We have been together for 5 years and married for 5 months.
On the evening of July 17, my husband and I, who had just returned from a vacation in Beijing, sat in Cinemark together and watched "Inception" intently.
When Cobb's wife was about to jump off, when he cried out "No!" heartbreakingly, I turned my head to look at my husband.
His eyes are wet. So I held his hand tightly-I finally understood his long-standing fear...
We are free in love and graduated from the same university here. He studied psychology and philosophy. I read business management and accounting.
During the five years we have been together, our lives have always been sweet and plain, with almost no contradictions and less hysterical quarrels.
In the past 5 years, I have returned to China 4 times, and every time I come back, there is a gloomy transitional period waiting for me. During these days, I always hope that I am still in Beijing and that I have grown up for 18 years. The place is still surrounded by friends around me, having fun carefree.
For the first time, we went back together. He was ignored by me and he played World of Warcraft by himself at home, while I was always drunk with my girlfriends.
When I returned, I asked him on the plane: How did you play in China this time?
He said: Very good. The Great Wall is spectacular. Grandma's cooking is delicious.
I feel a little guilty: But grandma said that I saw that you were unhappy... Sorry, I haven't been with you much...
He: No. I can play Warcraft every day, and I can also eat grandma's dishes. Why would I be unhappy? I know that this trip is very important to you. It is what you have been looking forward to, so I don't want you to feel uncomfortable because I don't have a good time. I came to China completely for your pleasure. You can play with ease. I fully understand your feelings... But you have to know that you are now 21 years old. Even if you miss it, you cannot return to 16 years old. And when you reach the age of 25, it is estimated that you will not want to return to the age of 16, then your mentality will change...
Now I am 24 years old, and every time I return to China, it is like taking drugs. And every time I come back, it's like entering a drug rehabilitation center. The first days are always difficult.
This time, I came back on June 30 and started work on July 12. For more than ten days in between, I slept twice a day, once in the afternoon and once at night, and I was awake for less than 10 hours. I am addicted to dreams, in which there are my classmates, my best friends, and even my former boyfriend... But after waking up, facing my husband and facing a peaceful life, I can’t lift the energy. Come, and don't want to force a smile.
"We live in an age of willfulness."
One day, I was about to take a nap again. He stopped me and said: We need to talk.
I leaned on the bed impatiently and said: What are you talking about?
He said: I feel very anxious these days, I am very scared, afraid that you will leave me. Every time you go to China, I am worried, and every time you come back, this feeling is stronger...
I finally confessed: I hope I stay in China longer. I want to go back to work for a while, live for a while to see...
Him: What to see?
Me: See if I like domestic life better.
He was a little anxious: what if you like it? Are you going to stay? then what do I do? What about our marriage?
Me: I don’t know... I haven’t figured it out yet...
He called my name and tried to keep his voice down: Monlina, you have to know, this is not a play, we are married, we made a promise, we Lives here, not in China.
I'm even more irritable: Why can't I be in China? You can go back with me and teach languages or something.
He: Yes, I can go back with you, but I feel that what you want is not me, or that you don’t need me in the kind of life you want in China. I am superfluous. Even if I go back, I will only belong to you. Accessories.
I was silent, and I couldn't refute him for a while.
He was a little choked: If you are really sure that you want to go back to live, we are done...
I also feel uncomfortable in my heart: I don’t know... I don’t know... I haven’t thought about it yet... I just think the life here is too plain, and I’m still young, I feel like we are like 50-something old men. Wife, but every time I go back, I feel like I have found the self I used to be...
He: Did you know that all marriages ended up dull in the end? The kind of adolescent things you want to pursue is no longer suitable for you. You need to grow up...
He finally shed tears: I have been waiting for you to grow up. I have waited for too long... And every time you come back from China, it's like this... I don't know how to make you understand this place. Reality, this is where your life is. And there, the reason why you are addicted is because you go on vacation and don’t have to think about your responsibilities in reality, you don’t have to think about survival, you just go for fun, but you always have to return to reality...
I think he was right, but I don't want to admit his naive point of view, I want to find some mature reasons for myself, so I said: No, I actually want to go back and make a career. I am Chinese, we have different cultural backgrounds, and I have no feelings for this country. That is my home...
He cried bitterly: If so, why did you marry me in the first place? What are we doing together for so many years?
At that moment, his body kept shaking, covering his face with his hands. I feel like I’m killing, and I can’t stop thinking: I want to return to where I really belong, why are you stopping me... I am going back for the life I want, for my career...
Second God, we have no communication. He went to work, and I had no intention of doing anything at home, so I had to lie down and sleep again.
The third day, the fourth day... Until I started working, I finally woke up-I feel that a peaceful life is also good, go to work, read a book when I go home, or watch American TV shows with my husband. Live a full and peaceful life. It's just that I never mentioned about returning to China. He didn't ask about my decision either.
Later, when I talked about it with my mother on the Internet, she said: "You are so mediocre, why are you always so unrealistic? You know, don’t you know, you won’t meet such a good husband again in your life. If you don’t now Cherish a peaceful life and pursue excitement. When you are old and alone, you will know what regrets are..."
On this day, July 17, we will watch "Inception" together-this timely movie.
When the ending subtitles appeared, I was convinced that the spinning top was about to fall down.
But he said: No, the top should still be spinning, he will never wake up...
We laughed and argued over the ending, and walked out of the cinema.
At the door, I said sternly: Hey, let me tell you something. I woke up, I didn't jump down.
He was taken aback for a moment, then his eyes were red, he hugged me tightly, and kissed my forehead.
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