This article was first published on the WeChat public account [I used to live lonely like this] Author: Zhaomu Shouzo (myself)
"The Made Destiny (Part 1)": The Made Destiny (Part 1)
"The Made Destiny (Part 2)": The Made Destiny (Part 2)
The background of the story is Rio in the 1950s. Eurydice and her sister Jeddah have not seen each other after they eloped for love in Jeddah. Both sisters have lived in the fate of being "made" in their entire lives, living in the closest relationship. The "truth" that the men concealed. The father drove Jeddah out of the house, who had returned home with a big belly, and lied to Jeddah that Eurydice had gone to the Vienna Conservatory of Music to study piano, and at the same time concealed the truth about her return from Eurydice. The mother who relied on her father to live also played the role of accomplices, and did not tell Jeddah the truth about Eurydice’s marriage, nor did she tell Eurydice about Jeddah, and then Eurydice’s husband continued to hide it. Her whole life. The two sisters are in Rio, but they are separated all their lives. They miss each other for a lifetime, but never get together.
Jeddah eloped for love but was deceived and deceived by love. He became a single mother and was driven out of the house by his father as a shame. Living in hardship and helplessness, Jeddah imagined that his sister Eurydice lived a life of the right choice. Chasing the success that fulfilled the dream of a pianist in Vienna.
Eurydice accepted the marriage chosen by her father for her, obeyed her husband and the life imposed on her by the marriage, and imagined Jeddah living a life of her own choice, surrounded by love, life clear, free and happy.
They are all imprisoned in a kind of life, yearning for a destiny that has not been realized in themselves, imagining the life if, imagining the luck of the other party, the abstract beauty in the distance becomes their spiritual sustenance and belief, and the other end of the world carries her Her existence, who yearns for life, is their last hope for each other.
They do not realize that this era and society engulf the fate of most women, and the restrictions on each individual woman are no different. When Eurydice thought that her sister had escaped her fate, she did not know that Jeddah was living in a more muddy fate. When Jeddah envied her sister's dream, she didn't know that Eurydice was drowning in the confinement of marriage.
Men and even the entire society of that era either gave or deprived women. They set the boundaries and laws of the world of women, give a restricted world to obedient women, and deprive women of their survival. The existence of women as half of human society is ignored. In the story, they recognize themselves and make choices as determined by this society.
Eurydice
Eurydice is the "submitted" woman in this story.
Eurydice, she obeyed her destiny, acceptance was mixed with rejection, and her rejection was mixed with acceptance. For her sister Jeddah’s imagination of living in a distant place surrounded by love, her dream of enrolling in the Vienna Conservatory of Music, as her marriage penetrated into her, with the "fact" of her death, she lost the spiritual sustenance of emotion and conviction. The abstract and distant yearning in life and life. She no longer dreams of her life through these symbols, but to experience the present and destiny, and no longer resist.
Eurydice's obedience
Eurydice would laugh even if it was a joke that she didn't understand in order to cater to the atmosphere of the occasion, but Jeddah was disgusted.
In her attitude towards her sister and boyfriend, she said, "Why didn't you introduce George to Dad." Unlike Jeddah, she has more traditional, more orderly and obedient genes in her.
Eurydice’s father ran a bakery, and she married the second son of her flour supplier. This is not the free choice of love she yearns for, but she obeyed the marriage arranged by her father.
Eurydice’s sexual enlightenment originated from her sister’s description of “that thing is so hard,” and friend Qi Liya’s description of her first sexual experience, “it might be a bit painful at first, close your eyes, think of something else, and it will pass soon.” . When she first practiced her demographic experience, she seemed confused and cowardly. When her husband showed him the power of the penis, she felt funny and suppressed her feelings. She opened her eyes wide in the rough sex of her husband, with a look of horror and helplessness, gritted her teeth and endured it all. As far as men are concerned, a husband in a much stronger economic field thinks that "he possesses her" in terms of self-esteem, even if he is not in a woman's expectations and aspirations.
When all this was over, she was still in ignorance. Early in the morning, she sat alone by the swimming pool outside the hotel, accepting the fate of "the woman who began marriage from now on" alone.
The pregnant Eurydice could not play the piano as calmly and smoothly as she once did. She was restless, irritable, and unable to concentrate. Her mother was seriously ill, the shock of her first pregnancy, these life tortures made her overwhelmed, and she couldn't find her way out.
Eurydice, who has a big belly, has to take care of her seriously ill mother while arranging the baby room and taking piano lessons. Her mother said that Eurydice never knew the right time. Mothers who are more controlled by marriage and more imprisoned think that music dreams are superfluous and secondary to women.
Her obedience is always mixed with rejection, and her rejection is mixed with acceptance. During the year of pregnancy and the next few years, she did not go to the Conservatory of Music interview.
She obeyed her married life, took care of her family, raised her daughter, she could make a delicious table of meals, she took care of her life in an orderly manner, and she imprisoned herself in housework.
After learning of her sister’s death and the concealed truth, she burned her sister’s belongings, burned the piano, and gave up the opportunity to practice her musical dream when she was admitted to the conservatory. She personally buried everything she cherished. She bid farewell to the past, this is her ceremony to say goodbye to others. Music and sister are the salvation and belief in her life. She thinks that at least her sister is happy and lives a life of her own choice. The imagination that supports her life is shattered by reality, and she completely gave up all resistance.
She no longer dreams of her life through these symbols, but experiences life and destiny, and no longer resists. Marriage became her "career".
Like many women's experiences, they are turned into "women" by society and family.
Eurydice's Resistance
Eurydice started a new life after getting married. As the marriage settled down, she still kept two things, one is her grandmother's earrings, the one dropped by her sister at the back door; the same is her favorite piano. One is the yearning and obsession for my sister, and the other is the persistence and nostalgia for dreams. These are her beliefs and strengths to resist fate.
Eurydice became accustomed to married life, ironing clothes, cooking, housework... But marriage still did not obliterate her dream of music. When her husband was full of sexual desire, she begged not to make love on the piano and not to desecrate her dream symbol. A man only allows a woman to have a desire, a desire for himself. He didn't want to allow her to dream.
She obeyed her husband's sexual desires, in order not to get pregnant, she asked him to shoot outside the body, and every time her husband shot inside, she almost madly scrubbed her lower body, she was helpless, angry, afraid and resisting pregnancy. His desire was a crude desire, and sex with him seemed a shameful chore for her. In the forced sex in the marriage, her resistance to her husband is expressed through indifference in sexual desire.
Eurydice went to the hospital for an examination. When she learned that she was pregnant, her first reaction was to think that the interview at the Conservatory of Music was still 7 months away. She was at a loss about her pregnancy. She was puzzled and disagreed with the embrace and blessings of her friend "This is good news" and "What a beautiful thing is pregnancy". She didn't want to be pregnant now, but she did not reject the child. Women’s social situation makes them feel that abortion will be severely punished by God and it is a crime.
Throughout her life, she has resisted in constant acceptance, enduring sex, pregnancy, loneliness, and the lifestyle imposed on her by her father, husband, and marriage, carefully resisting in a compromised way, keeping herself.
She uses compromise to keep herself
Her protection of music dreams and her obsession with her sister constitute her true inner life.
Jeddah is her source of strength in life. When everyone tried to forget Jeddah, she tried her best to grab the connection with Jeddah and defend her existence.
When a friend asked her if she was angry with her sister who eloped with a sailor, she tried her best to defend her sister and said she was going on a trip.
She asked a detective who was investigating missing persons to find her sister. Even though the detective has been searching for years to persuade her to give up, she still insists, because Jeddah is her last hope.
When the family no longer mentioned Jeddah, she always reminded them that Jeddah was her family.
Eurydice, who was pregnant for the first time, felt scared. She imagined her sister being surrounded by love in the distance. She complained about her sister leaving her here alone.
Eurydice often goes to the pier, looking out and staring in a daze, which is where her sister left.
Eurydice keeps her sister's old dress and her sister's photo, which is regarded as a treasure. That is her obsession, her sustenance.
Regarding the coloring of the baby room, she hopes to be painted yellow, and her husband hopes to be painted blue. She did not refute it, but when her husband made fun of her sister’s trip to Greece and touched her inverse scales, she had never done it in an ironic way. Fiercely, rebutting her husband. And her husband hoped that she would think more about the family, instead of thinking about a dead person all day long. Jeddah is already a dead person for others.
When the detective found her sister's name in the cemetery (Jeddah inherited Philo's house and Philo's name, the "Jeddah" the detective found was actually the dead Philo), she knew for the first time in the cemetery that her sister had returned At home, the father evaded the truth about not accepting Jeddah’s eloped daughter to his dead wife. Eurydice learned that she had been deceived by her parents for so many years, but her father said that he abandoned Jeddah to protect her and protect him. family. When Eurydice cross-examined her father if she felt guilty and apologetic to Jeddah, the father said that he felt ashamed and ashamed of Jeddah, but felt sorry for concealing the truth from Eurydice. He had no guilt for Jeddah, and Eurydice beat her father with great anger.
After marriage, Eurydice still insisted on taking piano lessons. After marriage, she still took the Vienna Conservatory of Music as her life goal.
She was calm in her smooth, melodious piano sound.
"Because I disappeared while playing the piano" she described the meaning of playing the piano to her. Whenever Eurydice is immersed in the world of piano music, she has a complete consciousness. She is no longer a wife, mother, and housewife. There is an irresistible freedom here. She feels this strongly in this independence. Freedom, this is her salvation in the days that she repeats every day.
When the husband was puzzled, angry, and questioned that "a pregnant woman is still studying at the Conservatory" touched her another thing that proved her existence, she again refuted "What's the problem with this?", and he thought it itself That's the problem. He wants him to be immersed and imprisoned in family life.
Eurydice finally participated in the interview at the Conservatory of Music many years later. In the music she composed, she, her sister, and the beautiful scenes of them laughing and dancing together.
After passing the interview at the Conservatory of Music, she went to the beach first, sharing her achievements with her sister in the vague distance.
Men limit the boundaries of the world of women and even women are complicit
In that era, a woman was the property of the father of the original family before she got married, and he determined her world. Eurydice needs his father's signature to apply for the Vienna Conservatory of Music. The father expects a result from his daughter. He is not proud of her daughter becoming a musician, but will be satisfied because her daughter marries.
Eurydice became accustomed and submerged in her married life. Her husband and father never praised her piano sound and her musical dreams, but they did not hesitate to praise Eurydice’s beauty and the food she cooked. .
Passed the interview at the Conservatory of Music. No one in real life shared her happiness and achievements. They did not agree or understand. The husband believed that she had deceived him and equated it with cheating of a derailed nature. He questioned her plan and thought It is absurd for her to quit her job at the post office and go to the conservatory. He said, "You know how to play the piano, what else do you want to do? Do you want to make a living from music?" He hoped that she would be a housewife like other women.
A man limits the world of a woman, and the piano is just a tool for scheduling time. He limits her transcendence and does not allow it to be a dream.
"Second Sex" describes the logic of women treating men like this
Women reject male logic. Not only does male logic do not fit her experience, but she also knows that in the hands of men, truth becomes a violent and cunning form; they indisputably conclude that the purpose is to deceive her. Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex
For the first time, Eurydice confided with her husband the reason for her obsession with the piano "because I disappeared while playing the piano." Her husband could not understand, and interpreted the "disappearance" she described as Eurydice's desire to leave the house. She used her husband's most obsessive sex to satisfy him, please him, or just to shut him up.
Men want to close her in a dilemma: either agree or disagree. From the perspective of the entire system of accepted principles, she should agree, because refusing to agree is rejecting the entire system. She cannot allow herself to cause such an uproar, and she cannot rebuild another society. However, she could not accept it. She was in the midst of resistance and enslavement, enduring male authority against her will. Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex
Finally, when she was told that she was suffering from manic depressive psychosis, she was also told that she was pregnant. The male doctor told her that the trauma would disappear and that she would be like a new born, ready to become a mother again. The man once again designs to participate in her life and her future.
Many years later, at her husband’s funeral, Eurydice was in her twilight years, and she couldn’t remember the specific days. Her obedience to time, marriage, and husband was in the phrase "If your father stayed, it must be important." The document" saw the clues, she accepted him and his thoughts without scrutiny or judgment.
When the son found the father’s safe, in 67 years of marriage, the husband told the son the password but did not tell her, and the husband was hiding a bigger secret from him and was discovered. The safe was written by Jeddah to Eurydice. She was panicked and unbelievable.
According to the address on the letter, she found the girl who was exactly the same as Jeddah when she was young. She is the granddaughter of Jeddah. Years of depressed miss and emotion overflowed. She hugged and kissed her miss, and the two earrings finally matched one. right. And all this came too late, she was nearing the end of her life in this life, and her sister was no longer in the world.
In this life, they confined them to marriage, family, ethics, and internality. In the process, even women were just like men as "accomplices", and they created the fate of Eurydice and Jeddah. "The culprit" is the definition of woman in the social situation of women in this era, which has created the cognition and definition of women in the entire era and society.
Jeddah
Jeddah is the woman who "violated" in this story.
Jeddah, she violated the definition of woman in family and society. She resisted the authority of the patriarchal family. She eloped after the love of free choice for love. She was deceived by love to leave decisively. The native family would be pregnant with the shame of her. She drove out of the house, she lived on her own, she did hard work like a man, she guarded her new family, and devoted herself to love. She has spent most of her life paying for that choice. The hardship created by the social situation made her understand what it means for a woman to live alone in the world. She was deprived of her identity, family, environment, survival, and even her name. With chapped hands and hardship, I imagined my sister Eurydice living a life of the right choice, chasing the success of realizing the dream of a pianist in Vienna, always making her wonder how to make the "right choice" in her life.
Home is the source of the power of a person’s spiritual core. For her, Eurydice is the symbol of home and the sustenance of her lifelong memory of home. She has a home that she can’t go back to. She creates new emotional bonds to help her and Her son and friend Philo who lives with her become her new family. After Philo died, in order to keep the house Philo left her, she gave up her name. Eurydice no longer appeared in her life, and the current life as her only reality constituted her future.
Jeddah deprived of identity, family, and survival
In a patriarchal family, she denies authority. She believes that her father is just an ignorant Portuguese in the last century. She supports her sister's dream of applying for the Vienna Conservatory of Music, and said that if her father disagrees, she will forge his signature.
Like most women indulged in love, she decided to elope with George to Greece. She chased the love she thought, she was rebellious, she practiced her freedom, and abandoned the shackles of tradition and morality to women.
After a year, Jeddah took a cruise back to her homeland, with the child in her belly, she was abandoned by George or her love was broken, so she chose to leave George. She was brave in love, and left after the illusion of love was shattered. She is determined and open-minded. Since she doesn't love anymore, she doesn't feel jealous, she doesn't care about any romantic affairs of him, and she doesn't want to spend another second on him. A man makes her suffer misfortune, his life is not affected in any way, and she has to endure the hardships of this life because of this.
She thought that when she returned home, she would receive the kindness and longing for a long time. Seeing Jeddah's mother, hesitated with mixed feelings of complaining, surprise and blame, but still hugged her tightly, and then asked her husband. In Jeddah, he turned to hug his father. The father learned that George would not be responsible for his daughter and the children in his stomach. As a father’s love for his daughter, he cursed George.
At this time, the role of the father disappeared. He insulted her daughter with his body language and his rudeness. He described the daughter as "catch". The mother's dissuasion caused greater discomfort for the father. As the supreme power of the family, he declared his Decided that he would drive his daughter out of the house.
She resisted when her father asked her to put on shoes.
When asking about his younger sister’s whereabouts, the father lied that the younger sister went to the school he had dreamed of learning piano. He hoped to get rid of the taint of Jeddah, to be isolated from this family, and to be farther away from his other intact daughter. He continued to lie to Eurydice and forgot. She, he told her to forget this home, and pronounced that she was no longer his daughter.
She still resisted, using humanity and morality to resist her father's unfeeling and rudeness. "You can't treat a pregnant woman like this."
She begged "I have nowhere to go", and the father was indifferent, and stuffed a little money into his daughter's bra, and drove her out through the back door, allowing her to leave completely through the back door.
She resisted with the last threat of "If I leave here you will never see me again".
The mother chased after her and stopped under the coercion of her father. She didn't have the ability to protect her daughter. She didn't even dare to tell her the truth about Eurydice. She also regarded her as a blemish, thinking that it was right to protect her other daughter.
Jeddah is still Jeddah, and Jeddah, who became pregnant after elopement, is no longer their daughter to their parents.
A woman has a home and can't return after she loses her virginity.
The father finally pronounced the ending of his daughter Jeddah in this home, "Our daughter is dead." and told his wife to conceal things about Jeddah from his daughter Eurydice.
The father continued to scrape the fish scales vigorously. In his father's eyes, Jeddah looked like fish scales, and the unnecessary parts had to be removed and scraped off.
Jeddah gave birth in the delivery room with a hideous face and pain. When she saw the baby, she experienced the brief joy of being a mother. When the baby approached, she turned her head to the other side, avoiding the mistakes she made. The nurse left with the baby, her gaze chased over again, helpless, painful, and somewhat relieved.
Tears are both complaining and comforting.
Jeddah had no husband to accompany him, and the father gave birth to the child when his father drove him out of the house. In the middle of the night, she unplugged the bottle, fled the hospital, and abandoned the child. This society does not support a single mother materially and cognitively, and she cannot feed that child alone.
Since she made the choice to leave home, she has spent most of her life paying for the original choice. The hardship created by the social situation made her understand what it means for a woman to live alone in the world.
Jeddah builds its own new bond and life
In her cramped life, she imagined her sister's new life in class at the Conservatory. Jeddah is still strong and optimistic in the desperate situation, decided to start a new journey, I believe there is still a lifetime waiting to experience.
Life is hard, but she didn't degenerate. Someone in the bar bought him 150 yuan for sex, and she sneered and walked away.
She started to be a breastfeeding mother. The pain of breastfeeding, the milk increase, and Philo, who is also a woman, comforted her to "endure it and it will pass." Like most women, they are instilled by the whole society to endure all the pain. Jeddah said that God didn't want her to endure this. She believed that being born as a woman was not born to endure suffering.
Philo asked her why she didn't choose to be soft and choose a simple path, "Why don't you go back if you don't have a big belly now, children can make the elderly feel soft."
The stubborn Jeddah said angrily: "Give me the money and I won't go back." She resents her father, including her mother. She said that the mother is the shadow of the father and cannot do without her husband than the mother of the child.
Jeddah finally couldn't bear it, and returned to the hospital to take the child back. Even though the world treated her like this, she did not obliterate her kindness and conscience.
Jeddah has a new "family", and her friend Philo who lives together has been helping her and her son. Philo has become an important presence in her life.
Jeddah strives to make a living on his own, doing two jobs, usually working in the shipyard, and doing sanitation on weekends. In her hurried hard life, she still imagined that her sister's life as a pianist was also very busy.
Jeddah defined the money he saved as money for "going to Vienna to see my sister". When Philo asked her why she kept thinking about her sister, she should think more about her son, he needs you more than her sister, Jeddah shook her head. Her imagination of her younger sister living in a beautiful environment, like another herself in a fantasy parallel world, is the driving force for her to live a strong life.
With chapped hands and hardship, I imagined my sister Eurydice living a life of the right choice, chasing the success of realizing the dream of a pianist in Vienna. It always makes her think about how to make the "right choice" in life.
Home is the source of the power of a person's spiritual core. Eurydice is the symbol of the home she can't go back to, and the sustenance of her lifelong longing for home.
In her letter to her sister, she told her that she has a new family that is willing to dedicate everything. Philo is her father, mother, and sisters in her heart. She is willing to give everything for her. This family has no blood but love. This It is the new bond she created.
Pervasive patriarchy
Jeddah had to do a man's work like welding, and her hand as a woman was ruined, and her male colleague warned her not to complain that she should thank God for giving her a job instead of letting her live in the streets. And said, "Women like you shouldn't work here." He represents the attitude of the entire society-women should be at home, should be imprisoned in the family and marriage, rather than work.
She applied for a passport for her son. The staff found that there was no stamp in the father’s column on the child’s birth certificate, and no authorization documents were found for the father of the child. Jeddah said that the father of the child was not in Brazil, and the staff said that he could only wait until the father of the child came back to get the authorization. It was possible. In Jeddah, it was stated that the child had no father and that she was a single mother. When she raised her son alone, the staff still stated that the regulations were so. The man had never been responsible for the mother and child, but he still had the supreme decision-making power.
When Philo was seriously ill, she took care of Philo meticulously. She used all her savings to buy expensive morphine. When she saw Philo expressing her desire to get rid of her illness, life once again asked her to torture her. She was calm and composed in front of Philo, but cried alone in the kitchen. This time she had to face the death of her family.
In order to help Philo achieve her wish, she needs 5 doses of morphine at a time. When the colleague who sold her morphine extorted them at a high price and asked her for earrings, she lied that it was costume jewelry. She would rather sell her body than give up the earring. That is her only connection with her native family. He hinted that she could exchange morphine for sex compensation, and gave her sex for Jeddah, who was willing to do everything Philo was willing to do.
Philo left the house to Jeddah, thinking about her future life.
Her father drove her out of home, and Philo, who had no blood relationship, gave her a home and a future.
Jeddah wrote the last letter to her younger sister. She still imagined her younger sister’s successful life as a pianist, recording records, signing autographs, and performing all over the world. She was afraid that her sister would forget her. She admired her, loved her, and she was her. Ideal life.
Jeddah cut her short hair. In order to protect Philo's house, she gave up her name and started a new life under Philo's name. Since then, there is no more Jeddah in the world.
Jeddah left her name to her granddaughter and told her granddaughter that she has a pianist sister, and let her granddaughter learn music, she told her granddaughter "sister is the best pianist in the world." Eurydice is the yearning of her life. How many literati’s words describe the romance of a woman’s elopement, the sacred and romantic atmosphere of women’s first-night sex, the coexistence of pain and joy of a woman’s childbirth, the nature of motherhood, the glory of breastfeeding, the triviality of marital happiness... this movie The rude and unmodified pictures and the emotions of the characters broke those less true text descriptions. It presents the social situation of southern beauty in the 1950s.
This article was first published on the WeChat public account [I used to live lonely like this] Author: Zhaomu Shouzo (myself)
"The Made Destiny (Part 1)": The Made Destiny (Part 1)
"The Made Destiny (Part 2)": The Made Destiny (Part 2)
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