"One minute you are in school and the next time you look up...and your life's all turned around and screwed up. You try and you try to get ahead in it all you just...you somewhere lose yourself. And you never know when it's gonna come...comes out of now here. Bang...It's just...your life is a disaster."
Although I haven't left school yet, the state of part-time work and study really makes me feel the hardships of life, and also vaguely feel that I have transcended my soul and put my body into a strange world before I recovered. I'm more afraid, I don't know which abyss I will be dragged into in the next moment.
Mom, I got a job at the cambrodge racquet club.-oh! And I don't wanna go back to school. -You got a job? that's great Isn't it? You like it? Yeah. -That's wonderful. That's what you should do then. Good God. You only live once.
If you like it, try and do it. There is only one time in life, and there is not so much time for us to think deeply. Probably it was God’s arrangement that kept my mentality a little broken. I met this movie and the book "icecream for breakfast". Living simple, relaxed, and happy also applies to the rest of my life. Why should I make myself miserable? plz just slow it down, life is nice.
Writing a summer vacation list seems to have unlimited desires and endless things to do. My own three-minute enthusiasm makes me even more confused about what I want to do. It is really rare to want to concentrate on doing one thing in life. Probably it is still too anxious. The society is really too strict with the 20th generation of women, so you can only find a way to get rid of it.
Then there are a lot of things that I don't want to do. If you don't want to wash the dishes and do sanitation, just put it aside and wait until you are in the mood. I have grown from being lazy to the chores of housework, and I will probably not change it for a lifetime. If there is no sanitation aunt, this may become one of the important reasons for my return to China. Since I was young, the criterion for me to make choices is to go slanting forward (laughs).
Aunt Mei's description of marriage, although I forcefully self-brainwashed and expressed that I cannot agree with it, in fact, I understand it very deep in my heart. "He is not the person you thought he was, but he is your life." I just don't know if this is the marriage concept of the previous generation, or the common space-time of the universe.
I am a super contradictory person, probably a mixture of Allen and Kate, I want to pursue a distant ideal but can't let go of the people and things around me. I keep believing in my belief in not getting married, but occasionally I will pop up a picture of a family fantasizing because I am still too fragile to bear so much alone. Especially when I think that my parents will leave me sooner, I don’t know what to do.
"You can be hard, Allen. And you can be very judgemental. And with those two things alone. You are gonna make sucn a mess out of your life...It's much easier to be happy, my love. It's so much easier to choose to love the things you have. And you have so much, instead of always yearning fo what you are missing or what it is that you are imagining you are missing. It is so much more peaceful.
Don't worry, don't worry, nothing must be done now. Thanks again for letting me meet this movie in a very hurry. Like Allen before, I wanted to pursue too much, but I was always afraid of losing. I am envious of people who live easy and simple but can't get rid of their desires.
It is not an excuse for not wanting to work hard, it is that everyone has their own pace at every stage. Life is not a marathon you chase me, but a walk that belongs to you, stop-and-go.
Still have to look...to be continued...
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