excerpt

On the train, I like to read books more than newspapers, not just because the books are light, but because the newspapers are not enough to attract me, and most importantly, they cannot take me away from the time and space in front of me. Traveling allows me to read without interruption, and I like to see the end in one breath. I also like to read at home at night, but that's another story, I like to read several books at the same time, but at different times and places. Every time I read, I leave the time and space where I am now, but I cannot read alone in an empty room, I need a real environment to accompany me. I love the city, the suburbs and the country frustrate me. Even when it's crowded and noisy, I still don't get tired of jumping into the crowd. I love the crowd as I love the sea, not to devour or get lost in it, but to swim through it like a lone pirate, content to be carried away by the tide, and yet to swim forward when it separates or disperses. Like the ocean, the crowd is my wandering mind refreshed. Almost all of my ideas come from the streets, even work-related ones. I wanted to escape, the longing for quiet pleasure, stretched endlessly in front of me, frustrating me. I find myself missing that time, not too long ago, when I was also experiencing the excruciating pain of anticipation, I dreamed of a life that consisted only of first love and last love. I know that it is fishing for the moon in the water, and I do not envy others. When I see lovers, I think about them and their future more than myself and my past. So I love cities, people show up and then reality, you can't see them getting old.

I am delighted that a daydream is becoming clearer and more specific.

- Why survive, I didn't ask for it.

- I have no expectations for life. It's comforting to watch other people's lives, some happy, some unhappy, but they're not ugly. If they're all the same, then I'm going to kill myself too. It is diversity that soothes me.

- People are ugly, people lead ugly lives. I love watching kids, and if they turn ugly later, that's too bad.

I can't love someone who is always prying into my mind and too familiar with me. Even if he is well-meaning. I don't talk to you very often, trust you. And I'm talking endlessly to people I don't know very well, who mean nothing to me. They were only acquaintances that they met occasionally.