Probably people don't want to be alone at every stage of their growth, especially in their teenage years. The main reason why the hero is suffering is actually loneliness. He doesn't want to be different from his "buddies". He is afraid that they will treat him as an alien and isolate him. But he was still lonely when he was with them, because he knew that he was different from them, he had secrets that he had to tell, he always jokingly said to those people "you are not my friends", this dialogue Appeared at least three times in the film (if I remember correctly), it seems like a joke, but in fact it is saying: I and you are not the same kind of people. Will there be secrets between friends? Of course there will be, but real friends never conceal such a big secret just because they want to get along with each other. The attributes of friends should be more acceptance and support. Obviously, Hupengou friends are not friends in his definition. Maybe he just fooled around with them all day because he didn't have a friend who could tell the secrets of his heart. He can't live without them.
Close observation reveals that the male protagonist has always been unsmiling and frosty in the ninety-minute movie. Perhaps it was his age-specific melancholy, perhaps mixed with the sadness of losing his father, and the gorgeous but empty youth. The gloomy life, the kind of forbearance that wants a man but has to be cautious. On those nights of the appointment, when the old man praised him as real pretty, and when the uniformed man caressed him, his smile touched me very much. Sleeping with those men, he seems to have found his true self. It’s hard to say that he really likes those old men, but his smile is happy, that smile is saying: Thank you, make love to me, this is the real me. . He was not alone in those nights, but he was still confused. Every time I was asked "what's your type" in a video about a gun, the male protagonist would say "I don't really know what I like". His confusion is not about what type he likes, whether he likes to be 1 or 0, and How to balance this real self with the disguised self.
I think of my youth. I like boys who treat themselves as friends, but absolutely dare not tell them, just go to class, get out of class, slapstick, and joke with them. I understand the deep sense of loneliness. I like it but it cannot be said to be painful. What is more terrifying than pain is when you lie on the bed and face the ceiling at night and say to yourself: I cannot say that they will leave you. That kind of loneliness is fatal. I want to look the same as everyone, it seems that "everyone is the same" is the foundation of friendship at that age. It’s hard to say that this has changed a lot in the adult world, but mature friendship will accept and appreciate the difference. Now I am no longer the little boy who is afraid of loneliness. The big reason is that I no longer have so many secrets. Only by opening your heart can more people live in, and let them discover that your beauty is far more worth knowing than that little secret.
This is a film about homosexual self-perception, but at the same time it is a film about loneliness. Maybe everyone has some special secrets hidden in their hearts when they are young, and they don't want to tell anyone that loneliness cannot be easily diluted. Some people have come out clearly, and looking back is just an episode of youth, but some people dare not face their little secret until they reach adulthood, and take it into university, into the workplace, into marriage, Every midnight, every gorgeous party, he is the one who smokes the most.
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