My cousin from afar didn't make my life better. I still like to sit on a chair by the beach as usual, listen to the whispers of seagulls, watch the sun set and rise, and the lonely day begins and ends.
If, as Freud said, dreams are a subconscious representation of people, then my subconscious must be disturbed and panic. Like the floor lamp in the living room, the bracket will be broken and fall down at any time. In the dream, I was This clumsy lamp woke up like a heavy blow on my body, breaking the gap between dream and reality.
I had a passionate relationship, but it ended within three months of marriage. She came to me and said that she was going to live in another country, and her new lover might never see me again. My feelings for her were too complicated. I seldom expressed it, and I didn't know who to talk to, but later, the day she left, I went to the airport and watched her secretly.
My cousin’s laziness and doing nothing made me more irritable. He made me feel like he jumped on a bus at random, coming to me without any plan or arrangement. I don’t want to sacrifice my self-esteem to find a job for him. When I came to the city from the countryside, I had nothing and no one I knew. After so long, I finally own my own house and car, but I still feel that I have no sustenance, no support, no lover, no children. What is possession? I am confused.
I once said that I hope to make a movie like Tarkovsky, but how can I say that everything is not that simple. I seem to be farther and farther away from my original intentions. What's more terrifying is that I have become accustomed to this. Live.
Today is another day looking at the setting sun. I lit a cigarette. It was a cheap fisherman's cigarette dropped by my cousin.
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