As the director mentioned in the interview, the film focuses on how each person discovers his own characteristics and how to find his own definition in life. Two people came together and fell in love because of the same direction of travel. But they happen to be gay.
This is a problem that everyone has to face as they grow up. It's just that as a comrade, the so-called social and individual differences and the reconciliation of individual self-unity are naturally more intense and difficult than ordinary people.
I want to say that this is also a problem that I have never given up on exploration. From vaguely aware to clearly aware of one's sexual orientation and ignore it; then after a period of dilemma between acceptance and denial, finally choose to embrace oneself; and then try to properly integrate this private and completely different one into oneself In real life, try how to be faithful to the heart without being marginalized by the life of the social group; it also includes sticking to a series of principles and outlines that I have established for myself, such as never actively lie or behave. Male, never slander his own group, never hurt others in order to hide himself, come out gradually from point to face, and set some uncompromising terms for the future, blah blah blah.
Honestly, this way along the way Is very tired. I have to always pay attention to protect myself (non-violent), carefully observe the surrounding environment, and carefully figure out my inner feelings. I think the shaping of my character has a lot to do with the journey I have gone through.
Although I am very firm in defending myself ideologically, as shown by my dealings with others in life, my style is still quite gentle, and almost no one recognizes me as gay. I often remind myself that it can actually be more radical.
In fact, I really admire those comrades who are very 0 and behave very clearly. They have made the choices they want in their lives, and have enough courage to face the setbacks that follow, and insist on being responsible for their choices. They are more like men than some people who look very manly (of course, everyone has a choice that suits them best, I don't comment on this).
Back to the movie. Russell, as a quiet comrade living in a straight human environment, part of his inner emotions could not be released. Although he came out, he still wandered cautiously in the two environments of gay & str8, trying hard to cherish the peace and harmony in life, for fear that because Break it down by your own sexual orientation. He is an orphan and lacks care in the process of growing up. He cherishes this kind of social relationship that he runs entirely on his own, and he especially cares about the happiness of ordinary people. The absence of his parents makes his coming out of the closet dispensable and insignificant, just like talking on paper. Without the pressure of social relations, his self-identity is not particularly clear, and even with a trace of confusion and taboo, so he will Going to the goddaughter's birthday party with a haggard smile, leaving the loneliness and pain only for myself, when I was empty, I used to go to the gay bar to strike up a conversation, and refused to be too gay when I first made friends with Glen.
Glen is just the opposite. He is very blatant about his sexuality, emphasizing the absolute center of self-expression, never concealing criticism of mainstream society and gay groups, and even proclaiming his own values in a bar like a straight guy, thinking that he is gay All of the mainstreaming behaviors are a betrayal of oneself. He came out to his parents when he was young, but because of this, he lost his affection; hiding his trauma, the discrimination given to him by the society only made him more proud to put up the middle finger to the society.
But what the two people have in common is that they are constantly trying to explore the meaning of their lives. How to define themselves lies in the experience of social interaction to sum up what position their sexuality is in their personal characteristics. In complementary reference, they have a clearer definition.
Towards the end, there was a period when the two were in bed. Russell said that he had never had a parent to come out, so Glen pretended to be Russell's father and asked Russell to come out to him. In a very warm passage, Russell felt the recognition from family love that he had never had before; the regret that Glen had buried in the past for not being recognized has finally been released. When each other projected this kind of emotion to each other, they were finally able to sublimate into love.
There are some fragments in the movie that make people feel happy and blush. This is a dangerous move. Fortunately, the superb photography, abundant emotions, authentic performance, and digging deep meaning in the entire movie did not make all of this overwhelming.
During this period of time, I did a lot of reflection, and one day I wrote a few words like "What the hell do I live for?" It took more than an hour to finally come up with my own answer. For a while, it seemed as if the lens was shrinking and focusing, the original blurred and confused world began to become clear gradually. There was a lot of loss and blind obedience, and more confidence. I knew more clearly what I wanted, what I needed to give up, and what I should do. Something.
For a long time before, I was desperate to find a partner, as if my life journey was stuck at this point. Without this person, I would not be able to be a better version of myself. As a result, my mentality becomes very impetuous, sometimes I can’t calm down and do anything, look at the interpersonal relationships around me with a very utilitarian vision, feel self-pity anytime and anywhere...
Before 2012 is about to come, I finally start to wake up from this self-lost dream. Come. By now, I have understood what I should do, and I can do it calmly. Suddenly feel that there is too much action to take, where is there so much time to weave emotions to trap oneself? Yes, I haven't found the right person yet, for this I can only wait for the opportunity to grasp the opportunity. And the one who has mastered the initiative is to be a better self. I'm young, I don't have much experience, but I win in the infinitely possible future. Why should I waste my youth?
At the end of the film, Russell went to the station to bid farewell to Glen with the help of his friends. Glen put away his childish meanness and became infinitely tender; Russell had enough courage to express public affection and responded sharply to the frivolous whistle of others. Gaze. The special encounters of these two days gave that recording a special treatment. Russell stood alone by the window of the apartment, holding the recording, looking at the sky quietly. To quote a saying I like very much, "Sorrow is in the sky, Russell is lonely and well".
Parting is a sentimental ending, but also the best ending. Who thinks this is another soul mate fairy tale happily ever after? It's too vulgar to put it here. The important thing is that they all become a better selves.
More importantly, when I watched this movie, I was not intoxicated anymore in the sadness of "Ah, when can I have such a story", but thinking about the themes of growth and the definition of life. I am relieved to see myself taking off again. So there is this note.
View more about Weekend reviews
