is greater than [Consumption rate], isn’t it okay?
Therefore, this proper torture is correct, which also shows that our views are still incomplete up to this point.
We put forward the third point of continuity. There is only a stable and cooperative life attitude, a regular awareness of planning the material basis, and the basis of emotional snuggle: stable emotions.
In our investigation of the history of human emotions, a broad interpretation is that human emotions oscillate between two levels, one is passionate emotions, and the other is companionship emotions. Passionate emotions are often time-sensitive, and their outbursts are easily affected by objective factors such as secondary sexual characteristics, such as handsome looks, full breasts, graceful figures, pleasant surroundings, refreshing perfume, or swings. The suspension bridge, the emotional impact brought by passionate and bold pursuits. Passionate emotions are often emotional, and play a leading role in short-term decision-making. There is a gap in the later persistence, resulting in positive expressions in love and negative responses after marriage. Passionate emotions have become more extreme due to the development of the contemporary Internet. People’s emotions have gradually become labelled and flattened from realistic feelings. This is An infection of Internet emotions to human emotions. Therefore, some people have stripped away the emotional part of passionate emotions and directly alienated the passion of sexual emotions. This has given birth to the booming development of dating software and the soaring rate of sexual crimes. It is undeniable that passionate emotions play a positive role in the process of racial reproduction. Under harsh natural conditions, people do not have much preparation for emotions, so the stereotypes brought by appearances can be quickly combined. Form a family to deal with life risks. However, with the development of the times, the resistance of passionate emotions to life risks has actually decreased. A beautiful girl does not guarantee credit and no debt. A man with a nine-digit deposit balance is not necessarily an emotionally loyal person. It may also be a perverted personality. However, the existence of passionate emotions provides an opportunity for most people to set standards for screening strangers and determine whether to continue the relationship. If we only regard it as the initiation stage of a relationship, it is reasonable. The mistakes of contemporary young people often regard passionate emotions as the decision-making stage of whether to enter their married life. This has led to many tragic marriages. After several years of getting along with people, they finally chose to reflect on fear due to more understanding. Parting ways, going further and further.
As another kind of companionship emotion, it is the accumulated result of the positive and positive internalization of emotion. It is more in line with the law of human emotion development, in line with the stability of emotion as a kind of energy increase, not the exhaustion mode of passionate emotion. However, due to the high cost of time, it is lagging behind reality. In fact, we are proposing a cooperative model and the premise of a marriage model that regularly controls the family economy, which is to create prerequisites for the stable development of companionship emotions. There are many possibilities for the initiation of companionship emotions. It can be developed from passionate emotions, it may also occur because of blind dates, it may be due to the multi-day relationship between classmates and friends, or it may be the mutual care of work and life between colleagues. However, the characteristic of companionship emotion is the centripetal force of the emotional development trend, and the tendency of the two sides of the emotion holder to reach a consensus in understanding: whether it is cooperation in economic construction or cooperation in emotional sustenance.
Different from this, there is also a special state of companionship emotion that also exists in married life: implicit (marriage) conceptual emotion, which is based on a role-based concept of marriage formed by a value concept. Usually this kind of role The holders have formed a positive and confident awareness of marriage life through the family environment, knowledge and understanding of concepts, will always be ready to complete their role positioning, and will spend their entire life in order to manage their marriage life. The role concept of this marriage model is formed before emotions, which are self-evident emotions. By constantly internalizing their role positioning, they complete the responsibilities and morals that should be undertaken in the family. For example, a man has a positive attitude towards his role. Moral orientation: Should be a father who can be responsible for his children. Regarding how to be responsible for the child, this man will continue to reflect and examine his own words and deeds, caring for the child's life, and finally form a stable and peaceful married life.
The rationality of married life is not only investigated from an emotional point of view, but also from a healthy and positive sexual relationship. Always hovering under the stimulus of a stranger will lose confidence in maintaining a stable relationship. The establishment of short-lived sexual relations, strong sexual stimulation will dilute the emotional acceptance of people, just like watching a violent movie will increase the child’s violent impulse, unhealthy sexual relations will wear down people’s self-examination standards and form emotional disorders The cognition of ethical relations produces a diffuse source of spiritual pollution. Relying on self-solving physical sexual needs will reduce the sensitivity to sexual excitement, consume sexual imagination, and reduce the quality of sexual life. The guilt brought by self-solving sexual needs will negatively and impact on the spiritual level. The purpose of self-preservation is to reasonably alienate the sexual psychology of the person who occurs, and the resentment generated by self-denial induced by moral condemnation accumulates in the emotional petri dish, and turns into a bullet of hatred waiting for the opportunity to vent. Only a stable sex partner is protected by morals, ethics and the law, can it benefit the physical and mental health of both sex partners. Here, the sacred original intentions of the participants in the marriage relationship as the initiators of the vows in the marriage ceremony, and the marriage facts as the final form of the obvious and explicit combination of mutual emotions are universally respected and protected by the society.
When we have examined the reasonableness of a certain degree of married life, should marriage be accepted, embraced, and praised by everyone? Then the objective fact is that there is a voice of resistance to marriage in society. Why?
We have a rough understanding of the history of marriage and the rationality of marriage. We are only one-sidedly aware of the idealistic side of the marriage relationship. As an ideal marriage, we can only stipulate the upper limit of the marriage life. More often people are living in marriage. Struggling in the lower limit standard, unable to save himself. The so-called lower limit of married life is actually the practical part of the marriage relationship we see next.
Through hard work, human beings freed marriage from the shackles of the traditional concept of bloodline: in Shakespeare's drama four hundred years ago, two young and noble souls committed suicide because of the struggle between love and emotion.
Marriage should be a combination of individual feelings that has never truly touched people's ardent hopes. People shed tears over the sadness of drama and called for the emotional value of the form of marriage to be valued. In the constant emphasis and description, people are paying more and more attention to individual feelings. Emotions need feedback. The sending and feedback of marriage partners is often difficult to be directly proportional.
Objectively speaking, the joys and sorrows of people are not shared. With the development of society, people have higher and higher requirements for feelings. For peasant women in the eleventh century, sharing a piece of bread means the love of the husband. , And for a French lady of the nineteenth century, Byron’s poems are worthy of tears. For today's couples, the carefree contribution behind the consumption behavior represents an attitude towards emotions: the emerging value of consumerism that transcends material values.
Any middle school student who sells cosmetics on social software can proficiently use capital to stimulate customers: to love you is to spend money for you.
The new god built a crystal-clear Tower of Babylon. People fumbled for the smooth wall without attachments and carefully climbed the stairs. It seemed that people holding hands together after the passion of the early night retreated, because the mirror reflected the twisted faces. The complaints and quarrels that took place easily destroyed this fragile building.
The banquet started too simple, and naturally no one remembered it when it ended.
The advancement of science and technology has made those who are most familiar with the rules of information dissemination and diffusion become upstarts. Success is only overnight. People are too easy to grasp what they can grasp, and when they give up, they are natural and generous.
This is the inevitable sacrifice of the progress of the times: those who dare to let go easily will one day face the mess of right and wrong and regret not cherishing what they did in the past. Just like when the form of marriage appeared, men overthrew the social system of matrilineal society. The emergence of new Internet culture, behind the chaotic and complicated speeches of various abnormalities, is bound to transform the original pure hearts of some people. What we have summed up from the laws of history: These are all sacrifices that will inevitably occur.
More people are selected and given up by the target for various reasons. These are the inevitable choices of people trying to catch up with the advancement of the times. We should not judge the decisions of people in special times by a fixed moral standard. , Like a female sacrificial being lifted off the altar, she may be willing to do good, but she is still denied by the barbaric new force. In the process of urbanization, people with compensation for house demolition at home will always be greater in the marriage and love market than young people working diligently in factories. This horizontal comparison does not conform to the theme of uneven development of the times. The world is evolving and changing with each passing day. Social culture is changing, people’s hearts are tumbling, some people are turning out the past thoughts, some are criticizing the status quo from the system, some are squinting in the haze of smoke, some are staring at the beating numbers and tapping the calculator. Differences in objective reality , So that everyone is equally at a loss.
In the process of forming a person's character, there are so many influences that it is difficult to exhaust. The differences produced by the individual's growth history, and the concepts and perceptions of things determine a person's logic and speculative ability.
Therefore, when we talk about the reality of married life, the point of conflict that often erupts is: people should not demand the reality of marriage with a unified concept of marriage.
A young woman with a high level of family economics and rich income has the right to choose her own standard of marriage and life, which is in line with the objective law of the development of the times. Judging both parties from a traditional perspective of marriage and love, and using outdated and outdated moral kidnapping to look at the new concept of marriage is the imprisonment of thinking that cannot be avoided in the current concept of young people's marriage.
Whether it is people who fall into the trap of consumerism, people who easily give up cherishing things, people who have not actively updated their concept of marriage, they will encounter the same crisis of marriage life, and they will not be able to properly handle the marriage facts. The existence of a large number of objective facts has contributed to the rise of suspicion about unreasonable married life. Everyone attributed the failure to another place, and finally it can be assembled into a resisting attitude towards married life.
Regarding the critical attitudes towards marriage caused by the lag of subjective understanding above, the denial of the marriage system triggered by the mental health of the participants in the marriage relationship is a kind of disintegration of the reality of the marriage system at the structural level. Especially after the marriage partner forms a family, the influence of the relationship damage caused by the marriage partner’s dereliction of duty is often hereditary. The rift in the original family relationship caused by the personality of the marriage partner will pass negative emotions to the child In the body, the child is harmed and formed a distorted or cowardly character. This kind of primitive family crime can easily become the object of frustration. It is a voice of crusade against parents and sufficient evidence to deny the marriage system.
For example, the greatest impact of the rapid development of urbanization on people’s lifestyles is that the excessive participation of husband and wife in work will consume each other’s energy to pay attention to each other, and even affect the sense of companionship of the parent’s role in the growth process of the child—children are often taken by the elderly. The child may be placed in a childcare center. People are unable to meet the pressures of life in all aspects, which results in children unable to obtain a stable and continuous state in their young minds. With the rise of the information age, the marriage partners have to divide a part of their spare time to provide their own spiritual entertainment needs. The degree of observation and understanding of the child has decreased compared with the past, just like my friend’s seven-year-old daughter treated me. Complaining: "My dad always sits there and plays with his mobile phone." We can't do anything about it. For adults, children are one of the results of marriage and part of the family. For children, mom and dad are all of life.
This kind of unequal understanding could have been established through natural and social relationships to compensate children’s young minds to a certain extent. However, urbanization has shut children from the streets into concrete houses, and running in the wild is related to cram school learning. Toddlers bear the same mental stress as adults, but they are not prepared in advance for being cultivated by the strong physique and complex experience of adults.
There is a more obvious line in the American TV series "Do whatever you want", reflecting the irreversible damage to the child’s mind caused by the lack of parental responsibility education in the original family. As the child grows, this damage will also grow, and eventually change from a small fester. Lines into irreconcilable confrontational family relations:
We waited all our lives for our parents to apologize, but they wanted us to say thank you.
In the end, none of us can get what we want.
Regarding the understanding of the reality of the marriage relationship, one has to pay attention to the gradual weakening of the sexual communication behaviors of the two parties in the marriage relationship. The physical attractiveness and the psychological state of the marriage partner develop simultaneously. A healthy body often makes people have a high degree. The self-confidence of this kind of self-confidence can have an extraordinary defensive effect on resisting the occasional nature of life. However, with the aging of body functions, people’s confidence will also decrease, and negative emotions such as suspiciousness, sensitivity, and annoyance will gradually corrode. People’s spiritual world, stable and healthy marriage relationships, and harmonious sexual communication can positively strengthen the affirmation of each other’s bodies. This method can effectively combat the curse of the aging of human life on the gradual aging of human life. Because sexual communication can achieve the most efficient mental and physical unity of praise (there is a beginning, a process, a result, and a positive feedback) among all the communication methods of the marriage partners.
We observe many lovers who broke up, and the initial denial of the relationship is the rejection of the sexual relationship. For humans, emotions are too abstract and complex, and they need to rely on the simplest and most effective way of communication to let each other have a certain degree of support and affirmation of the current relationship. The stagnation of sexual relations is the most serious rejection of the object. This rejection contains a kind of authority denial. If the object of the marriage relationship cannot provide a specific explanation for the refusal of sexual communication, it will often cause a chain effect on both parties in the marriage relationship. Emotional destruction-suggestive, tearful, rooted negation.
Pay attention to the point of distinction. [Rejection of sexual relations] and [Sexual monopoly] are two issues. With the development of the Internet age, more open and diversified sexual knowledge is also recognized by more people, and people are keen to share sexual knowledge. And experience, exploratory communication is a higher-dimensional pursuit of pure animal communication, whether it is relying on foreign objects, multiple objects, or transgender, sex has thrown away the shackles of reproduction and has been transformed into a way of communication, sex The psychological level of desire behind it: Of course, it is worthy of recognition for its own compensation suggestion mechanism. But on the other hand, the abuse of this mechanism is actually a manifestation of psychological alienation (a variety of reasons) that dominates the desire to lose control.
Sexual ethics has always been bound by marriage ethics, and it is a means of stabilizing marriage relationships. In fact, with the progress of the times, people should gradually realize that marriage relationships should not be used as a tool for binding, an abstract relationship statement or a thin sheet. The marriage certificate does not restrict people’s behavior. Sexual means is more of a conscious compensation for maintaining the harmony and stability of the marriage relationship. A way of communication cultivates the tacit understanding of the relationship between the two parties in the marriage, and jointly meets and fights against the aging and trials of the years. Therefore, sexual ethics should follow a biological ethics, not a formal ethics, and its original intention should be healthy and positive, rather than imprisoned or indulgent.
As "A Tale of Two Cities" said, this is the best time and the worst time. The current marriage is progressive from the past, but it also has a very fragile side.
The two parties forming a marriage can cross race, culture, and even gender, and can reach a consensus on mutual respect for rights and the distribution of labor tasks. However, in companionship, intimacy, patience, and raising children, there are often too high expectations for the actual situation, which makes it difficult for people to achieve a state where both parties are satisfied and dissatisfied. The unique personality is because of impatientness. Stirring emotions, the self-preservation premise of marriage often gives way to passive feelings in the face of contradictions. People weaken the fact that marriage breaks up not only in the form of tearing, but also in the married life of the couple pervading the room. There is no cold violence of gunpowder, and the consciousness of the sexual window period pushes the couples in the same bed to the breakthrough demand of finding new sustenance of emotion. People chase stars through mobile phones and watch stimulating metaphorical programs to relieve the accumulated sexual needs and emotional problems in marriage. The essence is dispelled, leaving the empty shell constructed by habit and role responsibilities to move forward by inertia-until one day it disintegrates due to a small bump.
In the face of the problems in the reality of marriage, such as: emotional snuggle, excessive economic pressure, control of loneliness, anti-risk reactions, judgments, and so on.
How to organically unify the rationality and reality of married life, how can our psychology fight against the spiritual alienation of people in the marriage relationship, restrain our behavior and strive to maintain the stability of the family relationship?
It depends on how we understand the marriage relationship, how to extract the purpose of self-preservation from the form of marriage, how to weigh the interaction of economic standards for emotional harmony, and how to redefine the standard measurement of happiness in the new era.
Young people are always venting a kind of anxiety:
Does marriage really make sense?
Do we really have a chance? How to solve this problem? How to face our terrible life?
Human emotion has the supreme power, it can heal the scars and frustrations we have suffered in life. To discover a kind of intimacy and convey your feelings with trust and straightforwardness. We observe those loving couples. In the long marriage life, they are always more accustomed to handing over themselves instead of controlling the opposite. Many times, the decision in married life changes from "I want to buy a dishwasher" to "I want to do more housework". Communicate your desires frankly and carefully observe each other's changes, draw attention from abstract entertainment, stimulation, and indulgence, quietly entrust your marriage partner, clarify your responsibilities, admit your own shortcomings, and emphasize your sense of morality And a temperate attitude towards life, rather than accepting the opponent’s criticism, I care more about whether I can digest the other’s feelings.
The essence of marriage is the abbreviated model of society. It transcends the individual's life mode and has high and clear demands on her. It often leads to the formation of differences between the two parties. The seeds of contradictions and conflicts are buried in the influence of those social values. In the context of life, the impact of people's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors is changeable, complex, and far-reaching. No one can use exhaustive words to accurately summarize the whole picture of random marriage life composed of different personalities.
More often, we are like a flat boat sailing in the ocean at night,
In the faint light of the bow, I imagined the huge and terrifying shadows dormant under the sea level. Those faint dark swells reflected sparkling waves, as if secretly peeping into our whale's strange eyes.
Instead of succumbing to unknown and invisible pressure, it is better to be a star.
More strength, more truth, more communication, more honesty, more intimacy.
Through the long silent night, without turning back, walking forward without hesitation.
Starry sky bless those who love each other.
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