Suffering is the first old age

Jared 2022-01-13 08:02:05

The first time I watched "Lover" was when I was less than 18 years old. That year I was in my sophomore year. One day, a school girl babblingly told me that my boyfriend had downloaded "Lover" to me from a pornographic website, should I give it to you?

At that time, I had known the name of "Lover" for a long time, but I only knew the general plot. Simply list it as a "pornographic" column. For me, who have never watched pornography, I am very willing to see what is going on. I agreed, and she tortured it to me.

I don't have a computer. I lay this movie on my USB flash drive for a long time, and I dare not go to the school computer room to watch it openly. Every time the school girl sees me, she has to ask, have you seen it? What do you think? Does it look good? Hey-hey! Finally, after being asked by her once, I said, should I go to your dormitory to see it. She thought for a while and said, we have no class in the second quarter this afternoon, and all three of them will have to go to retake. Come on.

I still remember that afternoon when I didn’t know whether it was summer or winter, we drew the heavy dusty curtains in the college girls’ dormitory. Secretly, wearing headphones, finished watching this movie.

In the days that followed, I had revisited it countless times by myself. I saw my own inner world in front of the computer screen and in the dim picture. She burst into tears.

I have never been moved by any love emotions, only those unforgettable sufferings can move me.

From the beginning, I felt that in this story, love is just a foil.

Just like when I was 18 years old, I was so polished by reality that I couldn't think about love. In my real life, there has never been a storm. I was squeezed in a small school, desperately calculating the monthly living expenses, working part-time, holding a meager salary, worrying about what to eat next meal, and whether I could get the scholarship. And worry, worry about what I can do in the future.

A year later, I borrowed "The Hungry Daughter" by Hong Ying from the library. That story is just like the lover I see now, and the same mental and material poverty that I have experienced over the years. Sitting in the chaotic studio, I seemed to read this story again.

Later, when the school organized to watch "The Ballad of Clouds and Water", I sat in a group of crying young men and women, feeling at a loss.

They don't know how much I envy them. I also want to cry like him, moved by the love story. Instead of finding sympathy in the suffering of barrenness.

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Extended Reading
  • Daphnee 2022-03-16 09:01:06

    The last part of Liang Jiahui secretly sending the little girl to the little girl is particularly touching. In fact, I don't think there is such a great love, but for Liang Jiahui, a lot of things have passed away. This is the meaning of the flower event. Instead, it was a little French girl, her life unfolding in front of her. She cried because her innocence and innocence were gone forever. This story is about passing away, the emotion of getting together when you know you're going to pass away.

  • Eve 2022-03-28 09:01:08

    All I do is wait forever outside that closed door

The Lover quotes

  • Narrator: "Now and then I go back to the house in Sadek. To the horror of the house in Sadek. It's an unbearable place. It's close to death. A place of violence of pain of despair, of dishonour... But it's in this family's dryness in it's incredible harshness that I am the most deeply assured in myself. In the deepest of my essential certainties, all common history of ruin and shame, of love and hate is in my flesh."

  • Narrator: Dusk one evening on board ship, crossing the Indian Ocean under the luminous sky. Suddenly the sound of a Chopin waltz came bursting out from the main lounge. I had tried to play it for months without success. That's why I gave up the piano. There wasn't a breath of wind and the music pervaded the whole ship. I stood up as if to go and throw myself into the sea. Then I did weep because I had thought of my Chinese lover, and I was suddenly not sure that I hadn't been in love with him after all, with a love I hadn't been able to see because it had become lost in the tide of events, like water seeping through sand. Thanks to that music, spreading over the sea and filling the calmest night I have ever known, I could see my love for him for the first time.