"Oh, I can't thank you enough! Listen to me. I closed my eyes and thought: since everyone has faith, where does this come from? Some people think that it all started with fear. , people are afraid of the strict natural phenomena, and they have all kinds of imaginations, and these imaginary things are actually not there. I am thinking: According to this, even if I have beliefs all my life, I still have nothing after death. , only 'burdock grass will grow on the grave', as I read from a writer's book. This is horrible! How can I get my faith back? In fact, I was only very young I believed it when I was young, but I believed everything at that time anyway, and I didn’t think about anything... How can I prove its existence? Now I am here, just to beg you in front of you. If I miss this opportunity again If so, then no one can answer me in this life. What can I use to prove its existence? How can I be sure? Oh, I am so unfortunate! I looked around and found that everyone around me doesn't care about anything, almost everyone does, No one cares about it now, I'm the only one who can't stand it. It's killing it, it's killing it!"
"There is no doubt that it is. But to prove it is impossible, to be sure of its existence is possible."
"How to be sure? By what?"
"Through the experience of real love. You try to be grounded and persistent in loving the world. As you continue to succeed in the practice of loving the world, you will gradually come to believe that God really exists and that your soul is indeed immortal. Destroyed. If you reach the state of complete self-forgetfulness in your efforts to love the world, then you will have no doubt that you will be unshakable, and it will be impossible for you to have any doubts even trying to pry into your heart. This is proven, it is."
"Real love? That's another question, and it's a nerve-wracking one! You know, I love people so much, believe it or not, sometimes I dream of throwing everything away, giving up everything I have, and leaving Lise behind , to be a nurse. I close my eyes and I think, and I'm fascinated, and in those moments I feel like I have an invincible power in me. No trauma, no purulent ulcer can scare me. I I'll bandage and wash my hands, I can take care of the sick, I'll kiss those abscesses..."
"It's pretty good that you dream of this and nothing else. You never know when you'll actually be able to do something good."
"Yes, but how long can I survive such a life?" the landlady continued eagerly and almost frantically. "That's the main question! It's the one that bothers me the most. I close my eyes and ask myself: Can you stay on this path for a long time? If you wash a patient out of abscesses, he doesn't immediately Expressing gratitude to you, on the contrary, torturing you in a different way, not appreciating and ignoring your benevolent spirit of service, yelling at you, rudely asking for this or that, or even complaining to a certain boss ( This is not uncommon in patients who are suffering greatly), - what to do? Your love can't be sustained? So, you know not, I realize this with a dread: if there is anything that will The only possibility that my zeal for truly loving mankind is to be cold is that others will be unthankful. In short, I am gracious, and I demand immediate repayment, that is, praise and love. Love. Otherwise I can't love anyone!"
She was in a paroxysm of excitement, flogging herself with all sincerity. After finishing, she looked at the elder with a firm gaze that meant a challenge.
"This is exactly what a doctor told me, and that was a long time ago," said the elder. "He's an old man and an indisputable man of insight. He speaks as candidly as you do, jokingly, but poignantly. He says: 'I love human beings, but I am really puzzled by myself: the more I love humanity as a whole, the less I love specific people, individual people. Often in my dreams I am passionate about devoting myself to humanity, and if necessary, perhaps I really dare to go to the cross for people's sake; however, I know from experience that I can't stay in the same room with anyone for two days. Anyone who is very close to me has a personality that changes. Suppresses my self-esteem and hinders my freedom. Within a day and night, even the best of people can be hated by me: I will hate someone who eats too long; I will hate someone who has a cold and keeps blowing his nose. If someone touches me a little, I'll be seen as an enemy. But it's always like this: the more I hate specific people, the more fiery I love for humanity as a whole." "And what should I do? ? What exactly should be done in this situation? Is it only in despair? "
"No, because you are deeply troubled by this, and it is enough to have your heart. Just do your best, and you will be credited. You have done a lot, otherwise you would not have known yourself so deeply. But if you are telling me so frankly now, and only want me to applaud your frankness, and you have already received approval from me just now, then of course you will not be able to achieve this in your true love of the world. No matter what state, everything will remain in your dreams, and your whole life will disappear like a phantom. In this case, you will naturally forget about the immortality of the soul, and in the end you will make do with it. calm down."
"You broke me completely! At this moment, the moment you spoke, I began to understand that when I told you just now that I couldn't bear the expression of no gratitude, I really only wanted your sincere approval for me. You made me Seeing yourself clearly, you caught my heart and dissected me to myself."
"Are you telling the truth? After listening to your confession, I now believe that you are sincere and have a kind heart. Even if you cannot reach the realm of happiness, please always remember that you are walking on the right path, and Strive not to deviate from this path. The main thing is to refrain from cheating, and refrain from all cheating, especially to yourself. You have to beware of this, and be vigilant at all times. In addition, don’t despise others or yourself. If you feel that there is something wrong in your heart, then you have found it yourself to a certain extent purify it. You must also guard against fear, although fear is only the consequence of all falsehood. On the journey of love Never be afraid of your own cowardice, not even your bad behavior in the process. I'm sorry I can't say anything nice to you because real love is compared to dream love A grim and daunting thing. The love of dreams is for quick success, instant results, and a desire to do something that everyone will notice. To have such a dream is indeed worth your life, as long as the process does not last long, but Ends as fast as on stage, as long as everyone looks at him and applauds. Real love takes work and perseverance, and maybe a learning for some. But I can predict that once you discover to your horror , despite all your efforts, instead of getting closer to your goal, you seem to be getting farther, - at that very moment I can predict to you that you will reach your goal in one fell swoop, and that you will be above yourself I can clearly see the miraculous power of God, who has been loving you and guiding your actions in the dark. Forgive me for not being able to continue to serve you, someone is still waiting for me. Goodbye."
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