Domestic violence, in addition to the fist addition to the body we are familiar with, there is actually another kind of fist addition to the soul-mental domestic violence. This kind of domestic violence is invisible but deadly. Through the mental suppression and control of the victims of domestic violence, the victims of domestic violence usually begin to deny themselves and question themselves, and eventually become mentally ill, and may even commit suicide in severe cases.
The film is starred by Oscar actress Ingrid Bergman. It tells the story of a talented singer Paula who married a pianist Anton after inheriting the inheritance of his aunt. This is not a feature film about beautiful love, but a history of spiritual destruction . If you look closely, you will find that this is also the spiritual devastation that you have experienced or are experiencing.
01
The sweet married life made Paula listen to Anton’s everything, and for this reason he moved to the old London house of Anton’s aunt who requested to live. That old house was also the place where the aunt died tragically. The aunt was murdered cruelly, but the murderer was never found. Paula often felt scared because he had seen her aunt's death in this old house. Since her husband is going to teach piano at night, she often stays at home alone at night. She often heard footsteps above the bedroom, and often felt the flickering gas lamp. But all this disappeared after the husband returned home. After confiding her fear with her husband Anton, Anton told her that there was no such thing, it was all her own hallucinations.
At the same time, there are two servants at home, one old and one young. The old maid’s legs and feet are inconvenient, and his ears can’t hear clearly. The young servant always put on a look of impatient contempt. Over time, under the suggestion of her husband, Paula became more and more afraid of the young maid. She felt that she looked down on herself and became more and more afraid of going out. Gradually, she began to deny herself, and her spirit became trance. Sometimes I feel that what I was holding in my hand, but disappeared in the next second...
This mental domestic violence movie starring Ingrid Bergman had a huge social impact after it was released that year.
After watching this film, a psychiatrist conducted research on such cases of mental domestic violence, and finally published a psychology book on mental domestic violence. The gas lamp effect has since become the endorsement of mental domestic violence.
Ingrid Bergman won the first Oscar statuette in her life for her outstanding performance in this play.
02
Although "Under the Gas Lamp" is an old movie from the 1940s, its core is what we know as modern PUA. Like the modern PUA, Anton in the movie used three steps to turn Paula into his prey step by step to achieve his goal of embezzling Aunt Paula’s property.
Closed social circle
Before marriage, Paula was an outgoing, sincere and generous girl. After marrying An Dong and moving to London, her husband has been banned from going out for various reasons. Not only did she not let her go out, but also prohibited all outsiders from contacting her, including the neighbors who greeted warmly and the maids who looked up but didn't look down. Anton tells the young maid to ignore Paula because she is not very clear about her sanity.
This is why Paula always feels that the maid is despising her. At the same time, Anton also told the maid not to let outsiders contact Paula, which further closed Paula's social circle.
Stop information exchange
Once the circle of friends is slowly closed, information cannot be circulated and transmitted normally. Therefore, Paula cannot obtain any correct information from the outside world. Take the gas lamp that Paula feels flickering and flickering. Except for herself and the dim-eyed old maid, no one can see this phenomenon, and naturally no one can confirm whether the gas lamp is flickering and flickering.
Psychological suggestion
After an obsession with going out, Anton reluctantly took Paula to the ball. Before leaving, Paula pinned a very expensive and beautiful brooch to her dress. When the ball began, Anton suddenly asked Paula where her brooch had gone. Paula lowered her head and found that the brooch was missing. Afterwards, under Anton’s sudden accusations, Paula suddenly collapsed. In full view, Anton told everyone that Paula was in a bad state and should take her away.
Husbands say that his wife is not in good spirits, and his wife must be not in good spirits. All the guests at the prom think so. This is to make psychological hints to the bystanders by creating illusions. Regarding whether the brooch was missing, Anton repeatedly emphasized that the brooch was lost by Paula because Paula's mental condition was very poor. This was a psychological hint to Paula, which made Paula believe that he was in a very poor state of mind.
"A lie can be true by telling it a thousand times." Once the psychological hint reaches a certain number of times, even the false news will be believed. Sometimes the person who believes is the person involved, and sometimes it is the bystander.
Combining these three PUA steps, I thought of two news about domestic violence not long ago.
One is the victim's beauty blogger Yu Ya being domestically abused by his ex-boyfriend, and the other is the violence against his ex-girlfriend by the assailant Jiang Jinfu.
Before the violence, the two perpetrators used a series of steps for the victim from closing social circles, to eliminating information exchange, to psychological suggestion, and finally to personal control, and then to violence.
In the movie, Paula finally understands with the help of others that she is not insane, and the initiator of all this is the work of her once beloved husband. It is a pity that the two parties involved in the assault in the news failed to escape the physical assault.
03
Mental violence, different from behavioral violence, is often invisible. It is precisely because of this that it is not easy to be noticed. But when you really realize that this is mental violence, even if you can get away, you will eventually become exhausted physically and mentally, and you will even no longer believe in others. Mental violence not only includes three ways of closing social circles, preventing information exchange and psychological suggestion, it also has a very obvious way-verbal violence.
When a person constantly denies you for no reason, then be aware that you are very likely to be suffering from mental violence.
"You are too fat."
"You are not suitable for writing at all, it is best not to touch your pen for the rest of your life."
"You'd better go home to have a baby, don't think about making progress in the workplace."
I believe that many people have heard similar words, and there may be people who agree with others' denial of themselves from the bottom of their hearts. This kind of person, in my opinion, is too kind. To be kind to a bit cowardly. If it is denied by others for no reason, then the problem must not be the negated but the negated.
In the movie, Paula was able to break free from mental violence because of the help of "nosy" detectives, but we ordinary people do not have such partners.
In fact, in the face of suspected mental violence, there are several ways to identify:
First, observe whether the other party is isolating you from the outside world step by step. In the interaction with one person, I find that my original friends are far away one by one, and I have no new friends, and become more and more dependent on each other.
Second, observe whether the opponent uses words to suppress for a long time. Once you share something that you think you have done successfully, the other person will verbally attack, ridicule, and deny it before you finish it.
Third, deliberately create an illusion that "you can do nothing by yourself" in front of other people. In the presence of a third party, if the other party shows that you can't do anything well, you need to rely on the other party's behavior.
These three methods can distinguish the mental abusers around to a large extent.
The perpetrator of the gas lamp effect can be anyone around him, a colleague, a spouse, a friend, or even a parent. I hope that this movie will be seen by more people, no matter who it is, be wary of the creators of the gas lamp effect around you!
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