What is reflected here is people's fundamental skepticism: can people transcend animal desires? ——Please give me a firm answer. It is best to convince me from logic, principle, and evidence. If it is really feasible, then I might as well come to practice and see, if not, then just don't waste energy. Life is short. Come on~ Come and be happy~
We often need idols, and idols can do things that we can't do. His existence proves that there is no problem with the matter itself, it can be done. The problem is ourselves, so we can't do it.
Can anyone get rid of lust completely? If so, on what basis did he achieve it? Is it inherently impotent? Or is the acquired cultivation base turned into indifference? We are more inclined to believe that no one can get rid of lust by their own willpower.
In this way, everyone is equal-all "unclean". Only in this case, there is no need to feel guilty for being dirty.
If someone walks backwards, then he is an alien. If everyone walks backwards, then it is normal.
Under certain topics of "masturbation", the authors of the genitourinary class have similar explanations: According to statistics, 70 to 80% of people have different degrees of masturbation behavior. So there is really no need to blame yourself too much. Every guy who looks like a dog in the sun may be doing some wretched movements in secret. Thinking of this is really comforting. And if this is the case, the word "insignificant" can be replaced with "normal". After all, we can’t believe that 70% to 80% of the world’s people are pornographic.
With the advancement of society and the popularization of knowledge, more and more people have accepted the above viewpoints. That is, the desire for sex is instinctive, it is difficult to suppress, and it is almost unstoppable. Therefore, if someone claims that he can be restrained or even cut off, then he must be subject to public torture and censorship.
We don't allow anyone to walk out at will and say that they can be super god. Because we don't want to be disproved as poor mortals. Those who are known as super gods must provide evidence, whether in theory or in practice.
Therefore, it is understandable that people are curious about the sexual life of Buddhists.
People need reassurance. The degree of need directly reflects the degree of confusion.
I am not a Buddhist, but I have read a few things about Buddhism roughly, and I don't do a little mindfulness practice loosely.
Based on my superficial understanding of Buddhism, what the Buddha advocated is the way of relieving suffering. Buddhists do not oppose happiness. Happiness can only become pain in one situation, and that is the overwhelming need for it.
Don't talk about Buddhists, just say that we are better. Are we against love, against marriage, against orgasm? Is against reproduction and reproduction? Why oppose it? Unless it can be proved that these four are necessarily related to pain. The so-called inevitable connection means that no matter who it is, no matter what era, whoever experiences these things will feel pain. Obviously, this is not the case.
If sex brings us pain, then we need to examine the cause of this pain?
The problem is not natural, nor is it inevitable.
Its production is due to factors-backward customs and concepts, lack of physical knowledge, bad personal experience, etc.
As long as the cause and condition are destroyed, the problem can be solved to a certain extent, at least, the pain can be eliminated.
Summer is here, the streets are full of spring, and the swaying flesh is like a torch of desire, which is imaginative.
When we see an object of sexual desire (a beauty for a man, a handsome man for a woman) and desire to have him/her, but it is impossible, then we are obsessed with this desire, thinking over and over, lusting, then Desire brings pain.
We muster up the courage to confess to each other, we will feel resentful when we are rejected, which is also painful.
If we get it, a one-night stand or whatever happens, afterwards we feel nostalgic, nostalgic, still unsatisfied, and want to repeat but fail to succeed, then we will also suffer.
If we get it and develop a long-term relationship between the sexes, as time grows, the charm of the other person diminishes, and we can't seduce our desires and can't provide us with satisfaction. This is also pain. The pain will drive us to end our relationship, and the act of ending itself will cause some confusion and pain.
The similar experience is the same for anything else that can attract us, except for the sexual object. Therefore, the crux of the problem is not sexual desire, nor is it a specific object of sexual desire. Hormones are not a problem, impulse is not a problem, and beauty/good-looking men are not a problem.
The key to the problem is how we deal with it.
What we really should learn is to manage our lives in a scientific way. Rather than simply restrictive desire and sexual behavior. For example, some people like to smoke. When they are stressed, it is said that smoking can relieve stress. Over time, they will become addicted to cigarettes. In fact, smoking addiction is not a problem, and cigarettes are not a problem. The crux of the problem is that this person does not know how to deal with stress in a more sophisticated way.
If there is a problem in life, the problem will manifest itself in some ways.
Flies do not bite the eggs, and diseases always occur in the weakest places of human health. If we are lacking in the cognition and management of sexual desire, then there will be problems here.
For example, "Thank you for sharing", the male protagonist (played by the Hulk) who is not a movie, has promiscuous, one-night stands, and frequent masturbation, and is a sex addict. But at the same time he is a person with very strong willpower. He doesn't want to let himself go further and further on the road of losing control, so he joined the Association for Mutual Aid of Abstainers, where everyone shares their experiences, encourages each other, restrains desires, and fights. recover. What is admirable is that the male protagonist has successfully achieved 5 years of abstinence. That is to put an end to all sexual behaviors. He is proud of this and regards it as the most important achievement and hopes to keep it going.
The mentor (played by Shawshank) thinks that he has successfully overcome the restraint of sex addiction and can consider starting to find love again, but the male protagonist is not sure. Because, deep down, he still regards sex as a negative thing that needs to be suppressed. He couldn't relax and enjoy it. This means that he did overcome sex addiction, but he did not surpass sexual desire.
Then, he met a wonderful woman (played by Little Pepper), and naturally, the two sides had disagreements on the issue of sex. The woman loves sports, vegetarianism, and enjoys sex. The man sees sex as a scourge and fears that his withdrawal achievements will be in vain. The woman also has worries about the addicted patients. The relationship was not going well, and the male protagonist felt deeply depressed. Finally, on the way of a business trip, he saw a sexy girl in a magazine, and his sexual desire broke out. He couldn't control himself and broke the rule: masturbating, recruiting prostitutes, and asking sex partners to go home. In other words, he began to surrender to sex addiction.
The film hints to us that the male protagonist’s psychological problem is anxiety.
When anxious, people tend to do something to make themselves feel better. For example, eating high-calorie food, or drinking alcohol, or brushing Weibo, or having sex. Once inertia is formed, it is addictive.
Addiction is a kind of compulsive behavior pattern. It arises from us and overtakes us. It seems to have vitality-loosely speaking, it is like a ghost possessing a body, taking over control, and starting to drive our body and Life.
What will this cause? Life is chaotic, or rather, out of order.
The second law of thermodynamics says that everything will be more chaotic in a closed system. But biology says that nature's organic life system can be transformed from chaos to order. As a child of nature, human beings are great because they can create and maintain order. This is the meaning of "mastering destiny".
We hate addiction, in the final analysis, because addiction will control us and make us lose control.
Out of control leads to disorder, and disorder leads to chaos. A chaotic person, where can his life go? ——It is conceivable that it will be a curve like this: the process is undulating, and the direction is falling.
This is like the fat man in the film, who has been determined to be a doctor who saves the wounded from his childhood, studies hard and has a bright future, but sexually harassing his female boss, this ruined his dream.
The core of this movie is about withdrawal from addiction. So, what is the real ability to withdraw from addiction?
Is it a mutual aid association? It's choking. The experience of the male protagonist shows that even a member of his own for up to 5 years will break the precept.
The experience of the mentor is also an example. His life is divided into two sides. On the one hand, in the mutual aid association, he almost played the role of soul mentor. Provide care and care to others. On the other hand, he was always unwilling to face his own despicable past (drunk and dragged his son from the bed in the middle of the night to beat him).
He held a hostile attitude towards his son, accusing him of drinking and taking drugs, but he was unwilling to admit that he was the driving force behind all this, and he was still unwilling to give his son a formal apology. Even though his son has been reformed, rehabilitated with willpower, and actively expressed that he wanted to fix it with him, he still has reservations. Therefore, everything around him is an illusion of careful maintenance, even if it has been maintained for 15 years, it is still an illusion.
A small bottle of medicine was enough to break all of this-the wife's painkiller was lost, and he immediately suspected that his son had stolen it, so the family broke down emotionally and fought. His family did not achieve true harmony.
Of course, in the end, the film gave us a good ending. Everyone has gone through the test and passed the test. People have made deep reflections on themselves, and then reached reconciliation with the "dirty things" deep in their hearts. This is transcendence.
Therefore, my view is that, as the Buddha said, precept, concentration and wisdom are indispensable.
The so-called mutual aid associations can only serve the purpose of precept.
In daily abstinence behaviors, including what the male protagonist does: eliminate all temptation information such as impurities, television, and advertisements, and keep oneself away from being tempted, is a kind of concentration that is reluctantly maintained by willpower.
This kind of concentration is very weak. It takes a lot of help to achieve this: not watching TV, not taking the subway, not reading fashion magazines, and not associating with the opposite sex. Who can control life so exquisitely, as long as a small omission, it will break the bank.
At the end of the film, the spiritual reconciliation that everyone gets through experience is wisdom.
The film hints that the three male protagonists in the film have begun a new cycle. The family of the second male (mentor) is happier and more harmonious. Male No. 3 (Fatty) received the first 30-day abstinence success medal, while Male No. 1 restarted from 24 hours of abstinence.
We have reason to believe that for the male one, this 24-hour period has a completely different flavor from the 24-hour abstinence success medal he received when he first participated in the mutual aid association.
This is because the precepts at this time are blessed with wisdom.
Then, let us explore anxiety.
Anxiety is like all other negative emotions. In a fast-paced, high-pressure society, it is becoming more and more common.
Negative, this is a definition, let us have the intention to deny it, or even confront it.
In fact, the existence of everything is reasonable, and anxiety is a signal reminding mechanism that tells us what to do. Nature has evolved this kind of thing, and it is naturally useful and necessary, just like traffic lights.
We should refer to the signal, as long as we don't overdo it, don't be frightened.
This is like after a cold and fever, the key to the problem is inflammation in the body, so we must do a good job of anti-inflammatory. It is meaningless to repeatedly measure body temperature and be disturbed by every slightest thermometer fluctuation.
Anxiety will get positive feedback because of the anxiety itself. That is, I am anxious, I want to stop the anxiety, I have done some things, but I am still anxious, which makes me more anxious... This is a vicious circle.
The solution is to simply deal with things and tacitly acknowledge the existence of anxiety. It's like cleaning the house while the children are playing around at home. It must be acquiesced that we allow the existence of children and continue cleaning on the premise of their existence.
Perhaps, in this case, the house will never be clean and tidy in an absolute sense. However, at least the level of confusion can be controlled within an acceptable range.
We really need to be more tolerant and gentle with ourselves. Think of yourself as a person! People can't be perfect!
For example, in certain situations, my personality becomes irritable and angry. I think this is bad and lacks education.
So, when I am angry, I will be angry, and then I will be angry with myself because I am angry.
This is double anger.
Then, I want to stop anger and be a good person in my ideals. But it couldn't be done, which made me feel incompetent.
A sense of incompetence brings the third level of anger.
We can see the whole process of deduction, the problems, and the urge to solve them urgently, leading to bigger problems.
In fact, if you just sit still for a while, after the adrenaline melts, the problem is not that serious.
Finally, talk about my views on sexual desire.
I think that the old master is right, and he is also lustful. Appetite and sexual desire correspond to the existence and continuation instinct of living beings.
Only by fixing existence can it continue, and only by continuing can it continue to exist.
We can't go against the basic setting of nature. Why should we fight against nature?
Every man has a more or less irresistible addiction to beauty, but we can still reduce the addiction a little through practice. As far as my personal experience is concerned, the most important turning point is the deep realization that sexual desire itself is really not a problem. The problem is that people have lost control of their lives, and sex addiction is just one of the ways people choose when they pass on their anxiety about losing control of their lives.
I have one advantage. I have very little hobbies. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink too much. 2 bottles of beer and half a catty of low-alcohol liquor can keep you sober. I don’t usually drink alcohol. I only drink a little when gathering with friends and relatives. I don't play online games or cards.
Because I don't have these addictions, I feel a little bored and even don't understand when I see smokers, alcoholics, and gambling ghosts. I tried to learn to smoke and found it uncomfortable, bitter in my mouth, and even smelly. Why is it attractive? The stomach and intestines become hot after drinking high liquor, what is the beauty in the end?
Smokers and alcoholics don't think so. In their view, tobacco and alcohol bring them happiness. They enjoy happiness indulgently, and they are forced to stop only when they overdose. They believe that tobacco and alcohol can bring relief, that is, a pleasant and relaxing feeling. In my opinion, this is not an objective fact, but a subjective "belief." It's self-deception.
In other words, it is precisely because I believe that tobacco and alcohol can bring happiness, so the action of smoking and drinking can be interpreted as happiness by the brain. As people who are not addicted to cigarettes or alcohol, because they do not believe in this theory, they can get rid of the preconceived setting and get the real experience firsthand. Naturally, they will not be addicted.
In the same way, if we really believe that sex can make us feel better. Then it will look for the stimulation of sexual desire. For people who don't believe this, the behavior of finding stimulus is unreasonable, and people with sex addiction feel that they are like animals and ridiculous.
How to treat it? The Buddha's teachings can be used as medicine. That is: Vipassana. The object of Vipassana can be breathing, walking, nature, or sex. We must first learn some vipassana skills. After slowly mastering it, you can use it in practice. Try to maintain awareness of inner emotions, thinking, and experience when sexual desire is aroused, and at the same time, keep as open to the surrounding environment as possible Instead of freezing consciousness on a point of attraction-the object of sexual desire.
This is like when we watch a movie, don't devote all our attention to the big screen. See the borders of the screen as much as possible at the same time and see the viewers in the front row. In this way, you won't be completely attracted by the film, and won't enter the state of selflessness.
At the same time, we felt the smell of the movie, the screen frame, the audience, the theater, the temperature, the popcorn, and the sitting posture. What is the effect? ——The film is not so attractive anymore. He became one of many perception objects, not the only one. His grip on us has weakened.
The same is true for sex. If you see a beautiful woman's shaking buttocks while seeing her legs, the hair, dust, or blood vessels on her legs, the gravitational pull of the buttocks will be weakened. It is no longer a hormone bomb, but an ordinary artifact.
If you maintain a meticulous experience of your sexual organs while masturbating or making love, it's like chewing slowly while eating. Then, the sexual impulse will be disenchanted-too many of us panic to choose food. Eating is like Zhu Bajie eating ginseng fruit. The first second is an uncontrollable urge to eat, and the next second is a claw in the throat that directly pulls the food into the stomach. The tasting process in the middle is almost lacking. Therefore, we are not eating with our mouth and tongue, but with our brains. Why does bulimia occur? In fact, the stomach is not hungry, but the brain's hunger is forcing it to eat.
If we can be distracted while having sex-yes, get out of the ecstatic piston movement, and experience everything around us at the same time, even if it’s just a few seconds, look at the bed, look at the lights, look at each other’s hair, Look at the slippers on the floor. A wonderful thing will happen, that is, the sex itself becomes less hot and less urgent.
Over time, we can surpass it.
If a person eats uncontrollably, whether hungry or not, and eats when he is anxious, that is binge eating disorder.
If a person is determined not to eat, even if he is hungry, it is anorexia.
This is the state of the male protagonist before and after withdrawal.
He is fighting with food, not in harmony.
The so-called transcendence means that you can eat when you want to eat, and you can skip it when you don't want to eat. Furthermore, selectively, eat when it should be eaten, and not eat when it shouldn't. This should and should not reflect one's full control over life. And this is the purpose of our practice-to regain our own lives and truly live.
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