To dear Chris:
I have been thinking about how to tell you how important you are to me.
I still remember the first time I fell in love with you, just like it happened last night. Lying naked next to you, in that little apartment. I suddenly felt that I had become part of the grand blueprint for the future, just like our parents or their parents.
Before that, I always felt that I could know everything in life. Suddenly a beam of light illuminated me and awakened me.
This beam of light is you.
I can't believe that we have been married for fifty years, and to this day, every day, you make me feel that I am the little girl who was awakened by you, and is about to start an adventure with you.
Happy anniversary, my love, my forever friend.
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One-third of our lives are spent in sleep, maybe that is the moment when we truly feel free.
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Sometimes I will observe people, and I will try not to treat them as passers-by. I would imagine how they loved others deeply, or what kind of heartbreak they had experienced.
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I think the room is spinning because I am a little bit too drunk. I just want to get drunk, want to make love. That woman is quite sexy. I am lonely, maybe just because I am lonely. I want to find someone to have sex with, and I want the other person to have sex with me. Maybe that can fill the gap in my heart, but maybe it can't.
Do you know, sometimes I feel that the feelings I once had will never be recovered. From now on, I will not have new feelings and experiences anymore.
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I can tell you for sure, it's not like that. I have seen you experience happiness, have seen you do great things. I think you only think so at this specific stage, I can understand. You have experienced too many things recently, and you have lost a part of yourself.
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-How does it feel to get married?
-It's not easy, for sure. But it feels really good to be able to share your life with other people.
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We are all growing and changing together, but this is also the hardest part. Grow together, but try to move in the same direction; change together, but try not to make the other person afraid.
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In the past, it was just a story we told ourselves.
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Even if you go home late and I'm already asleep, you can still whisper about you today in my ear, even if it is trivial things. Because I like the way you look at the world, and I am so happy that I can be by your side and observe the world through your eyes.
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-I feel liberated and full of energy. I just want to cross this hurdle and don't care who will let me down, so I feel like a bad person. My parents are very unhappy now, because my marriage can't last, they all think it's me bad.
-Someone will always be disappointed.
-That's right. So fuck, I feel good. At least I feel good.
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She is really smart, she will not simply use right or wrong to measure a thing, she will always stand in a gray area and take me to explore together.
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I can think about everything very complicated, and then concoct countless reasons to doubt and deny myself. After breaking up, I began to reflect on this part of myself, and finally I realized that life is too short. At this moment, all I want to do is to make myself happy.
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-I feel sorry for some things, but I can't say it. She could feel my abnormality, but I kept denying it. I don't want to do this anymore, I want to tell you everything.
-After you left tonight, I thought a lot about you and the way you treated me. I asked myself, why would I fall in love with you? I felt that everything suddenly became unimportant, and all the obsessions that I held tightly disappeared. I can't find a clear answer, I don't need a clear answer. I believe in myself and believe in my feelings. I will not try to be something other than the real me. I hope you can accept me like this.
I can feel your fear of love like a shadow, and I hope I have the ability to free you from it. Because as long as you do it, you won't feel so alone again.
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I'm lying on the moon
Darling, i am coming to you
In this peaceful place full of stars
Time seems to stand still
Just tens of millions of miles away from the earth
Something i want to know
I never hide anything from you
Dark and bright here
Have you by my side, my dear
Drifting millions of miles in the universe, I won’t be afraid anymore
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Dear Catherine
I have always listed in my heart a series of things to apologize to you, the marks that we left on each other. Including everything I previously blamed on you, and what I expected of you, what I want you to say to me.
I'm sorry about that.
I will always love you because we are partners who grew up together. Because of you, I will be who I am now. I just hope you know that you will always be a part of my life. I am very grateful for this.
No matter what kind of person you become, no matter where you are in the world, I will love you and be your forever friend.
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