You touched me.

[Dewey is dressed classy for the school presentation he has to give at Horace Green]

Ned Schneebly: What are you dressed up for?

Dewey Finn: I got a hot date.

Ned Schneebly: [rifling through mail] That's weird. I got a check from Horace Green Prep for $1,200. I've never worked there.

[Dewey looks worried as Ned picks up the phone and starts dialing]

Dewey Finn: What are you doing?

Ned Schneebly: Calling the school.

[other line picks up]

Ned Schneebly: Hello, this is Ned Schneebly...

[Dewey rushes over and hits the hook on the phone, disconnecting the call]

Ned Schneebly: [confused] Dewey? What's going on?

Dewey Finn: [quietly frustrated] I told them fifteen times MAKE IT OUT TO CASH!

Ned Schneebly: Dewey?

Dewey Finn: [turns back to Ned, embarrassed] I did something bad, Ned.

Ned Schneebly: [finally understanding] No... .

Dewey Finn: Yeah. They called for a sub. I said I was you, to make some money. But then I got there, and the kids, they rock, man. There's this kid Larry who's like

[imitating Larry]

Dewey Finn: "I'm not cool," and but now he's like

[imitating piano]

Dewey Finn: There's this other girl who can sing like

[imitating Tomika's vocals]

Dewey Finn: . She thought she was too fat, so they were dying, and the principal got drunk. Now we're playing Battle of the Bands! It's the coolest thing! One day. Then I will come clean. I'll tell everyone it was my fault. You'll be fine.

[pleading]

Dewey Finn: One day!

Dewey Finn: [Patty opens the curtains. Dewey wakes up] What? What is it?

Ned Schneebly: Dewey, hey, it's the first of the month and uh, I would like you to share the rent now please.

Dewey Finn: Aw man, you don't have that. You wake me up for that? Come on!

Ned Schneebly: Sorry.

[Patty begs Ned to keep talking to Dewey]

Ned Schneebly: Dewey! I mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is.

Patty Di Marco: Yeah, try 2200 dollars.

Dewey Finn: Ok, you guys, the band is about to hit it big time. We're gonna win Battle of the Bands and we're gonna roll it in the benjamins, I will throw you like a dog with a bone. Goodnight!

Patty Di Marco: Oh, give it up! Your band has never made 2 cents!

Ned Schneebly: Patty, come on, I'm on this.

Patty Di Marco: Oh, you're on this? You're on this? He's walking all over you!

Dewey Finn: Mommy, could we please talk about this later?

Patty Di Marco: Uh, no, we can't talk about it later because Ned and I have to go to work. We have jobs. We contribute to society, alright? I'm an assistant to the mayor of this city, hello?

Dewey Finn: Ned, can you get her out of here please? Why? Why her?

Patty Di Marco: And Ned has the most important job there is.

Dewey Finn: Temping?

Ned Schneebly: [aggravated] Dewey, a substitute teacher is not a temp!

Dewey Finn: [sarcastically] He's a babysitter!

Ned Schneebly: Oh, you think it's so easy? I'd like to see you try. You would've last one day!

Dewey Finn: Dude, I serve the society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines elaborating people with my music. Rocking ain't like walking at a park, lady!

Patty Di Marco: This is useless, alright? You tell him that if he doesn't come up with the rent by the end of the week, he's out of here!

Ned Schneebly: Dewey, I'm not paying your share of the rent so, I don't know, maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.

Dewey Finn: What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?

Patty Di Marco: Oh my god, he's an idiot!

Dewey Finn: Dude, I've been mooching off here for years and it's never been a problem until she showed up. Just dump her, man.

Ned Schneebly: Yeah, well, if you don't come up with some money, she's gonna dump me. She's fed up.

Dewey Finn: Oh, really? Because that would be a good thing. She's a nightmare!

Ned Schneebly: Come on! I may never have another girlfriend! Just come on! Come up with some money, please! Please!

Dewey Finn: Ok, for you. Not for her, but for you.

Ned Schneebly: [calmly] Thank you.