Brother, I know, I know all. By chance, I found the vibrator hidden by my girlfriend in the closet. What a heavy blow to your vague male self-confidence. Come on, brother, put down your knife. Your girlfriend still uses this real guy occasionally.
Relax, let us think back to the good days before the vibrator was invented. Knowing a little history is good for intelligence, and talking about this topic in front of a girl can further demonstrate your talented charm.
Introduction
When Cleopatra was young, Marc Antony was too busy. His main task is to fight against the old enemy Octavian, not to beat your little butt in thongs. The hungry Cleopatra must find a solution to his lust.
This is the ancient Egyptian biotechnology that is as famous as the papyrus. Cleopatra touched her interesting parts with a gourd stuffed with bees. The angry bees buzzed their wings and the queen relieved her sexy thirst. This is the ingenuity of a queen, and it is not accidental that she can command the land of the sun god Amon.
Thousands of years have passed since then.
Chapter 1: The Torrent of Desire
Before the 20th century, the scientific community believed that women had no sexual desire and that sexual desire only existed in men. It's just that the two brothers can't get a baby out of each other, this kind of thing will allow women to participate. So when a decent woman feels that she has a strange idea, they will go to the doctor for help. Doctors who don't know how to describe this situation named it "hysterical".
Mild hysteria can be solved by riding horses in the field. If the bumpy saddle cannot relieve the symptoms, then the most effective way is "pelvic massage"-a very scientific term for masturbation. Thanks to the church in the Middle Ages, the pastor will tell you that masturbation is a crime that can lead to blindness, but if it is a babbling medical procedure, there is no problem.
Doctors treat female patients with serious masturbation, constant masturbation, and a lot of masturbation. As the sacred hand of gynecology, Dr. Takaka Kato, often shows to you, it is considered that the patient is liberated from the state of "hysteria" in the end when the tide blows. "Pelvic massage" was widely popular in the nineteenth century by gentlemen, and was popular with ladies as a health benefit.
Treating women's hysteria sounds very exciting, but it is actually a time-consuming and laborious process. Do one line and hate one line. If you have to treat 20 to 30 hysterical patients every day, even your unicorn arm, who has been practicing hard for more than 20 years, may not be able to do the job.
Doctors began to complain that some women’s hysteria took more than an hour to heal, but there are so many patients in urgent need of services. Our medical workers are exhausted and suffer from severe arm strain. As energy was squeezed out, some doctors who could no longer bear the hard and tedious work chose to give up.
If a doctor stops his medical career, it is not difficult to imagine how hysterical his patients will become. The doctor-patient relationship has never been so tense at this time, and someone must stand up and do something. Some people began to think about how to relieve the patient's distress without arm pain, so as to save the collapsing relationship between the doctor and the hysterical patient. So they invented the vibrator, and the hand crank dominated the first-generation design.
Chapter 2: The Rise of Steampunk
Through the delicate mechanical transmission, the straining work is replaced by elegant circular motion. The burden on doctors is greatly reduced and more patients can be provided with treatment.
It is impossible to expect a 19th century pelvic masseur to also be an expert in supply-demand theory. Doctors cannot understand why after the emergence of faster treatments, the hysteria of the ladies increased and they began to seek treatment more and more frequently.
Manpower is still a necessity. To get rid of the hysterical nightmare, doctors still need to endure and wait: enduring arm pain, waiting for the light of the industrial revolution. Finally one day, a doctor who squatted under the patient's crotch and swung a vibrator had an inspiration, and the first medical device powered by steam was invented.
George Taylor, founder of steam physiotherapy. The steam vibrator he invented includes a steam engine and a special massage bed with a comfortable hole in the middle of the bed. The hysterical woman was sitting at the entrance of the cave, steam driven a metal ball to vibrate in the cavity, and the patient was treated.
This is the only positive value that steampunk culture brings to human society, but the doctor still has no relief. In order to cope with severe hysterical patients, the doctor had to shovel coal into the steam engine, making this noble profession look like a crude boiler worker. In theory, the George physiotherapy machine still needs the energy of a doctor to operate, and people need to work hard to find a more convenient way of treatment.
The preliminary direction of research is the miniaturization of steam engines. For example, the steam Trojan horse of Vigor&Co does not need to occupy the space of a house. Steam Trojans also have an Indian name called "Chattanooga".
There is no physical existence in Chattanooga, we only know that it is five feet tall and is equipped with four wheels. Steam power didn't make the Trojan horse jump around, but instead drove a cork in and out on the horse's back. We often say that we are afraid of concentration in everything. When all the energy is concentrated on one point, what bursts out is the most hysterical passion of that column.
The white smoke-spitting Chattanooga is the most rebellious horse in the steam age—the loud whistle is its neigh, and the boiling steam is its snort. The eldest girl and the little daughter-in-law turned on their horses naked like an Indian warrior, holding the fruit of the industrial revolution tightly, while chasing the Western Express to the climax.
It is hard to imagine that the same behavior will evolve into the cruel punishment of the East and the favorite game of Western ladies. The two extreme attitudes towards riding a wooden donkey can also be seen in the similarities and differences between Eastern and Western cultures. But this is not the focus of this article. The focus of this article is how the vibrator promotes the advancement of medical and health services.
Chapter 3: The Second Industrial Revolution
In 1831, the collision between the left and right brains of the scientific giant Faraday sparked a wonderful electromagnetic induction spark. Since then, human beings have entered the electrical age, and the day when electric energy is used to treat hysteria will inevitably come. Finally in 1869, Dr. Joseph Granville (Joseph Granville) invented the first electric vibrator.
For the first time, the people had electric rods, and the universal plug-and-play climax became possible. If the doctor wants, they can really rest; if the patient wants, they can get unlimited treatments.
Granville's invention has an epoch-making significance, and it also gives the doctor an honor that no one wants from now on: binding the vibrator to his name forever. People affectionately called his invention the "Granville Electric Hammer" because the technology at the time was still not able to control the irritable power of the electric motor, and some medical accidents caused by the out-of-control electric hammer were unbearable.
The promotion of new technology takes time. Cars and vibrators are basically inventions in the same period. Why electric cars have not been popularized until now, but vibrators have sprung up in thousands of households? Thank you for the small household appliance giant-Hamilton Beach.
It was a Sunday morning, after a video with her husband who was on a long-term business trip, the young woman Anna could no longer bear the restlessness in her heart. Walking into the private exclusive space, Anna took out her favorite and began to comfort her young and hungry body. Accompanied by buzzing noises, this stick-shaped gadget vibrated constantly. The vibrating Anna's chest trembled, her red lips lightly opened, and her eyes half-closed. This lonely young woman tightly pinched the source of her pleasure, letting her be charming. The juice overflowed until the climax came—
Ding! Juicing time is up. On this Sunday morning, nothing is more soothing than a glass of freshly squeezed juice in the kitchen.
Coffee machines, toasters, mixers, ovens... Almost every American home can find an appliance made by Hammeritor in the kitchen. It’s hard to believe that it was the same company who invented a series of kitchen appliances to save the housewife and further saved the housewife with a vibrator.
When Hammerit developed the first AC/DC vibrator in 1902, they emerged in the household appliances market. You may have the same doubts as I do, that is, people in 1902 even had household appliances? Yes, the development of human technology does have priorities. As one of the first five electrical products to apply for a U.S. patent, the vibrator is behind electric fans and sewing machines, but it is ahead of vacuum cleaners and electric irons for more than a decade. With the Hammerit "Xinsheng" series vibrator, you no longer need the help of a professional doctor, and you can complete the treatment of hysteria by yourself. It is said: A Hamilton Beach a day, Keeps the doctor away; It is said: In the old days, Wang Xietang Qianyan flew into the homes of ordinary people.
Chapter 4: Silence
Hammerit has brought the vibrator into thousands of households, and in a blink of an eye, it has been decades, and the world pattern has changed. In the East, people are witnessing the rise of a pornographic empire.
Japan’s R&D strength in electronic products is obvious to all, including wireless vibrating rods, the propulsion of the sex revolution in the 1960s. Even after the power outage caused by the leftist revolution, women with batteries and idol posters can pursue orgasms.
1968 is destined to be a year of turmoil, with waves of climaxes brought by leftist revolutionaries and vibrators to the world. Soon after the invention of the wireless vibrator, Hitachi Electric launched the full-featured Hitachi Magic Wand, which is the famous AV stick. Don't be misled by the instructions on the packaging, I will explain later why Hitachi is a bitch who is good at building torii. No one would massage his elbow with a Hitachi magic wand, and everyone knew what it was really useful for.
Hitachi’s wand is more magical than Harry Potter’s little stick. This big-headed Japanese son sweeps, provocatively, lifts and drags. He is proficient in all eighteen kinds of sticks, and he is explosively welcomed wherever he goes. After the people's artists used their bodies to accept the sticks, the AV sticks gradually grew into a symbol of Oriental culture.
Today, the design of the AV stick has been improved, and the ozone layer has been effectively protected through smaller power consumption, but the appearance is almost unchanged from the original product. Only after more than two decades of continuous production, Hitachi no longer branded the magic wand with the "HITACHI" trademark, allegedly out of brand building considerations. Very good, now the bitch of Lipaifang doesn't have a product that can make a sound.
After the 1960s, the world revolution and vibrator research and development fell into a low ebb at the same time, liberators and sex liberators lost their goals of struggle, gradually became idle and depressed. While sitting and chatting on the threshold of their home, they occasionally discussed the turbulent process of change in the nineteenth century, the golden age when mankind moved forward courageously.
For readers who want to review this period of history, I can tell you that the film "Hysterical" is a movie starring the beautiful young lady of Jake Gyllenhaal. It is about the history of the invention of the vibrator. This story is very interesting, but be careful. The Victorian carriage still turned over, and the new driver who was tricked in by the words "hungry young woman" would not get what he wanted to see.
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