I was flipping through the discs in a small shop that day, and was suddenly shocked by the name of a DVD, "Portrait of Jenny"...Portrait of Jenny...Portrait of Jenny...it seemed very familiar, could it be that Sanmao is in a certain The "Portrait of Jenny" that is repeatedly entangled in this article?
I remember reading this article back then, and I was puzzled by this painting for a while. Although I have a DVD in my hand, it must have something to do with it, so I quickly accepted it. Otherwise, just based on the phrase "one of the greatest love movies in American film history" on the DVD cover, I'm afraid I won't buy it.
After I bought it, I put it on hold for a while before I took it out as usual. Well, I was not disappointed. It was a "very atmospheric film".
The film has a rather distinctive beginning, perhaps a common technique used 40 years ago, but today it seems to have a new flavor. A down-and-out still life painter, in the gray and bleak winter, the land is vast, and I don't know where to come from and where to go. A little girl named Jenny appeared on the bench in the distant park. She asked him to wait for her to grow up...
He took the silk scarf that she forgot to take away, and couldn't believe what happened. But after that, the little girl appeared in front of him again and again with a mysterious atmosphere, and each time she appeared, she grew a little bit bigger than before... He started to paint only her portrait, and won the recognition of well-known galleries, Jenny His portrait is considered to be a great work that will definitely be put into museums for people to admire in the future...
Jenny under his brush will always turn her head sideways, look out of the focus lightly, with a sad expression... The people around begin to doubt Jenny was just a fantasy of his own, and even the painter himself began to wonder why Jenny came and went without a trace every time, why after the last goodbye, he made an appointment to meet again in the autumn, but he never disappeared.
The painter went to the monastery where Jenny studied and asked the nun. The nun replied that Jenny's parents who worked in the acrobatic troupe had died because of the accidental breaking of the steel wire more than ten years ago, and she herself, on October 5th, a few years ago. died in the tsunami accident.
The painter didn't want to believe that everything was his own illusion. He felt that since Jenny could come to him across time, he would have an intertwined life with her, and he must be able to find her across time.
So on October 4th, a few years after Jenny's death, the painter rushed to the lighthouse where the tsunami occurred, went out to sea against the huge wind and waves, and found Jenny on the lonely boat, but another similar tsunami followed. They were separated forever...
After being rescued by the fishermen, the painter wandered between illusion and reality, unable to find an answer, but finally let him see the silk scarf that Jenny had left him before being engulfed by the sea... From then on he No longer doubting whether Jenny was just an illusion in his head, he didn't even need more conclusive evidence that it really happened in his life, since "if you have hallucinations, then your brain There must be a soul in it."
This story reminds me vaguely of A Chinese Ghost Story, Nie Xiaoqian in "Strange Tales from a Liaozhai", although Yin and Yang must always be separated, at least there was a momentary meeting. The difference between the two stories is also very obvious. The ancient Chinese seem to rarely touch on "illusion". The illusory realm of "A Dream of Red Mansions" is a foreshadowing of the later chapters, and every bit of it is taken care of; "Strange Tales from a Liaozhai" is rather He worked tirelessly to create all kinds of situations in the underworld, and he also wanted to put all the strange and strange views into practice. On the contrary, the West prefers to be entangled between "illusion" and "reality", and put all the responsibility on each person's own mind.
But "Portrait of Jenny" is really painted, as mentioned in the film, this painting of Eben is now displayed in a certain museum, and every year someone makes a special trip for her.
After watching the movie, I went to find the article that San Mao mentioned about Jenny. I remember it was in "The Rainy Season Will Not Come Again", and it really was the beginning of this volume. The article was called "Confused."
"It's dark. I'm curled up in the corner of the bed, it's dark, it's dark, I dare not turn on the light, I'm going to hide in the dark. Yes, I'm running away, running away from what? The wind blows in and brings There was a chill, that song, that ethereal song, came again, came again, 'Where did I come from, no one knows...Where I go, everyone has to go...the wind blows... The sea is rushing...' I waved my hands to brush away the song, but it floated in again and again, into my room, they filled me, filled me... Come, finally come. I'm afraid, afraid Fantastic, I jumped up and ran to Mommy's room and I grabbed Mommy like crazy, 'Mommy! Tell me, tell me, I'm not Jenny, I'm not Jenny...I'm not her...Really, really "...'" "It's been days, days, and I've been lost in this hallucination." "
The Portrait of Jenny, a film I watched when I was a kid, I've never remembered it clearly over the years. , when I talk to some friends occasionally, I just think it's a good movie, with a beautiful, poignant and atmospheric story." " About a year ago, my cousin called me. , said he heard the news that "The Picture of Jenny" was going to be repeated. I said, it was a good movie, but I don't remember anything, he casually hummed the little song that Jenny used to sing on the phone-- 'Where I come from, no one knows, where I go...everyone has to go, the wind is blowing, the sea is rushing, where I go...everyone...'" " Holding the receiver, I shouted obsessively, 'This tune, this tune...I know it...I've heard it, I've heard it. No, it's not because of the movie, it seems like a long time ago, I didn't know it was In what world...I have such a closed memory, brother! I'm not lying to you, in another world, those winds! Seas! Those drifting, gloomy songs...don't force me to ask, Brother, I can't tell, it's just that song, that song...'" "That night, I was sick, I had a high fever, Jenny's singing came up like a tide, came up. They penetrated my body. , I was enveloped by an indescribable strong feeling, this is it! This is it! The world I pursue, the source of my nostalgia."
"I've been bored at home for almost a month. I only went out once. That day, my mother took me to the National Taiwan University Hospital. She said that a good doctor could cure my disease. We walked, walked, and arrived at the door of the psychiatry department. Then I stopped in surprise, then... me?"
"... Mom quit, leaving only the doctor and me, he tried to ask me like a friend: 'You—painting?' I nodded, only to feel disgusted by this doctor who pretended to be sympathetic - Jenny's relationship with me is not a disease - he smiled and asked me like a connoisseur: 'You, do you paint that kind of... Ah! What is it called...I can't understand...Impressionism?' I couldn't bear it anymore, I stood up and said impatiently to him: 'Impressionism is a sect of the 19th century, it has nothing to do with the current abstractionism, you Don't come to me if you don't understand this, and also, I'm not dead yet, don't look at me like this.' Jenny's relationship with me is not a disease, not a disease, I understand, I do understand, I'm just weak, I'm not sick."
"Jenny still comes to me all the time, in the dead of night, in the rainy evening, in the dim dawn, in the gloomy noon... She came and took her with her. The song and her unique breath. Time and time again I fell into that world of nothingness, gasping in it, running, searching...searching...running...wake up sweaty and exhausted. I was the same in Jenny I was lost in the singing of the song, I felt the madness of my head falling, I felt the pain of being disappeared, but even so, I felt a kind of unforgettable happiness, a kind of extremely contradictory sadness from the feeling of that moment."
"I don't know . Since when, I have been addicted to that world and can't extricate myself, although I am afraid, I am contradictory, but I can't tell the attachment to that pleasure. Day and night, I run away, I also seek, I know that I have been with Jenny One, I know, I do know. 'Jenny! Jenny!' I whispered, and we were one." "
Alas
! Jenny! I'm here, I'm here for you. So Jenny Towards me like a gust of wind, and again I was sucked into her world without any resistance, a desolate, empty world. I was running wild again... looking for... attachment to that Decadent and self-abusing contentment and unable to extricate themselves."
"'Where I come from, no one knows...where I go...everyone must go...the wind is blowing...the sea is flowing...where I go, everyone must go ...'Jenny! Jenny! I'm here, and I'll take care of you..."
The creation era of "Confused", according to Sanmao himself later, was when "Sanmao was still Ermao". Reading it again, I can still strongly feel the extreme sensitivity of her youth and the pain and entanglement of this unusual child's sensitivity.
In the film, Jenny, whose parents died, desperately longed for love, and was afraid that she would not be cared for by anyone in her whole life, so she insisted on asking the painter to "wait for her to grow up" after her life passed away. At that time, Sanmao stopped school classes and learned painting with a painter. On the one hand, he could not grow up like other peers. I can't solve it, but I always find the correspondence in movies and portraits - "I am also lost in Jenny's singing, I feel the madness of my head falling, I feel the pain of being disappeared, but even so, I am lost from that moment. I felt an unforgettable joy, an extremely contradictory sadness." - but at the same time, I was afraid that I had become an illusion like Jenny: "Mom! Tell me, tell me, I'm not Jenny, I'm not Jenny ...I'm not her...really, really..."
This panic and division was so severe that she had to see a psychiatrist, and the psychiatrist's lack of knowledge of painting and mockery made her even more deeply doubt this. The absurdity of the world. I think at that time, Sanmao, who was secretly in love with his painter teacher, was not eager to say something like Jenny: "Please wait for me to grow up".
I'm more fortunate, or I'm more commonplace, and I didn't suffer so much from sensitivity in childhood. Watching this movie again today, there is no strong feeling or resonance, but this short article written by Sanmao during the Ermao period, still a little painful to read. Every sensitive child grows up like this, and the holes in their hearts have to be filled bit by bit. Parents may not see their struggles, or they may see them, and they are powerless or accustomed to them. Being a child is a necessary running-in in the process of growing up... So from generation to generation, let them continue to run-in on their own, some may be cured, and some will be cured after a long time, after the client also thinks that they have fully recovered. , still fatal.
"How Much Hate" said:
A wish is always young, and a wish is always a little pitiful. When she was alone, there was a persistent sadness in her small and beautiful eyes. Why is there such sadness in the eyes? How much can she go through? But sorrow will come, it will come...
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